You'll be the death of me
As I remake my self with each new day
Orbiting about you, helplessly attracted
Enthralled, corralled, installed in your clan
Nevermore alone
Seduced, intrigued, infuriated
My self-preservation shot
Contaminated, tainted
I will not care
I left Paris for this?
Why can't I shut you out?
I could, I suppose - if I wanted to
Out of sight, out of mind
An indifference perfected by age
I have my books
My companions who never fail
Thoughts wrought with timeless clarity
Upon the dusty page
Words without sound
No questions asked, no judgments made
No inconvenient demands
A life of emotional ease
Blameless, shameless, nameless through the days
Unharried, unhunted, unhaunted -
So dry, so dull, so boring
You have addicted me again
Offering the path I'd left behind
Blood rushing through my veins
Blood staining my hands
Inevitable juxtaposition
Life is cruel
And so are you, its child
Disturbing my repose
Fighting you is fighting the wind
The storm, the tides, the stars
The lightning strikes that limn our lives
Most impractical
And I am that most practical of men
Again and again I decide my fate
And I have always turned this way
No matter the cost, the toll, the pain
I want to live again
the end
14 July 1998
