ðHgeocities.com/kitsunebi@swbell.net/apparently.htmlgeocities.com/kitsunebi_swbell.net/apparently.htmlelayedxèjÔJÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÈ`ú~ÛOKtext/htmlx­JÛÿÿÿÿb‰.HSun, 17 Sep 2006 21:41:59 GMT Mozilla/4.5 (compatible; HTTrack 3.0x; Windows 98)en, *èjÔJÛ Apparently Apparently

im tired of trying...
and not winning...
i know u can't win all the time...
but apparently u can lose all the time...
and it just wears ur hope out...
and burns your emotions like pitch....
until there's no feeling left to burn...
and ur numb outside and in.

for me there there is no "this time"...
there has yet to exist the "first time"...
we make our own meaning in life...
i'm out of ideas...
what will pull me out of bed tomorrow then...?
ritual....
habit...
biology...

why do i think i need this?
is the need exterior and socially constructed?
is the longing interior and genuinely mine?
me, my "Self", my "Subject"
Would someone care to breathe for me just for a while?
Even that takes too much work...pointless work...work sans meaning
why breathe? simply to stay alive?
Does that answer have sufficient power to fill my lungs one more time?

Am i allowed to feel this way? i don't care, i embrace the state
in blissful oblivion; passion doesn't live here any more...

this could go on for hours, but i'll trunacate the words here, or here, or
here, or here, or here...

but ask me how i feel tomorrow and i'm sure i'll be smiling