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* = snore ** = barely awake *** = worth the ticket price **** = above average, repeatable ***** = excellent, unforgettable
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.***.....***1/2......****
*(click on "film titles" for synopses and info.) 8.17.2002 blue crush *** ~~ i'm not an exceptionally brave person. but i find it difficult to believe that a surfer raised in the "no fear" generation would be afraid of the surf. this was my main problem with the movie. the rest was fun. i especially enjoyed the cleaning scenes at the hotel. this is a small if diluted taste of what living in honolulu is really like. the surfing scenes were fun too.
8.13.2002 xxx *** ~~ from frame number one the screen virtually oozes testosterone. 007 gets mimicked by a non-drinking, non-smoking bald guy. it's too bad this man with a petrochemical last name has no lines to speak of in this film. there isn't much of a chance to see if he is a good actor or not. it's an entertaining way to waste a couple more hours of life. note: the action- packed sequences in this film are packed with action.
8.11.2002 blood work **** ~~ i remember when i was a little kid watching clint eastwood on tv wrangling cattle on rawhide. i wore my cowboy hat a lot after that. a few years later when i was just a bit older, but still a kid, i remember watching him in spaghetti westerns and smoking little brown cigars. i rolled up little paper imitations and sucked on 'em while i played with the neighbor kids. thankfully, punk rock kept us apart during the dirty harry days. lately he is still knockin' around, a mere reflection of harry, i suppose, and no more little italian cigars. instead, he's taking heart pills and washing them down with little airline-sized bottles of fruit juice. we've almost come full circle.
7.27.2002 signs *** 1/2 ~~ hitchcock would've liked this, as would have orson welles. one could look at this as sort of a hitchcockian war of the worlds. my biggest fear throughout the movie was that the aliens would never appear on screen. but finally they did. it was worth waiting for. however unfortunate or not, they scared poor mel back into his collar. somehow i found that a bit distressing.
7.22.2002 eight-legged freaks ** 1/2 ~~ a special place exists for movies of the b-category. the same thing can be said for spiders. likewise, freaks are allowed and even invited to that place. many people never find it. some go there in seek of refuge. others can't escape it. the realm of the b-movie can be a strange place. almost no limits exist there. indeed, it's practically barrier- free. maybe this is why it can be so enticing. no ruler rules in that place. the only measurements made are the ones of extreme excess. it's just not what most people call "normal." so who or what is to judge? how does one measure what is good and bad in that world? is entertainment a priority? or believability? is there a deeper, hidden message? just where exactly is this world located? the b-movie exists somewhere in the galaxy of the dream. no two dreams are exactly alike, unless of course they recur like some such saturday matinee we might see again and again. we quickly forget most of them after they happen. and then, when we least expect it, they come leaping back into our fragile world of reality like the giant jumping spiders in eight-legged freaks. personally, one of my a.k.a.'s is spider. the address this column comes from is spidermoon.net. i've frequently described myself as eight-limbed (two arms, two legs and four wheels). possibly more relevant, i qualify 100% as a bonified freak. to me this movie was like rummaging through my childhood toybox. so it's difficult for me to be as objective as i probably should. like most things you just gotta try it out for yourself and hope for the best. or stay at home and putrify in your own cacoon. one hint -- it's not much different from cable-tv news.
7.19.2002 k19: the widowmaker *** ~~ from the title this movie sounds like it could be about an adolescent puppy haunting the lives of women by killing off their husbands. but as we quickly learn "widowmaker" is the pet name of a soviet nuclear submarine afflicted with omens of the bad sort from its inception. dubbed "hiroshima" by its crew, both monikers turn out to be fairly accurate. submarine movies are almost always full of tension and suspense. i suppose the choices are somewhat limited for excitement below the waterline. however, the film's portrayal of this soviet crew as inept and poorly-trained is unfair american propoganda at its worst. set in 1961, it's a fact-based, highly dramatized version of one of those tragic events that could end the world by threatening to heat the cold war to the boiling point. this is yet another well-kept secret, buried for decades by military officials in an attempt to avoid embarrassment. subtitles must be passe' these days, because the soviets in this film speak english with fake russian accents. ship captain comrade harrison ford trades his starcruiser for a nuclear powered submarine but that doesn't trick me for a minute. i keep expecting to see a wookie appear. instead, the nuclear core of the sub springs a coolant leak and the crew of this ship instantly becomes sliced bread in a high-powered toaster. temperatures increase to the point of meltdown. i start thinking about plum preserves, and sure enough a few courageous crew members don chemical disaster attire (oops, wrong style, they need radiation suits) and bravely enter the core, two by two, in futile attempts to repair the leak. mr. spock did almost the same thing in "star trek II, wrath of khan," sans the suit. maybe that's a good technique in movies, but they forget this is historic semi- reality. spock is vulcanized and even that doesn't protect him from death. likewise, the repairmen become human lobsters after a quick dip in the pressure cooker. radiation therapy is not a good thing. this movie illustrates that point well. but it makes for good entertainment. at certain points i time shifted back to "the enemy below," one of the first sub movies ever, as well as "das boot" and of course "the yellow submarine." there are similarities here, but as every moviegoer knows, intense drama taking place in a highly claustrophobic environment, threatening to implode upon everyone at any given moment, is a lot more exciting than microwaved toast and jelly.
7.14.2002 reign of fire *** ~~ the power to suspend one's disbelief is paramount in any movie about fire-breathing dragons. reign differs by demanding more from the viewer than a large chunk of blind faith. it also demands suspension of common sense. plenty of holes gape here and there along the basic storyline. these black holes of logic must be disbelieved for the viewer to "buy" this movie. period. but isn't that what faith is all about? have some faith in fantasy and this will be fun. trust me. i had a good time not disbelieving all this nonsense. granted, at times the not-so-state-of-the-art computer animation is a bit fuzzy even to the untrained eye. somehow, like wrinkles in a weathered seaman, this adds a hint of hidden depth. after all, jason and the argonauts is classic sci-fi mythology and its animation is a bit jerky and jumpy in a few places. this is the first decent b-movie i've seen in months, i dare say years. who cares if it makes sense or not. it's based in the realm of ancient mythology. such a world consists of flying horses and sexually-frenzied gods transforming themselves into swans. try explaining that.
7.12.2002 road to perdition *** 1/2 per·di·tion Pronunciation: p&r-'di-sh&n Function: noun 1 -a archaic : utter destruction -b obsolete : LOSS 2 -a : eternal damnation b : HELL~~ geographically, i could find no city by the name of perdition, except for in this movie and the book it came from, and shakespeare and of course star trek. while they are fleeing for their lives, hit man hanks tells his son michael jr. he has a sister, michael jr.'s auntie, who lives there. it is a wonderful place located on the beach with lots of sand and a dog. but i could only find it in the dictionary. you can send me mail if there is indeed a city by the name of perdition in the u.s. the dictionary does define parts of the movie. indeed, in a few parts, a person could see it as a kind of hell. as a matter of fact, mr. rooney, this movie's godfather (paul newman's brando) speaks of the hellish life after death a mafioso expects when he says, "... there are only murderers in this room." the darkness, the constant rain and the snowcovered ground all add to perdition's atmosphere of doom. the movie could just as well be shot in black and white and it would look almost the same, monochromatic. these characters don't have many choices. times were hard and if a person were lucky enough to have a job, they were many times forced by hunger (their own or their family's) to keep it, even if morals and ethics came into conflict. hence, we have one of the film's several dilemmas. on the whole the movie is very entertaining. the gloom and doom aspects all combine beautifully with the plot forming a vibrant picture. this is, after all, the second effort by the director of american beauty. the cinematography blends with the story which is well-acted by the entire cast. it feels like a long-needed breath of fresh air to see a film that keeps your attention from the beginning to the end. and it passes the final test. when it's over, you get that disoriented, lost-child feeling when exiting the theatre.from: http://webster.com.
7.9.2002 the salton sea *** 1/2 ~~ this film goes down like honey--spiked with crystal meth. spawned with a violent crime, the plot races from the beginning and continues its turning twisting path tearing its way through the script like a cobra on acid. when finally complete, it leaves the viewer in its path, spinning pupils dilated, feeling as if tonight's never- ending party has reached its conclusion and on the way home the cab driver got everyone hopelessly lost. one of the big reasons for this is that many of the characters are high on one drug or another much of the time during this film, so this gets things rather scrambled. we see these people in that lofty altitudinous attitude which usually reflects a happiness of sorts--not much depression here--no matter what activity they are currently undertaking. even if there happens to be a scene or two dealing with emotional trauma, you can bet that whatever the current problem is, it will soon be steeped in painkiller to the point of overdose. time indeed flies when one is having fun. this sends the film relatively quickly to its resolution. for me the salton sea was like a cranked-up roller coaster. after it was all over i knew i enjoyed it, but i only remembered the high points and will continue to fantasize about the rest.
7.5.2002 the debut *** ~~ for independent films (without a famous caucasion star leading the cast) the ability to be picked up by a major film studio is almost impossible, according to gene cajayon, the director of the debut. consequently, cajayon travels with his film stopping in cities throughout the u.s.a. in a self-promotion effort for the movie as he shows it. cajayon appears in person and explains this to the theatre audience before the showings of this movie and asks for contributions through sales of t-shirts, etc. just so the movie can continue its tour and be seen in american theatres. "it's a labor of love," attests cajayon. who just wants to show that a successful and entertaining movie with no major caucasion stars can play in theatres today. the film is about a second generation filipino- american family and it's adventures, mostly during the 18th birthday party of their daughter, rose mercado. she has a brother, ben, who wants to go to art school. but his father wants ben to be a doctor. we watch them go through those time-worn trials that every earthly family must endure from generation to generation. of course the mercados have the same generational gaps that any family has; however, the problems are sometimes complicated with the ever-morphing cultural changes which unavoidably occur to immigrant families of modern times. for moviegoers who enjoy these types of plotlines and dilemmas, this film is worth viewing. yes, even without a caucasion lead.
7.3.2002 men in black II * 1/2 ~~ another speilberg brain fart. it's been a while since i've been so dissapointed by a movie. maybe because sequals build false hopes in us if the first movie was halfway decent, which the first men in black was. i dunno. but this movie was ridiculous slapstick comedy. actually it was an embarrassment to slapstick. the fun thing about the previous m.i.b. was mostly the special effects and the general mib theory that circulates among many as an "ongoing joke" or tongue-in-cheek rumour of alien sorts, but one that might just possibly deserve some credit, along with the trillions of other conspiracy theories out there. the creators of mib2 turned this growing cultish movement into a rotten joke by sticking this movie in their face. and in this case, by movie i mean "an embarrassingly half-baked attempt at a movie."
6.29.2002 enigma *** ~~ decode this. in the incredible dimension of the beautiful mind nothing is impossible. here we have the honor of yet another glimpse into the inner brains and cogitations among the nerds of the 1940s, the cryptanalysts, and most of these guys are actually sane. this european spy film about the quest for the rediscovery of a displaced nazi decoder ring of sorts is at times so cryptic one could use an enigma transcriber to aid in its digestion. useless as my brain felt it was indeed transfixed though the film's entirety and at the end most of the puzzles had been solved in the film and surprisingly in my homely mind as well. the british prove again how smart they are and in the same instance still can be just as dry as ever. in this case dry is good. after all who needs a wet martini?
6.28.2002 the importance of being earnest ** 1/2 if we all could see the world through the eyes of oscar wilde this planet would surely be a much more enjoyable place to inhabit. even so, brotherly love connotes more here than most brothers would ever expect, i dare say hope for. sadly, this movie is an attempt to rewrite oscar wilde's unclonable screenplay into a movie. the movie succeeds in the parts where wilde's actual lines were untouched. but the rewritten parts were obvious and thready, at times overbearing. see it for a good laugh and read the original screenplay by oscar wilde for real entertainment. (more earnest trivia.)
6.22.2002
lilo and stitch * 1/2
(click here for a previewing note) ~~ here's a word of advice. when something affects you enough for you to vow never to do it again--don't ever do it again. i should've not gone to see this movie. during the movie all i could think about was exploitation, exploitation, exploitation. disney just can't stop. with this movie they have extended their exploitative grasp to the dead soul of elvis, the probable existence of extraterrestrials and most sadly the plight of native hawaiians. in 1991 i lived in tampa, florida. i went with a friend on a trip to disneyworld in orlando. we went to the moroccan restaurant and made friends with our waiter and brought him home with us (to tampa) for the evening. he told us the story of how he came to work at disneyworld. he said when he was in high school in morocco he saw flyers posted all over the school announcing jobs in america working for disney. the flyers made it look like paradise. so he applied and got hired. but when he got to america they put him to work at disneyworld and made him live in a nearby trailer park. they paid him just enough money to pay rent and buy food. he was virtually a prisoner and before his visit with us had never even been off the disney campus (which is technically not u.s. territory). he shared his disney horror stories with us all that night. that's when i started boycotting disney and after seeing this movie my reasons for resuming that boycott are even stronger. all the little (and big) kids of the world should stay away from this movie. they should go see scooby-doo and remain brain dead. that's better than adding to the exploitation of everything else by disney.
6.21.2002 minority report ****
~~ where would sci-fi movies be without philip k. dick? his short stories inspire so many movies that he must be seen as some sort of 1950s prophet--or profit--for today's savvy filmmakers. it's a five-decade-old short story revamped into a modern movie but this time it looks like a success. as in ridley scott's blade runner, taken from another dick story, this film envisions the relatively near future (2054) as something quite believable while still being fantastic and unimagined. the plot transports the film and the viewer through futuristic wonders and blunders made by the characters who eventually lead us to an understandable wrap-up that actually makes sense. there were times during this movie when i asked myself "am i going to have to see this again to completely understand it?" but i was pleasantly surprised to easily grasp it all with my feeble mind after it was completed and the plot fully revealed. and if i can understand it, then anyone should be able to. however, i do want to see it again, just for the pleasure. one minor(ity) note: this is the third consecutive film i've seen now with the general idea revolving around some big corporate-type employer going after its smaller and more expendable employee with the idea of execution. is there a message here we should be heeding? now when some unfortunate worker gets the pink slip they could be prone to thinking, "at least they aren't going to try and kill me." --or are they?
6.15.2002 the bourne identity ***
~~ before the movie even starts our man bourne gets shot twice in the back and tossed in the ocean and left for drowned. then the movie starts. some fishermen fish him out from the ocean. when he wakes he finds his memory must have leaked out from his bulletholes. but he still remembers how to kill and beat people up. that's lucky for him because somebody starts trying to kill him and from time to time they beat him up as well. so he spends the rest of the movie killing and beating up on people while they try to do the same to him. in his spare time he obsessively looks for his identity. from what background he can find he learns his name(s) and decides he must have worked in shipping. of course. so he beats up a few more people and meets this nice german woman who becomes his driver until the really exciting car chase in paris. after that they stop driving so much. but he continues killing and beating up the people who are trying to kill him and now her too. lots of killing and people getting beaten up. but it's the good kind.
6.14.2002 windtalkers ***
~~ if cliches were king this movie would rule the world. it's royally gorged with all the WWII movie scene templates: lots of blood, explosions, severed limbs, decapitation, we're trapped in a minefield, a guy named chick, japanese soldiers running amok amidst the chaos, give this to my wife after i'm dead, indian knife throwing, running out of ammo, family pictures in the helmet, indian name calling, that's ok i'll save your life anyway. get the picture? but crafted well and seductive to watch. it tries to have a heart and oh, if it only had a brain.
6.8.2002 divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood ***
~~ the southern belle is truly a divine ding-a-ling. we learned this first from bette davis in jezebel, and later in thelma and louise, and we learned it in fried green tomatoes. do we have to learn it this time as well? this is what i learned: grandma isn't a grandma yet because she accidentally overdosed on 1960s experimental prescription drugs, forgot to go to her therapist afterwards because her kids were screaming too much and had a nervous breakdown. so now in the present, her daughter, sidda lee, is afraid to get married and become her mother all over again. Lucky for sidda lee, mother's ya-ya southern belle blood sisters kidnap daughter sidda lee and take her to hallowed louisiana ground and keep her isolated from her therapist. doormat dad tries to save the day but just gets walked on all over again. so sidda lee the durable daughter simply endures it all while the ya-yas attempt to deprogram and rebuild her battered self-esteem. finally sidda lee faces the fact that her mom is indeed bonkers. of course sidda lee's mom proves her daughter wrong one more time and gets her self together enough to come back to the real world for the ending we all expect.
6.7.2002 bad company ** 1/2
~~ this movie can't decide if it wants to be a comedy or a drama. but with chris rock's antics it quickly and clearly becomes a comedy--a comedic failure. even anthony hopkins makes a lame attempt to balance out the humor. it's probably the overwhelming influence of rock's portrayal of a clown in the wrong suit--and the wrong movie. highlights: rock unsuccessfully tries to act like he knows anything about chess.
6.3.2002 spirit: stallion of the cimarron **
~~ viewing this movie was an exercise in thinking like an eleven year old. at that point it becomes a bit more accessible. the beginning wasn't too bad. but then bryan adams started singing those ballads with gratuitous lyrics that made the film seem twice as long as it really was. that was the worst part. if you can endure that then the rest of the cartoon should pass as entertainment. it would have been digestible without the disneyesque ballads. i had flashbacks of jack london. the best thing about this movie was the animals did not speak anthropomorphically.
6.1.2002 undercover brother **
~~ best described by undercover brother's lover as, "a soul train reject with a robin hood complex." or as undercover brother says, "too funky for myself."
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