1. Your cat would rather play with
A. a cotton ball
B. a mushroom
C. a rubber eraser
D. a cockroach

2. Your cat would rather sleep
A. on the couch
B. in your shoe
C. in the bathtub
D. on your face

3. Your cat would rather eat
A. Nine Lives
B. string Beans
C. bugs
D. bird guts

4. When you have quests
A. climbs purring into their laps
B. unties their shoe laces
C. races frantically from room to room
D. lunges for their jugular

5. Your cat would rather pee
A. in his litter box
B. in the rubber plant
C. on the closet floor
D. on your portfolio

6. Your cat gets stuck in the mirror
A. never
B. sometimes
C. a lot
D. every day

7. Your cat reacts to being left alone for the weekend by
A. reading newsweek
B. staying up past his bedtime
C. tearing the place to shreds
D. taking an overdose

Score results
- 5 or more answers to "A" - You have a true feline domesticus - constructive, well adjusted. Congratulations!!!
- 5 or more answers to "B" - Although your cat is well socialized, this score indicates he has certain as yet unexpressed subconscious urges which may manifest themselves in the passive - aggressive behavior of the next score
- 5 or more answers to "C" - Your cat waltzes on the edge of schizophrenia. Try to consider in what ways you thwart his instincts toward self-realization. If your cat places in this category you might want to seek professional help or de-clawing.
- 5 or more answers to "D" - Your cat is severely psychotic, if not downright demented. His anti-social tendencies may explode into violence, endangering you and your lease. Without professional help he runs the risk of manic-depression or catatonia.

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