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| Signs that you're getting older · The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion. · Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. · You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. · Your back goes out more than you do. · You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials. · You're asleep but others worry that you're dead. · Your best friend is dating someone half his age and isn't breaking any laws. · You start singing along with the elevator music. · An old lady offers you her seat on the bus. · Your car must have 4 doors. · The phone rings and you hope it's not for you. · You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style... twice. · You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. · 8 am is your idea of sleeping in. · Your biggest concern when dancing is falling. · People call you at 9 pm and ask "Did I wake you?" · You no longer answer "Fine" when people ask how you are. · The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. · You don't like to drive after dark. · You read the obituaries daily. · You begin a sentence by saying, "When I was your age..." · You know all the warning signs of a heart attack. · Nobody ever tells you to slow down. · Your eyebrows look like shrubbery and your wife's have disappeared. · You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. · You have to get a permit to light the candles on your birthday cake. · Comfort takes the place of fashion. · Someone sees you naked and screams. · When you talk about "good grass" you're referring to someone's lawn. · Strangers ask you to please put on a bra. · You can't sit still without falling asleep. · Your idea of the perfect nightcap is Metamusil. · Nobody wants to see your cleavage. · You start believing that you really did walk five miles to school barefoot in the snow. |
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