BadAmerican

I AM A BAD AMERICAN!

I like big cars, big guns and big tits!

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squeezing out babies.

I don't think playing with guns makes you a killer.

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

I don't care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist.

I know that no matter how big Jennifer Lopez's ass gets, I'll still want to see it.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac in America, you do it in English.

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osborne, Ice-T or Marylin Manson sang.

I think that being an art student doesn't give you any more insight to life than working at a Blockbuster.

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.

My heroes are John Wayne, Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan, Norman Schwartzkopf, Colin Powell and whoever canceled "Dr.Quinn, Medicine Woman."

I've never owned or was a slave.

I didn't wander 40 years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt.

I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and NEITHER HAVE YOU, so shut the hell up already!

I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them.

I like hard women, hard liquor and a hard bowel movement first thing in the morning.

And don't even think about asking me if I want to eat a rice cake.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

Yes, I am a BAD American.