đHgeocities.com/jadethe2nd/laughingmatter.htmgeocities.com/jadethe2nd/laughingmatter.htm.delayedxpoÔJ˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙Č@g–t"OKtext/html€Ě "t"˙˙˙˙b‰.HSun, 20 May 2001 20:02:45 GMTMozilla/4.5 (compatible; HTTrack 3.0x; Windows 98)en, *poÔJt" Not A Laughing Matter
Not A Laughing Matter





All the charactors that you recognise are owned by The Bill and not me!!!

This story is based on an idea sent to me by Ged Simmons (DI Alex Cullen)
 
 
 
 

“I’m DS McCallister and this is DS Singh.” Debbie announced as the owner of 15a Hallum Street slowly dragged the door open for them.
“Yes.”
“We’ve come to ask you a few questions about the burglery this afternoon.” She spoke loudly and clearly so she could be sure the old woman had heard what she said.
“But I gave all the details to the nice young man earlier.” Debbie wondered if she meant Reg Hollis or Des Taviner who responded to the 999 call from the area car.
“Well I just need to go over a few things again. It won’t take long.”
“You’d better come in then,” She shuffled along to the living room, “Watch out for the dog.”
Debbie turned to Vik and raised her eyebrows as a Chihuahua ran out of the kitchen and started barking at her ankles. She stepped carefully over the dog while Vik shut the door. “Would you like a cup of tea?”
“No, we’re fine, really...So at what time did you realise that something was missing?”
“Just after 3pm, I always make myself tea then, I was walking back across the hallway and I noticed that the vase was missing, its an ancient Roman artefact, my husband was an explorer you see, and it is worth at least £8500.”
Vik raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Did anyone else know about the vase?”
“Not really, I don’t have many visitors. Especially living above the pub, its so noisy but its the only place I can afford on my pension.”

* * *

After another half an hour or so of questionning and a list of vague answers, they left.
“Well that was a waste of time. She probably wouldn’t have been able to tell us her own name if we’d asked.”
“Well we can compare notes with Hollis and Taviner when we get back, see if they got anything better, while it was still fresh in her mind.”
“Hmm, ever the optimist.”
“Someone has to be.” He started to open the the exit door from the building which was opposit the entrance of the pub. “Its easy enough to go straight round the corridor, past the pub and up to the flat, come on.”
“Wait a sec,” Debbie stood next to the pub entrance, “listen to that.”
“What?” He moved and stood next to her, from inside he could hear one voice amplified above the others and then sudden bouts of intermittant laughter.
“Sounds like the DI.”
“Comedy? Nah... but maybe I’m just being optimistic.”
Debbie smirked and went for the exit.

* * *

“You alright guv?” Mickey asked Alex Cullen as he walked into the CID office ten minutes late looking half dead.
“Yes Mickey, just a bit tired, paperwork all night, key word work.”
“Yeah whatever.” He grinned and leaned back in his chair, flicking a biro between his fingers. He watched as Cullen closed the door to his office and sunk down into a chair. Debbie and Vik walked into CID and started over to the DI’s office. “I wouldn’t if I were you.”
Debbie turned around aggrevated. “Why?” She folded her arms and waited for an answer.
“Tired, bit grouchy, reckons hes been working all night, I don’t buy it, only one thing I can think of that can knacker a man out that much.”
“And what might that be, Mickey?
“Women.” He stated it as if she was stupid for having to ask. Then he smiled picking up the bacon roll he was having for a late lunch.
“Don’t worry,” Kate smiled as she got up to show Duncan something, “Mickeys just jealous because he isn’t getting any.”
“I really don’t have time for this.” Debbie went into Cullen’s office without knocking, Vik followed closely behind.

* * *

Des passed the older, grey-haired detective on the stairs up to CID. He’d seen him around before lurking in the background but didn’t know his name. “S’cuse me mate.”
“Yes?”
“Are DS McCallister and DS Singh in?”
“Just got back.”
“Thanks mate.”

* * *

“Come on, where’s Taviner.”
“Is a man not entitled to any food?”
Debbie ignored his question. “We spoke to Mrs. Watson last night and didn’t get much sense out of her, so we were wondering if you and Reg got anything else that might be more useful to us.”
“Not really, I didn’t think it was going to go any further as her son told us she was very confused and the vase probably never existed.”
“Her son? She never mentioned her son to us.”
“He was there when we got there. Do you think that matters anyway if it doesn’t even exist?”
“Oh, the vase exists, we found it in an antiques shop this morning, it was given to them an hour before by an IC1 male, 6’3”, dark hair, driving a red BMW.”
“The son.” Des growled defeatedly. “Damn.”
“You’d better find him then.”
“We’ll go back to Mrs. Watson, ask her for his address or anywhere he might be.” Vik announced grabbing car keys. Debbie followed him.
“Be quick guys.” Cullen called after them, he glanced at his watch, it was 4:27pm.

* * *

“Hello again, we’ve come to follow up our investigation. Was your son here yesterday before the vase was stolen?”
“Em...Yes...What are you implying?”
“A man fitting his description sold the vase to an antiques shop earlier today.”
“No, that can’t be, Johnny would never do something like that to me.” She looked as if she was going to have a heart attack.
“Excuse me a minute.” Debbie answered her phone on the third ring. “Debbie McCallister speaking.”
“Guv, we’ve got John Watson. We got his address from the PNC, no former convictions. We’re taking him down the station, he’s confessed to taking the vase but won’t take full responsibility.”
“Who is the accomplice?”
“His mother.”

* * *

It hadn’t been hard to get the truth out of the old lady. “It’s all my own fault. I told John I couldn’t go on living here with all the noise, he helped me save some money to put a deposit on a quieter flat but we still fell short so I suggeted selling the vase. He knew how much I liked it, my late huband gave it to me...” Her eyes moistened. “So he said he would take it, then I could claim the insurance as if it had been stolen.”
“But he got greedy.” Debbie sighed as Mrs. Watson started to sob.

* * *

Vik shook his head on the way back downsatairs. “Stealing from your own mother.”
“I know. Anyway, thats another case closed.”
They continued to the exit when the door to the pub opened hitting Vik’s arm.
“Sorry.”
Vik looked at the young couple coming out of The Red Lion and wondered if he should ask how old they were when something else caught his eye. “Debbie, look at that.”
She grinned “That has to be worth seeing.”

* * *

Alex Cullen walked into The Red Lion feeling at ease. Debbie and Vik had solved the case much earlier and so wouldn’t be returning here anytime soon. He made his way over to the small stage usually used for karioke and adjusted the microphone to his prefered height.
“Hi Alex.” One of the barmads waved at him, he smiled back and looked proudly at the large poster behind him announcing “COMEDY CULLEN, HERE FOR 2 WEEKS ONLY.” He was certainly glad none of his relief had had to enter the pub. At 6:30pm just as he was starting his set the door swung open.
“Hello and welcome to Comedy Cullen’s evening entertainment.” he muttered as half of CID walked in smirking.