2016
Oh God, there are just too many thoughts going through my head right now. No, strike that. Feelings. That's what I'm having too many of.
Why does everything have to be so complicated? Probably because I make it complicated. I didn't have to summon my mother, after all, in fact I probably shouldn't have. She's so nice though! Was so nice. She's not nice anymore, just look what she's done to Paige.
Paige hates Phoebe. Okay, maybe hate is a little too strong, I don't really know. But I do know her husband's death devastated her. I was there, I saw it happen. I saw my mother kill him, and I heard Paige scream his name, and I saw the look she gave Phoebe. I can't really describe that look, but it was horrible. And I see a hint of it in her eyes every time someone mentions Phoebe's name.
Kalinda's full name is Phoebe Kalinda Shepard, you know. But Paige stopped calling her Phoebe after Michael died, and she got really riled up every time someone else did. So now she's Kalinda. The strange thing is that Paige actually named her after Phoebe, like Piper named Prue after her sister. So I guess not so long ago Paige must've felt the same way about Phoebe as Piper does.
I've got to admit I understand why now. She really was the person everyone says she was. But I still don't understand how she could become evil, in fact I understand that even less than before. And she is evil, I don't doubt that for a second. She's got this cold look in her eyes, and the way she smiles sends shivers up my spine. Of course I haven't seen her since Michael died, but I doubt she's changed miraculously over the course of three years. And now it seems she wants to see me.
I'm scared.
I won't show it, of course, I learned how to hide my feelings a long time ago. But I've never seen them on my own before, the others were always there with me. And as bad as my memories of my mom are, they're nothing compared to what I remember of my father.
Which is nothing. Nothing but a fleeting glimpse of a black cloak with the hood pulled over the eyes. But that glimpse is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. And even after all this time that terror hasn't diminished one bit.
But I won't show it. I'm strong. I can do this.
And if I can't I'll die trying.