I Am Heathen

I don't claim to be a Viking--or even a warrior.

I don't wear ancient costumes or horned helmets, and I'm actually allergic to mead.

And I don't sacrifice humans or live animals, or dance naked in the woods.

I can talk about the local news or weather normally, without turning the conversation into a sermon.

I'm not out to convert you or your kids: you keep your religion to yourself, and I'll return the favor.

I don't even believe that there is a devil, much less worship one.

I haven't seen "The Thirteenth Warrior", and I don't plan to.

Wagner's music is OK, but I'm not crazy about it.

As for heavy metal, I can't stand the stuff--even if the lyrics are about Valhalla.

I believe in Odin, Thor, and Freyr--not "THE God". I believe in Freyja, Frigg, and Idunn--not "THE Goddess."

My friends belong to kindreds--not covens.

And I say "Hi" to them, just like most people: "Heilsa" is bad grammar anyway, and "Merry meet" feels just plain wrong.

I believe in respect for history and lore--but not in rigid fundamentalism;

in standing up for my rights--but not bashing everyone else's.

And I believe that my religion is a revival--an adaptation--not a letter-perfect reconstruction.

Odin's presence is real on the Net, and Freyr does provide the cash to buy my food--

Yes, even if I didn't grow or kill it myself, like my ancestors.

Asatru is a real religion! With real gods...from the Eddas!

Not Marvel Comics...not a role-playing game...the EDDAS!

And we have thousands of followers around the world!

My name--

yes, my real name!--

is Ingeborg, and

I am Heathen!

Disclaimer: The text above was loosely inspired by Molson's "I Am Canadian" beer commercial. As parody, it is protected under "fair use" laws and the First Amendment of the United States Constitution.