Lessons of Joy and Pain

By Amy

During my first pregnancy, I prided myself on how "well" I was doing it. I didn't gain too much weight, I read all the books, I ate all the right foods, I didn't want to get into those maternity clothes too soon or be too excited like some of those other silly pregnant women I had encountered. In short, my first pregnancy was a goal I was working on and I felt I was doing quite well. Until week 20...

At 20 weeks I experienced some more of those Braxton Hicks contractions my family practitioner and I had discussed. "Tightening of the uterus, uncomfortable but not threatening, nothing to worry about," he had said at my last check up at 17 weeks. So I didn't worry. After all, I was doing everything right and I wouldn't worry like some of those other silly women might. I prided myself on being calm and trusting my doctor. After several days of painting and cleaning to get the baby's room ready I noticed a large amount of mucous discharge when I wiped after urination. This combined with the "Braxton Hicks" convinced me to call the doctor. Wanting desperately to not sound "out of control" I calmly described my pains and "some mucus discharge". I also said that I thought I felt the pains when the baby kicked. He asked if I also had urinary frequency. I said, "yes," breathing a sigh of relief, knowing he supected a urinary tract infection. He said the mucus increase was to be expected as the pregnancy progressed. In retrospect I now know what I had feared was true, I had lost my mucus plug.

Though this felt nothing like any UTI I'd ever had before, I felt reassured.  I went to the lab to leave a specimen and then to my mother's for dinner. I picked up the antibiotics my FP prescribed for the UTI and went to bed. I laid awake almost the whole night with painful contractions, which I attributed to the baby kicking my urethra. I never once felt my uterus to see if it was contracting. In the morning I discovered more mucous and this time it was stained RED. Finally giving in to my fears, I placed a frantic call to my FP and reported the blood. He instructed me to take it easy, keep my feet up and call in the morning, Monday, to be seen at the office. I followed his orders but had to get up to pee at least once an hour. I had been drinking liquids like mad to try and get rid of the infection. Little did I know that frequent urination is also a sign of preterm labor. During one trip to the toilet I felt a sudden pressure in my vagina.

Finally, nearly 20 hours after I lost my mucus plug, the doctor told us to meet him at the labor and delivery unit to be examined. Hooked up to the monitors, I actually felt relieved, I just KNEW they would be able to solve any problem I might be having. I actually thought it was fun to sit there and watch the contractions register on the monitor and mark all the little movements I was feeling. It wasn't until the doctor arrived and did a pelvic exam that I realized what danger my baby was in. Instantly I was put in trendellenberg position and placed on an IV solution of magnesium-sulfate to try and stop the contractions. My membranes were bulging and an OB was called in to consult on my case. The OB did an ultrasound and encouraged us to take an ambulance to a high risk labor and delivery unit 45 minutes away where a Perinatologist might be able to perform amniocentesis to draw the extra fluid out of my vagina and then do an emergency cerclage...

By ambulance, I was transferred to Indianapolis. However, we never made it to any of these procedures. The magnesium-sulfate made me so nauseous that I vomited several times and eventually my membranes ruptured while I vomited.  Only a few hours later Claire was born. I didn't want to see her or name her or have her baptized or buried. Luckily the nurses at the hospital who, unfortunately, deal often with similar situations, clothed her and brought her in and encouraged us to hold her. We held her and talked to her and said our sad good-byes. Claire was tiny, but perfect and those moments we shared with her are some of the most precious moments of my life.

3 months later I confirmed my suspicions, I was pregnant! This time, things would be different! I enjoyed every aspect of the pregnancy. I wore maternity clothes long before I truly needed them. I thew away the "How to Have a Smarter Baby" book. I gained too much weight. I worried like crazy and called the doctor whenever the slightest thing felt wrong. In short I ENJOYED the pregnancy and I made MYSELF responsible for bringing Elliott to this world safely. A McDonald cerclage was placed at 13 weeks. Another, doubling the first, was placed a week and a half later as the doctor discovered part of the stitch had slipped out. At 26 weeks, I was placed on modified bedrest and quit work due to the thinning of my cervix. At 36.5 weeks, my stitch was removed and my membranes were ruptured (the doctor was going on vacation and didn't want to be out of town when I delivered) and 5 hours later Elliott was born with Apgars of 9 and 10 and LOTS of dark hair, just like his daddy..

I thank God every day for my children. Losing Claire taught me the importance of cherishing every blessed moment of life. Though her loss was tragic, it has made me a better mother to Elliott and a better person in general.

amykc@hotmail.com