"My Miracle Ethan"

by Laura

After two and a half years of not preventing becoming pregnant, I found a new OB at the recommendation of a friend. I met with this wonderful doctor and scheduled an HSG, which showed a blocked tube. He speculated it had probably occurred during a previous LEEP procedure. Beyond that, he saw no further problems and I began taking Clomid.

We became pregnant on our third try. We were thrilled, but I was petrified. I spent a lot of evenings lying across our bed crying because I just knew that something was wrong. I rarely spoke about having the baby until I reached the end of my third month. I felt I had "cleared the bar," and everything would be all right - HA! At 19 and a half weeks I began passing a rubber-cement looking discharge. I consulted my doctors office and numerous fellow "mommies," and was told this was normal and not to worry. Since I had an appointment later that week I thought we would discuss it then. My appointment went normally -- the baby's heartbeat was strong and my doctor saw no need for further need to investigation into the discharge as it had stopped by then. That night as I was getting up from the bath tub I felt a rush of warm water. We went to the ER on advice from my doctor who met us there. He was trying to be optimistic in the beginning stating that perhaps water from my bath was the cause, but during internal examination discovered that the cord had no pulse and he told us our baby had died. I have always had "super human emotional strength" during times of crisis, and I sort of went on autopilot, I need to make sure that I was getting all of the correct information. After three hours on Pitocin, we decided to do a d&c. Our son, whom we named Sam Michael, after my husbands grandfather was stillborn on September 5, 1996. I could never have imagined such pain and anguish and guilt and just plain desperation. I don't know if it could be considered a blessing or not, but a man I worked with and his wife had just lost their daughter that year to a cord death at 36 weeks. He was a savior of sorts to me, a wonderful support, he dove right in and guided me through it. Many a day we sat in his office crying.

I was eager to have another baby and after meeting with my OB decided to begin trying after three months. We were successful the first time with the help of clomid. My OB really didn't know for sure what had caused the loss of our first son, and decided to put me on progesterone suppositories three times daily. I began spotting at five weeks and was put on bedrest, after one week I resumed working, but at seven weeks I was admitted to the hospital for severe bleeding and clotting. Thankfully, a heartbeat was found the next day during an ultrasound.

I had had an accreda(sp?) with my first pregnancy and the doctor suspected that the placenta may be trying to attach in the same place. I was put back on bedrest for the remainder of the first trimester. At 14 weeks I returned to work part time and at 16 weeks began having an odd yellowish discharge. My OB was planning a cerclage at 18 weeks, but decided not to wait any longer. I was referred to the Perinatologists at a local hospital. I had what I now know to be called the "MacDonald" cerclage placed and was put on bed rest for one week. During an internal US at the end of that week, my cervical length was 4.25 CM. I returned to work part time with my feet up, bed rest during the rest of the day. Two weeks later at my next US, my cervical length was 2.25! I was petrified. I was placed on Brethine every 6 hours around the clock, home intrauterine monitoring and strict bed rest! At 28 weeks I began having a lot of low cervical pressure and during a routine visit, was found to have sugar in my urine. I had previously passed the glucose tolerance test with no trouble! I was put on the diabetic program, blood testing, diet. At this point I couldn't imagine what would happen next.

I was not in the best frame of mind at this point. I had been on bedrest with my cervix higher than my head for months, money was tight, I watched talk shows all day and worried about everything! God bless my husband - I don't know how he put up with me. I don't know how many times I had him calling electricians, asbestos inspectors, water testers, everything worried me. My OB had originally told me that I could go to modified bedrest at 32 weeks, trying to regain some strength and muscle to help with delivery, but when 32 weeks came, decided three more weeks would be better. I was crushed. I called my home monitoring nursing in tears, how was I going to go another three weeks?! Well, I noticed a very faint odorous discharge over the next day and called my OB. I was told not to worry about it, that it was normal. I don't know why I didn't insist that he check it out, but at this point I felt hysterical about everything. The next night I couldn't sleep and was going to lie on the couch when I noticed a little gush of water. I had experienced this before and it was actually urine (they determined later at the hospital, much to my embarrassment), so I didn't want to overreact. I laid down for 15 minutes and when I got up it happened again. The doctors service instructed me to go to the hospital if I felt it was my water breaking. I actually almost didn't go, I had gone in three times before with this same concern and had always been wrong. My husband insisted -- buy the time we reached the OB floor, I was gushing water and contracting every 10 minutes. I was started on Mag sulfate and steroids to speed up the baby's lung maturation. I was transferred back into the care of the perinatologists at another local hospital. The did and Amnio and found no evidence of infection, we were going to try to hold off as long as possible. But the next day, the amniotic fluid culture had begun to grow bacteria and the doc's said I need to have the baby ASAP! Off the Mag sulfate and on the Pitocin I went. They guessed I wouldn't deliver much before 1:00 am. The equipment was not registering my contractions, so the nurse insisted it was just cramping, that the mag sulfate wasn't even out of my system yet. Since the doctor had already removed the cerclage earlier that day, she checked me and within 2 minutes I was in Labor and Delivery. Two pushes later and my beautiful, blue little boy was born! He was breathing well on his own, and I got to hold him for a few minutes before he left for the NICU. He had to remain in the NICU for 16 days due to misdiagnosed Reflux (which later turned out to be Pyloric Stynosis), but was perfect in every way. He was 4 lbs 11 ounces , 17 3/4 "at birth and 5 lbs 4 ounces the day we brought him home.

His name is Ethan James, he just turned two, and he is wonderful! I don't know how I lived without him in my life. We hope to have another someday, but we don't feel that it is fair to Ethan right now. We always wanted our children to be close in age, but I know that I will be on bedrest for most of the pregnancy, and how can I expect him to understand that. I didn't return to work after he was born, losing Sam made the lines very clear. I know what is important, really important. So we will stay in our little house in not the nicest part of town with our miracle child, and enjoy every single moment we have! We have been blessed!