Love and War- (Ode to Mutiny)
All my world is crashing down around me.
My city of friends, my beach front property
was destroyed by the riot...
but I'm still standing with your hand in mine.
They were beating down the door
and they set fire to my house
but while I was crying amidst the rubble
you never left me...and you helped pick up my memories,
dusted them off, and made new ones with me.
And when they came for a second and third and forth attack;
when they were ready to assasinate you
I stood up, trying to be strong, and I shot back...
to make sure you weren't hurt by their treachery.
But the mutiny is almost more than I can bear.
If it were only enough for them to understand
when I said I loved you...but...
For them it is not enough...and...
It never will be.
Don't look at their faces,
they are scowling behind our backs.
Look at me...and I'll look to you
because we are the only two people
who will ever understand
what we feel
and know that it is real.
What they thought,
never mattered to begin with...
and never will...
Kris was feeling...
Lucid Romance
The sound of birds in early spring,
Sing in conglomeration with the wind,
That carries their melodies;
Repeating like a crude cut chorus.
Carrying my delicate hands and heart away,
I slip silently into this lazy lingering gaze.
I stare intently to the window
Where the concrete and my careless nature streams out
Into the open air which was at once so cold and agonizing.
But now, as I feel the fingertips that barely graze my skin,
And as I brush my back against your chest-
I feel the warmth that had disappeared so long ago.
I can taste your fluidness…
Hear those words that rush through my being.
So slowly, dripping, ever so slowly
Like your liquid syrup…so sweetening.
Crawling into every crevasse it can reach,
When I let it touch.
So rich I can hardly handle the sound
Of your voice that tickles my ear in a whisper
And makes me laugh.
How it makes me laugh!
I rise up inside, then settle into your comfort.
I think, “You might not understand,”
Wake from maddening dreams
Where I am holding your hands
Or so it seems…
Tell me you’re no mirage I’ve let into my lands.
You hold me…
I grow lucid to the romance
Then I crave and push away
Almost as fast as I can think.
I want, I need,
I beg, I bleed…
I’m praying to God
That this succeeds…
Kris was feeling...
Paper Trail
Rejuvenation of life…
Cleansing so unsubtle…
Passion in my hair…
Blowing, teased, and muddled.
Release that’s deeply pure
Rinsing out of every pore.
What if dirtiness claimed me now?
Left me clenching on the floor?
Pulling at the grass
That beds me down
Puts me to sleep…
Somehow gets under my blue gown…
Show how it’s there it creeped,
Lover boy uneeded…
I am fine here all alone.
With this sleepy burning orb,
Resting on me as winds moan
Fall asleep with heavy lids,
As enchanted as it seems…
As the rain moistens my lips…
Transparent gloss within my dreams.
It is at these times,
I know I truly am a writer.
When my heart flys far away
And every love holds only tighter,
As I grow so much lighter.
Please let me show…
What all I see
And all I know.
Lay down my soul
Beside the flower.
It will be yours again
Within the hour.
But until that time,
Empty chain will tell the tale
Long after I’ve returned
to that whips and paper trail…
Long after I have written
My way back into your cell…
Ah…if only I could win the war
And the battle fail.
But I’ll be back to those dead arms…
There’s no need to ring alarms!
I’ll be back to finish the dying deed…
Where hearts are broken and my hungers can’t feed.
I’ll be back to continue my trust
As you love me and lead me
Back into my lust.
In a beautiful jail…
My finely furnished Victorian hell…
Kris was feeling...
Crystal Slaughter
Do you want me to give it up?
Place my hands in the air?
Pretend I’m a big shot
And that I no longer care?
Do you want me to lay it down?
Keep it within these walls
So you don’t have to hear it
Echoing in these halls?
Over and over…oh…over and over
Forever…forever it stays…whether or not you see
I’ve created a world for you
That I can not destroy.
Playing God in my heaven
Even while I’m your toy.
Cause what I have with you
It’s too beautiful to leave…
With these stained glass windows
And all these baskets we’ve weaved…
…Or at least in these dreams.
Holding back all for you,
when I’m coming apart at the seams.
Would you like this nonsense to stop?
Want me to get on with life?
For me to stay clear of you
So you’re not holding the knife?
So much easier now
That you want something more.
Easier to forget I’m crying
Outside of your door…
Easier to leave me,
Freezing down to the core…
When you’re the solo lover
It’s not hard to forget that you’re accident prone.
It’s not easy to forget
Why I’m sleeping alone.
I put my hands in my pockets
To keep myself from reaching in
And knocking the crystal off of the shelves…
Hurting your face with my own sin.
For the sake of your smile,
I’ll try not to tear you apart for awhile.
I’ll try not to slaughter
your dreams with my appearance.
While holding onto my own
through your timeless perseverance.
I close my mouth
And fake this silence.
Inside of this chaotic head,
My voice is filled with violence.
Professing love with parched lips.
I’m losing all emotional grips through these fingertips.
I block out your noise…
Hiding these evil hands that touch.
I’m looking away to avoid your mouth,
Before my eyes give away too much.
Giving away what you already know…
Already have…have already seen…
And I’m noting you want…
I might as well act pure and clean.
Bowing my head, I pretend you’re not there.
If you stick around, why should I really care?
…But I do…
You walk off and pay attention
To another place…another person.
It might as well be another dimension.
I peek at you from behind the moss covered wall.
I blend in with the bricks colored red
As you kiss someone else…
On the top of their head.
As you do, I listen to all that is said,
Till the lump in my throat seems an obstruction of lead.
Words once specifically used on me
Are now ringing true for all.
The special feeling dwindles down;
Happiness begins to fall.
The final blow is coming soon,
I feel it in my skin.
When you find that love you seek,
My heart will die; you’ll win…
Your happiness will make me mourn.
Once upon a time in bitter scorn.
You’ll make light of what makes me torn.
I’ll run from these images
You make me see…
Of times I know
You won’t want me.
Get out of my head!
Stop touching my face.
I run away…
But you some how keep up with my pace.
So what do you want…
What’s left of me that’s still of some use?
Are you afraid a redeeming quality
May, from your grasp, wring itself lose?
Torture me…but don’t let me go…
I’m your little girl.
What would I do
All alone in this crazy world?
So do I deserve a place beside your crystal?
Or are you afraid that I’ll shoot them with my pistol?
Nothing left, hope has blown away,
My heart a worthless heap of clay…
And all I can do is kneel and pray…
Asking God sincerely everyday,
That everything turns out okay.
I don’t want to beg
But I’m sorry I do…
I’m sorry…
For all that I put you through…
Kris was feeling...
Unanswered Prayer
Prodigy of the masses,
don't hold yourself too high.
It's the longest fall from way up there
and the blow will make you cry.
When the impact breaks your bones...
you'll let out a moan
and wish to die.
You're a charming, gentle Jesus...
you heal the sick and lame.
But why is it that underneath
I hardly feel you came?
This heavy heart that's reaching out,
feel's nothing cured and does without,
always feeling pain the same.
You're everyone else's savior but my own.
You make everything better to those you hardly know.
For the one who always prays
you're the one who never shows.
Granting everyone else's needs...
I'll be the one that you let bleed,
from the open wound that grows.
I built you a temple
and you don't see
all the effort put into it;
how it came to be.
The stones covered in my blood...
...my body drenched within the mud
and I'm still paying back a building fee...
for an empty prayer that's done nothing for me.
Kris was feeling...
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