Bloody Roar 2 - THE GAME EXPOSÉ
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this, a full exposé on the shockingly hilarious game we called Bloody Roar 2. If you're unfortunate enough to actually be seeing this page, then I've sent this to you and you now know that I truly hate you.
Bloody Roar 2 (or Bloody Roar 2: Bringer of the New Age, according to the box, or Bloody Roar 2: The New Breed according to the arcade game, or Bloody Roar 2: Holy Shit What The Fuck according to me) is an arcade/Playstation game from 1999, and if you'll believe the credits, it was all Hudson Soft's idea and they're AWESOME because they make stuff other than Bomberman! Except no, that's not true at all. The title screen (in TINY FUCKING LETTERS) kindly points out that 'portions' (i.e. the entire original arcade game, assuming I'm not horribly mistaken) were made by Raizing. They're a company who make totally awesome shoot-em-ups like Battle Garegga and Armed Police Batrider, and ocassionally dip into other genres, such as with Ghoul Panic and, well, this.
So, is it any good? Well, not exactly. It's your standard 3D fighting game with a few extra bells and whistles, the most notable being that all the characters change into ferocious animals with the tap of a button. You can bet your ass that there's a fetish for this sort of thing, but fortunately for you lot (or unfortunately, it depends) I'm not above playing games with such a creepy or dodgy premise, as long as they don't play like ass (see also: DJ Boy, Gunbird). And this passes the test- It's NOT A BAD GAME. Shame that the animals chosen are so esoteric (I can understand a wolf and a tiger, but a rabbit? A chameleon? A fucking mole? Please) that it seems a bit weird
Now, I picked this up on a whim, as I am known to do. I'd heard it wasn't bad, and I was pleasantly surprised, considering I got it for the low, low price of £6 (yup, cheap ol' bastard, right here). Sure, it'll never offer serious competition to anything like Tekken or Street Fighter, but it's a nice diversion, thought I.
Until, that is, I decided to play the Story Mode.
It was then that the £6 I spent on this game were completely validated, as the 'story' (I use the term very loosely, I can assure you) is completely insane. It's actually competently translated, with only some very minor errors here and there, unlike a lot of "so bad it's good" stories in videogames (see also: The Ninja Kids, Zero Wing) but there are several factors that make this so utterly mad that you can't help but love it:
#1 - It's a game about people that morph into animals. Doesn't need to be said, really.
#2 - The pictures that accompany the action are hilariously bad, some repeated over and over again until they stop being funny, then start being funny again by the 11th time you see them, and others just drawn really goofily. Cross-eyed Alice remains one of the funniest pictures in any videogame I've ever played (with Busuzima 'riding dirty' coming a close second)
#3 - The characters themselves are all loco. Busuzima has serious back problems and rarely makes any sense, Yugo curses like a sailor and doesn't seem to use the word 'pervert' correctly, Gado keeps showing up from NOWHERE and lectures people before bringing them into a world of pain, Stun breaks lots of walls and could double up as an Emo Spawn, and Alice constantly reminds people that I'M A NURSE I SHOULD BE HELPING PEOPLE mere seconds before she beats the ever-loving shit out of them.
It speaks for itself. I'm attracted to campy, bad games like a moth to a bonfire, and so I decided to do my research and found there were practically no sites dedicated to this completely insane story. No pictures from the gallery, no scripts, NOTHING. So I decided (because if there's one thing I hate, it's myself) to make it so. To play this game for nigh over 2 hours on a glitchy Playstation emulator (that's not even starting with the hour or so it took me to get the stupid emulator working) to get all the pictures ripped. To copy out the game script. To rip the music while I was at it (a form of Stockholm's Syndrome I guess, I spent so long listening to that stuff while playing that I learned to embrace it). And as a final insult to the world and to you, the reader, to make it available for all and sundry.
May God forgive me, for I know not what I have wrought.
SOME GENERAL NOTES
I haven't edited the scripts in any way, tempting though it was. BUT, I have taken the liberty of inserting more-than-likely-unwanted sarky commentary- this will be in itallics and without a profile picture, so you know what's what. I considered, for about two minutes, to screengrab the script as it appeared on-screen rather than type it out, but then I lost control of my body, and slammed my head against the wall- this was my brain's way of saying that's a stupid idea and that to even contemplate it was suicide. Remember I said it took me 2 hours of self-hate to get the pictures in the first place? That was when I was blasting through the game. Imagine if I took my time. Besides, the amount of pictures would've been obscene. We're talking hundreds of pics here, because these Zoanthropes (get used to that word) sure are a gabby lot.
So. You'll get a picture, and then the text that accompanies it. And any comments in itallics you'll find will be mine. And sometimes, the picture is blank, and sometimes, the talking is attributed to the wrong person. Most of all, though, there will be the distinct sound of scratching- that would be you, scratching your head, trying to figure out what on Earth you're reading. It's OK, it's your first time. It'll happen.
Finally, one more note: Because I didn't put nearly sarky commentary in the scripts themselves, I've utilised every weapon at my disposal to its maximum, by inserting more witty banter in the ALT tags of the pictures. Each one hides a different and exciting bit of commentary! Find them all by hovering your mouse over. Or, just right-clicking and looking at the Properties. It doesn't take that long, and you have my guarentee, it's worth it.
HOW TO PLAY
So here's how we roll here. Might want to start with the General Profile so you can make the word 'Zoanthrope' not mean a damn thing anymore. From there, pick a character, any character, to see their basic profile (usually with amusing and witty commentary from myself) then at the bottom of their page, there are three options.
The LEFT option will always be...
Story Mode- This is a complete script of your chosen character's Story Mode, including the appropriate pictures for each section. It's roffle-tastic! Well, it's OK, I guess.
Game Overs- When you lose a match in Story Mode, each specific encounter has a different Game Over tied in with it. Since they usually re-use the same pictures, I kept these seperate. You'll find them at the end of your chosen character's Story Mode page.
The RIGHT option will always be...
Gallery Mode- Can't be arsed with the text? Then this allows you to just see all the pictures of your chosen character, regardless of which story they appear in. Includes some extra stuff too, assuming I've got any. Oh, and I'll be tracking how many people visit the Alice gallery, so I'll be able to gauge how many people are fappin' to her googly-eyed visage. Nerds.
And the BOTTOM option will always take you back here.
SELECT YOUR DESTINY
The General Prologue
Hey, check that shit out! It's like an actual Character Select screen! Wow, how awesome is that? Except no, it's not awesome, because instead of selecting a character, you're selecting how you want to suffer.