You Know You're From the Capital District...
By Geoff Waltz
That's right, THE Capital District, because Albany is the only capital city that matters. And yes, Albany is the capital of New York state, NYC is just our biggest and most arrogant city. Whether you call it the Capital District, the Capital Region, Metroland, the Tri-Cities, Albany Metro, 5-1-8, or the Albany-Saratoga region, I call it home, and have for a while. I've come up with a comprehensive guide to determining if you are also from New York's Capital District.
These first few are from other websites about Upstate in general, but some of them seem to apply to the CD in specific:
1. You refer to downtown Albany as "The City".
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
4. You've used your back porch or the trunk of your car as a fridge/deep freeze.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
7. You drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. People say they live in Glenville when their mailing address is Scotia.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. There is a mini-mall every 1/4 mile; if not, you're in Vermont.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife/girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Stewart's at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
16. You know to avoid tractor trailers and cars on the Northway with Canadian plates.
17. It's SODA DAMMIT! And people who call it POP make you want to slap them.
18. You don't consider what Domino's or Pizza Hut sell as Pizza.
19. You know that "First Night" isn't a Sean Connery movie.
20. There is no such thing as waiting for the left turn arrow at an intersection.
21. Your career ambition is to work for NY state.
22. Even with the slightest threat of snow (or heavy rain for that matter) you know that Ichabod Crane and Greenville schools are closed. (bonus points if you know WHY)
23. There is nothing "International" about Albany International Airport.
24. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, construction.
25. The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
26. Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
27. You've gone trick-or-treating in a snow suit.
Here are the additions I made, with the assistance of Troy native Mike Hall:
You know you're from the Capital District when...
1) You can always find your way home if you're on the Northway.
2) You're familiar with the names: Smallbany, Amsterico, and the Troylet.
3) You know what the 'Burgh and 'Vliet refer to, and where they are.
4) You can correctly pronounce the following places: Cairo, Cobleskill, Cohoes, Colonie, Coxsackie, Greenwich, Rensselaer, Schaghticoke, Schoharie, Schuylerville, Voorheesville, and Watervliet. (bonus points if you can spell them too)
5) You hear people talking about Amsterdam, Berlin, Galway, Athens, and Cambridge, and don't think about European cities.
6) You give directions using Stewart's as a landmark.
7) You know what the Electric City, the Spa City, the Collar City, and the Carpet City are, and where the nicknames came from.
8) You know where the Stockade is, and have gotten lost there.
9) You know what "the Circle" and "the twins" are, and avoid them at rush hour.
10) You know Lincoln Park is a pool, not a band. (Courtesy: Paul Henry)
11) You live no more than 5 miles from a Stewart's, Mobil, or Price Chopper.
12) You know that the REAL "Ghetto Chopper" is on Delaware Ave., NOT on Madison.
13) You know what the Pine Bush is, and why it's protected.
14) You know better than to swim in the Hudson.
15) You know what "The Joe" is, and where it is.
16) You attend concerts and games at the Knick, not the Pepsi.
17) You went to the State Museum, Thacher Park, the Pine Bush, or Howe Caverns on school trips.
18) You avoid Clinton Ave. and Arbor Hill at all costs, especially at night.
19) You leave Washington Park before nightfall.
20) You are fully aware that Saratoga Winners is nowhere near Saratoga.
21) Someone refers to "the track" and you know exactly what they mean.
22) You use the back entrance to SPAC.
23) You don't go to Pauly's, the Branch, or the Post, if you're over 21.
24) You know the words to the jingles for Water Slide World and Catskill Game Farm, and Jack Byrne.
25) You've gone to Turning Stone or Montreal, "for the night".
26) You've been to a HS basketball game at the Glens Falls Civic Center.
27) You remember Northway Mall and the Cine 10.
28) You remember Crossgates before the expansion.
29) You remember when Stuyvesant Plaza was just another strip mall.
30) You remember Bogies and the QE2 before they were 518 and the Fuzebox.
31) You can name every major motion picture filmed in the area in the last 10 years.
32) You know about every somewhat famous celebrity from the area from their coverage on the news.
33) You are familiar with the term "dredging".
34) You can name at least one William Kennedy book.
35) You remember when Armory did nothing BUT sell and repair cars.
36) You understand the significance of the color orange in Albany.
37) You know that no matter what the national game is, you'll see the Giants, Jets, Patriots, or Bills games instead.
38) You get ice cream at Tollgate and burritos at Bombers.
39) You know Jerry Jennings is white, no matter how dark his skin is.
40) You laugh at people who consider 50 degrees "really cold".
41) You know someone who went to St. Rose for the sole purpose of meeting women.
42) You refer to UAlbany as "SUNY" and Rensselaer as "RPI".
43) You know what a "Skiddy" is.
44) You know what "Puck Man" is, and like him more than "the Chicken".
45) You know what the "Dutchman's Shoes" are, and who plays for them.
46) You refer to HVCC as "Happy Valley," "The Valley," or "Harvard on the Hudson".
47) At least one person from your HS class went to HVCC, and another went to SUNY.
48) You know that there are less than 10 schools in the Big Ten.
49) You know that a Shaker is a person (or HS), not a container for salt or pepper.
50) You know who Touchdown Eddie Brown is, and miss him dearly.
51) You know who Mary Lou Whitney is, even if you have no clue why she's famous.
52) You wonder what's wrong with Ed Dague's neck.
53) You see John McLoughlin on the street and run the other way.
54) You can always count on Bernie Williams talking to Dan Murphy after a Yanks win, and you know why.
55) You've bought beer from the Brew Crew.
56) You root for the Rats and the Attack.
57) You remember when the Great Escape wasn't Six Flags (bonus points if you remember when it was Storytown USA).
58) You know that "The Clay People" does not refer to Wallace and Gromet or Gumby and Pokey.
59) You spend Thursdays in the summer at Alive at Five.
60) You hear "Altamont" and think of the Fair, not the Stones' concert.
61) You remember the AC Yankees, and know neither the Diamond Dogs nor ValleyCats are adequate replacements.
62) You, or one of your closest friends has worked at Crossgates at some point.
63) You speed on Krumkill Road.
64) You root for the NJ Devils only because half of them are former Rats.
65) You know what NiMo is.
66) You remember the words to Geoffrey Holder's Armory commercials.
67) You feel nauseous when you hear the word "HUGE!!!"
68) You remember when MSNBC's Chris Jansing was Chris Kapostasy.
69) You eat at the "I Love" in Troy, and the Paesan's on Ontario, because those are the ONLY ones.
70) You remember when Uncle Vito was Ranger Danger.
71) You know what and where the Hilltowns are.
72) Ric Renner's feeble attempts to be the next Chris Berman annoyed the hell out of you.
73) You miss the Firebirds, celebrated their championship, are still bitter they left, and know that the Conquest are no comparison.
74) You spend your summers at Giants training camp, Lake George, or the track.
75) You were pissed when the Adirondack Red Wings left town, robbing us of the Rats-Wings rivalry.
76) You know better than to drive on Wolf Rd. at rush hour.
77) You took your road test on South Pearl St., the worst road in Albany.
78) You voted for the Battle of Saratoga to be on the NY quarter.
79) You refer to Albany, Schenectady, and Troy as "cities", no matter what people from Boston or downstate say.
80) You've been stuck in traffic on the Northway during track season.
81) You are no longer shocked by stories of corruption in local police forces.
82) You know exactly what people mean when they say "The Plaza".
83) You don't trust the CDTA.
84) You remember the commercials about the GE dredging controversy, but have no idea how it ended.
85) You've gone apple picking on a school field trip.
86) You know what and where "Shen" is.
87) You remember when Terry Morris's jongle was sung by his daughter.
88) You refer to the SUNY administrative building as "the D&H building".
88) You can't go anywhere in the area without meeting someone who knows someone you do.
Contributions from others:
Suggested by Chris Bonham, Voorheesville:
-You understand how to drive on the bridges and onramps getting on/off 787, and laugh at those who don't.
-You know that Air-Tite Windows ripped down Resnick's sign.
Suggested by Emily Hall, Troy:
-You can't decide who is more irritating: Billy Fuccillo or Justin Resnick.
-You remember when Latham Circle Mall had stores worth shopping at.
-You have been to the Imagination Celebration.
Suggested by Dave Friello, Schenectady:
-You know that, even after 40 years, there is still no Exit 3 on the Northway.
Suggested by Scott Lawson, Guilderland:
-You hear about a race in Lebanon Valley, and the Middle East never crosses your mind.
Suggested by Chuck Alonge, Albany:
-You don't think of the Aurora Borealis when you hear about Northern Lights.
and just for the expatriate 808 residents:
You know that after a heavy night of drinking at WT's or Mahar's, you could always sleep at 808.
To suggest an addition, IM iisdrunk247, or email at iisdrunk247[at]hotmail[dot]com
