Where is my Vagina.
Assuming that as a little girl I knew where my vagina and its related parts were, and suddenly I think I have location insights beyond "uhh...my vagina is between my legs."
I did not always know that my vagina was anything but lips. Until the nurse giving "becoming a woman" talks at school pulled out a transparent woman's hip section complete with reproductive organs, I was totally oblivious to there being an internal canal down there. I basically knew how babies got made, but figured that the penis must just somehow lie between the labia during sex.
I don't remember going home immediately and poking around trying to find my vagina. This was all when I was 9 or 10, at which point I didn't masturbate or really expect to start bleeding at any moment, and generally didn't spend much time hanging out with my unit. I don't actually remember when I first found it. Maybe not until I started masturbating. Hmm.
Anyway, from what I can tell, the opening to my vagina is right down between my legs. When I am standing it opens down and is about centered over the back of my legs (I think; I just tried this out). It is part of my abdomen, in that its angle will match my hip bones and back in whatever position I am in. Thus, if I am on all fours, it opens kind of behind me. If I sit cross-legged and slouchy (ie: most of the time), it opens kind of forward.
It is surrounded by my labia minora, which start higher up than my vagina itself does. They surround my urethra as well (it took me awhile to notice that).
Inside, it points up and towards my spine (not straight up into my belly). This has to be dealt with when inserting anything into my vagina.
From what I can tell, my vagina neighbours on some other internal organs. At the end of it I can feel my cervix. If I push on the front wall of it, especially from deeper inside my vagina, I get the urge to pee and would guess my bladder is in there somewhere. The back wall borders quite cosily with my rectum. Yes, rectum! (I don't know, sometimes I feel silly making these declarations. Just cause it's typed doesn't mean I am official enough to remain dignified while referring to my own rectum. Gah!)
But yeah, the two openings aren't so close together, but inside where they each open up into chambers they really just have a wall between them. They aren't off in two separate zones. Sex involving thrusts pointed more towards my back than my front can jostle things up back there and make me farty afterwards (it's reeeally cute too, when I'm all smutty and wet in the area. Why am I telling you this?). Furthermore, if I happen to be having difficulty passing something from my bowel, pushing my fingers against the lower part of my rear vaginal wall (not like right inside my vagina, just at the opening) can kind of reinforce/redirect things and err... (word choice)... help. Ya. No more poo talk.
My vagina is between my legs. That's all I have to say.
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The colour of my vagina.
I don't often see my vagina fully displayed in a mirror, but even from a regular perspective I can tell that it is a darkish pink, inside and out. There are some small purply veins as well. It flushes more red when I am excited or being a smut.
The outside of my labia are the same whitey colour as the rest of my skin, but a little darker and rosier in the hidden, inter-thigh region. Some book that my beloved was reading used the colour "labia pink" to describe a motel in Brazil somewhere. I stole it to use in a choose-your-own-adventure smutty romance book that I am very slowly writing.
Sometimes the outer edges of my inner labia get a purplish or greyish tinge to them, the way that cold toes do, but I don't think it has to do with them being cold. Usually when I notice this colouring they are dormant and wilty.
I have a small mole on the outside of one lip. This caused me minor shame for a short while after I discovered it, even though it is hidden by hair and is just a mole. Once I got used to it, I was neutral about it, and lately I slightly like it. After all, it is a beauty mark. It makes me think of aging beauty queens making dots on their cheeks with eyeliner.
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The Size of my vagina.
I don't know what the average measurements of a full grown vagina are, or how mine relates. Whenever my roommate gets her CrapHound (clip-art zine) stuff back I'll have a diagram of relative vaginal diameters to put up here. It is an enlargement (ha ha) but I guess I'll re-scale it.
I have never measured any part of my vagina, but I have a fairly good idea of its size from my various encounters with it while dealing with menstrual products and sex. Also, I've occasionally been curious about the size of it and poked around inside it with my fingers.
I have recently concluded that my vagina, in its unstretched state, is about the same length as my fingers. Figuring this out took extended messing about inside me with my fingers (I was trying to work out an Instead menstrual cup).
Previously to this I thought that my vagina must have been longer, mostly based on diagrams of vaginas I'd seen all over the place (textbooks, tampon instructions). I feared though, that it was shorter and/or too short. All these stresses from not having formal expectations.
Further revelations from my recent explorations include that my vagina seems to be slightly deeper at the back of my cervix than at the front, and that my cervix is the least deep and most immovable end point of my vagina.
This unstretched measurement is not a good overall description. I can always push further into my vagina, and can fit my beloved's whole unit inside me, or our whole rubber toy. So my vagina can stretch from around 4 inches deep to around 8. It's actual depth gets to be kind of irrelevant. It can accomodate.
The width of my vagina is also difficult to describe, as it is very elastic. It collapses shut when not held open, but can stretch about as wide as hand. This is about how big the ring of my pelvic bones is. My vagina feels stretched if it is opened wider than two fingers or so. I think it is wider front to back than side to side when it is empty and resting.
My vulva is plump and soft but not pendulous or noticeably big. I am not a fat girl, and do not have a fat vagina, but apparently fat women have more and better orgasms during sex than thin women do. I don't know whether the orgasms are due to the fatness of a vulva or are just part of being a big woman.
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My pubic hair
My pubic hair is brown. It has always been brown. Quite
a dark brown.
I do not really remember when my vagina grew its fur. I
guess technically it is not the vagina that gets furry.
But, I do not remember when I developed pubic fur.
Sometime in the grade 7-8 range.
I was quite a late bloomer in other areas, so this might
also be the tail end of the fur-development-age bell
curve. This did not distress me that I remember.
Probably because the growth is much more covert than
breasts, and I didn't see a lot of pantsless girls at
that age for comparison.
I do remember that the growth was gradual, and that the
first forays into furriness were not curly. The
straightness didn't worry me but I did want it to hurry
up and curl; I thought it was a bit unsightly.
Now my fur, left to its own devices, makes a triangle
over my mound of womanliness, and also covers the more
hidden regions of my outer labia (like between my
thighs), and this spreads about an inch or so onto my
thighs. It is quite thick, course (but soft) and curly,
and I guess covers a fair sized area.
I will note that pubic hair has a tendency to fall out
and tends to accumulate in places like bedsheets, shower
walls and floors, bathroom floors, etc. I don't know if
it falls out at a faster rate than head hair or whether
some other factor makes it noticeable. It doesn't bug
me. It is kind of funny to live with roommates who have
different coloured hair, cause you can tell whose pubic
hairs are whose in the shower. Forced intimacy, but
that's ok.
I do wash my fur in the shower, but I don't shampoo it
or condition it. Neither do I style it. I wash it the
same way as I wash the rest of my body.
For awhile, I shaved my bikini line along with my legs
and armpits, mostly to stave off ridicule during jr.
high gym class and swimming. I would shave all the hair
on my inner thighs and a little bit further on the
front. the main goal was to keep the fur small enough to
hide inside my underwear. One time I shaved the hair off
my labia just past the crease of my thighs between my
legs. It was very prickly and uncomfortable for quite
awhile. Not cool.
Technical details and tips for shaving pubic hair and
bikini lines are on their very own page.
I was never very satisfied with the job I managed to do
with my bikini line, as it was usually prickly no matter
what shaving technique I employed, and the dark roots of
hairs would show through the pale skin anyway.
I think I trimmed my fur a couple of times too, to make
it less bushy.
Just recently I embarked on an extreme waxing adventure,
in which I removed all the hair from my entire unit.
This justifiably has its own page.
For several years I didn't shave anything. Thus I was
quite hairy (which made waxing quite a job), and the
hairiness was noticeable if I wore underwear that was
high-cut at all, but I liked it. I mostly wear hot
pantsy underwear anyway.
One thing about not shaving is that the hair sometimes
gets stuck between underwear elastic and leg, and pulls
some. This could be awkward to adjust in public but most
of the time wriggling can fix the problem.
I was never a big one for disposable menstrual pads, but
they can be a bitch for sticking to pubic hair around
the edges where the glue isn't stuck to panty fabric, or
just where blood is drying.
I have never shaved my pubic fur into a shape such as a
heart, or into an extreme little velcro strip. Neither
have I bleached or dyed it any colours. Applying
chemicals to pubic hair is supposed to be dangerous, and
I can imagine that any stray drips or fumes of bleach or
ammonia dye that got into the moist inner sections of my
vulva would cause serious burning pain. I don't even
like soap to get in there. However, there has to be some
way to safely dye the fur cause I have seen both ladies
and gents with day-glo fur (and who guessed where?).
____________________________________________________________________________________
About my virginity.
When referring to virginity, I mostly use the word itself, but sometimes substitute derivatives of "purity" as a joke. In high school, my friends and I mostly used references to The Big V Club, with people being "in the club" or "out of the club." We also had a Big C Club for (mostly reluctantly) celibate people. These were just descriptive terms, we didn't have club activities or enforce membership or anything. We did have unofficial hand signs (V or C shaped fingers). Lately I also use derivatives of the word "nun"-- nunnish, nunnery, etc. These sort of refer to this tiny bed I used to call my nun bed, and also to my roommate's two spayed nun-cats. I never really use the word "cherry" when referring to a virgin or to virginity, but my dad does (why do I know that?) and it comes up a lot in suggestive jokes on sitcoms and music videos.
In the beginning, I was not aware that I was a virgin or
anything else. When I learned what the word meant, I
thought it was risque because it referred to sex. I
didn't think of myself as a virgin until it became
apparent that people my age could have sex. This was in
about seventh grade, when I was eleven or twelve.
Virginity really wasn't an issue for me at this age,
cause pretty much everybody was still expected to be
pure. I had never even kissed anybody by then.
I started to get self-conscious about my virgin status
once people I knew actually had opportunities to have
sex. This was kind of a progression of my previous
late-bloomer angst about being the last girl to get a
bra and her period and kissed and whatever other
pubescent milestones I could perceive.
My attitude towards my virginity was rather complicated.
I didn't think that being a virgin was bad, but I didn't
want to be one. I was frustrated because I wanted to
have sex for the sake of sex, but I was also embarrassed
that other people would realise that I whether or not I
was saving myself, I didn't have anybody to have sex
with. So mainly I was upset about not having a proper
chance to have sex, and other people knowing this. There
were a few times that I probably could have had sex with
a boy, but I didn't because I didn't want the boy. I
count that as not having an opportunity. I was more
focussed on my lack of sirenly sex appeal than the lack
of desirable bed partners, but both were sources of teen
angst.
I wasn't upset about this all the time. Sometimes I was
fine with people knowing I was a virgin. It was mainly
context. I would be uncomfortable if I ever ended up in
a conversation which referred to virginity or sex
stories. It seemed dangerous, like somebody might figure
me out or accuse me. If I thought that somebody might be
judging me on my sexual status, then I was
uncomfortable. If somebody mentioned the Big V Club or
was just discussing ideas about virginity, I had no
problem.
For the record, nobody ever actually made fun of me for
being a virgin. I was just worried.
The only virgin-teasing incident I can think of at all
involved two guys who locked their roommate Mike out of
the apartment in his underwear, and demanded that he
yell a password to be let back inside. The hint for
guessing the password was "It rhymes with 'Mike's a
sturgeon.'" In telling the story to me they made a point
of clarifying that they didn't think there was anything
wrong with being a virgin; they just knew Mike was
embarrassed about it.
As a quick aside, I was also very familiar with virgins
in the context of the Rocky Horror Show (virgins being
people who have never seen it live), where virginity is
given a much more fun treatment, based on the attitude
that nobody will be a virgin by the end of the night.
Oh, the debauchery. Anyway.
Currently, I am not a virgin (Rocky Horror or
otherwise), but I know quite a few people my age (21)
who are, both males and females. It seems to be less of
an issue now than in high school, but that may be
because I'm not worried about myself anymore. I've never
known anyone who actually cared about whether someone
else was a virgin or not. That is probably an important
thing to know. Even the orthodox religious people I know
only seem to care about the virginity of prospective
spouses.
Occasionally I think that it would have been sweet to
have saved myself all this time and have been all pure
for my beloved, just for the cheesy romanticness of
being all his. However, I am glad I had other sex
because it was fun, what I wanted to do at the time, and
good practise. Besides which I did actually care enough
about each of my partners to go to bed with them.
All the statistics I've seen about the percentage of any
age group who are sexually active and the average age
for first sexual encounter are different. I have no idea
what the latest ones are. I used to take consolation if
I was in the majority, but that's irrelevant really.
Once I graduated high school, I got to be quite
painfully ashamed of being a virgin, mainly because I
did not like what I thought being virginal would make
people think about me. I have always been like I am now,
kind of a smut who thinks all kinds of people are foxy,
who can appreciate how just about anything could be
sensual and who spends a fair bit of time sitting around
thinking up things that are sexy. I have always been
quite attached to these elements of my person, and was
very distressed that people might discredit them because
I hadn't had sex with anybody. Yes, made me cry. In
particular, I didn't know how to explain or proove that
I was some kind of bisexual creature, without having any
evidence in the form of girl sex.
All of this led to the intensely embarrassing and
regrettable state of me getting in the habit of lying
about my virginity. I thought it would be pretty gross
to lie and say I just wasn't a virgin at all, so I
developed this compromise that I had never had sex with
a boy, BUT... I had "messed around" with girls, which
later blossomed into the full "I had sex with a girl."
Conveniently this simultaneously established my desire
to have sex with girls. At the time I thought this story
established me as a virgin who had an excuse, and as a
virgin without any of the stigmas I thought people would
attach to me if I'd never had sex at all (despite my not
applying these to virgins I knew).
I had a very practical view of the lying, that it was an
easy way of making people understand what I was like,
that it did reflect honest desires and traits in myself.
Also, it wasn't intended so much as a lie, but rather as
a preview. I figured it wouldn't be shameful to say I
had had sex with girls as long as I eventually did. This
hinged on the girl sex not being attached to an age
number, which I think I felt was possible since to me at
the time, girl sex wasn't impacting my virginity
(especially since it was imaginary, eh?), and virginity
was the main thing that had an age attached to it. Girl
sex was more of a yes or no quantity, maybe because
nobody really asks "when was the first time you were
gay?" but rather, usually "are you or aren't you?" or at
least "how gay?" or "what kind?." Come to think of it,
it would be cool if that was the popular attitude about
sexuality in general; instead of "when did you lose your
virginity and how many partners have you had?", folks
could ask the more relevant "how much and what kind of
sexual do you think you are?," since that is what the
previous questions are trying to discover anyway.
Also, this wasn't a story that I voluntarily broadcast;
it was my backup story for panicky situations in which I
felt I was about to be evaluated or compared. It was
somewhat encouraged by the universal reaction of the
people who heard it: "Wow, aren't you sexier than I
thought."
This could be used to indicate all kinds of negative
things about my attitude towards my own sexuality and
towards homosexuality in general ("not 'real' sex"?),
but it was really only about definitions. It's hard to
know intuitively whether oral sex between two girls
counts as sex, and if so does oral sex between a girl
and a boy, or between two boys count? I explained my
professed situation as "I've never been with a boy but
I've slept with girls" to avoid confusion (and also some
accountability). I have worked out that most people now
understand oral sex between two girls as sex. Whatever
:)
This is a lot about what I "count" things as. I think
the various descriptions of virgin and sex and sexuality
and whatnot (and gender for that matter) are only as
useful as how meaningful they are for a person. I used
this vagueness for my own ends to make myself more
presentable, employing the fuzziness of whether or not I
was talking about my virginity or just some event. I
avoided calling anything by any name until I worked out
what I meant by each word, and what other people were
likely to think I meant.
This led to me describing myself as a virgin (with an
excuse) until I had sex with a boy, even though I'd
previously professed to have had sex with girls. After I
slept with a boy, I found that the girl sex had gained
credibility as "real" sex. By this point I had decided
that the girl sex was indeed sex, but mainly the issue
was that having the boy sex gave me a solid back up
argument that I really wasn't a virgin, relieving any
need to evaluate sexual acts for legitimacy (ability to
destroy virginity). All sex acts were then equal, except
that one must have come first.
This made me rather more uncomfortable about the lying
than before, since now it was a rather concrete lie
regarding a number, the age at which I had lost my
virginity. I haven't really sorted this out yet, as
anybody who has been reading this site for awhile will
have noticed, but for the record the real (as in not
made up, not as in valid) first sex was when I was 18.
I don't like at all that the numbers hold any interest.
I purposely don't ask people when they first had sex if
such a topic comes up. I don't mind if they tell me, but
I don't ask. It's my leftover nerd politics. Things like
sex shouldn't be cred, so I try not to make them into
any. Further, having been a late-bloomer in a number of
physical puberty/sexuality kinds of areas, I don't like
to put ages on things, cause for me that implies a
scale, a schedule, a proper rate or range of time in
which to do things, that I have often felt left out of.
I wouldn't want to make anybody else feel like that.
I should mention that my first boy sex didn't hurt. I
wasn't worried that it would, because my vagina had lots
of practise, between masturbation and using various
internal menstrual products. That's probably the main
thing people reading this page wanted to know, besides
my age statistics. Ha ha.
I didn't have any particular emotional or intellectual
reaction the first time I had sex. If anything, I was
somewhat relieved, not to have had sex, but to have
credibility should anybody ever question my smuttiness.
It didn't make me believe any differently about myself,
but for whatever reason it made me more convinced that I
could get other people to believe who I was. Gah.
All this and nobody ever once made any comment to
suggest that I was inferior in any way for being a
virgin. I think I extrapolated from comments made at
previous moments to suggest that I definitely was
inferior for not having bled yet, or had a boyfriend, or
for having small breasts in grade 9 and whatever else.
So... yes it was in my head, but I still blame the weird
pressure pot that is junior/high school culture.
Also, I was thinking about it, and it seemed a little
odd that people now will develop angst and shame about
being "too old" to be a virgin, when being a virgin used
to be expected and a status point. Then I got to
thinking that before the sexual revolution or whatever,
women just used to get ashamed of being "too old" to be
unmarried, which amounted to exactly the same thing if
you weren't supposed to have premarital sex. So really
it has always been shameful to not be desired sexually,
we've just taken the marriage part out of it. This
annoys me no end, especially considering the piles of
people I know who are perfectly desirable but single or
celibate or virgins because of random situations.
However, I don't know how to deal with this at all. Euh...
everybody please be nice to each other from now on and
don't make anybody feel inferior unless they are doing
something mean.
I know people can also end up with shame and guilt about
having sex "too young" or any old time, but this has not
been my experience at all. Everyone I've ever known who
had any guilt in this area has offset it with pride in
their desirability, prowess, conquest, naughtiness,
precociousness, whatever.
_______________________________________________________________________________
My Hymen
I don't remember when I first heard about
hymens, but I associate it with jr. high. Maybe
someone's last name sounded like hymen and everyone was
excited.
As is fairly well published, the hymen is a thin
membrane of skin (hymen is Latin for membrane ) that
partially covers the opening of the vagina. Usually it
is depicted as being attached along the back edge and up
the sides rather than the front, and not stretching
across as a band in the middle. It is located right at
the opening, just inside the inner labia.
It can be one piece or somewhat webbed, and it can be
smoother or flappier. All of this is being related by me
as second-hand knowledge. I have never noticed any
hymens on anybody.
The hymen is also referred to fairly commonly as a
cherry (never by me personally), and has been associated
with virgin females because its presence is thought to
guarantee that the vagina in question has never been
penetrated by a penis.
I myself don't much correlate the two, partly because,
as is fairly common knowledge, a number of things
besides sex can break the hymen (excercise,
masturbation, tampons. Horseriding and gymnastics are
frequently implicated). If such activities don't break
the hymen they often give it practise stretching so that
it won't break when stretched to accomodate a phallus
and will remain intact after sex. Further, the hymen
actually recedes back into the body and disappears on
its own starting in adolescence (according to a Kinsey
Institute report; I have never read this anywhere else).
So, essentially, the hymen is a small bit of skin that
may hurt a bit if it is torn somehow, but will go away
by itself even if it isn't broken.
As for my own hymen, I've never actually noticed it,
despite having being familiar with my unit for quite
some time now. I think that is why this page is the
100th one to get made-- I never think about my hymen or
the memory of it (I assume it is a trace entity by now,
whatever happened to it). In thinking about my vagina i
was much more preoccupied with the mole ;)
____________________________________________________________________________________
My Vagina Smell
Smells are difficult to describe. I will start with
general things.
My vagina makes various smells. Sometimes they are
stronger than other times. In some circumstances I can
smell my vagina while I am sitting around, usually
cross-legged in pjs in the middle of the day after not
showering. I do not find the smells offensive. I used to
worry about them occasionally, but I don't think I ever
worried about people smelling them by accident and
thinking I was dirty or gross.
I did used to worry about make-out partners getting too
near my vagina and smelling it. I soon realised that
people are aware that vaginas make smells, and that most
people aren't grossed out by this. Oral sex can be
relaxing that way. I think that believing my vagina
wasn't a dirty thing was important.
Washing makes my vagina smell less strong. Going several
days with no washing results in a more pungent vagina.
Most people could probably have guessed that.
Recently, while our toilet was broken and had to be
filled up manually to be flushed, I noticed that for
some reason, if I pee less often my vagina smells more
strongly, even when freshly washed and non-smutted up.
My vagina makes different smells at different times of
my cycle. It smells sexiest at ovulation time, not
surprisingly. This smell is a creamy kind of smell, and
I associate it with raw potatoes, and with white glue.
That sounds kind of gross but please map those smells
into a sexy zone. My unit smells most pungently while I
am bleeding. I think this is only partly the blood,
because my vagina smells different during my period even
if I use tampons or my swank rubber cup. Once I sniffed
a tampon out of curiosity and it was freakily similar to
the cliche tuna smell. Oh well.
People sell used tampons, pads and panties on the
internet on the grounds of sensual smell.
Another smell my vagina has is a smutty smell after
naked hetero sex. Sex with latex doesn't result in a lot
of pungency, although it does get the smell of the
condom lubricant, which is kind of funny, on my vagina.
Unprotected sex results in a much stronger, as well as
different smell. My boy ends up with about the same
smell, but mine is usually stronger.
I don't think oral sex makes my vagina smell any
different.
____________________________________________________________________________________
My Vagina Taste.
I have only tasted my vagina a few times other than
tasting smears of me on someone else's body. This was
accomplished by licking my finger; I've never tried to
lick my own vagina because I can tell that I couldn't
reach it. When I asked for my boy's input as to the
flavour of my vagina, he offered that it was "good."
Lately he's added that it goes with everything, even
recently brushed teeth. Also it goes with margaritas.
For details, you are stuck with my description,
constructed mostly from other people's vaginas which I
have tasted more extensively than my own.
This is still a limited description. My beloved also
pointed out that different vaginas have different
tastes, which hadn't occured to me for whatever reason.
The only excuse I can think of is that my vagina-tastings
have been few and far apart.
But, from my small experience, vaginas have both a taste
and an aftertaste. Neither of these is easy to describe,
as they aren't similar to anything else that I know of
(suggestions so far: a penny (for metallicness); a taco;
white glue; potato; cedar; armpit; cantaloupe; fish;
umami. Variation, yes?).
The taste of a vagina comes mostly from the fluids in
it, and is thus stronger inside the vagina itself than
in the external parts. The taste is not quite sour, but
somewhat astringent, perhaps because the vagina is,
after all, acidic. The tartness is mild but the taste
can be quite strong. To me, the taste seems "thick,"
which is my word for the combination of aftertaste and
creaminess of some of the vaginal fluids. I am intrigued
by the suggestion that the taste of vaginas may include
umami, the fifth taste, because I definitely do
associate some of the qualities of umami with the taste
of a woman. The slippery (non-creamy) fluids that get
made when I'm excited don't taste like much as far as I
know. I find that the taste of a vagina isn't too
related to the smell.
Everyone I've talked to likes the taste, and I don't
think that it takes as much "acquiring" as the taste of
semen, which is slightly bitter rather than sour.
The aftertaste of my vagina is not acid, but rather
composed just of the flavour, which is the part I am
having trouble describing. In some ways, to me, it is
similar to the aftertaste of raw tomato (an umami
flavour!). It does not linger overly long, but it is
definitely noticeable.
Tastes of bodily fluids can be altered by what you eat.
Asparagus is famous for making ejaculate taste like hot
mustard (bad thing), and pineapple is the most recent
food I've heard rumoured to make people taste delicious.
I want to have a pineapple feast as an experiment.
Smoking gives your vulva ashtray breath along with your
mouth and fingers and clothes and house etc.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Touching my vagina.
This page is about having other people touch my
vagina, or touching my vagina in the company of other
people. Solo stuff is under masturbation.
I mostly enjoy having my vagina touched as foreplay or
in conjunction with oral sex. It is a little hard to
tell without looking, exactly where your fingers are at
in relation to the rest of a vagina, and some precision
is necessary when dealing with the clitoris. It seems to
be easier with your own vagina, when you can work by
feel. Other people's fingers do better finding their way
inside the vagina itself. I've never had anybody in my
vagina up to their wrist, but I've had a fair portion of
hand inside of me.
I've only had one orgasm as a result of touching alone.
Mostly, other people's fingers are too clumsy or too
different from what I would do to myself.
I would say that I've gotten used to my own masturbation
style, which may or may not be unfortunate. I have heard
radio show sex therapists encourage people to diversify
their masturbation techniques for fear of only being
able to orgasm with one specific type of stimulation
(humping an arm chair or what have you), but I don't
seem to have trouble having orgasms during other
activities.
I have found it sexy to touch myself while my beloved
boy holds me or kisses me. I also like when he touches
himself when we are together. Mostly we do this as a
lead up to other things, since the more excited either
of us gets the more we want each other, but sometimes,
if I am sore or for a change, one or both of us will
have orgasms that way.
The only person I have masturbated with is special boy.
I've never had a masturbation contest with another woman
(although I did race boy once, and I kicked ass). Some
women probably do that, but I don't know any who have
mentioned it. Usually when masturbating with the lover,
we are both touching ourselves at the same time. Usually
it works out that we'll be touching each other and our
hands will get tired so we'll kind of encourage each
other to take care of our own selves while we continue
to make out and whatnot.
For awhile I was quite self-conscious about masturbating
in front of a boy, because I didn't want to be observed
as a curiosity ("ohhh, that's how girls masturbate...")
but it can be a good thing to do sometimes. I kind of
educated my boy, using his own hand on me when I was shy
to use my own. It worked out. Now we both touch me, or
ourselves, at the same time or solo.
Mainly when being touched I lie on my side facing my
partner, but this often gets adjusted to have me on my
back and the toucher propped up on an elbow over me.
This way I can spread my legs some and not squish
his/her/my hand.
Things get slightly more complicated when touching
someone and being touched back at the same time. Lying
on sides will lead to arms getting tangled up or
cramping each other. The lying on my back thing can
remedy that, but there are plenty of interesting
variations. I didn't get any of them from this book, but
Sex For One seems to have a lot of ideas for this kind
of thing. I encountered the book at the same erotic art
show where I found the gspot book, but I remember my
boyfriend's mum having it around when she was
researching orgasms for her counseling practise.
One position that is nice for both freedom of movement
and closeness of bodies and faces is for a boy to
straddle my belly or chest (me lying on my back) and
avail himself of himself (or I can kiss, or touch, or
all of these things) while I can reach over one of his
legs to touch my own self. Enjoyment of this benefits
from my liking to be close to what is going on. If I was
intimidated by penises this might freak me out.
A position that my boy and I end up in a lot involves
one of us lying on the other's back while we touch each
other. This is all awkward and kind of torturous, but it
feels really nice to lie against someone's back :) An
easier version is for me to sit up to my hands and knees
and have him behind me. We can reach each other through
my legs. This usually just results in us having sex
because our genitals are too close together to resist
very well.
If I come up with or remember more positional ideas I'll
put them up, but it really isn't hard to make up your
own.
____________________________________________________________________________________
My vagina pH.
The normal bacteria in the vagina produce lactic
acid, rendering the whole place acidic. I can't remember
if this in itself has antiseptic properties or not.
I do know that semen is alkaline, and that sperm are
killed by acid. The vagina is quite a hostile place for
the wee armies. The fluids they swim in help to
neutralize their new territory some, but many of them
die anyway. Their carcasses make up a large part of wet
spots.
Some vaginal bacteria suffer when their environmental pH
is raised by the alkaline semen. This, and the possible
presence of yeast and other microorganisms on the penis
depositing the semen can lead to yeast or other
infections in women who are susceptible to this. A lot
of the time these kind of sex-induced infections are
mild and go away on their own.
However, there is quite an industry built around pH and
"freshness" restoring douches. I've never used any, but
I've never had an issue with my vaginal pH or freshness.
I've also had douches condemned to me by a doctor, who
explained that the flow of liquid in the vagina can
simply mix any infecting populations around and risk
ushering them into the uterus itself, which is a much
more serious infection to have.
Also, in case anyone hadn't figured it out, douching
with an acid after unprotected sex will not kill all the
sperm and prevent a woman from becoming pregnant. They
will be swimming away, and are partly protected by their
alkaline fluids. The liquid can sweep them into the
unterus, and any acid not very dilute can do damage to
the vagina. Thus ends my education of naive teens.
____________________________________________________________________________________
My Panties.
I don't think much about what panties do to my
vagina, but I do notice what my vagina does to my
panties (see discharge). I've been told that panties,
and in particular pantyhose, can do bad things to a
vagina, causing things as vague as "crotch rot." I think
the idea is supposed to be that wearing underwear
presses on and holds moisture against the vagina and
facilitates infection. I have never personally had a
problem with this.
However, I don't always wear underwear :) Sometimes just
because and sometimes because it is past time to do
laundry. I don't like the way pants feel against my
nether regions with no panties to shield them. If
underwear gets moistened by vaginal activities, it is
held against the body and stays warm and not very
distinguishable from the vaginal activity itself.
However, if pant seams or fabric happen to get wet, they
get cold and clammy and it isn't good. If I'm going
knickerless I usually wear a skirt.
Without the absorbant presence of underwear, I
occasionally get moist upper thighs. More noticeably,
the pubic hair near the mouth of the actual vagina gets
more messy than when I wear my panties.
If I am wearing underwear, they are usually boy's no-gap
fly briefs in nice colours. These are crazy cheap and
very, very comfortable, being all flannelly with wide
elastics and thick, soft trim. Also they look kind of
foxy on girls, I think. I do have other underwear, but
it is mostly old and slowly turning tatty. I try to cull
the ratty ones now, but I didn't for a long time.
Special boy has a band called Panty Boy.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Noisy vagina.
My vagina only makes two noises that I am aware of,
and it does not make them very often.
The first kind of noise occurs when either set of my
labia is quite wet, or if there is a pool of wetness at
the mouth of my vagina. Moving my vagina in nearly any
way will cause the wet parts to press against each other
and pull apart, producing a noise like lapping, or
bubbles popping. A wet noise.
The other kind of noise is the often made fun of farting
noise that occurs after air is forced into my vagina
during sex or daily life. My roommate informed me of a
slang term they use in Kamloops for this but I forget it
(wait, it's queef, and many people seem to use this
judging by the emails I've been getting...Another
suggestion: vart). I've never known a vulgar term for
these.
I find that air is more likely to get into my vagina
during sex in positions other than man on top missionary
(possibly related to less direct angles of entry
catching air in the inward thrust). Also, more air gets
in if my manfriend is making longer thrusts (drawing
further out before re-entry), or if my vagina is less
lubricated, as in extended sessions of love making or if
it just wasn't terribly slippery to start with.
In cases when I have become full of both air and smut, I
can do tricks with my vagina. In these situations I
refer to it as a volcano. With some experimentation, if
you are a silly nerd like me, you can achieve quite a
range of vaginal vocalizations, including multiple notes
and panting noises. Ya.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Licking my vagina.
The official latin-based term for oral sex on a
female is cunnilingus. A friend of mine wants to make a
product called something like Honeylingus. I don't use
either of these terms except in official discussion. I
rarely use 'going down' either. I think I have avoided
most established sexual terms for some reason. Right now
my beloved and I say "kissing on" to refer to either of
us, and context explains where this kissing on would
occur. It is kind of nice not to define things exactly.
I like to have my vulva kissed on. It does not have to
be carried through to orgasm, although it is one of the
easiest ways for me to have one. Licking and kissing and
things are sexy foreplay, and I like all the wet
feelings.
I have not found that either girls or boys are
intuitively more adept at performing this, but other
people might think otherwise. People get rapidly better
with practise, and I think girls become more brilliantly
skilled with less practise, possibly partly because
being kissed on yourself is another source for ideas. To
be a good kisser, I think that it is important to pay
attention to how the woman you are kissing on is
reacting.
Thus, it is important to respond helpfully if you are a
woman being kissed on. I don't think that graphic
"left...right...no, slower" kind of directions are
necessary, especially since I don't usually have an
exact vision of what I would like to be done to me.
However, varying degrees of happy or excited sounds can
let your lover know what feels better than other things,
and encourage them to keep doing something that feels
good. Then they can still be creative.
More explicit directions can be given by shifting my
hips around to get my partner where I'd like them to be.
I sometimes involuntarily push a person's head against
me some if they do something that feels good. It seems
to get the "keep doing that!" point across, but so would
saying something.
I think some of the reason oral sex tends to get better
as I get to know my partner is that I get more explicit
with the happy sounds. I think I have been less shy with
each new person, but I still start out shy-er than I end
up. I should probably point out that I mostly don't make
noises on purpose, or with the intention of giving
technical direction. I am just being expressive, but I
think it is an important way to communicate.
I find personally that any combination of fairly smooth
techniques does good things to me. Changing direction
all the time or any kind of poking or jerking usually
distracts me too much to get excited. Things don't
always have to be gentle, but smoothness and softness is
an asset. Flexed, pointy tongues are less sexy to me,
but everyone has different preferences.
A variety of things can be done to a vagina with the
lips, tongue, teeth, mouth, nose and chin. Among them
are long laps, short laps, fast or slow lapping, licking
along the side of the inside lips, licking between them,
circling the clitoral hood or the opening of the vagina
with the tongue, sucking on lips or the clitoris with or
without simultaneous licking, pressing the clitoris
(usually better to press near the clitoris), wiggling
things with the tongue, and putting nearly anything into
the vagina. If there is a tongue piercing involved, it
can participate or not depending on how much of the
tongue is in contact with the vagina at any particular
time.
I have never had someone with a pierced tongue lick or
kiss on my vagina, but I've heard good things about my
piercing in this context. This makes sense to me. The
jewellery is smooth and round and would just be extra
sensation.
Fingers can get involved pressing, stretching, stroking
or being inserted into places. They can also touch other
body parts like hips, waist, thighs, breasts or bum. All
of these things can be good. I am particularly
susceptible to being kissed on and touched by slippy
fingers at the same time, when all the appendages are
sliding rather than poking and are splitting and filling
things (either actually inside me or between external
parts).
I've never had toys involved with oral sex, like being
kissed on and having a product put in me at the same
time. Only fingers frequently end up inside me whilst
being licked. I think I have a bias towards things that
can be achieved using only bodies.
There are plenty of different positions in which to have
oral sex. I have mostly been kissed on while lying on my
back with my knees pulled up a bit or with the kisser
holding my legs apart or down or wherever. I have mostly
kissed on this way as well. Other ways I've encountered
include:
.girl sitting on the edge of something (bed, chair,
counter, etc...) with the kisser kneeling between her
legs.
.girl on hands and knees being kissed from behind or
underneath (I like this way).
.girl kneeling over kisser's face (gives girl free hands
in easy reach of lover, but I find it more awkward to
position myself on my lover this way, since hip-tilting
often results in backing away).
.girl lying on back kissing on kisser (awkward to do
heterosexually without girl getting choked, unless the
boy has a shorter back than she does).
.girl kneeling overtop kisser who is lying on back, and
her kissing on kisser (works nicely with girls or boys).
.random, climbing-on-each-other positions, often while
hiding under the sheets.
I've only ever managed an orgasm a few times during
mutual oral sex (which I think of as 69 but barely ever
say). Either I get too distracted trying to be good to
my lover to take care of myself, or they get too
distracted to keep up, or I get too distracted to keep
up, or whatever. It is fun but distracting, and usually
leads to something else. Also, having a penis in my
mouth upside-down often results in its coronal ridge
getting caught on my tongue ring, which is silly).
Various things can be done to avoid getting a lot of
hair in your mouth while performing oral sex. One is to
spread the lips of the vagina apart with your fingers to
keep any furry parts out of the way, or to bury your
mouth between them (sometimes going nose first makes
this easier). Another is to avoid swallowing very much
so as to keep any hair that does get in your mouth from
getting in the much more uncomfortable position of being
stuck in your throat.
I do not think it is offensive for somebody giving oral
sex to pause and pull a hair off their tongue. It is
thoughtful to keep up the intermission with the fingers
of one hand, but I don't find a brief pause ruins
anything.
Also, I don't think the hair is a major problem, worthy
of devoting worries to. The only time it is really an
issue is when playing a lot and kissing around on thighs
and mound.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Inside my vagina.
My facination with the internal nature of my vagina
grew out of a facination with the way penises are
external. It seems a lot of girls comment on the exposed
nature of penises.
My vagina is a different kind of internal orifice than
my mouth. It is more like an esophagus. It collapses on
itself when not held open. I can squeeze it shut, but I
cannot open it with vaginal muscle control.
The inside of my vaginal is not smooth. It curves some,
and is kind of wrinkly. It is very stretchy and soft, as
in easy to push into, but also firm, in that it is not
substanceless like a pillow. It is muscular.
It has a mound just inside itself on the front wall.
This mound separates two of my favorite anatomical
regions: the vestibule (the outermost part of the
vagina, like a foyer), and the vaginal vault (the part
that is sealed shut behind the mound). V words!
For awhile I was slightly paranoid that my vagina was
deformed, given the various lumps and nubs that it has,
but it seems to be fine (see cervix for more internal
bump descriptions). When I was younger I sometimes
wondered if it would be too short to fit a penis into,
but it wasn't. It is only slightly longer than my
fingers, but it stretches a lot.
In fact, another of my favorite anatomical parts, the
fornix (fornyx?), helps ensure that my vagina is long
enough for intercourse. The fornix is the part of the
vagina that is deeper than the cervix, like a moat
around the uterus. When aroused, the rear part of the
fornix pouches out to make a pocket (the stuff you learn
when you read publications of the Kinsey Institute).
Fornix of course has the same word root as fornication.
It is warm inside my vagina. Even the outside parts of
the unit are quite warm. I notice this if I am sitting
naked on any part of my boy, usually his tummy or bum. I
notice especially if I have been swimming somewhere
chilly and then walk around-- chilled skin will get
pressed against my vagina and it will feel warm.
Sometimes it burns with passion. I think it does
actually get warmer in such instances.
It is also slippery and moist inside my vagina.
Sometimes the outside parts get a little drier, but the
inside is always wet as far as I know.
Nothing terribly creative has been put inside my vagina.
I have not smuggled drugs or parakeets. There have been
a variety of body parts (finger, tongue, penis, toe,
nose, hand...), and a couple of stray bathroom objects
like small lotion bottles that were on the edge of the
tub when I lived at home and was a randy teenager with
no sexual outlet. There have never been any vegetables
inside my vagina. The only foods that have been in or on
it are honey, sherbet and ice. Oh, menstrual products
have also been inside my vagina (tampons, Instead brand
polyethylene cups, reusable rubber cup that I very much
like).
When something is fully inside my vagina, I can't feel
it. I can feel if it slips, drips or somehow gets pushed
out, but I can't feel it when it is inside. I think the
only nerves in the top 2/3 or so of the vagina feel
pressure and are not very sensitive. Soreness details
some effects of this. See also sensitivity.
I know that doctors recommend not leaving anything in
your vagina for more than 8 hours, to avoid getting a
dangerous infection like toxic shock syndrome, but I
don't stick too closely to this. Usually there is no
point to leaving anything in my vagina for more than a
few hours, but if I am sleeping or not bleeding very
much, I will sometimes be lazy or forgetful and leave a
menstrual product in me for 12 or so hours. The longest
I have ever left anything is about a day, and that was
an accident.
I know various horror stories and urban legends
involving leaving food in a vagina by accident after
playing sexy games with it. Usually these stories end up
with the vagina being disgustingly infected by maggots
or demon roaches, but I would be more inclined to think
they would just rot and smell bad and get very full of
bacteria, the way that menstrual blood can do that if
you forget about a tampon or a diaphragm for weeks. So
no keeping food in your vagina.
I don't invasively wash my vagina. I get the outside
parts and the vaginal opening with water, but I leave
the inside alone. I do not put soap or any chemicals in
or on it. Whenever soap gets in my vagina it stings, so
I try to keep it away. I understand that the vagina has
an important pH and microbial balance, and I try not to
mess it up.
___________________________________________________________________________________
My vagina elasticity.
My vagina is very elastic, I think lengthwise as well
as widthwise. Stretching it has never hurt, during sex
or any other time. I think this is because it has been
fairly well introduced to stretchery. I did not put
things in it when I first started masturbating, but
worked up to a couple fingers and whatnot. Also I've
always used internal menstrual products.
The degree to which it can stretch is explained under
size.
Stretching my vagina does not wear it out, or make it
less elastic for later. It always bounces closed again.
It is made of muscles, and meant to be stretchy (for
babies to fit through). A fair number of people seem
concerned about the possibility of vaginas being
stretched out of shape and becoming loose or saggy. To
my knowledge, this does not happen, although the extreme
stretching while giving birth can resize the vagina a
bit. Exercising the vaginal muscles can help keep the
vagina toned and strong.
Being stretched does not make my vagina sore, but it can
contribute to extra rubbing (big things rub more than
small things), which can end up hurting some. Thus, it
helps to be extra slippery if something particularly
large is going to be in my vagina. A penis is not
particularly large; something like a hand or a lot of
fingers is.
I can feel my vagina being stretched much more than
anything else that is done to it. It is generally a good
feeling.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Vagina peeing
Peeing was the first function that I associated with
my vagina.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
My vagina muscles.
I'm pretty into my vaginal muscles. When I was 16 or
17, I read a collection of Germaine Greer's early
articles for various underground newspapers (The
Madwoman's Underclothes, most libraries have it). I
totally loved one article called Lady, Love Your Cunt,
and it seriously changed my relationship with my vagina.
Part of the article went off about not wearing
underwear, and part of it was about exercising vaginal
muscles, both to make them strong and elastic and as a
hands-free masturbation technique. This was similar to
Kegel exercises, which I found out about later. I've
never seen Kegel exercises given as a masturbation
technique, but I have seen them described as a way to
improve sex.
I've gotten pretty good at this. It is very easy and has
all kinds of benefits. Also, it is probably the main way
I got to be familiar with my vagina. A productive way to
spend some time getting to know how the vagina works and
stuff.
The idea is simply to practise clenching the vaginal
muscles, without tightening muscles in the thighs, bum
or stomach. These muscles usually get referred to as
pubococcygeus, but I've also seen the bulbocavernosis
muscle listed as the one that Kegel exercises involve.
In any case, this clenching can stimulate all kinds of
nerves in the vagina, and brings direct pressure to bear
on the clitoris. I have a hunch there is also an
orgasm-related nerve somewhere in the lower abdomen that
this presses on (I was reading a Cosmo at the
supermarket that had a column about manually pushing on
your stomach during sex for mind blowing orgasms etc).
Either a held squeeze or a series of pulses can feel
good.
Finding the right muscles took a little time but I
didn't have any trouble. Since then, I've found that
doing this can lead to serious arousal if you have the
dedication. With some experience, I've developed a fair
bit of muscle control in there. You can isolate various
places to squeeze, and squeeze with varying intensity.
I've never stuck it out and achieved orgasm using only
my vaginal muscles, but I'm sure it can be done.
A lot of praise was given to how undetectable this
practise it; that you can masturbate on the bus, or in
church, or waiting in line at the bank or wherever. I
don't remember ever doing this in public on purpose, but
I did sometimes end up distracted in high school if some
crush object was in the desk ahead of me. It's kind of a
good arousal, because you don't have to be all
distracted or even thinking particularly sexy thoughts.
It can just be a background happy/excited feeling.
Bonus benefits of good pubococcygeus muscle tone include
improved bladder control, an easier time during
childbirth, and a firm, clenchable vagina.
As well, this being able to clench your vaginal muscles
can be pleasurable for a sexual partner. I sometimes get
inappropriately reminded of "her cunt grips him like a
warm, friendly hand" from some Jim Morrison poem.
Besides being good for my beloved boy, I like being able
to squeeze my vagina against something. It brings a lot
more touching and intensity into sex, plus I find I tend
to get more focussed and involved the more active I am.
Also, it still does all the good nerve stimulating that
squeezing an empty vagina does.
For awhile I was confused about my tummy having reshaped
itself since my boy and I moved in together after living
in different cities all summer. It used to be smoothly
rounded like a big egg, and now it is a tummy with a wee
roll around the middle and a flatter lower abdomen. I've
just realised this is probably because the exercise my
vagina does has trimmed the tummy around it, while the
rest of my tummy has stayed the same. So there seem to
be tummy toning benefits to all of this too :)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Vagina cycle.
I do spend time thinking about other monthly-ish events than
menstruation, the whole female cycle gets its own
section. All this hormone stuff used to make me pretty
bored but the rest of it has always been of interest to
me: what happens when, and all the weird moon-alignment
and variations in problem-solving abilities. Lately I'm
more into the hormones cause I actually figured out how
they work and thus how the birth control pill
works.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Vaginal dryness.
Vaginal dryness seems right up there with vaginal
odor on the list of things people say in feminine
advertisements.
My vagina does not get dry very often, but when it does
get dry it is uncomfortable.
The most common thing to induce dryness in my vagina is
wearing tampons for several days in a row. They will
absorb all my regular vaginal lubrication along with
menstrual blood. I have never bought an anti-dryness
product or applied one, but I have made efforts to
enhance my natural lubrication by masturbating.
Multiple washings in a day, including baths, showers,
swimming, etc. can also contribute to dryness in my
vagina by washing all my secretions away. Water does not
make my vagina moist, it dries it out.
_________________________________________________________________________________
lippy lips
I think "labia" in my head, not "lips," so that is
what I'm using here. Lips seems rude to me for some
reason. It reminds me of some guy going on about the
beauty of pussies, in reference only to their ability to
be fucked. BUT, that is me :)
The two sets of my labia are really not that related,
despite having the same name. I'll start at the outside.
My outer labia/labia majora are quite plump, fatter than
my thumbs, but they are flatter and smaller around the
opening to my vagina where I sit on them. They begin
joined somewhere just under my pubic bone and sort of
fade into my bum at the other end. There is a crease
where my bum starts though; you can tell.
The outside of these is covered in similar skin to the
belly and leg skin next to them, as well as in fur. They
are furry pretty much the whole way along them, but less
densely in the inter-thigh regions than at the front.
The inside of the outside lips is pinker with purply
veins under the skin in some places. It is moist. There
are lines of bumps sort of like goosebumps along the
bottom edge of each, where it blends into the rest of
me.
My outer labia are quite smooth and sleek, with no real
wrinkles or creases in them. They can seal together but
mostly they are a little gappy, leaving an upside-down
teardrop sort of shape at the top where they join, and
then mostly staying open a bit all the way along if I
have my legs together. I don't think they ever really
close around the opening to my vagina. They don't hang
though; they are snug to the rest of my vulva.
My minor/inside labia are quite thin, like a couple mm.
They are pink like the rest of the inside things there,
and moist. They start just below my clitoris where its
little hood finishes, and join together again on the
other side of my vagina.
They are wrinkly and wavy and reasonably flappy. The one
on the right side is about twice as flappy and big as
the other one, which used to cause me angst (see
symmetry). The larger inside lip can poke out of the
outside lips, but it is more comfortable if it stays
tucked in so it doesn't rub on anything and get dry. The
smaller lip mostly stays hidden.
The little hood around my clitoris is much like the
minor labia. It is not a flappy and is, I think,
symmetrical, but it is the same colour and thickness and
whatnot.
Also, inside my inner labia is the opening of my vagina,
which is not smooth and sleek looking, but wrinkly and
fleshy. It sort of looks like it has more membrane/lip
stuff around it.
___________________________________________________________________________________the
Sensitive regions
This should be fairly straightforward. I think most
people know this stuff anyway.
The most sensitive parts of my vaginal unit are the
insides of my labia and all the moist parts of the
vulva, with the clitoris obviously being a special,
especially sensitive organ unto itself. The clitoris is
capable of generating physical, sexual sensations, while
the other parts are merely suggestive.
They can be ticklish, especially the outsides of my
outer labia.
The actual opening of my vagina is also reasonably
sensitive to touch, to temperature and to pressure. For
about an inch (2-3cm) inside itself, it can feel all
those things. I find that stretching is what it can feel
the most.
In the depths of my vagina, I can really only feel
pressure, and not very much. This means that I can use
internal menstrual products without noticing them. It
also means that while I sometimes get sore around the
opening of my vagina, the inner reaches barely ever feel
anything. Sometime I worry that some patch inside me
could be rubbed raw and near to bleeding and I just
haven't noticed it.
The insides do occasionally get bruised, which I can
feel if something presses on them. I can feel the inner
reaches being pushed into and stretched when something
sizable like a penis or several fingers is inside me,
but I can't often discern the location of the touching.
Similarly I can feel good feelings and sometimes the
need to urinate if my boy has put pressure on my g-spot,
but I couldn't point to the spot itself. It's a funny
set of nerves in there.
Finally, I think my cervix is somehow more sensitive
than the rest of the inside parts. It is not ticklish or
anything, but I can feel it being scraped against when I
have a pap smear, and if it gets bumped by a menstrual
product or during sex, it can actually hurt. I think it
only hurts when it is displaced, but this can be a sharp
pain. It goes away, but can make me wary of more poking.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
In the beginning.-Vaginal Blood.
As far as I know, menarche, or a girl's first
menstrual period, is pronounced much like anarchy. Mine
was when I was 14. I was rather relieved to finally be
bleeding, as I was somewhat insecure about my
late-blooming nature.
I did get teased once or twice about being 13 and not
having bled, but by the time I was about 15 and most
girls had gotten over the novelty of puberty, nobody got
teased anymore. There was no retroactive teasing, as in
"I remember that you were a late-bloomer." There was
only present tense teasing, as in "at this moment, you
are behind."
I got my period at home, which probably saved me some
embarrassment and stress in the style of being afraid to
come out of the school bathroom. The night before I
remember noticing a small amount of brownish streaking
on my panties, which I figured had something to do with
not wiping properly.
The next morning I had a sore, tight back. No cramps. I
noticed the blood when I went to the bathroom to pee. I
was freaked out, despite knowing what it was. It had
been built up to be a rather major event and I didn't
know how to react so I quietly panicked. Then I changed
out of my pjs and found a pad to wear. I figured I
should tell my mum but I didn't want to. She guessed
anyway cause I hugged her and she could feel my pulse
racing. Then I started to cry.
Touching, huh? My mum did not give me a "now you're a
woman" speech or anything, she just made sure I had some
products. She actually just showed me where hers were.
When my little sister got her period we each got our own
stash of tampons and whatnot. My family is kind of
anti-climactic.
During my first period I was also rather uncomfortable
as it was heavier than anything since and lasted around
a week. I did not have abdominal cramps, but I had
cramps in my lower back.
After my first bout of bleeding, I didn't have another
period for about 6 months. I wasn't worried about this
as I knew this could happen; I just enjoyed the break.
I was embarrassed that my mum told my dad when I got my
period. I didn't mind that he knew, I just minded that
he knew when, and that he felt compelled to tease me
about pms. Dads of the world, that isn't funny. I was
also embarrassed that my sister knew when. I was more
embarrassed when she got her period in grade 6 to my
grade 9. This wore off.
I'm not sure why bleeding is such a status symbol for
middle school girls.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
How often i bleed.
When I first started getting periods they were fairly
irregular. After the first 6 month gap, I think they
gradually shortened from about a 6 week cycle to about a
4 week cycle, and every once in awhile an annoying 3
week cycle. I think my cycle was fairly steady by the
time I was 17.
I have never marked my periods on a calendar, or
predicted them by counting days like they teach you to
in school, partly because I was shy about writing it
down, and partly because I have this laziness thing
where I prefer to keep on top of my life purely by
awareness and not by doing any work. I work out my cycle
by paying attention to what my body is up to and the
patterns it usually follows during a month of hormones.
My breasts usually get a little tender a few days before
I bleed, and about halfway between periods at the time
of ovulation. As well, I usually get pre-cramp
discomfort as my uterus warms up for the big event. See
also discharge. I think that monitoring my cycle this
way is easier and more accurate than counting days. Also
I like being able to tell what my body is up to.
If I am going on a trip I will count weeks to see if I
should pack significant amounts of menstrual products,
and figure on about 4 weeks between bleeding. I find
that any major airplane flight will bring on a light
period soon afterwards anyway. This is common enough
that I got warned about it when I went on a Girl Guide
trip to Switzerland.
Since being on the pill, I obviously have regular 28 day
cycles. This isn't overly convenient to me, as I was
lucky enough to rarely be caught by surprise before, but
I can see the benefits this would have for some women.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
The blood itself
For starters, menstrual blood is heavier than water
and will settle to the bottom of a toilet bowl. If a
tampon or a bloody tissue is left in the toilet the
blood will dissolve out but stay in a layer on the
bottom. This layer always ends up a pretty dark red
colour no matter what colour the blood started out as,
as far as I can tell. Fascinating.
Menstrual blood smells mostly like other blood; metallic
to me. I think the different smell that the vagina
developes while bleeding is due more to the vagina than
the blood itself, but I could be wrong. Of course, the
blood and the vagina are mixed up with each other and
each's smell gets on the other.
The colour and consistency of my menstrual blood varies,
in a mostly predictable pattern during the course of my
periods.
The first slow blood of each period, and the last spots
at the end are both brownish and get mixed up in my
regular vaginal secretions. The blood kind of gets
trapped in the discharge and only marks up the surface
of a tissue or the top of my underwear, rather than
soaking into the cloth/paper the way other blood will.
These marks conveniently come out quite easily. If this
kind of blood gets wet it turns red again. I think it
just takes awhile to find its way out of me and
dehydrates a bit during its journey. Like scabs turn
brown when they dry.
I can tell if I am actively bleeding or if there was
just incidental blood in my vagina (from spotting or
very lite bleeding) by the colour. Brown is slow and
leftover, red is current.
The actively bleeding red blood varies from dark
purple-red to bright red, with no pattern that I've
noted (haven't paid too much attention-- I might have
noticed more if I used pads and actually looked at my
blood more). During very heavy days, globs of
endometrium are frequently mixed into the liquid blood.
I wouldn't call these "chunks," because mine have never
been jagged or particularly solid. They are very wet,
smooth and slimy and kind of similar to the semi-congeled
blood you can blow out of your nose after a nosebleed
has mostly stopped. I think the allusions to other kinds
of blood are making this page more disgusting than it
really has to be :)
These solid bits would range in size from thin strings
under a cm long to blobs in the thumb knuckle size
range. They could probably be bigger, this is just what
I recall. They tend to fall apart into strings in the
toilet water.
The majority of my blood is liquid and quite thin/runny.
The globs and lumps have mainly been present on very
heavy days. I don't remember ever noticing them sitting
on pads, but then I really never use pads. My encounters
with the blobs of bloody tissue have been with them
sticking to the outsides of tampons, or having nestled
on top of a tampon and disconcertingly come rushing out
behind it when removed.
____________________________________________________________________________________
About blood messes
It took me awhile to perfect the art of having a tidy
period. I still occasionally get spots on some
underwear, but even this is very rare with my
super-light birth control pill periods.
I have bled on all of the following things: underwear,
sheets, mattress, pyjamas, pants, products, the floor,
myself, a cloth hankerchief, a towel, my beloved boy.
I've never had an embarrassingly public blood mess,
although I have bled through my clothes in public
situations(in high school, at camp, while hiking, on an
airplane). This has only happened a few times that I
remember, and usually the blood spot would be in an
inconspicuous area like between my thighs, rather than
somewhere exposed like the seat of my pants. In such
situations, I would just be careful about my sitting
posture so as not to expose my secret to the world, and
would often fall back on the classic sweater around the
waist hiding mechanism.
I think all my public messes have been due to whatever
product I was relying on giving out at an inopportune
time, rather than the sudden onset of my period. When I
start my period, I barely ever kick it off with a big
gush of blood that could catch me by surprise.
These messes are complicated in situations where I don't
have any replacement products, or am far from a
bathroom. Usually I can make due with toilet paper until
I find new products, but in smarmy public toilets this
is sometimes more difficult. My parents lived in
Indonesia for awhile, and many of the toilets were of
the "washing hands after" rather than "having toilet
paper" variety, besides which I didn't really trust my
immunity to whatever the humidity and heat had allowed
to spawn on the toilet paper (wiping seemed ok, but
long-term contact was more uncomfortable). That is what
led to the cloth hankerchief being sacrificed to bandage
my uterus. I suppose a sock or something could also
substitute, but it would be a bit of a bulge ;)
I used to worry quite a bit if I was caught product free
for any amount of time, like if there were 5 minutes
left in class before I could leave or if I hadn't quite
arrived at some destination. After awhile, I noticed
that even if I felt quite messy and wet and gushing, my
vulvo/vaginal unit would hold a lot of blood to itself,
in its various crevices and whatnot. It took several
minutes to make a real mess of my underwear, and rather
awhile after that for anything to appear on my pants,
especially if I wasn't sitting or wearing something
tight. Now my main motivation in avoiding messes is that
I like my underwear and don't want to stain them, rather
than my previous motivation of avoiding embarrassing
moments.
I think the blood spots on pants might be kind of like
the teen boys with erections; how nobody really notices
even though it happens a lot. OK not quite, boys
probably have more moments. Still, I've only ever
witnessed two blood messes on girls, neither still wet,
and both times I think I was the only one to notice.
Once a girl sat down on the floor across from me and her
skirt fluffed out and flashed stained panties, and once
my roommate just had a spot on her pyjamas that she
later cleaned up. (I've only noticed one inopportune
erection that wasn't for me to see, and that was
actually the class photographer and not a teen boy at
all. That was... inopportune...)
In coping with period laundry, my first method was to
keep all of it in a bucket of water in my closet until
my mum would discover it and make me wash it. This was
traumatic for me for some reason. I think it was a kind
of shyness. I really didn't like being conspicuously
busy in the laundry room with a bucket full of bloody
underwear and a bottle of liquid laundry soap. The
soaking prevented most stains though.
Eventually I got on a system of immediately rinsing out
any spotted items in the bathroom sink. This suited me
much better. Nearly all blood will come out right away
if run under cold water while it is still wet. Then it
can be put in with regular laundry. If you are
particularly shy you can even lock the bathroom door
while you are at it.
Over time I had fewer leakage problems, mainly as I got
better at estimating how long a tampon or pad would
last, and also as my periods got lighter.
Most of my messes have occurred at night, because I
always try to not have to get up in the middle of the
night and re-dress my bleeding self. I think I would
have done better had I just accepted that sometimes this
is an inevitability.
Another common mess is due to having sex during my
period. Being that I tend to be a smut, this happens a
fair bit. The main challenge is to dispose of whatever
menstrual product I'm using, get back to bed, and then
get motivated to leap up and go back to the bathroom to
stop up the bleeding again afterwards before making a
significant mess of the sheets. I find that having some
dark coloured underwear to pull on for the trip back to
the bathroom is an easy way to prevent dripping on my
legs or the floor while I scamper around. I've still
made a mess of sheets doing this. Sometimes there are
secondary messes like bloody fingerprints if I am
bleeding quite a bit at the time.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Cramps and soreness
Menstrual cramps really have nothing to do with my
vagina, but I included them in here anyway to make my
coverage of bleeding complete. Not to ignore my vagina
completely, it does get tender and occasionally achy
during the first couple days of my period. This can
afflict either my actual vagina or various parts of my
vulva. I can't decide whether I like the word vulva or
the word vagina better. I don't like either of them very
much. I think I prefer vulva. It reminds me of "evolve"
and of "Volvo."
I didn't get cramps for several years after getting my
period, but I would get an achy lower back, which I
suppose was actually back cramps because it stayed tense
and uncomfortable even under the influence of
painkillers. When I was 16 I suddenly started getting
intense cramps. I don't think that people who have never
had menstrual cramps understand that they are much
different than regular muscle cramps, or stomach cramps.
I didn't even recognise them as cramps at first.
My cramps would be a serious, serious ache in the pit of
my abdomen, nestled just above my pubic bone, and a
feeling of heat. My belly would actually get warm to the
touch. This pain would bring on all kinds of other
symptoms including nausea, migraines, sweats, grey-green
skin and fainting. Often my vagina itself would be achy
if I had cramps.
They lasted anywhere up to about 10 hours.
Once I actually had cramps, none of the drugs we had
around the house would help. Usually I would take 2 or 3
acetomenophen with codeine (generic Tylenol 1) and try
to go to sleep. Also I found that pads were much more
comfortable than anything internal if I had bad cramps.
My mum, sister and a cousin of ours all started getting
sick with cramps when we were around 16. I've missed
classes and work with them and their associated
headaches.
I've never had a prescription for cramps, but I know
several people who have, commonly an anti-inflammatory
and relaxant called Naproxen. My mum takes the same drug
for migraines. It seems that a lot of girls I know get
really bad cramps. At least seven or eight, not even
considering people I've never talked about cramps with.
An increase in menstrual cramps can be a sign of
developing endometriosis (it was for my mum), but it can
also happen as a girl progresses through puberty and
starts producing more hormones and grows a bigger,
stronger, meaner uterus.
I don't like to take a hot bath for cramps, because
although it feels good to be in the tub, I almost always
feel awful when I try to get out and am all hot and
steamy. I get dizzy and sick and things. I prefer to
stand in a scalding shower with the water on my tummy. A
hot water bottle can be nice too. The best thing was
when I had cramps and special boy had a raging fever,
and I could use his bum to sooth my cramps. I'm not up
on particular herbs that help cramps, but sometimes I
have tea just for the warm liquid.
A friend of mine (the same friend who gets mentioned all
over the site) said that she noticed an improvement when
her naturopath recommended going off dairy for a few
days before bleeding, and that her previously horrendous
cramps went away completely when she went vegan (almost
typed vegas). Further, if she eats dairy on occasion it
brings the cramps back in some capacity. My mum the
nutritionist said this might have something to do with
consuming soy products instead, because they contain
notable amounts of estrogen-like compounds that can
counteract the effects of the huge hormone drop during
your period (also during menopause), but my friend said
she didn't really replace the dairy with soy.
Curious. I feel a need to note that anybody considering
ditching dairy during cramp time should please make sure
to have an alternate source of calcium. (Furthermore, I
recently discovered that another friend made her
previously horrendous cramps go away with calcium and
magnesium supplements).
If I am feeling well enough to think of it, having an
orgasm can often help to relax the uterus or to
coordinate its contractions somehow so that cramps are
lessened. All the endorphin chemicals released in the
brain during orgasm help too. I have sometimes
masturbated just for this reason. Therapeutic orgasms.
Until recently, I thought that being on the pill had
made my cramps go away, except for the occasional
outburst. The last couple of months have been sort of
bad though, involving major fatigue, dizziness and
tunnel vision as well as a symptom I had forgotten about
until it happened: whole body tenderness. Mostly arms,
face and feet, aside from all the vaginal and tummy
parts.
I think that I may have mistaken the cause of my
lessened cramping. The cramps going away coordinated
nicely with my retiring from work and school, and
hanging out at home making projects for 9 months,
getting enough sleep, food, water, pee breaks, exercise,
good loving and whatnot. The cramps magically came back
the first time I had to be at work during my period,
standing still for 2 hours at a time hunched over a cash
register, not getting to pee every 20 minutes and lie
down like my uterus wanted me to. Another contributing
factor may have been the way that waking up for shifts
at different times of the morning (when I usually take
my daily pill) will throw my pill-timing off. Being late
or inconsistent with even one pill in a month will
reliably make cramps spike (as well as being less
effective birth control and causing more side effects
like headaches etc. I was reading the package insert).
So I don't know what the pill has done to my cramps.
However, that same friend of mine said that going on the
pill made her cramps worse. My mum was on the pill to
treat her endometriosis and it helped her cramps, but
that was probably because it was keeping her rogue
endometrial lining in check. Also, one time my mum
mentioned that her brief use of an intra-uterine device
(IUD) was ended because it gave her horrible cramps
("like having a miscarriage every month").
_______________________________________________________________________________how Much i bleed
As it is, the only real status issues I have noticed
with menstruation deal with how soon a girl menstruates
and how late a woman keeps it up.
When I first started bleeding, it was quite heavy, and I
would have to change my pad or tampon every couple of
hours. The first day was the worst, and the bleeding
would gradually taper off over the next 5 days or so,
followed by 2 or 3 days of spotting. This was
uncomfortable and a fairly major inconvenience. I looked
forward to the mythical lightening of the period in my
post-teenage years.
When I was 17 the bleeding started to slowly ease up, so
that I would only bleed for 3 or 4 days. The first 2
would be only moderately heavy, and after that things
would be nice and light. This was a satisfying
development, despite the annoyance of spotting (bleeding
intermittantly, which gets my hopes up that I'm all
done, only to have them dashed repeatedly).
Since being on birth control pills, my periods are very
wee. The smallest one lasted about an hour as far as I
could tell. Usually I bleed lightly for a day or two and
then stop, with no spotting, which is nice. For awhile
my pills were too low dose and I would bleed for up to a
week in anticipation of my actual period, which was very
annoying but remedied by a slightly higher dose brand of
pills.
I have noticed that the more regularly I take my pills,
the lighter my periods are. If I am a few hours late
with a pill one day, I end up with a noticeably heavier
period. I can't imagine that the uterine lining manages
to double in size during a 6 hour gap in synthetic
hormones, but it certainly seems like it does :) Lesson:
take your pills on time.
___________________________________________________________________________________my
Vaginal discharge!
Discharge is right up there with invaginate on the list
of words I don't like. But, I do for some reason know
quite a bit about my average vaginal secretions. I think
I started paying attention after hearing some described
on the Sunday Night Sex Show on the radio but I don't
remember.
When I was wee I don't recall noticing any discharge
from my vagina. As far as I was concerned, the whole
unit was for peeing. Around the time I first had classes
in school about how girls become women, I started
noticing minor clear, egg-whitish secretions now and
then. I think this was mostly due to diligent
observation, as the health nurse who had instructed us
about menstruation had said that most girls started
getting this kind of discharge before they got their
first periods. As there was pretty much a big race to
get your period, I was eager for warning signs. These
were commonly referred to as "snot clots" by little
ladies on the playground.
Now that I have a full-grown vagina, it has a fairly
reliable monthly cycle of discharges. Actually, the
vagina is lubricated by secretions made by the cervix.
The only glands in the vagina are near the bottom and
they might make lubrication for sex.
Right after I finish bleeding, my vagina lets loose a
moderate amount of thickish, creamy, yellowish
discharge. This tapers off to a slipperier white
secretion that is slightly less heavy.
By the end of the week, around the time of ovulation,
the discharge is clear and stretchy like raw egg-white.
There gets to be quite a lot of this for about a week,
but it gets more white and less clear. It is only raw
egg-whitey for 2 or 3 days, and the stretchiness
definitely peaks on ovulation day. This mid-cycle
discharge smells the sexiest, says me. Sort of creamy,
if I can say that without being a perv.
For 4 or 5 days before I start bleeding again, my vagina
quits producing much of anything, and there is only a
mild white secretion.
I'm on a system now where I use a reusable rubber cup
that fits like a tampon when I bleed. Because it doesn't
absorb anything, I've noticed what kind of discharge my
vagina makes while I am on my period. Exciting for you!
It is not surprisingly about half way between the week
before (minimal and white) and the week after (moderate
and yellowish). It is a minor amount of quite thick,
creamy, off-white stuff. This increases in inverse
proportion to the amount I am bleeding, I think.
The other kind of discharge that my vagina makes is a
clear, slippery lubricant (but I assume a protein not an
oil) when I get smutty ideas.
All of these will dry to a kind of greasy cake. I
haven't paid attention to their various odours, but I
might start.
Since I've been on the pill, there is less of all of the
discharges. I used to keep track of them some so that I
would know where I was at, rather than counting days. It
was handy, since between the 4 days of no vaginal
discharge and the onset of pre-cramps and sore breasts,
my period rarely caught me by surprise even when I was
irregular.
Lately it is hard to keep track of what kind of
discharge I've got going on because it is usually
diluted and mixed up with smut from me and the boy. This
was not a problem when I was using condoms. Recently I
was too sick to be up for much seduction, and my vagina
seemed to still be making the recognizable patterns of
secretions. Clever vagina. Hormones are neat.
______________________________________________________________________________
Vagina Flora
Most people are aware that the vagina has a natural
population of various microorganisms, the same way the
rest of our bodies do. (Random fact from your hostess
the microbiology student: there are about 13 trillion
cells in the human body, while there are about 14
trillion bacterial cells living on the skin alone, as a
normal, healthy population. That doesn't include fungi.
Fully 10% or something of dry body mass is bacteria--
that is what, 10-20 pounds of germs?)
Anyhow, the only bacterial species native to the vagina
that I can name is Lactobacillus vaginalis. Other
lactobacilli also inhabit the vagina. These are
lactic-acid producing bacteria, and are largely
responsible for the acidic pH in the vagina. Candida
albicans is the yeast that causes yeast infections, but
it can live peacefully in the vagina as well. My last
pelvic exam indicated that there was Candida in me, and
I have never had a yeast infection.
Among other things, the populations of these microbes
provide competition to prevent other random pathogens
from setting up home in the vagina. This is a very
efficient way of staying free of harmful infections.
Antibiotics and other factors can reduce the populations
of friendly flora in the vagina, providing opportunities
for particular microorganisms to reproduce and get out
of balance. This is a common cause of yeast infections.
I've heard eating yogurt recommended to women fighting
yeast infections. Presumably this is to help
re-establish the normal bacterial populations (active
yogurt contains both Lactobacillus and Acidophilus
species). I don't really see how eating these bacteria
would help them get to the vagina, but then by most
logic they shouldn't even be able to get past stomach
acid into the intestines, which they do.
I do know that various microorganisms can be spread from
the bowel to the vagina, given the lovely moist crevice
that joins the anus and the mouth of the vagina. This is
apparently another way that yeast infections can be
started (and a possible roundabout way for yogurt
bacteria to finally get to the vagina? I hope not). When
tampon manufacturers were first pushing their products
in the US in the 30s, they claimed that pads promoted
the transfer of yeast and other things between the anus
and the vagina. I don't know how substantiated that is,
but some gynecologists do recommend that patients prone
to yeast infections stay away from brands of pads with
plastic "topsheets" (ie: Always), which are more likely
to get sweaty and wet. I do know that grooming habits
are important: only wipe front to back, including when
changing babies.
____________________________________________________________________________________all About my cervix
Despite not liking many words associated with my vagina,
I do like the word cervix. I think it is partly the X.
I have never seen my cervix, but I would like to. A
happy porn star turned happy lesbian feminist porn star
that I like, named Annie Sprinkle used to do a live show
called Post Porn Modernist. It included a unit called
Public Cervix Announcement, in which she would
manipulate a speculum on stage and invite members of the
audience to come see her cervix.
I am curious about my cervix. It seems to have all kinds
of cool functions. It secretes mucus to keep sperm out
of my uterus, or to store them for later use if I am
about to ovulate. It will develop a plug to hold the
baby in if I get pregnant. It can be changed by
hormones. It can dilate and contract. It can possibly
get cancer, so I get tests done on it. Its secretions
lubricate my whole vagina.
But I have only a vague idea what it looks like. From
every diagram I have seen of the female reproductive
system, the cervix appears to be where the uterus is
preparing to kiss whatever finds its way up there. A
pursing of the uterus. There are a lot of lips
associated with my vagina. I think cervixes can be more
correctly assumed to look like strong pink donuts with
very small donut holes. (Hooray for food analogies!)
I assume that the cervix is made of muscles the way the
uterus and vagina are, and that it also has some other
components to do with the mucus secretion and whatnot.
But that is all I know. I don't even know what colour it
is, although I assume it is some kind of pink.
Maybe next time my doctor is examining my cervix I will
ask what it looks like. That should make for a splendid
conversation. I don't think I've ever had a well-socialised
doctor, who could carry on a social conversation,
especially about a cervix.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Me and my arousal.
Mechanisms of arousal are always ignored by sex
education. A friend of mine pointed this out while we
were colouring schematic diagrams of dissected penises
in grade 10 or 11.
The sex ed classes that I had summed male sexuality up
in two topics: embarrassing occasions of involuntary
erection, and the biological process of ejaculation
(glands, muscle spasms). Female sexuality was comprised
of genital diagrams that included "anus," presumably to
make sure that everyone knew the vagina was indeed a
separate opening, and of various studies of
menstruation, relying heavily on two-dimensional
pictures of the uterus, which looked mostly like a cow’s
head with fallopian tubes for ears and horns.
I think of arousal in terms of particular feelings that
I recognize in myself, of the sensual/sexual variety.
Sometimes these will include a desire to touch somebody
and/or be naked with them, and sometimes they are all
unfocussed and just feelings of pleasure and
non-fulfillment. There is a description of the general
physical sensations as part of the orgasm description.
Being aroused can also make me entirely more sensitive.
I’ll end up enjoying the pressure of my feet on the
floor when I walk, the feeling of my tongue in my mouth,
drafts moving my hair, vibrations from music, and
especially being in contact with whoever my desires are
focussed on (sounds like a certain drug, huh?). A lot of
the time I get a fluttery stomach too.
As expected, being aroused will tend to make my vagina
slippery and wet. I don't usually feel this gushing out
of me; usually what I notice is that I am slippery and
that my various vulval components slide past each other
when I move, or that my underwear are cold when they
touch me.
My clitoris swells up and turns redder when I am
aroused, but I never really notice this. I only know
this because I have checked specifically to see if it
looked different when I was excited. It doesn't feel
different except that I am aware of it.
Also, I barely ever say aroused, and never "turned on"
or "horny." Mostly I say "want," as in "I want you,"
etc. Sometimes I say excited. Sometimes I say randy,
mostly as a rhyme with panties, and mostly as a joke.
I don’t know what I think about the idea that female
arousal is less physically driven and more
romance-related, in some kind of contrast to male
arousal. True, even if I am all mentally excited to have
sex, I sometimes end up totally not aroused during the
act even though I still enjoy it and it feels good. This
barely ever happens during oral sex, which is generally
more likely to directly involve my clitoris.
I kind of think the mental-only female arousal concept
arises from the fact that regular hetero sex doesn’t
necessarily involve female phallic tissue. In this
context, there isn’t the same opportunity for physical
arousal. For sure, I have to be paying some kind of
attention to have an orgasm, and the more I focus the
more I can work myself up, but this is hardly a
revelation unique to female sexuality. If a guy is all
tired or drunk or otherwise distracted, he won’t
necessarily come either, especially if you are humping
some part of his body that barely has any nerve endings.
I've never noted whether I am more often or more easily
aroused by mental or physical suggestions. I'm sure that
the two together are more potent (clever me).
I don't buy the idea that guys have a more demanding sex
drive than ladies. When we were retired, I was always
the one chasing my boy into bed. Now that I'm working
more than him, he does most of the seducing. I think it
depends on who has more time on their hands :) In any
case I think it varies.
I don't know what I think of studies that pin
testosterone as the sex drive/arousal hormone. Mainly I
have come across this research quoted by two groups:
Christian educators who are rationalizing why female
masturbation is evil and male masturbation is not (girls
just don't have the same drive, apparently), and
marginally trained folks who are into evolutionary
gender differences (also people like Anne Landers who
just want to use science to confirm traditional wisdom).
Most things I have read acknowledge that several
hormones have influence, as well as a lot of
non-hormonal factors. Somewhere I was reading about a
non-androgen hormone that appeared to be very involved
in sex drive and orgasm, in general pleasure from
touching, and also in seizures. I will go get that book
again and find the name of the hormone. There was a
weird correlation with it in that it concentrated in
areas with fatty tissues, such as breasts, vulvas and
pubic mounds, to produce extra sexual sensitivity in
these areas. Nutty, I thought. It was a weird
shape-shifter hormone too, that had slightly different
forms in the blood, in the brain, in fat, and in the
skin. Anyhow, should just get the book at the library
and state actual research.
Some things that can make me think smutty thoughts are:
the presence, voice, smell, attention, appearance, and
concept of my beloved, and previously whoever else I was
attracted to; random suggestions as from books and
pictures, in the right context; having gone several days
with no sexual gratification. Also, eating something
sweet and fleshy (mangos, cherries, grapes, any kind of
berry and most melons); being warm; having cold water
trickle on me (as when the shower goes suddenly cold)
and run through my hair; panting due to exertion; clean
sheets, soft bed; being in a non-laying down position
while cuddling my beloved (corners of couches, standing
against wall/counter...); being well-fed; feeling
accomplished; wearing foxy clothes.
The single most reliable thing that makes me aroused is
being happy. Being aroused is nearly a symptom of my
being happy. If I am very happy, I am very easily
aroused and occasionally just walk around aroused with
no actual focus for it except the sensation itself. I
remember my entire grade 11 year as being like that. If
I am sad, I nearly never get very aroused except by
myself, even with prolonged, direct, skilled clitoral
stimulation.
It usually works better for me to be aroused before
attempting to go to bed than to try to get me aroused
once I'm there. If I find myself in bed being pampered
and don't have an already existing desire to get it on,
I will almost certainly want to go to sleep, even if I
mentally think I shouldn't. It is kind of funny and has
caused a few romantic plans to backfire. For some reason
the make-out location most likely to get me in a smutty
mood is the kitchen. Kitchen. I don't know why, but it's
quite reliable. Perhaps because the counters are waist
height and leaning on them presents your pelvis to your
companions?
Some things that can contribute to me being passive and
unresponsive to smutty suggestions are: more than
anything else, being sad or otherwise distressed; having
not had very exciting orgasms lately, which is too bad
because the two things feed off each other and both get
worse; being very tired, although this does not always
impede things; being sore, in pain, sick, uncomfortable,
itchy, crampy or what have you; having had all kinds of
orgasms lately and not feeling a driving need to have
more. I also find that having my leisure time restricted
by a job makes me not want to have sex. I think it can
be the same for my boy. We've both been known to say "I
feel like I have to get something done today before we
go to bed."
My ability to be aroused is about the same thing as my
sex drive.
____________________________________________________________________________________all
About wet spots
Apparently the biological term used by sexologists to
describe semen leaking back out of the vagina after
unprotected hetero sex is flowback. (I was watching sex
week on the Discovery channel.) I am unclear as to
whether this is a verb or a noun. Does flowback get on
the sheets, or does smut flowback onto the sheets?
Either way, I do not ever use this term :)
I usually describe sex-related fluids as smut. Thus,
anything flowing back out of my vagina is smut to me. I
can become smutty or covered in smut, get smut on the
sheets, etc. If smut gets on the sheets I usually call
it a wet spot, but sometimes I still call it smut. I use
the words smut and unit to describe most sexual things.
Because neither sex with latex nor oral sex on me
produce anything in the way of flowback or wet spots, I
have always maintained that most of the flowback fluid
is semen. However, as being aroused can result in my
vagina producing enough fluid to make a wet spot on my
underwear, it would make sense that some of the flowback
fluid is from me. It smells like semen, but I don't
think that female sex lubrication smells like very much.
To add to the not-as-yet cross-referenced scientific
info about my vagina, flowback is supposed to result
partly due to the physical force of gravity acting on
fluids in the vagina, and partly due to the mass death
of sperm encountering the acid pH and immune response of
the vagina. Our bodies make much stronger immune
responses to foreign cells of our own species than to
cells of other species. There is work being done on a
system of vaccination against sperm antigens that would
make a woman permanently unimpregnable by her partner.
Taking immunology classes is fun.
I don't know the proportion of dead to live sperm in
human flowback. There is some relation between this
figure and the proportion of sperm which are poor
swimmers, deformed, or otherwise weak. Humans have more
virile sperm than gorillas, but less virile sperm than
chimpanzees. This is likely due to varying competitive
forces: male gorillas have sexual monopolies over their
harems, chimpanzees mate with everyone, and humans are
in the middle-- moderately polygamous. That had very
little to do with my vagina but I thought it was
interesting.
Further scientific trivia: if a woman has an orgasm
within a few minutes before or after being ejaculated
into, there is significantly less flowback. There is a
theory about the evolutionary purpose of the female
orgasm charmingly known as the "upsuck theory" that
relates to this. (The other main theory on the topic is
referred to as the "poleaxe theory" because it relates
to the ability of orgasms to sedate a woman, so "upsuck"
isn't all alone in the land of poor taste.)
The flowback fluid that I encounter ranges from clear to
creamy coloured, sometimes clear with creamy bits, and
is slimy and mucoid. It dries to white streaks, or to
yellow stains if it is absorbed. If I am bleeding the
blood will sometimes mix in to produce pink or orangish
colours, and sometimes it will just swirl through
without dissolving.
Usually the mixed fluids flow out of my vagina after my
partner and I disengage and separate. If we don't stop
and separate right after he ejaculates, some smut will
often find its way out before we are through. If we stop
but don't separate right away, the fluid will usually
stay inside until we do part, at which point I am often
reminded of images of corks.
Whenever it manages to flow out of my vagina, the smut
usually gets into most of the crevices of my vulva and
between the cheeks of my bum. Depending how much I move
around, it will also get out onto my upper thighs. It
does not always get on the sheets, especially if I am
lying on my side after sex and the smut can't flow
either way along the fairly continuous front to back
bum/vulval crevice. If I sit up I can make sizable wet
spots. Sometimes I sit on my beloved afterwards and get
smut in his bellybutton or on his bum (to tease, not to
be sexy). Sometimes we have smut fights.
Wet spots on the sheets are not pleasant to sleep in
unless they grow right under me and stay warm so that I
don't notice. Wet spots form most often in the middle of
the bed, and my boy and I have a system of taking turns
keeping them warm while each other gets up to pee or get
a drink if we have to come back to bed to sleep. That
way, no one has to lie in a clammy wet spot. If we make
a wet spot in the middle of the day, we try to leave the
covers off to let the spot dry. This measure mostly
applies if the sheets are sweaty as well.
If I am trying not to make a wet spot on something (ie:
couch, kitchen counter) I get up right after sex and
pull on some underwear. This will soak the underwear.
Actually, if I have to get dressed after sex for some
reason and haven't let sufficient smut find its way out
of my vagina, I have to be careful not to let fluids
soak through my pants. I try not to sit anywhere until
I've had a chance to go to the bathroom and wipe up a
bit with toilet paper. Post-coital fluids can be fairly
easily gotten rid of with a concerted bearing-down
effort into tissue or the toilet. Incidentally, smut
does not mix well with water, and will make aquatic
spider web patterns in the toilet bowl.
Occasionally, flowback can be rather more active and
dramatic. If for some reason air has been forced into my
vagina during sex (see noises), various sex fluids can
be expelled afterwards in a bit of a burp, instead of
simply flowing. This doesn't always happen immediately,
or at all. It is kind of funny when it does. Doing the
bicycle right after making it is nearly guaranteed to
produce this effect (if you are so inclined).
__________________________________________________________________________________
Vagina Masturbation
Female masturbation seems to intrigue a lot of people,
either because they can’t figure out how common it is,
or how girls do it at all. Or, of course, for
voyeuristic reasons, as has been the case with most of
the email anticipating this page.
I don’t really know what proportion of girls masturbate,
or how often, but I do it. Sometimes a lot, sometimes
not as much. Not very much lately, because I live with
my beloved boy and have sex almost every day, but when
one of us goes somewhere for any length of time, I
masturbate some.
There are lots of reasons that I have masturbated. Most
often just because I wanted to, but also occasionally to
get to sleep, or to help cramps or a headache, and
sometimes to help get aroused, in which case I wouldn’t
follow through to orgasm. I didn’t ever masturbate to
relax before a date or a party.
The first time I masturbated was in grade 8. The idea
hadn’t occurred to me until it was discussed in sex
education class. The class convinced me that it wasn’t
wrong or unhealthy, but I knew that my dork status would
be elevated to perverted dork if anyone ever had reason
to suspect my habits.
Until about grade 10, I don’t remember having any kind
of discussion about masturbation with any of my friends,
except in the context of dirty jokes. For the rest of
high school, the most myself or my girl friends would
say was impersonal and kind of political. Agreeing that
masturbation by girls in general should be accepted, the
way it was for boys. Stating that it was silly that a
masturbating boy was deemed healthy while a masturbating
girl should be taken to the doctor. I don’t remember
guys getting in on the discussion.
That was all more applicable in a small, redneck town
such as we lived in. Some girl once made a comment in
health class to the effect that she couldn’t be expected
to know what her vagina looked like because she would
never, ever look at it. Only my friend and myself were
taken aback.
Until I was about 20, I never discussed or referred to
masturbation, so I didn't develop any other names for
it. I knew various names but didn’t use them. I don’t
remember telling a lot of masturbation jokes, and I’m
pretty sure I never accused anybody of it or made fun of
them for it. Currently, I prefer to refer to my own
masturbation as either "availing myself of myself," or
as, umm... beating my meat (when I am being silly).
The only girl I have ever witnessed masturbating was at
a sleepover in grade nine, when I woke up early. It was
nothing graphic (she was still laying in bed), I could
just tell what she was doing. All I thought was that she
was kind of dumb for not realizing I was awake, as I
presumed she didn’t want me to see.
She was proceeding in about the same way I would, as far
as I could tell, and the existence of radically
different methods didn’t occur to me until like last
year, when I was reading a lamely-executed masturbation
resource page for entertainment.
What I have always done is (voyeurs get ready but know
that I probably wouldn’t get you off on purpose) rub two
or three fingertips between the outer labia of my vulva,
just above my clitoris. This pulls the skin of the
clitoral hood against the erectile nub itself and feels
good. I find my clitoris too sensitive to touch
directly. I don’t move my fingers in circles or
anything, just up and down, fairly quickly. I've never
seen another girl masturbate, or had a girl graphically
guide me in touching her, so I can't vouch for anyone
else's technique.
If I am not concerned about mess on my fingers, I’ll get
them slippery with the wetness my vagina makes. If I am
especially concerned about mess or smell, I’ll rub
through my underwear or clothes. I used to like my long
underwear for the waffle texture.
Sometimes I would also insert things in my vagina--
mostly just my own fingers but occasionally small
objects, commonly bottles of lotion or bath oil. Also,
in high school, if I had somehow mustered up the courage
to buy a sexy bra on a shopping trip with my mum, I
might put it on while I masturbated. I eventually
stopped doing that, maybe after I got used to the idea
that I could occasionally be sexy.
The first few times I masturbated, I was too overwhelmed
with the discovery of orgasms to fantasize at all. Since
then, I’ve fantasized more often than not. Sometimes the
masturbating would arise out of the fantasizing, and
sometimes I would be masturbating just because I was
randomly aroused and end up fantasizing.
The object of my fantasies was more likely to be a
specific person if I was fantasizing before I started
touching myself. The popular belief seems to be that
girls always masturbate about a specific person, with a
face etc., but I have had fantasy lovers with no
identity. Sometimes my smutty thoughts would just be
about an act, not about a particular person, or about a
feeling that I didn't put into specific images or words.
Sometimes the mental fantasy was more about a sensation
or idea than a sex act or person. Oooh, arty me I
masturbate about colours and air. Anyway. If I had a
serious crush object then they would be the default
fantasy lover.
For a couple of years I meditated almost every day in
some form or another, and would sometimes focus on
sexual energy and get myself all riled up with breathing
exercises and the beauty of nature and the universe and
end up masturbating because I couldn’t achieve orgasm
without touching (this is yet another link to the
muscles page for the masturbation tie-in).
Mostly I masturbated in bed before I went to sleep, but
also often in the bath or shower, and sometimes other
places (watching tv, camping) if the urge struck me. I
don’t remember masturbating anywhere very exciting or
public.
When I first started, I masturbated quite a lot, and
then would try to cut down, and not succeed, and then
forget for awhile and slow down, and then masturbate a
lot again, etc etc. Usually the more I did it the more I
wanted to. Every once in awhile I would make myself sore
with rubbing and have to give it a rest for a couple of
days. This pace tapered off as I got older, but I would
still have bouts of frequent masturbation.
Having a regular sex life does not make me stop
masturbating, although I think it does reduce the
frequency a bit. Right now I reckon I take myself to bed
(or wherever) once a week or so (?have not paid much
attention).
____________________________________________________________________________________
The mound of my womanhood
I actually had a request to write something about my
"Mound of Venus," and another suggestion to discuss my
mons pubis. It is a happy vagina geek when people
actually want her to write.
So, I refer to the mound in question as my mound of
womanhood, mostly in jest. When being more serious, I
say simply "mound." The structure being referred to is
the, well, mound, that I have on the front of my body,
at the bottom of my belly, about where my pubic hair
begins.
Underneath it is a bone apparently called my pubic bone.
I can feel most of this bone like a horizontal ring
between my legs if I push around in the various soft
tissues. Pushing into my belly I can find the top edge
of the bone and sometimes even hook a finger behind it
(feels fine to prod mine, but it is uncomfortable to
push on my boy's. hmm). Then it is solid down to near
the front of the opening of my vagina. I think my hip
bones have a lot to do with the sides and back of the
ring of bone. Incidentally these bones seem further back
from the sides and back of the vaginal opening than the
front. I don't know how big the whole ring is. Big
enough to fit a baby's head through I would imagine. The
ring is the limiting factor in baby head size.
As well as having the bone jut out between my upper
thigh/lower hip region a bit, there is a nice cushioning
of flesh over it. It feels firm enough to have muscle on
it, and then it has the mound of womanflesh that
separates into the lips of my vulva. This flesh feels
about like lips or face cheeks. Firm but squishable.
This is the texture/consistency/sensation(?) I think of
as "flesh," rather than "muscle" or "fat" or whatever.
This thing is about as wide as four fingers, or a palm.
If I lay my fingers along the creases of my thighs,
there is a crevice to fit a finger between leg and
mound.
I usually extend the definition of my mound to include
the fleshy mound that is the rest of my vulva, because
it can all be cupped together in a hand as one mound.
I like the moundness of it immensely now, although it
used to actually cause me some embarrassment. I would
sometimes notice it when wearing a swimsuit and fear
that people would think it was wrong somehow for a girl
to have a bump there. It isn't a small, defined bump,
but it is definitely a bulkiness. I thought bulkiness
was only for boys.
But, currently I like the mound for its fleshiness and
its ability to be gripped. A cunt can be gripped in a
number of ways but I think my favorite (under most
circumstances) is to have mine cupped or squeezed as a
mound. It's like hugging it :)
I used to sometimes sleep on my front, with the heel of
one hand settled onton the top of the pubic bone, with
my palm cupping the mound. This evolved out of a need to
cushion my breasts from the weight of my body when they
were tender cause of hormones, but worked out to be
comfy for everybody. I got kind of self conscious about
this posture when I would sleep in the company of
others, and often would just sleep on my side. Come to
think of it, I sleep on my side now. I should try out
the old system tonite.
_________________________________________________________________________________
My clitoris
I love my clitoris. I just appreciate its clitoral
nature. There aren't really any qualities that I am
aware of that make a clitoris better or worse. They are
not supposed to be a certain colour or size or
sensitivity; they are just good. I like that.
I say clitoris like "KLIT-o-riss," although I know
people who say "kli-TOR-iss." My way seems easier to say
(to me) but I don't know whether either way is the
decided right way to pronounce the word.
I mostly use the whole word, but sometimes say "clit,"
especially when referring to piercings. "Clit" seems
hipper, but it is hard to sound uptight when willing to
refer to a clitoris in the first place. I think I just
like the "lit" syllable, despite the fact that with the
exception of lit itself, most -lit words have weird
sexual connotations (clit, slit, split...).
Lately I've been finding out all kinds of clitoral
anatomy, just by accident. Junior high school sex
education taught me where my clitoris was (the top
structure between my labia, with a little hood of pink
skin over it), but only made reference to it being a
small, highly sensitive nub of flesh.
While reading about masturbation using vaginal muscles
in an old Germaine Greer article in The Madwoman's
Underclothes, I discovered that the clitoris has an
extensive internal shaft that is something like 7cm
(about 3 inches) long. More recently, while flipping
through a book on g-spots, I found a diagram showing
this internal part of the clitoris as forked. Forked!
Apparently it straddles the urethral sponge tissue,
which swells during arousal.
Forked!
This forking makes sense if you think of the general
female genital area, which has a split down the middle.
Where men have a single scrotum with a seam down the
middle, femmes have two labia, and a a split shaft for
the clitoris, although the glans or head is still
single.
As far as I know, the whole clitoris is erectile, and
swells up when it is aroused. I very much like the fact
that my clitoris has a head and a tiny little (external)
shaft. I can barely see my wee shaft, even with the hood
pulled back out of the way, but it can be felt under the
skin when it is excited and swollen up.
The head of my clitoris apparently has as many nerve
endings as the head of a penis. Both of these organs
develop from the same bud of tissue in embryos. The
glans tissue becomes either a glans clitoris or a glans
penis. I don't know where I pick up all these tidbits
about embryonic stem tissue.
I find that touching my clitoris directly is
uncomfortable and makes me cringe. It is too sensitive,
what with all the nerves. It is better to rub it through
its little hood, through my labia or some other
cushioning, or to simply move the tissue around it and
let it get touched that way. Also, I find that
stimulating the base of it (the shaft!) can be more
pleasant than going for the head. Of course, it is so
compact that these distinctions are hard to make. Also I
think that touching any part of the clitoris tends to
put something in contact with the rest of the organ,
whether it is the object doing the touching or whether
it is skin that got caught up in the adventure.
Stimulating my clitoris the right way can make me
aroused, but I think it is easier to be good to my
clitoris when I am already aroused because of some other
activity. Any kind of rubbing or poking at my clitoris
with a dry object like a finger will likely be
uncomfortable. It is better to get things wet or let
them wet themselves before undertaking any manual
stimulation. Also, my clitoris doesn't need to be
touched to become erect and excited, although it
generally has to be stimulated somehow for me to have an
orgasm.
I don't think too much about my clitoris; I mostly just
appreciate it along with the rest of my vagina. I
probably mention it more often than the other parts,
because it is the only part I tend to anthropomorphisize
(it's the little shaft, it makes it seem like a peg
person). I have never wanted to change anything about my
clitoris, or had any concept of how it related to other
clitorises. It seems like they are too small to have any
really noticeably variation, but I don't know for sure.
This whole size issue only occurred to me as I was
reading a personal account of a gender reassignment
surgery where the author, Paula, "requested a large
clitoris." I had never thought about the size of a
clitoris being important, but then I realised that if
you were making a clit out of the relatively less
sensitive glans of a penis, you might want to conserve
as many nerves as possible. Then I got all fascinated
with making vaginas out of penis flesh, and which parts
would get made into what. It's the embryonic stem tissue
all over again!
___________________________________________________________________________________
All about my sex drive
I think of my sex drive as referring both to how often I
want to have sex or an orgasm, and how intensely I want
to. Basically, this describes how often and how much I
get sexually aroused.
The usual figure I've come across for the scientifically
determined average desired frequency of sex is once
every 3 days. Most people realise that this varies by
person, and generally with age, possibly gender, and
with the length of time you've been with the same
partner (monogamy can lead to less sex, but also better
sex).
When I started masturbating, I think it was mostly more
often than once every 3 days. In relationships, I have
more urgent desires than that statistic or my solo
libido. The beloved boy, who I live with right now, is
the only person I've been with long enough to have the
possibility of getting bored. We still have crazy sex,
which is partly because we are both smuts and crazy for
each other, and probably partly because we are only 21.
I think it would be hilarious to be 85 and have sex
every day. Besides grossing out the kids and neighbours,
it would just be good.
I find that my intellectual desire to get it on often
outpaces what my body can physically keep up with.
Sometimes I will think it would be a good idea to have
sex, but it will be hard to get me actually aroused.
Sometimes I just end up sore from having sex too
frequently.
The most intense my libido has ever been was when I
moved to a job in a different city than my boy for 4
months. We only saw each other on the weekends, and
tended to stay in bed most of the day and not get any
sleep. Occasionally he would come for a surprise visit
in the middle of the week and I'd end up late for work,
or missing it all together. I think the most we had sex
was 7 times in one day, or 5 times in 3 hours.
Now that we are retired and see each other all day,
every day and have lived together for over a year (that
makes us spouses on next year's income tax, which is
both fun and gross), we have mellowed out to once or
twice a day, which is still rather a lot. I like it.
I think what has happened is that this has become our
regular sex life, so that it doesn't seem like a lot to
keep up. If we miss a day, or if one of us is away for
awhile, both our desires go up. If we stay in bed all
day, the next day will usually be chaste until
nighttime.
Recently, I had a serious slump in libido. I'm pretty
sure this was due to a prolonged mopey mood I was in.
This was a big pain in the ass. Special boy still wanted
to go to bed as often as usual, but didn't want to
harrass me if I wasn't in the mood. I wasn't, but didn't
want him to be deprived of sex and didn't want him to
think I suddenly wasn't attracted to him.
I ended up having sex when I was barely aroused because
I couldn't/didn't get any more excited, and when I did
manage to have orgasms they tended to not be very
dramatic. I tried masturbating to see if they'd be
better, but they weren't. I was a bit surprised. I had
never been incapable of having good orgasms before.
What finally fixed this was, I think, fixing the mopey
mood. Also though, since the lame orgasms were
contributing to the bad mood, I had to fix them. Even
once I got my sex drive back, I kept having crummy
orgasms for awhile and it would depress my libido again.
Arrgh!
Eventually, I decided that I would just masturbate all
the time (uhh...yeah). The idea was that this would
encourage my sex drive along, because in the past I'd
found that the more often I had orgasms, the more often
I wanted to. I think it kind of worked, at least so that
I could start having better orgasms during sex, and so
that feelings of slight arousal could blossom into
full-on loin fires.
Yet another therapeutic use of masturbation. I start to
feel silly sometimes, with how often I reply to email
from people who've been reading this site, and tell them
that the answer to their troubles might be to
masturbate. I used to make fun of how often that was the
brilliant advice given by sex therapists in newspaper
columns or on radio shows. It's true though-- it fixes
almost everything!
________________________________________________________________________________
My smutty dreams
I can think of two kinds of sex dreams that I have.
The first is the usual kind, where sometimes when I am
asleep and dreaming the dream is sexy or I have sex with
someone. Everyone I have ever talked to about this has
dreamt about sex, and no one I have ever talked to has
ostracized me in any way for having or not having sex
dreams. When I was in junior high, I was once describing
a romantic dream and felt the need to give a "but I
didn't dream that I had sex with him" disclaimer, and my
friend immediately replied, "Don't worry; I have sex in
my dreams all the time. One time I had sex with Jesus."
This made me feel very secure.
I myself can't ever remember having dream sex with an
iconic being, but there has been a fair cast of
characters, covering the full rainbow of gender,
personality, imaginariness, and real-life relationship.
I'm not really sure whether this dream lover is most
often someone I am actually attracted to, or whether it
is equally likely to be a random aquaintance or a fully
made-up person.
I can't remember ever having felt strange the morning
after having a smutty dream about someone who was
technically inappropriate, like my neighbour or the
postman or my mom or whatever. I don't feel dirty or
take responsibility for my dreams. I don't think I
control them; I think they just happen. Also, I don't
think the gender of the dream lover is really a result
of what gender I am attracted to. I do find though that
sometimes a sexy dream involving a particular concept
like lesbians or being half dressed will make me
desirous of things of that nature for a day or two.
For the sake of completeness, some notable dream people
I can remember having smutty dreams about: an imaginary
black disco vixen in an orange halter-suit; my father,
who had a fat, manly but hairless vulva in the dream; my
special boy; an imaginary ski instructor with freckles
and black hair; a friend of mine in a reptilian
incarnation (very focussed on her imaginary round,
smooth reptile belly which was both snake-ish and
furred); my special boy and other imaginary people at
the same time; an imaginary woman who had an oyster
instead of a vulva, which was pearlescent, mostly white
with dark pink accents, and very tidy and
plastic-looking; etc etc...
I don't know anything of dream interpretation, and have
never been terribly curious about what my smutty dreams
have to say about me (in real life I don't have a fetish
for reptiles, although I do like my belly).
One thing I was recently discussing with a female friend
was the fact that we never have orgasms in our sleep,
despite having massive smutty dreams in which we get
hugely aroused and can feel it. Both of us will always
either wake up or be interrupted in dream land (dream
turns into a chase dream or whatever). Upon waking up,
both of us would expect to still be all excited and on
the verge of orgasm and attempt to masturbate but would
find that we weren't actually physically aroused, we
were just dreaming that we were (much like when you wake
up crying but are just making wimpering noises). We both
thought this was sort of unfortunate, given the way that
guys can wake up having spilled their lust all over the
sheets.
I can remember having been frustrated at waking up like
this, and trying to get back to sleep to finish things
but not ever being able to get aroused in reality
without starting from scratch, which is hard when you
are still mostly asleep and can't concentrate. Any
females who have had femme wet dreams, please do write
and give me hope (ok, hope confirmed! Now please send
tips?).
The second kind of sex dream I have is not really a
dream, but more of a hallucination. Often, when I am
fully awake and having sex, I involuntarily get the
strong impression of a scene, or of this sex being set
somewhere specific, such as a German ski lodge or a
garden made of candy. Strange, I think. When I close my
eyes I will see bits of this place, not distinctly--
just in the background and not with specific details. It
is more like I will have the visual sensation of being
in a place, as opposed to actually seeing a place.
Much like a dream, I don't always remember these things
afterwards. When I do, I usually want to tell about it,
and it ends up sounding much like a trip story because
of the way the setting is conceptual and not purely
visual.
At first I figured this was just happening when I had
sleepy sex and that I was half-dreaming when I closed my
eyes, but it actually happens pretty much all the time.
Sometimes even when I am not closing my eyes or in any
kind of rhythmic half-trance. I have no idea what
determines the setting; it barely ever repeats and isn't
usually attributable to something I've seen or read
about recently. They usually are familiar enough for me
to have a generic name for each place (a subway, a
pastel cowboy desert, Tron, etc). The scene never
extends to who I'm making it with (I don't get the
impression I'm having sex with a different person), but
sometimes I will get an idea like "We are both
astronauts" as an extrapolation of the setting. I've
only ever discussed this with special boy, and we both
think it is kind of hilarious, but he doesn't recall it
ever happening to him.
I would like it very much if this had something to do
with the way orgasms alter your brain chemistry (maybe
being excited gives me a cool kind of seizure-- oooh),
but I have no idea.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Sex Location
I myself am a person who enjoys having sex just about
anywhere, and am pleased that I have seduced and been
seduced in a fair variety of environments. However, I
really don't think that where a person does or does not
have sex makes them less or more sexy, passionate or
anything else.
I worry sometimes that my tendency to keep track of
where and how many places (43) I have made it is a lame
insecure way to maintain sexual confidence, but I can
also honestly say that I genuinely want do get inspired
by different places.
Following are some general kinds of places I have had
sex, with comments (comments are not quite finished yet,
as you'll notice further down the page). There is more
info coming, too (page was huge so posted it in fetal
stage).
beds, bedrooms, guest rooms
Beds are among the comfier places to get it on, being
soft, supportive and appropriately sized. I don't have a
real preference between high beds or floor-level beds,
but I do find myself more tactilely pleased by beds that
are clean, soft, sturdy and quiet. Bouncy beds can be
fun.
I have had sex in my own bedrooms and in the bedrooms of
lovers, and on occasion in guest bedrooms where I was
staying as part of a couple, but never in another
person's bed (parents', friend's, stranger's). Something
in me would consider that to be quite rude, I think
because I wouldn't like to think of other people having
sex in my bed. My bed is for me to have sex in.
I was reluctant to have sex in the guest room at my
parents' house for a little while, mainly because they
kept boy and I in separate rooms when we stayed there
(resulting in lots of fooling around and covert oral
sex), but once they let us sleep together I figured it
wasn't rude to have sex there.
couches, chairs
I like making it on couches, because they are
semi-public and thus exciting, and also because I like
the feeling of being nestled into a space. Couches have
arms and backs that result in bodies being cradled on
more than one side. This can create awkwardness and
require weird leg placement, but generally I like it
quite well.
Armchairs are more awkward than couches, I find, simply
because they are smaller and necessitate more
extravagant contortions to fit 2 bodies together
properly within their laps. I have had most success
having sex on chairs using some variation of either a
girl on top position (usually either me straddling boy's
lap and facing him, or me sitting on his lap and facing
away) or one where my boy is standing or kneeling on the
floor in front of me while I sit on the chair.
Sitting facing my boy while on an armless chair can be
very pleasurable for me, because of the way his belly
will be pressed against me when we are both sitting
upright. Much clitoral stimulation, which usually makes
me come quite quickly.
counters, tables
When engaging in intimate relations in a kitchen or
bathroom, I will frequently end up sitting on a counter
with my legs around my boy. Also sometimes he will end
up reclining on a counter or table with his legs wrapped
around my waist. I find this far more comfortable than
lying or kneeling on a cold, hard floor (see below).
However, the height and depth of the counter can greatly
affect whether having sex this way is awkward or easy. A
surface that is too high forces my boy to stand on his
tip toes, and often encourages me to sort of slip off
the counter in an effort to get closer to him. It is
good exercise for both of us, but can also give us
cramps or wear us out before we are really done. Often
it leads us to move to somewhere more comfortable.
General observation has led me to believe that counters
(kitchen or bathroom) and work tables are often higher
than ideal, while kitchen tables are about right. I
think the magic measurement is to have the surface
height be an inch or two below the standing partner's
bum.
Depth of the counter or table top simply affects my
balance as I attempt to find a comfortable and easily
accessible position. Being unable to lean back makes it
hard to balance.
against walls and upright structures (indoor/outdoor)
Pressing someone up against a wall can be very sexy, in
that they are somewhat trapped against you and held
against you (of course not sexy for that person if they
want to get away -- sane, safe, consensual please). I
like both being pressed and doing the pressing.
Most often, for me, sex against an upright surface has
resulted from kissing against one. The full body contact
can get me quite aroused, and lead to seduction. I can't
recall ever wanting to have sex and thus taking my
partner over to a wall. It has been purely spontaneous,
often intended as a temporary, teasing sort of
penetration before we went off to bed or I had to leave
or go to the bathroom or something.
I can't decide whether my boy or I is more likely to end
up against a wall when we have sex like this. We switch,
as often we are in a hallway and can push or pull each
other to one side or the other. I think overall I might
be more frequently against the wall, because if my pants
are still partly on it is easier if I am not trying to
straddle my boy, which is the easiest way to get him
inside me if he is the one backed up against something.
I think that the relative heights of partners can affect
success with this kind of sex. A taller female makes
deeper penetration easier, as she can spread her legs
apart a bit without becoming awkwardly short.
In a similar consideration, this isn't the easiest way
to have sex in a public place, where one doesn't want to
remove a lot of clothing for fear of having to cover up
quickly, or if one simply can't get one's pants off
without removing shoes. Pants around ankles keep legs
rather glued together (at least when standing up) and
make it hard to get very close to a lover.
Pantsless or in a skirt, it is possible to have a girl
wrap her legs around her boy's waist and be held up
against a wall/tree/whatever during lovemaking. I have
only ever done this for brief periods between standing,
and again this was the result of spontaneous escalation.
One final note is that upright structures can have
different angles. Walls and trees tend to be mainly
vertical, but I once made love against a small
lighthouse, which tapered from base to top and thus had
a reclining sort of wall. In my head, I expected this
slope to make it easier to balance and move. However,
the opposite was true-- the reclining position made my
feet get in the way and made it harder for my boy to get
at me. I don't know if it would have been easier had he
been against the wall instead of me.
Wait, wait: an extra consideration, in the blushing
giggle category. Having hetero sex standing up, against
a wall or any other way, can have the titillating result
of a lot of the male partner's ejaculate ending up on
the ground. I guess this has only actually happened to
me once, and it was due to awkward timing (thrust, come,
slip out by mistake, all fluids make their escape).
Still, I quite enjoyed it. (I don't know; we thought it
was pretty funny. It made a splat sound!)
floor, ground (hard, flat, uncomfortable surfaces)
Whoever ends up on the bottom when having sex on a hard
surface is not going to be comfortable. I have had sex
on the floor quite a number of times, all of them out of
spontaneous necessity (for example, being in the
bathroom at someone else's house and not having anywhere
else to retire to).
The main body parts that get sore or bruised (when lying
on back) are the back of the head, the spine of the
lower back (pelvis level) and that vertebrae that pokes
out at the base of the neck. I have also bruised my
knees and elbows, depending on the position.
Quite frequently I resort to piling my clothes or at
least a towel or something under my head, and laid out
under my hips if I can. This leaves weird texture prints
on your body but is better than bruises and
linoleum-burn.
I think of floor seductions as best kept short, but they
can still be fun/good.
Actual, natural ground is often not as rock-hard as a
man-made floor, but can be bumpy or full of rocks and
roots, which compensates for bruises that would
otherwise have been missing.
bathtub
Bathtubs are a slight variation on floors, in that they
are still hard and smooth, but are also a confined
space. More opportunities for body bruises!
The narrowness of most tubs makes it hard to fit four
legs across the bottom of them, but the hardness of the
tub makes it uncomfortable for the person on the bottom
to curl up and wrap their legs around their partner's
waist. I cannot recall a single appropriate position for
this situation, but I have managed it a couple of times
so creativity must allow for something.
A quick safety note: it is not a good idea to have sex
in water, and not because it washes away lubrication.
The pumping action of a penis penetrating a vagina can
force water into a woman's reproductive tract and
promote infections. Serious stuff-- the pelvis is not a
good place to get an infection, especially if you want
to have babies sometime.
wilderness: yard, desert
see also floor/ground, above
I can only recall making it in two backyards, both of
which belonged to me or my partner. Yards are actually
decently erotic locations, as they usually smell nice,
have soft grass on the ground, and are somewhat
concealed from the neighbours and passersby. Other
wilderness sites for seductions have included once in
the middle of the desert, once in sort of the backyard
of a campsite (ya more burningman sex), and once on a
wall out in the ocean (see "public," below).
Neither of the yard events, nor the desert one, occurred
directly on the ground, but rather on a blanket,
bedsheet, or sleeping bag. Since living with beloved
boy, outdoor sex is more a result of spontaneous
inspiration than planning. In the past though, in
situations with little possibility for discreet
seduction, field trips outside were undertaken
specifically for the purpose of getting it on. The
outdoors can be a person's last option for alone time,
which is kind of weird considering some of the main
functions of houses.
I am more likely to be smuttily inclined outside at
night, but in a very private yard or a secluded area
such as the far side of a lake or something, I can be
inspired in daylight. The reasons I haven't followed
through on more of these inspirations have been mainly
lack of available condoms, and more recently (in the age
of pills) lack of enthusiasm/guts in either partner or
self (more an issue of "i guess we shouldn't" than
"that's weird or gross").
For whatever reason, I really like having sex outdoors.
It seems very loving, maybe because of the proximity to
nature (hippies nod your heads with me), and also
because it loses any connection to daily life and
lifestyle considerations, such as maintaining a room and
bed suitable for the act. I like forgetting that sex has
a social place. Outside sex seems more just like living
and less like lifestyle, at least to me. It seems more
like a universal, biological, non-socially-involved kind
of pursuit. Unless of course the neighbours see.
trampoline
I have only had trampoline sex once and it was not
energetic circus sex, it was gentle quiet sex so nearby
people wouldn't have to listen to us. The trick to
trampoline sex seems fairly intuitive (pretty much
everybody can imagine how the trampoline helps you
bounce, I think). If you push down on the trampoline, it
will bounce you back up immediately, probably to a
higher point than you started at.
This makes it quite difficult to maintain a steady
rhythm, since the trampoline is constantly trying to
accelerate the bouncing. If you bounce faster to match
the trampoline, it goes faster still and higher. Oh, ha
ha. Then its springs start creaking and you have a fine
circus.
It was quite awhile ago, but what I recall being the key
to slow trampoline sex was not the forward/inward
thrust, but the release/withdrawal. If you switch
quickly from one to the other (in-out style) then you
will bounce, possibly apart. This is kind of
entertaining but maybe not desirable all the time. If
you push forward more gently and withdraw non-suddenly,
there is less bounce. It is easy to feel that this is
needed, without having to think about it, but that is
the notable skill required, in words.
Some positions would also induce less bounce. Things
like the missionary position (man lying on top) and
female superior sex where she is sitting upright have
thrusts that are directed quite vertically and would
bounce a lot. The girl on top techniques that I prefer
involve scooping the hips in a more horizontal direction
(down boy's belly) and don't bounce so much. Trampolines
do still bounce at an angle and angled bounces can be
unpredictable, but I think it would be easier to control
these than vertical bouncing.
Of course, fun could be had with bouncing too, and I do
have daydreams of chasing a lover around a trampoline
and being thrown apart.
Anyway, I like the way the trampoline presses lovers
together, and the way it bends and curves to accomodate
weight and pushing and squirming. Rolling over while
attached is easier on a trampoline than a rigid surface
because legs don't make such a bump to get over.
public: smut shack, breakwater, sidewalk, park, public
washrooms
semi-public: common rooms of shared houses, bedroom
recently vacated by roommate and soon to be inhabited by
a new roommate
cars
ferry
____________________________________________________________________________________
All about humping
Other kinds of sex like oral and with fingers have their
own pages. I think that it can be a good idea to call
all kinds of smutty activities sex, to give yourself
more options and to get away from the penetration/male
orgasm structure of sex. Also to get away from giving
activities status.
However, I don't call everything sex. I call everything
smut, or by different names for clarity. I don't
stratify activities into first base, second base and
whatnot, because I don't think something like oral sex
is a consolation prize, a partly satisfying activity,
less sexual or less intimate. It's all smut, and I like
some variety :)
Besides calling sex "sex," I mostly say "going to bed,"
especially when propositioning. These have always been
my main standbys. I barely ever say "making love," and
only when speaking with my boy. I like that he favours
that term just because it is him, but it always strikes
me as cheesy in other contexts. "Fucking," "getting
laid," and "going all the way" only get used as jokes. I
think I said "fuck" more in high school, but until
recently I could only recall one instance where I ever
said "I want to fuck you" or anything similar (and it
didn't lead to sex).
Because of the excessive amount of Marvin Gaye/Isaac
Hayes/Barry White type music in our house, "gettin it
on" and "makin it" get used quite a lot. Makin it is
fast becoming my new standby. Other people are mostly
said to "sleep together;" it just seems polite. The
elementary school verb "to hump" comes up at least once
a week, mostly in reference to the pelvic gesture and
not actually to having sex, but sometimes as a joke
someone is said to be humping someone else.
___________________________________________________________________________________
About pap smears
I am not too fond of Pap smears, but I think they are
kind of funny. Pap is another word I don't like very
much. In most all other areas of life I am very
agreeable and enjoy nearly everything, but
vagina-related words seem to suffer from gross syllable
combinations. I didn't even like the word pap when I had
only heard it used to describe a thin gruel.
A very public health oriented female doctor explained
the importance of Pap smears to me, using slogans like
"No one should die of cervical cancer in today's world."
A very public health oriented clinic volunteer explained
the procedure involved in a Pap smear to me, and she was
very accurate.
The doctor performing The Smear will have you take your
pants and underwear off (I take my socks off too for
some reason) and sit on the exam table with a disposable
sheet over your lap. When you are ready, the Dr has you
lie down and put your heels up in some conveniently but
unglamourously placed stirrups. This puts your vagina on
display for the Dr to examine.
A good Pap tip is to let your knees flop even more
unglamourously apart, and breath deeply to relax. This
makes everything much more comfortable.
As the exam is actually of your cervix, a speculum gets
involved. This instrument is shaped a little bit like a
tubular L, with one arm fitting into the vagina and one
forming a down-pointing handle for the doctor. The
speculum is in two pieces that slide vertically apart
and lock, to hold the vagina open so the Dr can see
through it to the cervix. They use a little light.
The speculum puts some pressure on the vagina, which is
slightly uncomfortable but has never been painful or
even very irritating for me. A Pap smear is quite a
brief procedure anyway.
Using a flat wooden tool, the doctor collects a few
cells from the cervix (yes by scraping). This again
feels slightly uncomfortable, but there really aren't
many nerves in the upper 2/3 of the vagina and all that
I have felt is pressure from the instruments. The
collected cells are sent to a lab and examined for
irregularities and cancer.
Often I get a bimanual pelvic exam done at the same time
as a Pap smear, which is supposed to be done once a
year. During this exam, the doctor inserts two gloved
fingers into my vagina and taps my belly to feel my
ovaries, then pronounces them healthy and I can put my
pants back on. It amazes me what doctors can feel inside
my belly.
The last time I was at my clinic, the doctor was going
over my file out loud before asking me why I was there,
and he muttered
"And you had a pelvic exam in November...and you had
chlamydia..."
I was rather taken aback, as no one had told me anything
about this, and I couldn't think where I'd had the
chance to get chlamydia, being not only a nerd, but a
monogamous nerd. For a couple of seconds I expected him
to continue "... and you had that treated?" but then I
realised that he only meant I'd had a mandatory
chlamydia swab test done in November, along with the
pelvic exam and Pap smear. I explained my brief shock to
the doctor and he laughed the laugh of a poorly
socialized hermit and agreed to be more careful. He was
a pretty good guy.
___________________________________________________________________________________
My ovaries
My ovaries are only vaguely attached to my vagina, but
because they are involved in many vaginal activities I
am including them on the site. It might seem like an
ovary would be a passive, silent internal organ like a
liver or a kidney, which you would never really be aware
of, but I find quite the contrary. Ovaries are bizarre.
I can feel one right now, as I write this.
The main times that I am aware of my ovaries are during
ovulation and bleeding times in my cycle, and sometimes
during or after sex. Also sometimes during gynecological
exams I think about them, but I haven't ever been able
to feel them being prodded during abdominal exams.
For review, ovaries are the two walnut shaped organs
that hold all the unripe ova (eggs) in females, and
produce various female sex hormones. Once per menstrual
cycle, a ripe ovum bursts out of one or the other ovary.
Yes, bursts. Explodes right through the wall of the
organ. No tidy dispensing there. Hardcore! The
equivalent male organs are the testes.
Ovaries sit on either side of the top of the uterus. If
I put my hands on my belly (standing up) with the tips
of my fingers meeting over the center of my pubic bone,
and my thumbs touching to make a triangle, the places
where I can sometimes feel my ovaries are at about the
places where my pointer fingers join my hands. So they
are at the bottom of my abdomen, one on either side.
The usual sensation that my ovaries make is a slightly
sharp ache. I don't know what to compare it to, except a
bloated uterus waiting to bleed, which is not much help
to any male readers. Sorry. Wait, actually it is quite
similar to localised gas pain! Charming! My ovaries have
this ache for a few days around ovulation time (two
weeks before my period starts), and sometimes for a few
days around the beginning of my period. Often only one
is sensitive at a time, but I'm not sure whether they
alternate. They can, on occasion, both be achey at the
same time, usually at the beginning of my period.
If the ache is particularly active, I will sometimes
have a hotter spot there on my belly. I imagine this is
because the organ is sucking extra blood into the area
and it is warming up, and not because the organ itself
is generating heat, but who knows.
Sometimes at ovulation time I also have a twinge
sensation on one side, which I have presumed to be the
feathery ends of the fallopian tubs swishing around to
catch the egg being released. May I just comment that
this is a strange sensation. Hello, body, I see you are
up to something in there. One time I saw the twinge.
Kind of fun, kind of "I am possessed by an abdomenal
demon." There is a German word meaning something like
mid-month twinge. Mitterschmertz or something good like
that ("Mittelschmerz!" - thanks to Debbie at The-Clitoris.com.
I was pretty close for a non-German speaker!).
My ovaries only tend to get involved in sexual activity
with deep penetration, or in positions where penetration
is directed towards the front of me (usually rear-entry
positions, but also sometimes with me on top). It
freaked me out a little bit when I realized that the
sensation of something being poked in such situations
was my ovaries, indeed being poked. Aiee!
I tend to envision the whole internal female
reproductive tract being larger than it is, and it took
me a lot of being reminded to get it in my head that
ovaries were low enough in the abdomen to get bumped
during sex. Also it is a bit disconcerting to think of
how the vagina must be stretching to be reaching organs
on beyond the uterus in various locations. It helps to
keep in mind that this whole bodily area is only a few
inches in any dimension.
For the record, I think it is unhealthy to bump the
ovaries much. I've seen it mentioned in sex position
books as something to avoid.
This topic has brought up quite a few instances in which
I have been freaked out. I admit, being aware of my
ovaries makes me feel a little creepy. It is not because
they are gross or because they are organs or anything. I
think it is because whenever they feel sensitive, I get
a distinct sense of what size they are, and when I rub
my belly to make it feel better, I often get a mental
image of just reaching in and touching the ovaries
themselves, rolling them between my fingers or just
squeezing them lovingly. Invariably in these images the
ovaries feel like hardboiled eggs without the shell, or
like eyeballs. Bouncy and slightly squishy. Ya. EWWW. I
think that I think of ovaries this way because that is
basically what testes feel like. They are much more
accessible, as a body part, and easy to check out.
In summation, these are the internal organs that I am
sometimes aware of:
heart
lungs
brain
stomach
intestines
bladder
uterus
ovaries!
The ovaries are the only ones that make me feel weird.
I'm working on it.
____________________________________________________________________________________
About slipperiness
The everyday slipperiness of my vagina varies. At any
time but ovulation, it would be what I would call moist,
rather than slippery. See discharge for details.
Very occasionally my vagina is decidedly non-slippery,
usually as a result of swimming in a chlorinated pool or
having an extended bath (all the various lubrications
get washed away). Tampons can also absorb anything that
would otherwise make a vagina slippery, and I used to
sometimes end up dry if I used tampons for 3 or 4 days
in a row.
There are two glands, on either side of the vagina near
its opening, that are sometimes purported to make
slippery fluids in anticipation of sex. I only recently
read that, but the placement made sense to me-- I had
figured on the wetness being produced somewhere fairly
low since tampons didn't usually stop it. The other
explanation I have read of where sex lubrication comes
from is that when the vaginal walls swell during
arousal, the fluid sweats out of them. I do not know
which of these explanations is correct, but the sweating
theory is Kinsey Institute info.
In any case, the fluid is clear and thin but quite
strong, and isn’t easily rubbed into skin. It can be
washed away easily with water, even once it has dried
onto something. As it dries it gets sticky.
I find that feeling all slippery will arouse me more and
beget more slipperiness. One of the reasons I like to be
licked and kissed on is the wetness of it.
Being more slippery will almost always make for more
enjoyable sex for me. Until lately, I'd never used any
lubrication but what my body makes, with the occasional
addition of saliva from foreplay activities. Spit is not
a good overall sex lubrication as it dries too quickly
and wears off. However, it can get things started, make
a path for my own fluids to venture outside the vagina
to other, nearby, and important places that could
otherwise be chafed.
Beloved boy and I bought lube when we bought the
strap-on, and of course ended up playing with the bottle
of slipperiness. Neither of us thought that it made me
slipperier than I usually am, but I did notice that it
was sort of more durable than my own lubricity. (OK,
lubricity is a great word. So funny to hear smut shop
hostess going on about lubricitous qualities of various
products.)
The main place we found the bottled slippery made a
difference was for fingers venturing toward the backside
of a lover. Being slippery there makes it easier to come
and go, to tease and generally play. Kind of nice to not
have to have such a commitment to the area.
Occasionally, even if I am quite excited, I am not very
slippery right away. It will occasionally worry me that
my boy will be wanting to get it on and I won't be
ready, but it is quite easy to work out. Either one of
us can encourage my vagina to make more wetness. The
best way is usually with licking, as the wetness of that
will make me relax, silly as it sounds. It reminds me of
guys worrying about not keeping up an erection, which is
kind of funny :)
____________________________________________________________________________________
About my urethra
Mainly this is about the opening to my urethra, since
that is the part most obviously related to my vagina. My
urethra (the tube from bladder to outside world) opens
out in my vulva, nicely centered and somewhat below my
clitoris, inside my labia minora.
It took me until a few months ago (I am 20) to recognise
this exact placement. I have never had a good look at my
urethra in a mirror. I think it must be quite
inconspicuous, being small and buried under various
vulvic lips.
Also, I think I had been mistakenly attributing some
clitoral sensations to it, which had thrown off my idea
of where it physically was. See, whenever I squeeze
pelvic muscles to stop or avoid peeing (so whenever I
pee or feel like I have to pee), the clitoris actually
has pressure put on it, so I feel something. Just
because of circumstances, it seems like I should be
feeling something in my urethra, but it is really my
clitoris. Also sometimes the act of peeing will somehow
nudge a sensation out of the clitoris.
It is a different bunch of sensations than full-on
clitoral arousal, in that the arousal involves clitoral
feelings that are physically deeper, along the whole
shaft of the clitoris, whereas the peeing sensations are
just small, at the tip. I figured they were in a
different place altogether.
Well. Mass confusion, I tell you.
Uhh, no. But I do think that a major step in learning to
pee standing involved actually figuring out where my
urethra was at. All this faux urethral sensation had me
thinking that it was higher than it is-- at the top
juncture of the wee lips as opposed to between them--
making it hard for me to tell what would be an
appropriate way to hold my labia minora out of the way
to successfully pee standing up without spraying and
dripping on myself.
The second surprising revelation I had about my urethra
is the size of the opening. I think because I had never
seen it or bumped into it , I figured it must be very
small and inconspicuous. Imagine my disbelief when I
discovered I could actually feel it with my finger. It's
practically the same size as a male urethra, which I
guess makes sense, but golly!
I think I will probably get to know my urethra better,
just for the sake of doing so. I know that it must get
stimulated sometimes (oral sex for instance), but I
totally can't distinguish it from the rest of my vulva.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Protecting my vagina
My vagina protects itself from various things. It has
populations of friendly microorganisms that prevent
other bugs from growing in it. It is acidic to kill
things. It is hidden inside me in a covert location. The
cervix makes protective mucus to keep things out of my
uterus.
I also protect my vagina in various conscious ways. I
don't consider underwear one of them, as I don't think a
flimsy layer of cloth keeps much out. I sort of protect
my vagina from various diseases by getting periodic
preventative checkups at the doctor. Mainly I have
protected my vagina from being infected, and protected
myself from becoming impregnated through my vagina (see
birth control).
To avoid yeast infections and things, I groom my vagina
carefully. To protect against sexually transmitted
diseases, I have used latex when having sex. I have
never used latex when having oral sex, which doesn't
make me a great role model. At first I did not know any
better and as it turns out there was no problem. Later,
with boys and girls, I knew them well enough that I
thought it was a safe risk. I have never had an STD, or
STI as they are apparently referred to now, so I guess I
did alright.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Birth control
The only time I've ever had sex without birth control
was between a condom coming off and taking the morning
after pill (this seemed like a good idea but stressed me
out later). This list is only as big as the birth
control methods I've considered or used, so please
remember that there are plenty of others.
.condoms.
.the morning after pill.
.birth control pills.
.token abortion stance.
___________________________________________________________________________________about
About me and penetration
This is the act that usually defines hetero sex; purity
tests require only penetration not orgasm. For me it
just distinguishes "intercourse" from other kinds of
smut. Again I will point out that I don't think any one
sex act automatically has more "status" or is more
intimate than another.
I use the word penetration to describe the state of an
external object being partly inside me. Usually this
refers to being inside my vagina, but on occasion things
have penetrated my nose and other body parts. I give
much more thought to vaginal penetration, and I suppose
anal, maybe because these acts have no real purpose or
motivation besides penetration. (Usually my nose is
penetrated for the purpose of scratching etc).
Quite a bit is actually already written about this topic
as part of other pages, so I won't repeat it (no need to
make this site more extremely wordy). See inside for
things that have been inside my vagina and what they
found there. See toys for a specific object that has
penetrated my vagina and which I have used to penetrate
another person. See sensitivity for what it feels like
to me. I have a feeling this page will be heavily
cross-referenced.
For some reason, I only think of things as penetrating
me when they are both inside and outside of me at the
same time; ie., they cross the boundary of Me. Thus, I
don't usually think of tampons or menstrual products
penetrating me; I think of them being carried inside me.
When my vagina is entered by something sizable, usually
a penis, several neighbouring tissues and organs are
affected. Inside has some general details. Some things
that I actually consider at such times are my cervix,
because it is painful to bump it the wrong way, and my
ovaries, because I read in a book about sex positions
that deep penetration from behind can actually bump them
and hurt. I sometimes forget how small the female
reproductive tract is. Diagrams of it always look huge,
I think because of the whole looking-like-a-cow's-head
thing. Cows have big heads.
Also, if I have to pee at all, I can be aware of my
bladder through my vagina.
If the first few penetrating movements are slow-ish, it
will often help prevent any neighbouring organs and
tissues from entering the fray. I think this has to do
with the way that the average erect penis is actually
longer than the average vagina, and the way that vaginas
conveniently puff out backwards past the cervix when
they are excited, making a pouch for amorous phalluses
to fit into. I think the slow start helps this pocket,
and the various curves and swells of my vagina to get
opened and more aligned. This makes an easy course for
future loving, and prevents further thrusts from veering
off course, say into the bit of vagina (fornix) in front
of the cervix where it isn't so stretchy and receptive,
and where it will make my bladder think it must be time
to pee.
Eventually the pages for individual positions will each
have details about such things as what kind of
penetration they promote, but these are some general
notes.
The more folded up I am and the more my hips are rolled
towards my boy, the deeper he can fit inside me. Most
rear-entry positions are good for this, as well as
having me curl up on him. In the missionary position, my
knees need to be pulled up and apart to allow much
deepness, but because in this position my legs are not
restrained in any way or stuck against anything, I can
achieve very happy combinations of up-and-apart which
can be tailored to the moment and allow for excellent
custom penetratability. Mm-hmm, jargon.
The angle at which I am being entered can make quite a
bit of difference to whether or not I end up sore. I
find that having my boy behind me can lead to him
bumping the front wall of me quite a bit and can cause
some bruising. Strangely, about the most gentle and
naturally-angled penetration I've noticed is when our
bodies make spoons, when he is behind me and we lay on
our sides curled together.
Also, obviously (maybe?), just about any kind of
penetration can be made into good sex. It doesn't have
to be deep, or shallow, or towards the front or back or
a side, or in circles, or a particular speed, or
whatever. Variety can be fun, but steadiness can also be
very sexy. This is where personal creativity and
preference comes in, I think.
At different moments, I have desired different kinds of
penetration. Often I don't have a particular idea in my
head, but some specifics that I can think up right now
include: action that seems smooth because it is aligned
with the angle that I am inside, especially if this is
deep enough that I can feel it press against the insides
of me; somehow setting things up so that my boy's good
hardness is pressed parallel against the bottom or back
edge of the opening to me, rather than angled towards
any edge, or being neutral in the center; slow movements
where much of the motion involves pressing our bodies
together where they connect and pushing further together
than the immediate edges of our bodies, creating tension
to be released and then heightened by the actual
advance/retreat motions; plain old fast deepness,
usually best if angled a little towards the back of me
to avoid bumping anything sensitive; and the sensation
of the tip of my boy almost slipping out of me then
slipping back in.
etc. I could go on, but so could you, non?
If I have a craving for something in particular, I will
often steer my boy there. I can pull his hips into me
with hands or feet or legs or sheets pulled across him,
and I can hold him back, mostly with my thighs. I can
press myself onto him; I can move my hips to the angle I
want; I can rock my pelvis in the motion I want. Also I
like when he wants something. We pay attention to each
other so it works out.
It would bug me if I never got to influence the rhythm
or style of thrusting during sex, but it would also
bother me if I had to guide the whole process. Balance
is important. Most people must know that already. No
wait, the first time I had sex I was totally shy and
wanted to be guided and lead. I probably didn't have to
be shy, and I'm sure it would have been more fun for
everyone involved if I'd been more assertive. The thing
to know is that there is no right thing to do-- you can
do anything, so do what you like.
Ok... besides being penetrated, I have done a bit of
thrusting myself, since the purchase of a shiny blue
strap-on dildo. This was something that I was fascinated
with for some time before getting to do it (see toys for
specifics). For me, being the person in charge of
penetration was not a power trip, it was simply sexy
because it involved an entirely different set of
movements and actions. Anything new is almost
automatically exciting.
Also, while it isn't so much a reversal of who is
powerful and who is passive in bed (because I'm almost
never passive or submissive in bed), it is a reversal of
who is active and who is receptive, if that makes sense.
Instead of taking something into me, I get put into
somebody else. This can be sexy when it simply involves
fingers or kisses, but having hip action involved is
much satisfying in the way it relates to fundamental
sexual reflexes (want to move hips!).
Maybe an even better example of this active vs.
dominating idea is this sex position that I've gotten
much enamoured of in the last little while:
If I am on top of my boy, but lying against him rather
than sitting up, and with my legs inside of his (take a
moment to visualize this with stick figures so you know
what I'm talking about), I am mostly responsible for the
movement of our bodies together. For some reason I find
this more intense in this position than when I am simply
sitting up on my boy, because the movements involved are
not "riding" or squirming style movements but rather
thrusting style movements. I am not receiving anything
so much as making it (not letting or taking him into me,
but putting myself onto him?).
Mainly it has pointed out to me that the person with the
phallus doesn't have to be responsible for the
penetration. I knew that anyway, what with how active I
can be in moving to meet my boy or in pulling him to me.
It made a difference though. As well, it is kind of fun
to think about the idea that penetration requires both
something to put inside something else, and that
something else, so that the act can be caused from
either side or both. I can be the penetrator even with
my regular unit, cause the penetration is shared across
two bodies.
And I'm not a feminist hippie, honest :)
____________________________________________________________________________________
I am... a backdoor man
(Anal Sex)
If anyone can think of a better name for anal sex, i'd love to hear from you.
"Fifth Base" has been suggested :)
So... I am uncomfortable with the term "anal sex."
Special boy and I had our first chat about the subject
last night, and I think the comfortable euphemism that
is going to get used around our house is backdoor
action. There are enough songs about being a backdoor
man residing in our cd collection that I can feel
affinity with the phrase.
Anyhow. This barely has anything to do with my vagina
but I figured I'd make the sex topics a complete set.
I've had a bit of anal sex, though not a whole lot, as
both a top and a bottom (see toys, especially once it
gets expanded). Much more frequently, boy and I engage
in some less intense backside loving when we are in bed,
with just fingers and kisses. Even with full engagement,
this is mostly a transient activity and rarely is
something we do to bring us both to orgasm. The most
common affair involves my fingers and my beloved's bum.
Some considerations before I really begin, so I feel
like I am dealing responsibly with this topic:
It is unwise to put anything in a vagina after it has
been in a bum, especially if that vagina is prone to
getting yeast infections. I am not very religious about
observing this and have never had any trouble, but this
is definitely a way to set yourself up for a fine
outbreak of Candida. See also grooming for descriptions
on proper wiping.
Also, anal sex is among the highest risk sex acts for
transmitting infections. Rectal tissue is fragile and
tears easily, and also is by nature an absorbant,
receptive tissue. It is very easily infected. Further,
anal sex puts more stress on condoms than vaginal or
oral sex, so use lots of water-based lube and consider
doubling your latex.
Last thing: you can get pregnant by having anal sex,
because the anus is separated from the vagina by only a
small, moist patch of skin. Semen easily dribbles across
this, so use birth control for anal sex like you would
for other sex.
And, as a reference, this is a list of Dr. Jack Morin's
10 rules for pleasurable and safe anal sex. He has
published a well-respected book on this subject.
Ok.
It isn't very often that I have a desire to have
anything up my bum, but occasionally my ass does get
aroused (somebody please quote that last bit somewhere).
It took me a minute to figure out that this wasn't
purely a mental desire. There are physical qualities
that make the err... backdoor an erotic location. It has
a billion nerves and is very sensitive, and also it is
somehow connected to or involved with the muscles in the
vagina and the pelvic floor (the Kegel exercise
muscles). So it gets squeezed too when the vaginal
muscles hug themselves or bear down.
Thus, it isn't that surprising that when I am very
aroused and excited, I sometimes get a desire to be
touched there along with the rest of me. It can be very
sexy to be touched or kissed there during sex, oral sex
or just foreplay. Initially I was embarrassed to be
kissed there, but I do make a point of keeping it clean
and eventually I calmed down.
This desiring is even more true of my boy. I don't have
a special erotic spot inside myself there, the way he
does. Mine is inside my vagina. Touching him there
during sex can heighten his excitement, whereas it often
just distracts me. I am more into it in conjunction with
oral sex.
Whether or not any penetration is involved, some
slipperiness in the area is of great advantage (this can
be from a bottle or from the wetness I make). It makes
things less likely to chafe or tickle, and makes access
easier (both to get to it and to get into it). During
most activities, it is a slightly awkward area to reach
and the slipperiness reduces resistance to approach from
indirect angles. After all, the door itself is buried
within bum cheeks that can can squeeze and generally be
in the way (although they can also be fleshy and sexy).
Also, by nature the anus is a less receiving opening
than the vagina or the mouth. It takes some effort to
slip into it, and slipperiness makes it much easier. It
is kind of sexy to have it be easy to play with because
then more casual intimate contact is possible, if that
makes sense. It doesn't require such a commitment and
obvious effort to do anything to it. It can be secondary
to other things, or it can be teasing. Casual.
I don't find that anything the size of fingers causes
pain when inserted this way. Two fingers starts to be a
noticeable force, but again not painful. Mostly fingers
feel slippery, I think because they don't stretch things
enough to compromise the mucus that naturally lines the
inside of the opening. Also they can satisfy desires for
penetration, whether that desire was general or specific
to the backside.
Anything larger like a penis or a dildo requires quite a
bit of pressure to insert, and generous lubrication.
Initially it can hurt some, but more lube and more
arousal will fix this. I don't find this to be in any
way unbearable, and enough lubrication and patience can
reduce it to nothing. When there is a definite pain, it
is of the burning type (as opposed to ache or
something).
For this to relax, it helps for me to be both actively
aroused and actively relaxing myself. I tend to lie flat
on my tummy, to be better relaxed and unstretched. Also
I find it is necessary for the phallic object to be
inserted far enough that it is past its widest point, so
that I'm not being actively stretched by any movement
(I'm staying the same size). This requires gentle but
steady pressure until it gets to a manageable place. I
know a girl who "gets off on the pain" but mostly I work
with it until it settles down a bit.
I do notice that if it hurt at the time, I will be
tender for a day or so afterwards. Anybody constipated
or having very stiff poo would probably suffer rather a
lot. (Take-home lesson: use more lube. It can be the
slippiness made by boy's and my bodies, but it has to be
there).
The other main sensation involved with this is one of
fullness, which is approximately the same feeling as
being in the middle of pooing and requires me to resist
the urge to push. This has elegantly been described by
others as "like shitting backwards!"
None of this sounds terribly sexy, I'm sure. I think at
least part of the fun is the idea of it all. "I'm a
hardcore smut" etc. The other part is the serious
feeling of being penetrated, which, as a person whose
primary sexual organ is designed to invite penetration,
I can appreciate when I'm in the mood. Also, it makes a
huge difference if either myself or special boy strokes
or touches my clitoris and vulva during all this. It
keeps my arousal up and makes the penetration sexual for
me, instead of just anal. I've had pretty good orgasms
this way.
I don't always come during anal sex, partly because it
doesn't involve my clitoris and partly because we
usually are done quite quickly, compared to our usual
sex. I think mainly this is because my boy doesn't make
a point of waiting for me, since it can be an easily
overstayed state for me to be in. Usually my desires for
this kind of contact are sated soon after things get
started so this is fine with me. I can be taken care of
other ways.
My main hesitation with anal sex is mess. I fear getting
my mess on my boy, and sometimes I am reluctant to get
his mess on me (usually fingers). Yes the rectum is a
passage and not where poo is stored, and yes it is
usually empty, but also it can have stragglers and
residues in it and it is not really that deep (and is
followed by full on poo storage and processing
facilities).
Also, what with the "shitting backwards" phenomenon and
the way that air can be pumped into it even during slow
sex, things can expel themselves. This was only actually
an issue once, and we handled it ok. We just went and
had a shower and felt better about our dirty selves.
After serious finger action, which most frequently
happens if I am kissing on my boy or if we are strictly
touching each other, I will go wash my hands. I usually
have to pee afterwards anyway so it isn't a completely
conspicuous trip to the bathroom.
As far as mess avoidance, I think my notes will be
fairly obvious. The mess is mainly dependent on where
you are at. If you are full it will be messier than if
you have emptied things. I don't make a point of
"emptying" before going to bed, but I do make a point of
avoiding much backdoor action if I am worried about my
backdoor contents. Also, the consistency of these
contents if of some importance. Firm, well-formed
contents won't tend to get spread around or make a mess
as much as anything of the loose variety.
Another consideration is that male ejaculate mixed with
poo is about the worst smell in the whole world. This is
not a smell that necessarily manifests in the bedroom,
but one that I might notice alone on the toilet later.
This doesn't really matter I guess, since nobody smells
like roses to start with, but it's gross! I would rather
have my boy come on my skin than inside me there.
The most fun mess is when we play with the fancy
strap-on unit. If we are just playing, it will usually
end up beside us once we move on to some other activity
and it will be no big deal to wash it later. However, on
the occasions that we go all out with it and special boy
ends up coming with it inside him, we can get
self-conscious about removing it. One excellent memory
is of beautiful boy waddling off to the bathroom to take
care of it himself (he's so cute!). Not one for people
with roommates.
Regarding the strap-on, I'm going to discuss it on the
toys page because this is already long, and because it
really is a different act in relation to my vagina. One
is thrusting and one is being penetrated.
My boy is very cautious about this penetrating me,
because he does not want to hurt me or break anything
inside me. The rectum curves around inside the body and
is more fragile than the vagina, as far as I know, so it
benefits from a gentle treatment. Also he doesn't want
to coerce me into doing something if I don't really want
to. He tells me these things.
I much like that he is careful and considerate, but it
does require some fairly specific communication. It can
hurt to start, but that's ok. Sometimes a specific
amount of lubrication or slowness or pressure is
required to make it good, and this has to be conveyed
somehow. I don't want it very often, but sometimes I do.
I have to be very, very aroused beforehand for it to be
any fun or seem sexy.
We only recently had this discussion despite having done
this a few times. We had managed before, between
intuition and non-specific talk like "is this ok?" and "ya,"
but it was big fun to actually tell each other what we
thought about it. Heavy use of touching places instead
of saying their names. I think the whole barrier to
talking was the grr term "anal sex."
I find it really special? neat? nice? that boy and I can
do this as a loving act and not be fetishy about it,
when anal sex is usually portrayed as perverse or
hardcore or extreme in some way, or as involving
domination and power because it can hurt the person
receiving it. The only positive reference to anal sex
that I can think of is the Pansy Division song "Ring of
Joy" ('any girl or any boy can break on through that
ring of joy' ya). The only thing I find about it is that
because special boy is behind me I miss him by the end
and want to hold him and look at him and kiss him
afterwards.
I bet I used the word "it" more on this page than on any
other in the whole site.
___________________________________________________________________________________about About orgasms!
Particular techniques for making me orgasm are discussed
under the headings for specific activities. See
masturbation, licking, and muscles, which has a
hands-free masturbation method. Sex pages up soon.
Another article of interest may be this description of
how the clitoris functions during intercourse.
I’ve made the other things I know about my orgasms into
separate pages for ease of navigation.
.portrait of an orgasm.
.issues affecting quality.
.simultaneous orgasms.
.multiple orgasms.
.fake orgasms.
I have had many orgasms. The first orgasm I had was the
first time I masturbated. I was rather surprised that I
could make myself feel so good and hadn't noticed
before. Having orgasms seemed like a good idea. I don't
remember any particular best orgasm, or worst orgasm. I
have noticed that I seem to have to be paying attention
to have one.
Unlike many of the words on this website, I do like the
word orgasm. In high school we used it as the magic
word. I know a guy who still uses it that way. He also
introduced me to the idea that 10 sneezes is the same as
an orgasm, on the basis of some questionable scientific
data relating to endorphins released during each
process. Sometimes I still count sneezes per day.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Portrait of my orgasms
I'm not sure at which point arousal and orgasm are
distinguished. I usually think of orgasms as just the
sexual climax, but I've heard them described as a
process culminating in the climax.
However things are defined, I have to be aroused before
I have an orgasm.
The usual progression begins with fairly localized good
feelings centered around my clitoris. As I get more
excited, these intensify and spread to a kind of deep
pelvic pleasure and a desire to be touched both at the
clitoral center of this business and inside my vagina. I
don’t think these desires are intellectual, I think they
are the nature of the pleasure feelings. I would
describe all of these things as arousal. I can
experience all of them with no actual stimulation
besides thinking, and if I don’t do anything about them
they will eventually go away. (For other things that can
stimulate them, see arousal.)
I know that some women have orgasms involving no
touching at all but I’ve never been dedicated enough to
achieve this. At around this point in my journey toward
orgasm (err…), I will usually cave in and touch myself
if no one else is, or eventually lose interest and
return to the land of the non-aroused.
If things continue, I will stay at about the same level
of excitement for a varying length of time. The length
of this depends on all kind of things, like how much I’m
being physically stimulated and what kind of ideas I’ve
got in my head, and whether or not I’m uncomfortably
cold or itchy or nervous etc. I think these are the kind
of things you would expect to affect an orgasm.
This stage, which I believe is called The Plateau, is
followed by the part that I actually think of as an
orgasm. This involves a sudden betterment of all the
pleasure feelings going on in my pelvis, with most of
the intensity returning to my clitoris instead of being
focussed also into a desire to have something put in my
vagina. These escalate to a peak, which is characterized
more by being followed by an end to these particular
pleasure feelings than by the achievement of any
particular maximum level of them. At this point I know
that the vaginal muscles will contract, and sometimes I
can feel this. I can usually feel them spasm more if
there is nothing in my vagina. After this event, all the
arousal feelings are replaced by deep contentment and a
hypersensitive clitoris that doesn’t want to be touched
anymore.
All kinds of things can happen at the peak of an orgasm,
depending on how intensely good I have come to feel. My
orgasms frequently involve some involuntary hip action
and the clenching of various muscles—thighs, pelvis,
face… The better ones make me briefly lose feeling in my
feet and legs, and sometimes in my hands. They can also
cause me to briefly get tunnel vision or black out, and
occasionally get dizzy. Once my beloved made my ears
ring for several minutes afterwards. It was very serious
:) Recently, he made me cry (happy/overwhelmed). This
had more to do with the context of the orgasm than the
quality of the orgasm, as I had been in a bit of a slump
and feeling disconnected from our sex life.
Frequently I can also feel the various things connected
to my vagina kind of settling back down after an orgasm.
During the female orgasm, the uterus will dip down and
contract some, presumably to make it easier for sperm to
go the right direction. Sometimes I can feel what seem
to be uterine as well as vaginal spasms, but could be
just about any lower-abdominal muscles.
Orgasms also serve to redirect all the blood that has
been sent into the pelvic area during arousal. In the
absence of an orgasm, I can sometimes feel a sort of
heavy discomfort in my belly. I only recently figured
out what this was (from a magazine article). Easy cure =
orgasm.
Even quick, less thrilling orgasms make me feel good.
All my orgasms result in a post-orgasmic, calm, happy
mood and much physical comfort. Sometimes it makes me
laugh because I am happy. Sometimes I also laugh because
I realise what kinds of silly noises I’ve been making.
Eating any kind of yummy food (cookies, cherries,
fruits, juice, honey... chocolate expecially, or grapes)
after orgasms will make all the good feelings stronger
and longer-lasting. Makes me purr, and keep chocolate
cookies in the bedroom.
Also, for whatever reason, I frequently have to pee
after an orgasm. I also usually have a brief surge in
energy and then get sleepy. I attribute this to the
release of happy chemicals, which wear off and leave me
in a state of moderate physical tiredness and calm
relaxation. The peeing thing might have to do with all
the stimulation and spasming of various body parts near
the bladder and urethra, but I don’t know. It could be a
reflex designed to keep foreign cells out of the
urethra. It could be coincidence.
____________________________________________________________________________________
About matching orgasms
Simultaneous orgasms can be tricky because wanting to do
good things to my partner can distract me from my own
orgasm. It took awhile (5-6 months?) for my boy and I to
get good at coming together.
Partly, he is good at timing himself and waiting for me.
Partly, I can tell when I can concentrate more on what
will make me come than what he needs. This doesn’t mean
ignoring him, since being with him is a lot of what is
sexy about the whole thing. I’m sure some people just
coincidentally come together, but we mostly manage it by
knowing each other well enough to balance doing good
things to each other and making sure good things get
done to ourselves.
Usually, in what I consider simultaneous orgasms, I come
a little before my boy and he comes before I really
finish. I think this is a product of him waiting for me.
I've never managed simultaneous orgasms during mutual
oral sex or mutual masturbation. I find I get too
distracted to do a very good job of handling someone,
which may be lack of practise. It requires less coherent
effort for me to keep up the simpler and mostly
instinctual hip action involved in plain old het sex.
In case this was in question, I think coming together is
neat. It adds to the already weird moment of distorted
consciousness at the peak of orgasm, since there is
nobody left out to act as a tie to regular reality. For
me it cuts out all distractions to have boy in the same
state as I am. I can be passively aware of it, I don't
have any reason to think. I hope that didn't sound too
much like I think orgasms are a rocket ride to another
dimension.
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Issues affecting quality -Orgasms
My orgasms can vary quite a bit, from full body events
to quick things that I notice more because they’re over
than because they happened.
For me, it makes an orgasm better if it escalates slowly
enough to notice. I also find that the slower it
progresses the more intense it will become. All of this
has a lot to do with how much I’m paying attention and
what I’m thinking about, although the person with me (if
there is one) has to be doing a lot of things right for
things to progress at all.
I would say that the single most important influence on
the quality of my orgasms is how aroused I am before any
stimulation begins. If I have a fire in my loins I will
have amazing orgasms. If I have to be coaxed and kissed
on to get me excited, I will usually not climax with
such impressiveness.
The only situation in which I’ve actually tried to
engineer a prolonged orgasm is while masturbating. While
seducing or being seduced I usually have enough
distractions that purposely trying to delay an orgasm
tends to end up with me not finishing at all.
Thus, I mostly accept my orgasms whenever they are going
to come. It is usually more enjoyable to not come right
at the beginning of sex and then have no sense of
anticipation, but coming at all is better than not, and
an orgasm is never a bad thing.
Some women seem to enjoy their orgasms more if they are
loud about them (notably my old landlady and upstairs
neighbour). I don’t have a preference. I am loud in
varying degrees, mostly depending on how many people are
in adjacent rooms. Sometimes I am louder than I notice.
Other things can lead to more exciting orgams, like
appropriate mood lighting or the danger of being
discovered, but I think of these more as dealing with
arousal.
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About multiple orgasms
To my understanding, female multiple orgasms consist of
one orgasm followed by another, as opposed to some
climax within a climax structure. I don’t know if these
have to be immediate to "count."
I frequently have more than one orgasm during a session
in bed, and very occasionally during a single episode of
sex. I refer to both of these occurrences as multiple
orgasms, but for some reason I think there might be some
more elite definition that I am unaware of. I’m not that
concerned about valid terminology; I would just be
curious about a mythical, complicated multiple orgasmic
structure.
I think the most orgasms I have ever had in a row is
three. One is the most common, then two, etc.
Usually, after I have an orgasm, my clitoris will be
very sensitive and hard to do anything pleasurable to. I
will start to be aware of anywhere that my vagina is
sore, bruised, raw, etc. Also I will be quite contented
and hard to arouse.
This is a difficult state in which to have another
orgasm. If I receive a lot of stimulation, such as if I
come before my boy and we keep having sex, it can easily
make me sore or uncomfortable, due to the sensitivity of
the various parts of my vagina and accessories. If I am
left alone, I will bask in my contented state and
develop very little motivation to carry on with more
sexual pleasures.
Most of the second and subsequent orgasms I have are
because my partner has set about seducing me again after
a short rest. Sometimes I start things with mostly
mental motivations and little physical desire. In these
situations, my next orgasm will be less exciting than
the first. It usually comes fairly quickly because of my
over-sensitive clitoris, and is usually quite localized
because the rest of my pelvis is sore or trying to rest
after the first round.
Occasionally, after my first orgasm I will still be sort
of aroused. This seems to occur mainly after really good
orgasms, or if I am stimulated nearly to the point of
orgasm and come on my own momentum, or with those
unfortunate half-orgasms where I attempted to wait but
couldn't after all and it all kind of petered out. The
first two mostly work out with simultaneous orgasms, or
if my boy does something to make me come after we have
sex. I can also sometimes get re-aroused fairly soon
after an orgasm, mostly after oral sex or if I haven't
had an orgasm in several days.
In either state, I will want to entice my beloved into
having sex again, and can usually have a very nice
orgasm after a short rest while we work up our desire.
Again, I will usually come quite soon.
I’ve never had a spectacular orgasm after the second
one. I think I get over stimulated. The extra orgasms
are still nice, although they tend to make me more worn
out than I would otherwise be, and tend not to last as
long as the first one.
Also, the more orgasms I have, the less soon I will want
to have sex again that day.
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Faking orgasms
I have faked orgasms, but I try not to. I maintain that
it is counter-productive, even without getting into
issues of honesty. How is somebody supposed to know how
to be good to you if you make it seem like everything is
good?
I think I got better at faking orgasms with practise,
and as I had more real orgasms during sex to model on. I
made a point of never getting in the habit of faking,
even if occasionally it seemed easier than working on
real orgasms. I figure that good orgasms are important
enough to not compromise. Faking orgasms doesn't
properly indicate to my partner what could help me have
a real orgasm, and also makes me feel mean for lying,
and can make me feel less close to my partner.
I have faked orgasms for several different reasons. I
was tired and wanted my partner to stop trying to make
me come, but didn’t want to embarrass them. I was shy
about not having an orgasm. I knew I wasn’t going to
have one but wanted to make my partner understand that I
still enjoyed the sex or whatever we were doing. I
thought I was expected to come. I was satisfied and
didn’t want my partner to feel obligated to keep doing
things to me.
Mainly it has been the last one. I haven't had much
trouble having orgasms during sex for quite some time,
and even before that I rarely felt deprived. The thing
is, I don't always want to have one. I enjoy sex
separately from my enjoyment of orgasms (I thought this
must be a viewpoint mostly limited to females- but
people who email me disagree-- right on!.). Sometimes I
am happy with the closeness and with having my boy
inside of me. Sometimes, although I am happy and
content, I am not that aroused and having an orgasm
seems like a lot of work.
I don't know that my boy entirely believes that I can be
completely satisfied without having an orgasm. I think
he thinks I am being a bit of a martyr. I can understand
how guys could be unsure about this. It must seem a
little odd that females can have sex without being at
all aroused, and furthermore that it can be pleasurable.
Even further, that even if a female is excited and
aroused about sex, that she can be satisfied without
having an orgasm.
It is true that most of the time I want to come, but I
don't think that it is fair to assume that an orgasm is
the only measure of valid or good sex. I have to figure
out some sex act that would equivocate this for guys.
I don't fake orgasms much lately. If I want to have one,
my beloved is rather pleased to oblige, and good at it.
Most of the time, I have an orgasm when we have sex. If
not, he mostly notices and takes up some or other
supplementary action. If he doesn’t notice, and I still
want one, I’ll usually start something. It all works
out. Most of the orgasms that I have faked have been at
the beginning of relationships, or during the first few
tries at a particular act. Mainly this is because during
the first attempts at something I am unlikely to
actually come, but tend to be embarrassed of that.
Silly, yes. Also, if you aren't going to come, how else
are you supposed to end a sex act without insulting
somebody?
Every now and then, I still fake an orgasm. Either
because of the above, or because I get carried away (am
making lots of noise, decide to follow through rather
than admit I was just making lots of noise for fun).
I have never noticed someone faking an orgasm to me, but
don’t rule out the possibility. It’s not really that
hard to fake a girl orgasm, if you are uninhibited
enough and have a minor understanding of what is
supposed to happen. My boy says he has faked in his life
("I was tired... It just wasn't going to happen"). I
hadn’t thought much about guys faking orgasms, though in
a condom i suppose it would be pretty easy.
One of the main things that boy and I have going that
saves us both from considering faking is that we both
know that we don't both always come, and that that is
ok. We let that happen if we want to.
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