The Carb Blocker Experiment
Subject: Asian American Male of Chinese Descent
Age: 22 yr 7 mo
Height: 5 ft 8.5 in (1.74 met)
Day 1 Weight: 183 lbs (83 kg)

For more information, click on this link. (pictures coming soon)

6.15.2004 - What the heck
Notice the resemblance? Both of their names contain "shyam" as well. Eerie.
7.04.2003 - Country music owns me, and here's why
On our nation's 227th birthday, I thought it appropriate to write something about the United States' greatest tradition: lawsuits. But I figured it was my duty to put something about the most-maligned, yet most popular genre of music in America today. That's right, believe it or not, more people spend their time listening to Tim McGraw croon about how he may be a real bad boy, but baby he's a real good man, as opposed to watching Christina Aguilera whine about how she's a fighter while raising her twig arms with zero muscular tone. Below, I will go into some detail about why redneck rock'n'roll rules.

1. Country music artists are better looking.

The hottest music artists are always country music artists. Faith Hill is smoldering hot, yet manages not to look too slutty. Shania Twain is quite a looker as well. Compare that with the whores of pop music, the skanks or R&B, and the hags of classical music. The sluttiest country artists are probably the Dixie Chicks, but they don't count cause they suck and are stupid. In general, country artists are wholesome-looking, yet hot. Even the men.

2. Country music artists are superior musicians.

How many of today's contemporary artists do you think write their own songs? Almost none. The writers can't sing, and the singers can't write (or sing). Thus, they form an unholy union to produce songs like "Baby hit me one more time," possibly the most talentless song ever created. However, in country music, many artists write their own songs, sing them, and in addition play their own instruments, and play them well. A long-haired pierced teenager in a drug haze missing two fingers on his left hand can play power chords on an electric guitar. But check out Charlie Daniels' singing and fiddle playing in "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" to see some true talent in action.

3. Country music lyrics are better.

Unlike today's youth music, where every song can be summed up this way:
I though you loved me
But you don't love me
Bitch
I'm going to burn down your house
or like this:
I am here
I want to have sex with you
(repeat)
Country lyrics cover a wide range of human experiences and emotions. Many songs detail the artist's experiences growing up, watching a loved one pass away, etc. Of course there's the standard smattering of trite love songs. However, as you listen more and more, you'll realize that many of the pop songs are just covers of country songs. For example, "I Do" by 98 degrees was originally by Mark Willis. "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith was by John Michael Montgomery. "I Could not Ask for More" by Edwin McCain was by Sarah Evans. "God must have spent a little more time on you" by N' Sync was by Alabama. The list goes on and on. What we have here is a bunch of biters.

4. Country music is more fun to listen to.

When was the last time you listened to a song and thought, "That song was fun!" Chances are, never. Country music can be goofy, stupid, funny, and fun. You don't find that in other genres. Songs like "This Kiss" and "Up!" are just fun to listen to. Moreover, there are songs such as "I like my women a little on the trashy side" and "Ten rounds with Jose Cuervo" that are simply hilarious.

5. Country music is patriotic.

There's a reason why it's called country music. Other contemporary stars are mainly liberal idiots that don't understand anything about politics or conflict. They protest the war because a)idealistic stupid kids are doing it to be rebellious and b)they want to market to those idiots. After the terrorist attacks two years ago, country artists have produced songs of sorrow ("Where were you when the world stopped turning," "Bring on the Rain") and of anger ("Angry American", "Have you Forgotten") because they truly love what this country stands for. The other artists just love the United States Dollar.

So reach down, and find the redneck in all of us. Indulge that red-headed inner stepchild with some rollicking country tunes. You won't be sorry. Well, maybe you will, but that's none of my business.
5.16.2003 - Study: Studies indicate studies are stupid
Did you know that 73% of all people accept a statement as truth when they hear a statistic? And an additional 22% will believe you if you quote another statistic to back it up? Well, studies show that 68% of these people are smarter than you, so don't feel too bad about it. Idiot.

A recent study reinforces my belief that psychology is a joke science and psychologists are out-of-work clowns that are fixated on sex. I shudder to think of a sex-crazed clown, but that is what they are. To psychologists, everything is about sex. If you dream about the most inane thing possible, say, a rock, the psychologist will immediately deduce that because a rock is hard, you want to be hard. Furthermore, if it's a small rock, you're worried about your member size, and if it's a big rock, you're worried about your member size by overcompensating for it with the size of the rock. The type of rock determines your sexual appetite. If it's igneous, then you're a firey, horny beast. If it's metamorphic, then you're a two-faced, cheating, horny beast. And if it's sedimentary, then you're just a horny beast. Also, since your mother used to "rock" you in her arms while you suckled her teat, the rock obviously signifies your repressed desire to get jiggy with your mom. They can interpret all this just because you dreamed about some rock that you sat on, or was thrown at you, or just happened to catch your eye because there was a fat man about to eat it, mistaking it for a ding-dong. Those sick psychologist bastards. But anyway, back to the article.

The headline says,
Study: Violent music boosts aggressive thoughts

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Violent lyrics in songs increase aggression-related thoughts and emotions and could indirectly create a more hostile social environment, a study released on Sunday by a U.S. psychology association found.
Whoo! What an amazing breakthrough brought to us courtesy of psychologists! "Violent music boosts aggressive thoughts!" Who would have guessed? I don't know about you, but when I listen to angry black men yell into a microphone, my mind immediately conjures up soothing images of puppies and rainbows and love. When I hear Tupac scream at me about how he's going to hit up some bitches, I am instantly transported to a place of solitude and serenity, where life and death are one and pain is nonexistent. Oh wait, that might be my morphine shots. Why are these people telling us what we already know? This is comparable to saying, "Studies show that touching a hot stove boosts painful sensation," or, "News flash: Hemorrhoids boosts anal itching."

The "researchers" that did this study explore the depths of their obviousness even further. They go on to claim that aggressive thoughts could lead to aggressive behavior. Somebody give these guys a Nobel prize! They've singlehandedly solved all of society's violence problems! It comes from violent thoughts! Like the violent thoughts in my mind right now regarding psychologists!

I don't have to ridicule the article any more; it does a fine enough job of looking stupid on its own. Besides, I need to find myself a shrink to help me resolve my anger management issues.

PS. Here's a bonus link for all you fans of Men without Hats. Caution: Video contains large amounts of Crisco-like human substance. Oh, and the moves he makes reminds me of Eric.
3.26.2003 - The Love Doctor is in
Every so often TLD (The Love Doctor) will drop by to do a special update, answering an oft-asked question about the birds and the bees. Special thanks to the TLD.
I'm a nice guy, but the girls always seem to go for the jerks! What should I do?
-the Nice Guy

Dear Nice Guy,
Simple. Become a jerk. Buy a leather jacket, some super-strength hair gel, and start acting jerky. Push down old ladies, make fun of fat people, and refer to any authority figure as either a "clownboat" or a "figface". Then sit back and watch the ladies flock to you!

See, girls think of nice guys as the F-word: Friends. According to the ladder theory, girls have two mental ladders: the "Friends" ladder and the "Hotness" ladder. When a girl meets you, she mentally places you on either one ladder or the other, above or below the other guys she knows. The higher you're placed, the better. However, if you're on the "F" ladder, forget it. You won't be able to get close to her. 99% of the time, once you're on one ladder, you'll never be able to jump to the other. Even if you're on the top of the "F" ladder, she'd still take the bottom rung of the "H" ladder over you. Nice guys place relatively high on the "F" ladder, but can't really establish themselves on the "H" ladder. Why? Think about it. When was the last time you heard a girl say, "That guy has a HOT sense of humor" or "Man, his personality is making me HOT"? Face it, these qualities that nice guys have in excess just don't weigh too much on the "H" ladder, compared to, say, six-pack abs or a nice car. On the other hand, the rebelliousness, suave good looks, and cool attitude of most jerks definitely are hot, which is why they inhabit the "H" ladder.

On a side note, guys only have one ladder. The "H" ladder. Every girl they see goes on this ladder. And the position on the ladder decides who they'd rather sleep with.

Another reason girls are attracted to jerky guys is that they feel if the guy changes his bad habits for her, he really loves her. It's the innate manipulative control-freak part of every girl's psyche that makes them attracted to the jerks. Unfortunately for the girls, however, they don't realize the innate stubborn wild-stallion part of every guy's psyche that makes them totally resistant to the vile intrusions of the womanspawn. The term "whooped" comes into play when the evil temptress succeeds in breaking the spirit of the guy, taming his stallion, and making him cater to her every whim. This is sad and often disgusting to be a witness to, as the male is reduced to a slobbering sycophant, losing his dignity, time, and money.

Thanks for reading. I'll be back next week. -TLD
3.1.2003 - Journalists and other hazards of screwing
Q. How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One hundred. One to screw in the light bulb, one for moral support, one for affirmation, three to call the local news stations, twenty-five to stage a protest rally about equal screwing rights for all, twenty-two to stage a counter-protest about the right to not be screwed, forty-one to riot the local hardware stores to prevent future screwings, and six to write and produce a one-sided news report on the most recent screwing.

Now that we've had a little laugh at the expense of our liberal brothers and sisters, let's examine a shining example of shoddy journalism at its best. The leftist liberal-sympathizing writer will be exposed for the monster that he is. I have reprinted parts of the article without permission from whatever authorities I need permission from, because frankly, I don't care.
Cookies, brownies used as weapons in campus debate
This is the headline. It is immediately misleading since one's first impression is of students throwing cookies and brownies at each other. Sadly, this is not the case.
Affirmative action "assigns different values to people based on skin color, and that's morally outrageous," said the group's secretary, Kelly Coyne.
If you're going to get the opinion of the Cal Republicans, why not ask the president? Why stop at the secretary?
Freshman Tony Zhang said he's not in favor of affirmative action and thought the "bake sale" was a good idea.
The other quote used to support the position of the Republicans is taken from a random student who "thought" it was a "good idea." Such strong support! Contrast these two quotes with the following.
Hoku Jeffrey, a Chinese African American senior and chair of the student senate committee on affirmative action, called the tactic "ironic," adding, "They're highlighting the racial inequality in society and the necessity for affirmative action to offset that inequality."
Of course, to support the leftist view, the journalist talks to that bi-racial long-haired hippie Hoku Jeffrey, who also happens to be some big player on the subject of affirmative action. This deliberate bias gives the affirmative action argument more weight. Another case of this can be seen when the journalist quotes the California Democratic Party in support of the left and one UC Regent in opposition. Obviously the opinion of the State Democratic Chair will have precedence.
About 10 members, nearly all of them white, stood behind the bake-sale table during the busy lunch hour Wednesday.
Why mention the race of the students behind the bake-sale table? The journalist inserts a subtle argument for the left viewpoint by pointing out that all of these students are white - hence the need for affirmative action. Similarly, the journalist neglects to give any information on the nationality of the Stanford students.

Sadly, this is just a morsel of the leftist smorgasbord that is our journalism community. Read every political article closely, and you'll find that it leans to the left more often than not. And if you disagree with me, feel free to click this link. I wouldn't suggest doing that though. You really don't want to.