Learn to Drive with Johnny and Iano
Get into your car - Not essential, but its cold outside. We prefer the sunroof method.
Release handbrake straight away, we dont want anything stopping us. You may roll if on a hill, but there's probably no one important in the way.
Put on your seatbelt, don't forget to fix your hair. In the likely event of you crashing, your seatbelt probably wont save you, but at least you're hair will be in place at the funeral.
Put the clutch pedal to the metal(BRUM) and shove her into 10th, also known as first and tenty-third(13th).
Might as well turn on the engine at this point. If you live in the mountains this may only be necessary on your journey home.
Never hold the steering wheel with two hands - what a waste of energy!
Hold it with one, loosely. This technique is hard at first, but with a little practice one may even develop their own style.
Nevermind watching the road, there's your friend over there. No need to indicate, conserve the energy and save the planet.
Pick up your friend. Or else just invite him into the car, if hes heavy.
Friends are forever, cars are fordriving.
Get wasted with your friend. Bottle of Buckfast. Monks made it, so God can't kill you for driving under its influence. Always throw the empty bottle at the car behind you.
Drive with no hands. One hand = less energy, no hands = no energy. Its a basic physical fact!
Mary may appear on the stearing wheel. She likes to drive. No need for headlamps.
Get out of your car.
Make love to your car(not considered by 67.2% of (wo)men(whatever you're into) as cheating).
Pretend you're the guy from Alien Ant Farm in the Smooth Criminal Video. Wicked.
Home