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Portland, OR - Reports coming in tonight that local area resident, John Ridges, has suddenly curved his tendancies, seemingly overnight. "I've changed." Claims Mr Ridges in an exclusive interview granted to the Examiner. "Now things are much different, starting today." John added, "Like... in the past when I used to punch Carrie in the stomach when she was pregnant with our kid; All that's behind me now. No looking back, no apologies. Carrie admitted it was all her fault for nagging me too much anyway."  ATTENTION. THIS SPACE HAS JUST BEEN WASTED. THANK YOU (ED).
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 Givenchy releases new Fragrances of Max Line gift set featuring "Urine Uninhibited, "The Fabulous and the Flatulant," and the old mainstay, "Urine my seat." Emo claims labels suck. Vegan art student unaware of cliche. Vegan has tofu-breath. Guy who just got dumped claims he doesn't need to be tied down to any one girl for a while now and that he needs to spend more time on his music. |