Lisa Ray's Second Grade Trickle
By Ramesh Kallidai
My friend Bhavesh Shah thought that I had gone raving mad.

“What? You have a chance to personally meet and interview the ravishing Lisa Ray, and yet you settle down for a barmy phone interview?” he screamed in frustration. “Let me go instead of you!”

I prudently thought I would rather have a pleased wife and a sulking friend instead of a raging wife and an adoring friend. So I settled for the phone call.

Lisa Ray, the star of films like Kasoor, has the leading role in Deepa Mehta’s latest film Hollywood Bollywood. The film has received rave reviews at the Toronto International Film Festival for its humorous blend of eastern and western cultures.

“Deepa eased us into our ‘character’ in the film even before we got into the set,” Lisa chirped on the phone. “For two weeks, we sat round the kitchen table behaving and speaking like our characters. Deepa is really an actor’s director and provides a nurturing atmosphere. She is always ready to sacrifice technicality for the sake of acting.” 

Deepa Mehta’s Executive Producer had earlier seen Lisa in Mahesh Bhatt’s film, Kasoor. He thought she might be appropriate for the role of Sunita, an escort who agrees to impersonate the fiancé of Canadian millionaire Rahul Seth in Hollywood Bollwood.

“Conicidentally, I am from Canada too,” she drawled. “After I met Deepa, I got the role immediately. I did not even audition for it.”

Lisa had been born of a Polish mother and a Bengali father. Ten years ago at the age of 16, she was discovered by Maureen Wadia who publishes India’s top fashion magazine, Glad Rags [and yes that does give a clue to her age, doesn’t it?].

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She went on to host "BPL Oye!" one of the most watched shows on Channel [V]. She even did a cameo role opposite flop-actor Rahul Roy and finally resurrected her career with Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's "Afreen Afreen" music video. After a stint of ads for brands like Lakme, Sprite, Matiz, Monte Carlo, and the Garden ad Campaigns, she managed to appear on the cover of the latest Great Looks, Elle and Femina magazines. Her break into Bollywood came with Mahesh Bhatt’s film Kasoor, which is a frame-by-frame copy of the Hollywood film, Jagged Edge.

Lisa has relocated to London because, “It is at a crossroads, both geographically and culturally and a number of influences are fusioned here. London has a great dramatical and theatrical tradition, which I want to imbibe. I love London.”

“Can I ask you some personal questions?” I asked.

“You certainly can,” she said in a voice that instantly dripped down to an Arctic sub-zero. “But if I don’t like the sound of the question, I’ll just laugh and keep quiet.”

“Do you believe in God?” I asked, just to tickle my fancy.

“Ah… I’d rather not answer that question. It’s too personal,” she blurted out in a ‘I-am-going-to-be-difficult-so-you-just-watch-out’ kind of voice.

“Why do you think the film A tale of a naughty girl has got more attention than Hollywood Bollywood at the Toronto film festival?” I enquired in a ‘if-you-can-be-difficult-then-so-can-I’ kind of voice.

“I was very busy at the film festival and unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to see any of the other films,” she said avoiding my question with dignified diplomacy

“Some people tell me that they found Dina Pathak, who plays the grandmother, the real star of Hollywood Bollwood,” I said, trying hard not to stir up trouble. “What do you think?”

Not to be outdone, she replied, “Fortunately for us, all the characters in the film have struck a chord in somebody. And of course, Dinaji was really wonderful and it was good to be able to work with her. People really did love her character.”

I sighed. Going by the freezing answers to my last few questions, I thought my final one could wind her up enough to land me a telephonic punch. Nevertheless, I bravely asked her, “What was the most embarrassing moment you can recollect in your life?”

As I waited to be ticked off, she laughed pleasantly and said, “When I was in my second grade at school in Toronto I peed in my pants in front of all the other students and the teacher.”

“And how did they react?” I asked in breathless anticipation.

“There was complete and utter silence,” she recalled.

I thanked the Almighty Lord for giving me the intelligence to choose a phone conversation over a face-to-face interview.  If she had seen the expression on my face at that moment, I may not have lived to tell this tale.