In March of 2000 we received the news with joy that we were expecting our third child. It seemed that the timing was perfect for our dreams of adding another baby to our family to be fulfilled. After keeping our wonderful secret for a few months we had a great deal of fun telling our family and friends about the little blessing that was due to join us in late November. Each prenatal visit assured us that our pregnancy was progressing normally and we would be having a healthy baby. In June we went for an ultrasound to check the sizes and dates of the baby and we were so excited to catch our first glimpse of the precious life growing inside of me. For the first time in all of our pregnancies we chose to learn the sex of the baby and were sure we won grand prize when the technician told us we would be having a girl. From that day on she became our little Hope and we busied ourselves preparing for her arrival. A dresser was hand painted with delicate flowers, sleepers and cute little outfits of all shades of pink were purchased, feminine touches were added to the nursery, and all was well with the world. We grew impatient as we watched my due date come and go but felt no cause for alarm, as our other two children were born well past their due dates.The Monday after I was due I went to the doctor for my weekly check up.We listened to Hope's heartbeat and made an appointment for a nonstress test at the end of the week. The rest of the week passed quietly as I waited for signs of labor to begin. I was having many mild contractions but none of them seemed to indicate that I was in true labor. On Thursday morning I noticed that I had been feeling only contractions and none of Hope's movements. It was with great concern that I called the doctor's office to tell them what was happening. My concern turned to fear and dread when they told me to come right in. I called my husband at work and agreed to meet him at the doctor's office. Together we waited until we were called back to an examining room. As the doctor moved the doppler microphone from place to place I felt myself starting to panic as the reality of what I had feared started to sink in. There was no heartbeat to be found. Two sonograms followed with the same diagnosis...no heartbeat. We were sent to the family birth center of the hospital so I could be admitted to await induction the following morning. That night was one of the longest of my life. The bassinet that sat in the corner of the room mocked me. Knowing that there were other mothers in other rooms enjoying their new babies only added to my pain. I was there to have the baby I loved and longed for but she would not be going home with us. Our dreams lay in shattered pieces at our feet, yet we knew God was with us and His love comforted our hearts. He reached out to us in the form of our minister and two dear friends who came in the middle of the night to sit with us and share our pain and disbelief. He showed Himself in the love of my family who drove all night to be with us for Hope's silent arrival. His hand was in the love my inlaws were sharing with us by caring for our two children at home. We were not alone. Many people sat in my hospital room with us the following morning as I labored with the help of a pitocin drip. After five hours it was time for all but my husband and the doctor and nurse to leave the room so we could meet the precious baby we had not yet seen but loved with our entire beings. Hope Elizabeth was born at 11:55 am looking like a beautiful sleeping angel with the only cries to be heard coming from her heartbroken parents. She was perfect in every way but oh so very still. The cord that had nourished her for nine months and five days had wound tightly around her neck cutting off her supply of oxygen. We were given five beautiful hours to spend with her. When we close our eyes we remember how she felt in our arms. Although we had her in our lives for only nine months in me we will one day spend eternity with her. We are so thankful God chose to give her to us even though she couldn't stay. We will love her forever.
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Please do not take grahics from this site. The graphics on this page are the personal property of Maralee Malingowski, made special in Hope's memory. They are not to be copied or reproduced in any form. If you would like special graphics for a child's memorial, please click on the link to Michelle's free web pages.
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