97.3% of all statistics are made up.

There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who cannot.

Q. Did you hear the one about the statistician?
A. Probably....

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
A. You can't do that. A mountain climber is a scalar.

Q. Why did the cat fall off the roof?
A. Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)

Q. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A. A HIGH-POT-IN-USE

Q. What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
A. He works it out with a pencil.

Ya' hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch the rays and became a tangent?

My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
 

Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier riddle.

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.