m y . t h o u g h t s . o n . t h i n g s

And who knows, you could actually know me personally - but if you do, you probably have no idea who I am. And that's the way I prefer to keep it.

I am a product of a conservative Christian upbringing. I recently graduated from a smaller, ultra-conservative, private Christian university. I now live in a big and very liberal city.

I don't think about things as most people think about things. I think on my own. I have a lot of thoughts on things, but I know better than to voice them out loud.

So I made this site a few years ago. I don't know who reads this stuff or if anyone will agree. I just write to write. And to finally voice what I have to say without feeling as though I'm going to be attacked for it.

05.15.05 Love and Marriage 3 - now that I am crazily enough engaged, my thinking on love and marriage has suddenly taken on a whole light. This is no longer what I hope to find one day, but what I agreeing to commit to. (see version 1: spring.00, or version 2: fall.03)

09.23.04 Growing Up Conservatively - an open letter of sorts to anyone else who's grown up in the South, Midwest, or any other conservative, religious, or otherwise sheltered community.

09.19.04 How I Plan to Live Unemployed - my philosophy and rules on how I'm going to live unemployed. kinda a pointless essay, but also kinda funny that I willingly subject myself to these rules!

07.28.04 Sex and Virginity - this is a hard essay to put up on this site. very intimate and things that I'm not accustomed to speaking about in public. I do think sex (and virginity) are important things to discuss honestly though.

02.03.04 Homosexuality - I'm actually {gasp} AGAINST it. I know, I know, what a "horrible", "ignorant", "uneducated", and "racist" thing to say, right?? Or maybe there's actually some intelligence behind my reasonings. Read and decide for yourself.

04.23.03 Belief and Choice - I've done a lot of thinking about the feasibility of the existence of the God I grew up believing in. I've come to the conclusion that choosing to believe in God is different than acknowledging the fact of his existence/ non-existence.

03.25.03 My Own Self-Interest - perhaps more commonly known as Psychological Egoism, or even just Egoism - the belief that everything we do is done in some way to better ourselves. I think I've come to the conclusion (by reason, not by desire) that egoism is inevitable and therefore acceptable. I've recently done A LOT of thinking on this topic and am planning on re-writing this soon.

02.12.03 What I Want From Life - I don't know if happiness is the thing to strive for above all in life or not, but I've got to choose something and figure out what is it that I want from life.

02.22.02 Depression - Not really much of an essay, more of just my thoughts on the topic itself, if I think its merely a chemical reaction, and some of my experiences with it. I should re-write this one as well.

spring.02 Suicide - yes, there have been times where I hate living. where I want to be dead. where I can no longer feel, and my thoughts are permeated day after day with only one thought: death is better than life. I'm still alive, but suicide is very personal to me - these are my very realistic thoughts on the whole thing.

summer.01 Religion - I once was an incredibly 'strong' Christian - I wanted to live solely for God. So realizing that everything I've ever believed and known may not be true was the most devastating news of my entire life.

spring.01 What's the Point? - I wrote this three years ago and am still haunted by it when I allow myself the indulgence of asking it. Why??? I think these three letters are what will drive me insane some day...and that I think too much.

spring.01 Tragedy - I don't really like this essay. I know what I meant by it, but I don't think it'll make sense to others. I was depressed but had no reason to be and because I had no reason, unlike others who've suffered tragedy, I felt incredibly guilty and even more depressed. Bad times.

fall.00 Death - A friend's dad was dying as I wrote this. I still don't understand why death is looked on as something so sad, isn't it just as natural as birth? Why are we so scared of it?

The Archives: (or stuff I've revised)

11.25.03 Love and Marriage 2 - I personally think that I have a very realistic viewpoint of love, marriage, commitment and all that. What I want in a guy, what I believe love really is, what I think about "the one" and other stuff.

spring.00 Love and Marriage 1 - this was the first essay I ever wrote and put on here. I think I was a little too naive when I wrote this, but I still think I wrote it very realistically for the time of my life that I wrote it.

last updated:
5 /18/05