18 Aug 2003
	Retroceder como um asno no Parque de Herbert em 6:00 PM amanhã.

Aspidistra flyers and peyote chewers,

• Herbert Park Rangers fans will be gutted to learn that not one of the club’s squad has been selected to play for the national team in the friendly against Australia on Tuesday. International manager Brian Kerr has stated that he will not be calling anyone new in (to cover for the injured Steven Reid and Lee Carsley). In a statement, a spokesman stated: ‘He will not be calling anyone new in.’ The Board of Herbert Park Rangers are unhappy about this, citing Carsley’s ‘donkey-like performances in the green shirt over the years.’ A spokesman for the club stated: ‘The Board of Herbert Park Rangers are unhappy about this,’ before adding ‘any of our players could replace Carsley.’ The spokesman went on to liken the Everton player to a ‘womble’ who had ‘contributed nothing but donkey-like performances in the green shirt over the years.’

• The good news is that Herbert Park Rangers will be fielding a veritable smorgasbord of talent at their home game tomorrow night at 6:00 PM at El Stadio Daddio Magnifico Herbert Olympico Hampden Park Neucamp Maine Road Bernabau San Siro Giants Penrith Palladium Stadium of Light Fantastic of Perchance to Dreams Cauldron of Burnination NürburgRing of Fire in the Disco.

• Portuguese Footballing Phrase of the Week: For hurling abuse at Lee Carsley (Everton and Ireland donkey): ‘Carsley! Você tem o desempenho de um asno’ which means ‘Carsley! You have the performance of a donkey.’

Later, Jim.