15 Sep 2003
	Ouça-se que o solitários assobiam o sopro no Parque de Herbert em 6:00 PM amanhã

Straffan and Folsom,

• The Press Office here at the best-supported club in the land, Herbert Park Rangers, is feeling vaguely existential this week and ponders a variation of the age-old question: 'If a tree falls in the forest and there is nobody there to hear it: does it make a noise?' Specifically, at a strategy and planning meeting this morning, the Board was wondering 'If Herbert Park Rangers announces a match and there is nobody there to play it: do the fans make a noise? And the answer, of course, is maybe. Just though I'd clarify that.

• Highlight of the week: On Saturday last, regular squad members took part in the Liffey Descent into Chaos, which started well and then, predictable, descended into chaos.

• If you want to find out whether the fans make a noise at this week's game at 6:00 PM in El Stadio Daddio Magnifico Herbert Olympico Hampden Park Neucamp Maine Road Bernabau San Siro Kitchen Sink or Swimorama Giants Penrith Palladium Stadium of Light Fantastic Free Londonderry of Perchance to Dreams Welcome to This Evening’s Cabaret Cauldron of Burnination NürburgRing of Fire and Impeach the Committee in the Disco No Surrender Descent into Chaos, you'll have to be there yourself.

• Lowlight of the week: As predicted on these pages by our sporting correspondent, the ‘rescue’ at Wren’s Nest was farcical, with certain Canadian paddlers forced to fight through the hordes of UCDC’C’ 'rescuers' before having to execute a technically-flawless and stylish self-rescue. Impeach the Committee! The Board is thinking of heading down to Moore Street and getting sponsorship from Bridie for a box of overripe peaches to pelt the Committee emerging from their next all-expenses-paid 'organisational' 'meeting' at some swanky hotel.

• Portuguese Footballing Phrase of the Week: There is a proposal before the Board to rename the East Stand after the great Johnny Cash - suggestions on a suitable dedication on a postcard before next week. In tribute to the man in black (whose songs have long been a part of the very name of our stadium), we say: 'Como você faz? Meu nome é Sue' which of course means 'How do you do? My name is Sue.' To make a couple of bad football puns, you might say we are 'marking' his 'passing.' No disrespect, you understand, big fellow.

Later, Jim.