Out of shame for the way I had rejected him, I agreed to have lunch with this man, Nick. We went to a nice steak restaurant, and I began to relax as he talked about his daughter. He would be getting custody of her as soon as he got settled in his new home. I was mightily impressed by the obvious love he had for this only child, and once again was struck by my wrong notions of men. Nick had talked to me during office hours when I was teaching, and I knew he had faced a lot of suffering in his 40 years. He had been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when he was thirteen, and already had two artificial hips, and artificial joints in his fingers. Yet, he accomplished much with that worn out body. He built a family home in the mountains, and tended his farm animals. He was going to the community college to help him with further schooling, in case he could ever reenter the workforce. Since he had been a pipe fitter, welder, and mechanic, he had to retrain for a less physically demanding occupation. Here I was talking to this marvel!

During that meal, we began talking about the Bible. He knew that I had recently become a Christian and thought I'd be comfortable talking over the things of God. I had a Baptist upbringing, but I never studied the Bible and so was in the dark about most things. That didn't stop me from having strong opinions, though. I look back now and think about how foolish and arrogant I must have sounded. The reason I say this, is because Nick turned out to be an honest to goodness theologian. He even learned Greek without much guidance. He knows more than most seminary graduates, so I was way out of my league.

Nick was very kind to me, never interrupting my long diatribes about something I knew nothing about. By the end of the meal, I was hooked. This man reached my heart, and I wanted to spend more time with him. I didn't know how he felt, but I sure hoped he felt the same. We parted, and I longed for the day I might hear from him.

After two months of silence, I filed that luncheon into my special memories. Alas, that was the end of it. I had prayed to the Lord that Nick might remain in my life and knew that God answers all prayers, but not all answers were "yes." This was a "no." So sad. I continued to enjoy time with my neighbor and kept plodding along. One day, when I least expected it, a letter arrived. Nick had settled in, and I had an address and phone number. I waited a bit, and then it was time to answer. I tried to make things sound light and casual, so that things could progress slowly. I called him on his birthday, and that was the end of "slow." We began a long-distance courtship. Looking back, I don't think our relationship could have progressed any other way. We were both scared to death of being hurt again, and sharing our thoughts and feelings on paper and by phone was much less intimidating.

Eventually, we were not satisfied with circumstances. Yet, we had a big dilemma. He had moved from Colorado to get away from the cold weather that was so hard on him physically, and I could not fathom leaving Colorado where all my friends, my perfect job, and support were. Although I felt I was indeed in love with Nick, I didn't have the courage to say goodbye to all that I held dear. My son had gone through so many drastic changes, I didn't like the idea of putting him through a move either. Oh dear!

Summer was upon us, and I made plans to visit family. The day before I was to leave, someone knocked on my door in the morning. I looked out the peep hole, and there he was! He told me he had packed everything into his pickup, because he had to see if our relationship had a chance.

The Worst Day of Our Lives

When I saw him on my doorstep, I wanted to run away. All of those shared feelings vanished, and he seemed like a total stranger to me. Knowing that he was here to check me out as future wife made the reunion all the more stressful. Luckily, he was tired from driving through the night and needed a nap. I let him sleep while I tried to get my emotions untangled. I kept checking on him and still couldn't believe I had let this man into my life. My son was leery, too.

To make a long story short, we had a horrible time together. I felt he had no manners, and he thought I was too prim and proper. When I barbequed, he used his fork for everything, even to get more butter from the container. Gross! We didn't argue, but our comments were biting. Unfortunately, I had already asked him to housesit while I was gone for the next eight days. I really got myself into a mess!

Nick went along to my son's swimming lesson, and I bumped into a colleague/friend. I was embarrassed for her to see me with Nick, and so I had some explaining to do when I next saw her. What in the world had possessed me to start this relationship? Nick had nothing in common with my background. He didn't dress right, and his grammar was incorrect. I thought I could overlook those things, but they were too deeply ingrained.

The next day my son and I left to see my sister, and I was feeling terrible. My bubble had burst, and life would become dreary once more.

Sorting Things Out

I did not know much about how God worked, but I sure didn't think He would allow me to go through such a letdown. If Nick wasn't meant for me, why hadn't He stopped the growing relationship sooner? Nick had left New Mexico, and I felt responsible. I told my sister and brother-in-law, Dan, about him, saying I had to get him out of my house. He had called saying that he was doing a lot of yard work for me. Dan jokingly told me to wait until he had finished all the work.

Oh boy. I knew that wasn't a good idea. If I let him do things for me, then I felt obligated. I didn't yet know it, but Nick was wondering how to break up with me! He felt the same way; we weren't meant for each other. Too many differences stood in our way. One night, while I was still gone, he started looking through my photo albums. He looked at my many expressions and the people I held dear to me, and decided to give things another chance. Perhaps, the first day magnified our differences because we were both under too much stress. Now, could he convince me to give him another chance?

When I arrived at the airport, Nick was there to meet me with a big smile on his face. He took me home to a homemade spaghetti dinner and a very clean house, inside and out. He sure knew how to woo a girl! Suddenly, I saw the man I thought I'd fallen in love with. There he was standing in my kitchen. At that moment, I knew we needed a second chance. Love was definitely in the air.

During the next few weeks, we saw a lot of each other. He took me out to dinner, and he told me much more about himself, his faith, and his beliefs as a father. He wanted to marry me, but we had to agree on issues of prime importance. His greatest fear centered on disciplining my son. I was a lousy single parent in that respect, because my son was going through a great deal of pain. I had become too lenient, and my son's behavior needed improving. I welcomed his help, and that clinched the deal; he was ready to ask for my hand.

I had a few problems myself. I wanted to be assured that marrying me was biblical. I had read in the Bible that marrying a divorced woman was wrong. Nick called his pastor on that one. It scared us both when I showed him the passage in Scripture. Alas, the pastor assured us that, in our case, we could proceed. The Bible gives valid reasons for divorce, and both of our spouses had committed adultery, which gave us grounds in the eyes of Scripture. That fear assuaged, I presented my other worries. I want to be straight forward with you, so I tell you the following, even though it makes me shutter. I gave Nick a dress code to abide by. I cannot tell you how awful that makes me feel now. At the time, appearances meant a great deal to me. I even shopped for the poor guy to improve his image.

He was desperate enough to agree, so we decided to continue the courtship. On July 15, 1995, also my son's birthday, Nick asked me to marry him. I accepted, and we began talking dates. Since school was starting in a little more than a month, we decided to marry quickly. We wanted the children, my son and his teen-aged daughter, to begin school where I was living.

Thus began a beautiful new life. My son had a new dad; I had a daughter; we had each other! The Lord had opened new doors, and we honored Him by making Him a big part of our lives. We had a blended family that had survived the pain of divorce. Although we had a multitude of obstacles to overcome, we had our hopes, our dreams, and the Lord to see us through each and every minute of the day.

I hope you will begin to see through my experience, that the Lord can change your life dramatically, if you just ask Him to take charge. I know that the biggest changes came to me through answered prayer. No longer do I feel lost and alone. He has given me new life and given it abundantly.

I invite you to come back to this web site, because I want to continue recording my journey of faith, so that you might see the many things God has to offer those who seek Him. I learned wonderful things that have made life exciting, despite the many years I've spent almost totally bed bound. I want to introduce you to some of my heroes, and tell you about the many passages of the Bible that uplift and comfort me.

For those with a similar illness, I want to share some of the details of my search for relief, the things that helped, and those that didn't. I welcome your input, feedback, and prayer.

In His Service,

Judy Valentich