For Lyta Alexander fans, for Zack Allan fans, and for fans of the pair together . . . Gok proudly de-lurks and presents:
**** The Lost Babylon 5 fic ****
Date: found and typed up Jan '02. Written first draft . . . umm . . . at least two years before that. It was lost and forgotten inside of a box that was never unpacked after moving, so I'm sure none of you have ever seen it before . . . (I found all kinds of neat stuff in that box - there might be more 'new' fics to follow! It was fun to read them, and see how much my style of writing has matured in just a few years. But this is being sent as it was first written, no edits beyond a spellcheck and a few correction in the tense.)
Author: Gok (h_raelynn@hotmail.com) or reply on the list.
[Boxes show thoughts]
*emphasis marks - since italics get lost in the great email machine*
Spoilers: Um . . . Early season 5. Lyta's still pretending to be a member of the Corps, anyway.
Rated G (for Gok-written)
****
He really shouldn't be doing this. He wanted to so much . . . Steven's comment, offhand and not really considering what he had been saying . . . he knew he had to try. If he got caught, it could go two ways - really well, or really, really badly.
Expensive, it had already been. Both in terms of credits and favors. But as he felt the weight of the box tucked under his arm, he knew it would probably be worth it. He hoped!
He was extremely glad the ranger had just wiggled an eyebrow and handed him the smuggled box. He knew it's contents - fresh, clean, very beautiful. A dozen roses, all colors, long-stemmed, thornless, and totally real. He'd soon added something to it, a short letter, name unsigned. The deliverer knew it by heart. He'd been practicing potential letters for months. He knew exactly what he wanted to say. The hard question was if she wanted to hear it or not, a puzzle made more difficult by the fact he was completely unable to talk to her. He'd put up his job as a shield, using it to give himself any excuse to talk to her, even when he knew it would be unpleasant for her to do her part, even when he would berate himself afterwards for being a coward, unable to even admit his feelings.
Was she picking up on them anyway? He just didn't know.
He'd arrived at her door. A fast hack into her personal comm system a few hours back had given him access to her schedule. She was in a business meeting for the past hour, and the next two. Plenty of time.
Override the access code on her door, enter her room, and quickly look around for the decorative vase she had - ah, there it was. He quickly filled it with water, added a few drops of floral preserve, and arranged the roses inside it.
He left the filled vase on her table, the letter propped in front, where she'd be sure to spot it as soon as she entered. Then he left silently, smiling, the empty box tucked under his arm.
He wasn't seen by anyone until after the lift door closed. Success!
****
Almost three hours later, a woman was waiting anxiously for a meeting to end. she was in the corridor, fighting the urge to pace, but she did manage to hide her nervousness. The meeting was involving the various ranking members of security - she didn't dare interrupt.
Lyta Alexander was trusted by very few people, but those who did trust her, did so completely. She trusted even fewer, and not as completely. Her mental scars were too numerous and deep to ever trust anyone completely ever again. Or so she thought at the time. She did trust B5's Chief of Security, though. Zack Allan was all business (and a fine figure in his black and grey Alliance uniform), and it was for Zack that she waited with such agitation. She trusted Zack enough to do the unthinkable: she was going to ask him for help.
Finally the doors opened, and various sector heads began to file out. Zack wasn't with them. [Uh-oh.] The door remained open, so she hesitantly moved over the two paces and looked in.
Zack was standing by the table collecting and sorting flimsies of data. She watched as he shuffled them into a single pile, slid them into a folder, and started towards the door. He stopped mid-step as he saw her waiting hesitantly just past the doorway.
"You can come in Lyta, it's okay." He said, a faintly puzzled expression on his face. "I'm guessing you want to see me about something, if you came all the way here to find me."
She nodded, taking just a few steps in. "There's . . . there's been someone in my quarters, without permission or any sign of how they got in."
His stance stiffened as he went into 'Chief' mode. "Did they steal anything, leave a threat? You've checked the access panel for a breach?"
"I don't think so, not as such, and yes. The computer said nobody was had been there but someone *was*!" Her voice trembled faintly.
At his curious look, she continued. "They - or she or he or I don't know - left something that I am extremely certain was *not* there when I left. Two things. And I have no idea where they got the first one from, I mean, it's hard enough to get fake but I'm sure these are real. I didn't get close enough to look very closely - I didn't know they might have a bomb or a spy device - I - I need your help. I can't bring myself to trust anyone else. *Please* say you're not too busy - just a check, please?"
"This has really rattled you, hasn't it? No, I'm not too busy. What's been donated?" he asked earnestly.
She hesitated, eyes glued to the floor. "Roses and an envelope with my name on it. I think it was sealed but I didn't stay long enough to check."
"Roses . . ?" He asked with just a touch of disbelief in his tone.
She snapped back, frustrated. "I've never had flowers delivered before! I'm not exactly sure how to take it, I know I'm not popular here or anywhere!" Then she shuddered visibly, upset. "Sorry. I've . . . I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I'll grab a scanner and we'll take a peek together."
He walked her to the closest equipment locker, then back to her room, using his security card to gain access.
The roses were real. No electronic bugs or organic ones. The envelope was similarly normal. Zack handed it to her. "What's it say?" He asked as she carefully opened it and read.
She read it through twice before handing it to him without saying a word.
The letter read:
"Sweet, kind Lyta,
Please don't be upset by events. Life has ups and downs and you've been on the worst kind of ride for the past several years, undergoing things so incredible and so terrible I know I'd never understand. I want to protect you, if you'd allow me to. I want you to know that I care about you. I do want you around, you near me. You aren't hated by everyone, please don't think that. You have friends here, never believe otherwise. I know you, some, I have for years. I want to know you better, for much longer, if only you'd allow me. Please?
A friend"
Zack put the note down on the table, looking first at the flowers, then to where she sat in a chair, staring into space somewhere near the far wall, arms held tight to her belly. A faint grey color tinted her face.
"You seem to have a secret admirer."
"Not funny," she said softly. "How did these get in here without a trace? How'm I suppost to sleep, knowing this 'friend' might bring a packet of explosives next, or attack me personally? I checked the import manifests while waiting for you. There - was - no - roses - brought - on - board - for - the - past - few - months! So this friend can bypass customs, *something* about that isn't right! I can't leave, I don't have the money for a ticket to leave B5, or to rent another room for even a single night! What do I do, ask the rogues in brown sector for a place to sleep? There's no indication from them as to whether or not I'd be killed before I woke up! I'm still listed as Corps, and I'm sure they don't really want me around! A couple of peace offerings can't change set emotions."
"Peace offerings? Dr. Franklin mentioned you'd delivered them some of the downbelow charity meds the other day - anything else?"
"Food, a collection of second hand clothing for the children, just what I could afford. It wasn't much, compared to the need."
Zack nodded a bit. "Well, I'll have the computer check everything a second time, just in case. There's a few hours left before suppertime, I'll see if I can find you a place to stay - no charge, and it's not charity, you've earned enough brownie points in my books during the shadow war for an all expenses paid week at the Mars pleasure dome. Other than that, I'll have my guys keep an eye on the security cams - is there one between here and the lifts?"
"No. There's two lifts, one down each direction, but no cameras on this side of either one."
"Oh. Well, I'll make sure to track the other floors, see who gets on and off the lifts and when. If your secret admirer leaves any more donations, we'll have a list of suspects to start from, narrow it down from there. Sound ok? It's not a perfect solution, but I promise we'll do our best to protect you."
Lyta nodded. "Thank you," she said in a faint voice.
"Um . . . Lyta, do you want to stay here for the next little while? If you want to be alone, I can go-"
"No!" She said quickly, then amended, "If you can stay - or if I could go with you, I don't want to be alone."
"Well, I got off duty when the meeting ended, so it's up to you whether we stay here or do something out there."
She thought for a few seconds, eyes darting around the room. "Out?"
"Sure. I missed lunch, so let me know when you get hungry. I'll buy."
"I'm not-"
"Lyta." He interrupted. "I'm going to have to feed myself, and it would be rude to not feed you, too, since you're with me. It won't be fancy, but you could at least let me pretend to be honorable."
She smiled at him, wondering how he could be anything but honorable. Zack might be lacking tact at times, but he kept a cool head in hot situations.
They ended up walking through the gardens. Zack steered her clear of the parts which had flowers, wandering instead through the walkways surrounding the cropland areas, a few side meanders through the woodpaths. They didn't say much, Zack guessed she wasn't up to conversation, but she did start to untense gradually.
A little over an hour later, the return path was heralded not by a fork in the paths and a sign, but by a complaint. Zack's stomach was voicing it's annoyance at being empty. Lyta lost the fight with her giggle and it escaped.
They went back to the Zocalo and bought something unpronounceable but edible - downright tasty, in fact.
"Well, ma'am? Where to?" He asked after they'd finished eating and resumed walking.
"Ma'am?"
"Miss?" Zack tried.
"A little better . . . but I hate being patronized. Lyta will do, if you want."
"I already have been." He gave one of his trademark half-grins.
She raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing until he'd cleared his throat and looked down at the floor. "I'll let you pick."
"What?"
"Where we go. . . I still prefer your company to being alone. Unless you'd rather do something else?"
"No, I'd rather be seen with you. Mostly for selfish reasons, but a few professional."
"Come again?"
"Well, apart from my solemnly sworn duty to protect B5's citizens - didn't you notice the looks we were getting?"
"I try not to notice the universe in general, it makes surviving a little easier."
"Uh - this might be entirely the wrong thing to say, considering this afternoon, and if so I apologize in advance, but a good half of the guys we passed seemed to have a bad case of the jealousies."
She stopped walking to stare at him in confusion. "Why in the seven suns would you say that?"
Zack also stopped, to stare at her face in surprise. Then, "Have you *ever* looked in a mirror?"
Lyta blushed and looked away. "Oh."
"I've just said the wrong thing, haven't I."
Lyta began to speak twice, but made to sound until the third try. "I . . . think I can forgive you . . . at least you look me in the eye when you talk to me, which is better than most men."
"Thanks. You deserve respect, Lyta, I know I make mistakes around you, but when I do, feel free to bop me on the head and correct me . . . but if you could not actually hit me in public, that'd be good. I don't think you have a temper but I'd like to stay on your good side anyway."
Lyta gave him a smile and his brain melted into a happy puddle.
They resumed walking.
Zack thought to himself, [I'm dead when she finds out it was me, but here and now, this is too good to pass up.]
Later, after they parted ways, he recorded a message to her, saying - stammering - words to that effect. He then apologized to her, saying " . . . I didn't plan on - um - leading you on, but it just kind of started and I couldn't confess to your face. Please don't be mad . . . uh . . . I'm going to try to send this to you for the morning, if I can, I'll probably hide in meetings all tomorrow . . . you'll be at your rented room until I start my shift, anyway. I hope."
****
The next afternoon, an annoyed Lyta was waiting outside the main Security Office. Several officers passed by without stopping to ask her why, thinking that she was just waiting to give a report on some scan they wanted her to do. But after a while, one officer finally did stop and ask if she was waiting to report to someone in particular.
"Yes," she said, "Chief Allan."
"Ah. Well, he's going to be in meetings for several more hours and can't be interrupted. Is there anything I can do?"
"Not unless you can change the past . . . Sorry, I've been in a bit of a bad mood today." She gave a smile that was obviously false. "Would you pass him a message? In person, and privately?" [Two can play at cruel practical jokes,] she thinks.
"Of course, ma'am."
"He was right. This is no place for a child to grow up, and he *shouldn't* have to be held accountable. I followed his orders and had the abortion." With that, she turned and left.
She was all the way to and in the lift before an evil grin took over her face.
The officer - and several more who could overhear - just stood there, surprised. They all knew Zack liked her looks, but!
"A what?" One of them asked rhetorically.
"He wouldn't!"
"I saw her just yesterday - waiting for him - she was upset when she - came - to - talk - to him . . . oh, damn."
By the time Zack got out of his meeting, the private, personal message had set the Security's rumor mill in full swing. Before he found out, however, there had been one thing left for him, a private text message, saying only "We're even now. Start again, or not, it's your call."
He wondered what the heck 'even' meant, then a couple of dirty looks from his men and a comment of "How could you?" left him wondering even more. Finally, he pulled a friend of his aside, and asked him what he's heard.
The friend - a fellow veteran of B5 security - gave him a look of both pity and annoyance, and repeated the 'message' to him. Zack's face went grey-white. "Oh, hell," he whispered. "I didn't mean for her to-" He stopped himself suddenly, knowing that anything he said to the other officer would be misinterpreted anyway.
Zack started searching for Lyta. It was a couple of hours later - and many wishes that she had a link to track her by - when he finally found her in her own room, reading. He came in - announced, but unanswered - and instantly worried further. He couldn't see the roses anymore. She had glanced up briefly as he had come in, but had returned to her reading. She was curled up at one end of her little sofa, engaged in a novel in some language he didn't know. He walked up and stood in front of her, annoyed as hell, but wondering if maybe, just maybe, he deserved it.
After a few more minutes, she closed the book, marking her place. "Yes, Mr. Allan?" She asked innocently.
"Rhetorical question. Do you *know* what you've just done to my professional reputation?"
"Rhetorical question, where you terrified for your life and safety!?" She snapped.
" . . . no . . . " he admitted quietly. "Look, how do I start to apologize? I didn't mean for you to be upset by it! Ok, I used my job as a shield to keep from saying what you needed to hear, what I wanted to say. It spiraled from there. Do you know how hard it was to confess? It finally sunk in that if I let it go any longer, it would only get worse. There were - are - lots of things I want to give you . . . I figured going for the traditional would be the best - flowers are given on all sorts of occasions, they don't have to be romantic, I mean, if you didn't want to think of me like that - I figured it was the safest - lots of room for interpretation but I never thought it would be perceived as a threat, I mean-"
"You're babbling." She interrupted dryly, making his mouth close nervously.
He nodded.
"You probably want to know how I feel, don't you. Start again, wash your hands of this whole bad business?"
He nodded again.
"Restroom's in there," she commented without interest.
[At least she didn't tell me to use the exit,] he figured.
A few seconds later, a low-pitched, not-quite-verbalized squawk reached her ears. Lyta's face twitched in a half-smile before she repressed it. "They looked much better on that table, don't you think? Would you please be kind enough to return them there?"
As he did so, she continued. "But don't think for a second I'm done being mad at you *That* will take weeks, if not longer, of apologizing on your part. No, I don't want you to suck up, be obvious about it, or do anything that might cause people to think I've got you in my pocket. Your career is busy enough with Alliance problems added to the normal mayhem, you don't need any additional telepath concerns. Talk of playing both sides, although as long as I wear this -" she picked at her uniform "-thing, they're not likely to consider you friendly to the rogues. I won't bite, Zack, you can sit if you want. Like I said, we're even."
She paused until he sat gingerly on the other end of the couch. "Whatever you want to do, start out and square one. And BE HONEST this time! I will not scan without permission, there wasn't any way I would have found out it was you, until you either slipped up or confessed. So. Now what?"
It took a while for him to reply. "What do I do to start?"
"What do you think?"
"That's not an answer! I don't know. . . well . . . our first conversation, you complained you were lonely. Can I spend time with you when I'm not working? If you let me?"
She paused, then, too. "You are going to need to repair your 'professional reputation' one way or another." She gave a weak laugh. "I guess I can't fault you for just saying whatever pops into your brain, I did the same thing this afternoon. It makes sense, though, if anyone checks." At his puzzled look, she explained. "The company you were so kind as to rent a room from also have medical holdings in the same area. A clinic, for one. I saw the sign this morning. Didn't pay much attention, but I guess it stuck, considering my comment. I wouldn't do that, anyway. Kill a baby. Whether or not I was ordered to."
"I'm glad."
"Don't be. It's a moot point. I can't have children."
"What?"
"A . . . gift . . . from the second vorlon. Another way to ensure I didn't become 'distracted'. Don't look at me like that, I can't stand being pitied. I certainly don't miss getting my period every month, or the mood swings. I just don't know what, if anything, still works. What I can do. Not too sure I want to find out." Lyta sighed and pulled her legs up to her, then buried her face in knees.
Zack wondered what to do to break the ice again. "Shoes?"
"Huh?"
"Your shoes, don't you want to take them off to . . ."
Lyta made an exasperated sound, pulled off her shoes and tossed them onto the floor before curling up again. "Better?"
"Naw, I was hoping for at least a smile."
She swung a pillow at him. He caught it with ease. He stuffed it behind himself, but she hit him with a second one as his back is turned, putting on a innocent expression when he looked at her.
Zack edged away a little bit more, but he was smiling a little. "So, milady, what would you like to do?"
"Well, finish this chapter, for one," she tapped the book's cover with a finger.
"What book is it? I don't recognise the language."
Lyta smiled tenderly, stroking the cover. "It's a collection of children's fables. Not for children - well - some of them are intended that way - but stories children made up. Someone I knew - couldn't pronounce the name if I tried - had started to gather them when we first met, years ago. She said when enough had been collected to make a book, she'd send one from the first printing. When those first contact diplomats came last week, one of the servants searched me out, he gave it to me a few days ago. Said he was honor bound to give thanks to the one who learned to still the darkness, from a few of the reasons why we all fought. I didn't understand what he meant until I opened it and realised I knew the language, and some of the stories were familiar." She pointed to the symbols just inside the cover. "This is a note she - I nicknamed her glitterbug, since that's what she looked like - wrote in it. The translation is along the lines of 'Red, I finally finished the damn thing. Hooray!' "
Zack laughed. "Mind if I watch while you read?"
Lyta shook her head and returned her attention to the pages, giving Zack time to re-think on things. Hindsight said he should have confessed right away instead of playing the white knight. He would have likely gotten to spend time with her anyway . . . and would have saved them both a great deal of frustration and embarrassment. [Chalk one up for typical male stupidity.] Zack tried to figure out how to show her - and the rest of the universe - he's sorry, without making things too obvious and putting her in danger. Well, it won't hurt to ask for advice.
Zack watched her eyes as they skimmed up and down the columns of script, as intent on memorizing her beautiful features as she was on reading. He would get through this. *They* would get through this, together.
He smiled.
(end)