The following is a rather quick summary of my life story. I would like to think that there was a reason for all the things that I have been through. A reason other than my own stupidity. I do not pretend to be all knowing, but sometimes I wonder if the reason I went through the things I did, was so that I might help others to learn from my mistakes. Someday you may find the rest of this story written into a soap opera or a mini series, but believe me it won't even come close to the real thing.*L*

I was the typical hyper child. My parents where forever getting notes from my teachers, telling of how I was not working up to my abilities and that I could not behave in class. I did great on my tests, but hated homework and so I hardly ever did it. Adults often fail to understand that a hyper child needs to be kept busy mentally if they want them to be still physically. Being hyper also causes a child's attention span to be even shorter than normal, but it also makes them more alert. This explains why a hyper child finds more to get into.*grin*

In my early teen years I had dreams of becoming a Psychiatrist. I believed that no person was really bad. They were just misunderstood or misguided. I was still an innocent and naive child. A strong nurturing instinct caused me to find friendships with people who needed help. Other kids that no one else wanted to be friends with. I actually did help a couple of them to become more out going and find their way into the "crowd", and this made me aware of my desire to be needed. If I had only known then what I know now, I would have volunteered at a local hospital or nursing home or maybe I would have become a nun. All I know is I would have found some positive way to fill this desire, but instead I found young love.

When we met, I was only fourteen and he was seventeen. He had family problems and I fell hard for his poor little boy routine. He knew I couldn't stand to see him down, so whenever we had a fight he would start acting hurt and give me this poor little boy look. I wasn't allowed to date then, but that didn't seem to stop us. We always found a way to see each other, and finally when I turned fifteen my parents agreed to let us date. The next year, he graduated and was offered a job in another town. He came home every weekend and called at least three times a week, but he was lonely and so was I. The town he worked in was small and there was very little for a young man to do.

One Saturday while we were on our way home from a movie, he asked me if would consider getting pregnant so that we could get married, since my parents would never allow me to get married before I finished high school. They were smarter than I was, but I didn't realize that then. Anyway I asked him if he was sure, because I couldn't agree unless he was absolutely positive that this was what he wanted. He told me of all the plans he had made and that after we were married I could still finish school, so I believed him. Four weeks later, I was pregnant and he had moved to a different town. A college town, where there was plenty for a young man to do and plenty of young women to do it with. All of a sudden he wasn't so lonely and I was all alone. When you are young it is easy to believe you know someone. But people change, and young people sometimes seem to change over night.

To understand how quickly a young person can change, just look at the difference between a one year old and a two year old. Now look at the difference between a fifty year old and a sixty year old. It is easy to see the changes in the younger age group, but the changes in the older group are barley noticeable even with more years separating them. That is why older people are always saying wait until you are older. Because they know how quickly a young persons ideas can change. One month could have made a big difference in my life, but I didn't wait.

At the age of 17, I was an unwed mother. When I graduated from high school, I was 8 months pregnant. I did not attend the graduation ceremony and to this day I often wondered how it would have felt to be young and out of school, with no responsibilities and my whole life ahead of me. I gave up my youth to raise my child. While other people my age were going to a concert, I was walking the floor with a colicky baby. While they were at the beach playing volleyball, I was taking the baby to get his immunizations. While they went out to dinner with a bunch of friend, I stayed home with my baby and heated up creamed peas. I loved my son with all of my heart, and although I told myself that I had him, and didn't need to do all of those things, the truth is I did and still do miss not having had the choice. If there is one piece of advice I could give to a young girl, it would be, enjoy your youth while you can, because you can never get it back. We are old for a much longer time than we are young, so please Wait!

When my baby was three months old, I started working to be able to support my son. His father never paid a penny of child support and to this day has never seen him. I worked many different jobs trying to support us. You name it and I've probably done it. Fortunately I never had to go on welfare like many young girls do. Just because a young girl makes a mistake, it doesn't mean she loses all sense of pride. There are those who have no other choice, but given the chance most would prefer to be self reliant. My parents helped me out alot and I am extremely grateful to them. I hurt them very badly, but they taught me that a parents love is unconditional. They were always there for me and I try hard to always be there for my children.

I have worked at many various jobs. Such as;

• A Waitress, where I learned what having sore feet means!
• The Georgia Department of Transportation where I learned to operate a front end loader
• The U.S. Forest Service where I learned how to use a chainsaw
• A Veterinarian's assistant, where I learned how to, get a sample*yuck*
• A Shoe Store Manager, where I learned what smelly feet means *L*
• A Phlebotomist (the person in a hospital who draws your blood) aka A Vampire :-o
• A Sandblasting company where I learned how to be a so called business manager
• A Humane Society Animal Shelter Manager, where I learned the importance of spaying and neutering pets.
• An Animal Control Officer, I dealt strictly with dangerous dogs!
• A Sewing Machine Operator, where I learned what "boring" means...
• A Nurse in a Nursing Home, where I learned that some of the most wonderful people in the world are those with gray hair and wrinkled skin...

The hardest job I ever had was as a Nurse. Not because of the job requirements, nor because of the sorrow I experienced each time one of my Residents passed away, the hardest part was not being able to do more for the wonderful people I came to love as my own family. There are many negative beliefs about Nursing Homes, and I wish more than anything that I could change those beliefs. In our society, families often are no longer able to care for their elderly members at home. This is mostly due to the high cost of living which often requires two incomes. No one is home to take care of grandma or grandpa anymore, and therefore a Nursing Home becomes the only option. However, due to the negative beliefs associated with Nursing Homes, and the families regrets about having to place an elderly member in one, it is often the case that the family stops coming to visit shortly after placing grandma or grandpa in the Nursing Home. It is so sad to me, because these wonderful people deserve more. Just because a person can no longer take care of themselves, or loses control of their bladder, does not make them any less of a person. While some of them may have minds that wander, they still need the love and touch of someone who cares. In my experiences, I have found that even those who can not speak, will become calmer and occasionally even give a smile to a warm embrace and a kind word. As far as the care that they receive from the staff, well people will always do a better job when they know someone is watching. So if you have a loved one in a Nursing Home, Please go to visit them often. They will enjoy it more than you may know, and what's more you may just be doing yourself a favor. Our elderly are full of wisdom, humor, and most of all pure love. Also, the negative ideas associated with Nursing Homes, hurt the funding, and often staffing of these facilities. This makes it even harder for these wonderful people to get the care they deserve. Lets all try to make the words Nursing Home mean a Caring Place to Live, for those whom need a little more help than the average family can give. If society can view Nursing Homes in a positive way then perhaps more people will be willing to work in them, and families will feel better about visiting their loved ones there, and the government would be more willing to spend little more money to help provide better care for the people who helped build this country.

The job as Shelter Manager was the 2nd hardest job I ever did. It included making life and death decisions. I had to put many of the animals "to sleep" myself, and when I think back, it makes me want to cry! At the time I told myself that they were better off dead, rather than starving or sick on the side of the road somewhere, but I don't think I ever really convinced myself of that. In my mind, the images will never die! Please have your pets spayed or neutered.

When I decided to start dating again, I made it understood that if a guy wanted to care about me then he had to care about my son. I think it is a lot easier for a woman to love a child that isn't hers than it is for a man. Many of the men I dated, found the responsibility of a young child, more than they were ready for. After being hurt by my sons father it was hard to trust any man and often I would break off a relationship just because they said something that made me mad. I was becoming hard.

My first marriage lasted only two years. I was young and wanted a storybook marriage. You know the one where the wife has dinner ready when her husband comes in from work and he kisses her on the cheek as she brings him his plate. Well mine didn't come home, he went to a bar instead. He had developed a serious drinking problem and when my pleas for him to get help went unanswered, I did what I felt was best for my son and myself. I know now that there is no such thing as a storybook marriage. A marriage like anything takes a lot of hard work. Many times people give up on a relationship with out even really trying, and sometimes people stay in a relationship that they should get out of. While people do change, it is not always for the better. After this, I changed for the worse.

I met my present husband while I was living in Atlanta, GA. I had turned into a pretty wild young woman and spent a lot of time in Bars, whenever my son was visiting his grandparents. I never believed in drinking around children and I never will. Anyway, here I was the young woman who had left her first husband because he drank, doing worse things, than he had ever dreamed of. What made me go bad? Well a lot of things, but it's too complicated to get into, so I'll just say the "Devil" made me do it. Anyway I was in a Bar when I met Patrick, my present husband. He was not the macho type and he treated me with respect, strange considering, but he did. We started out as just friends and then some how ended up living together. We lived together for 4 years before we decided to move to the town we now live in. It is a small town and "they don't take kindly" to people living out of wedlock here, so we decided to get married. Another "benefit for us" was the fact that they don't have any Bars here. Since we couldn't (or should I say wouldn't) drink at home, we both quit drinking. I am a new person now, thank goodness!

My little boy, Brian, was born a year after we were married. I had always wanted another child, but I thought I couldn't get pregnant. My doctor had took me off birth control pills many years earlier and I had a lot of scar tissue that seemed to be blocking my tubes. I think God gave me Brian, to help give me the strength to stay on the right path. God's love is that of a parent, unconditional, he can forgive us for what we can not forgive ourselves! He has always watched over me on my journey down this long hard road and every time I started to give up or lose my way, he was there to guide me and pick me up.

I have done many things wrong in my life and some I will never forgive myself for, but I have learned to accept them as part of a valuable lesson. There is so much that I have left out, but I will say that some of the things that I have done and seen, are things that no parent would ever want for their child. Yet I have learned so much about myself and about people in general, that perhaps it has made me a better person. I believe that much like the parent who at times must let his child learn "the hard way", God allows us to do the same. There is not a parent alive, who does not wish his children would "just listen" to them. "Do good in school, go to college, wait until you get married, and don't forget to brush your teeth," these are things that we all say to our own children, hoping they will listen to us. God tries to tell us what is right too, he talks to us everyday, he is in our conscience. It is up to us to learn from the mistakes we make, but it would be so much easier, if we would just listen to him. (Oh yeah sorry about the brush your teeth thing, just wanted to lighten up a bit)

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