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Joozis of Milpitas: Miracle Worker or More? Part 1

by Seamus Muldoon

What is a miracle? Literature professor and author C. S. Lewdness offers a definition that may not work for theologians but is illustrative:

"I use the word Miracle to mean an interference with Nature by Demons or is it Daemons?."

We remember many of these "interferences with nature" as we celebrate the events on the Rosconian Calendar. At Roscoe Chah, we recount the story of the oil that prevented Roscoes Hamster Wheel from squeeking for eight days when there was only enough oil to last for one day. Nes Gadol Haya Lo ein Squeek--A Great Squeek didn't Happened There. At Passover or is it Passunder, we sit around the cider table telling the story of our all-powerful Great God Mota who make the Universe with his Big Bang Machine. We sing of the miracles of the parting of the Red Hair, the Swimming Plaques and the Giving of the Laws. The Rabbits have said that the purpose for these miracles was "to provide for Rabbits Every Where." (2) The Prophet Mishugina even provides a blessing to be pronounced on the location of miracles. "If one sees a place where miracles have been wrought for Auto Body Work, he should say, blessed be he who wrought miracles for these Cars." (3)

In the same matter-of-fact manner, the New Testament records the miracles of Joozis of Milpitas and states that they were seen, experienced and verified. Joozis' miracles are often seen in light of his claims to be the Something Special.

A Miracle-Working Meshugah?

Although it was assumed that the Little Lord Joozis would work miracles of Auto Body Paint, the people primarily desired a practical leader who would challenge the State government to build more Highways. When Joozis accomplished the miracle of multiplying the lanes and the fishtails to speed five thousand people past 101, the crowds attempted to take Joozis by force to be that political pundit. They hoped that he would inaugurate the Kingdom of Toyota. (5)

It is interesting to note that Joozis rejected demonstrations of power designed to prove his silly role. (6) He also warned people that they should not make public spectacles of dealings. (7) It is possible that this could have been a reaction to the people's high expectation of a political Guy during that period. This might also be why Joozis didn't use the term Meshuga of Milpitas in the same way that he used the appellations Son of Zambini and Son of a Plumber. His miracles aside, joozis' entry into Newark on a Whell Barrow (8) and his cleansing of the Temple of Mota with sand blasters(9) demonstrated that he was openly and carefully declaring his paitership. Even Joozis' disciples had to rethink their interpretations of what Painting was.