We all know how deeply our lives can be touched by those that become close to us. Perhaps none can have such a profound affect though, as ones Dominant.
In a perfect world, these affects would always be positive. A Dominant would always have his or hers submissives best interests at heart. Often even placing their submissives needs above their own. Their guidance, structure and teachings would always be to the benefit of their submissives. Enabling she or he to grow and flourish as never before.
Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. There are those in our lifestyle that have become "Dominants" for purely selfish or cowardly reasons. Some of these are easily labeled as abusers and are perhaps more easily spotted than others, who in their own way can be even more damaging to a submissives trusting and loving heart, soul and mind.
These pseudo Dominants can be quite convincing to new and experienced submissives alike. They are utterly charming and know all the right things to say. They have plausible reasons for everything they do or don't do, smoothly overcoming any reservations the submissive may have. They are masters of manipulation and justification and little else.
These people, both men and women, often see Domination as the perfect disguise for their own insecurities and lack of self control. They are often unable to or unwilling to make an emotional investment in a relationship. They will not be in a relationship that they cannot control because they are afraid of being hurt and believe that by controlling the relationship they minimize the degree of hurt that can be inflicted upon themselves.
They have little or no sense of personal responsibility or accountability. How can such a person take responsibility for another human being? Simply put, they cannot in my opinion.
They demand all the benefits of having a submissive or slave and in return give little to nothing back. They are insecure so they will often intentionally push the submissive well beyond their limits or even pre discussed hard limits. Needing constant affirmation and reassurance that the submissive is totally and completely devoted, obedient and loyal to them.
They will seek to foster an environment of total dependency by the submissive. Often attempting to isolate them from friends, family and others in the lifestyle. The reason for this is obvious the more isolated the submissive the more dependent on their Dominant they will become. Another reason would be that an outsider to the relationship would perceive it as the abusive situation it is.
They will manipulate instead of guide. Their own needs are always primary for them, and little thought is given to the needs of their submissive. Their submissives become more and more frustrated, clingy and insecure. They of course assume it is some failing in themselves or their submission that is causing their Dominant to treat them this way. Their "Dominant" has so eroded their confidence they cannot believe otherwise. Every tentative question is met with either outrage that they would dare to question them, disdain, punishment or some little scrap of attention or consideration that gives them hope and keeps them trying even harder to please someone who will never be satisfied no matter how much they give and try.
So, what can you do to protect yourself from these very damaging so called Dominants? Often times there are warning signals, or "red flags." More often then not, these are ignored due to the emotional attachment that has already formed.
Talk to their previous submissives and listen to what they tell you! If they seem to be too good to be true then guess what? They probably are! Watch for the red flags and heed them when they occur. When they talk about previous relationships was it always the other persons fault? That is an excellent red flag and points to lack of accountability. Do not jump into a relationship before you truly know the person. This lifestyle is not a game. When someone ties you up your life is in their hands, literally. Think about that before you find yourself agreeing to play on a first or even second meet. Discuss potential Dominants with your friends and sisters and their Dominants. It is far easier to spot the warning signs when there is no emotional attachment or investment. If they see red flags that you do not, you just might be in denial. Regardless of your level of experience consider finding a mentor that is even more experienced then yourself. They can have years of experiences and insight to offer you and you can benefit enormously from this. Above all, use your common sense and your instinct. If something is telling you all is not as it appears then listen!
It is far better to be too careful now and laugh about it later, then not be careful enough and regret it for a lifetime
©HartOgold@mindspring.com
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