By HartOgoId
Relationships are seldom easy. Be they vanilla or Dominant and submissive. Being in a power exchange type of relationship is to me the most fulfilling, however it too has it’s challenges and hurdles to overcome. Even a slave will sometimes disobey for any number of reasons.
In the beginning it is most often a testing process. The slave/submissive needs to test her own and her Dominants boundaries. She (for the purpose of this eassy I will use female submissive and male Dominant) needs to know where those boundaries are. Not so that she can continually cross them but because they are her a comfort to her.
As a slave I function best in a very structured controlled type of environment. One in which I know exactly where those boundaries lay and that there are immediate and strict repercussions if I over step them. This does not mean that I need those boundaries to obey. Quite the contrary, the boundaries and rules are a source of comfort, reassurance and stability for me as a slave.
So, why do slaves or submissive obey? For myself I obey because I wish to please my Dominant. It pleases me to know that my obedience is not only expected and demanded but also that it is appreciated, valued and cherished. Surrendering your will to another is incredibly easy for the most part with the right Dominant. And almost impossible to do with a weak Dominant. There are of course times when it is not so easy which I will get into later.
We obey out of our devotions, loyalty and love for our Dominants. We give completely of ourselves and in the right relationship, we receive just as much though in a different way from our Dominants in return. Your heart and soul are the most you can ever give to someone, you have to know that the person you are giving your all to is deserving of this and that they are capable of cherishing and appreciating that which you give. When your Dominant is your world, literally, how can you not obey their wishes, desires and orders?
That brings me to my next point, disobedience to ones Dominant. Yes it does happen. I think that one of the greatest obstacles to complete surrender is the very thing which enables us to surrender so completely in the first place. Our incredible strength. Submissives are not weak little creatures that are incapable of standing on their own. We are strong people who choose to surrender to the right one. However, I think that our strength of character, personality and will can sometimes cause us to do the one thing that we dread most. Disappointing the one that we respect over all others.
Often times people in general react before they think. This is even true of Submissives. In the heat of the moment we occasionally allow emotion to overrule common sense and yes even the wishes of our Dominant. We are human and we make mistakes as well. Directly disobeying is not always meant in a defiant way, sometimes our emotions just override a direct order. I have done things and sat back and wondered was that really me that just said or did that? What was I thinking? Its quite appalling when it happens to me. I strive to be pleasing and obedient at all times but even the best of us sometime fall short of our goals.
I think that there are many other reasons Submissives sometimes disobey. I know that I will push and push to check to see if my Dominant is paying attention. If he is willing to back up his wishes with actions. It is a source of comfort and reassurance to know that yes, he is indeed paying attention and cares enough about me to enforce his rules, orders and wishes. If no repurcions are forth coming it is very demoralizing to a slave. She ends up questioning his Dominance and her own surrender of will to him. Perhaps he is not after all worthy of her, or capable of keeping her in line.
Just as children need to have words backed up with actions so do Submissives. If a child knows exactly where the boundaries are and the rules and that there are swift and strict repercussions for their mistakes and actions they seldom cross that line. This is true also of Submissives, who in many ways are their Master's "children". A slave or submissive becomes almost a child to their Dominant. This is probably why the roles of Daddy and little girl are so often seen in D/s relationships. (A new view for me as my Master can attest to). We wish to please, and have them be proud of us, our accomplishments, and our obedience and who we grow to be as a person under their tutelage, much as a parent or Father would. And we expect discipline and punishment when we are disobedient as well as encouragement and praise when we are found pleasing.
Often times if a Dominant is wise and knows his slave well enough, he perceives things that she needs to learn to continue her growth. This can be an uncomfortable process for the submissive as she most often does not realize at the time why her Dominant might be pushing her into an area of discomfort. This is one of the many areas where trust comes in so importantly.
We also obey because we have ultimate trust that our Dominants are concerned always with what is best for us as people. The pruning of the tree or the breaking of the shell is most often a painful process but also a very necessary one to get to what lies within. There have been many times when I have looked back at things that were very painful only to realize why a Dominant has done what he has and that it was for my benefit. Not their own. Trust above all else in our Dominant is essential to obedience. After all, how can you place your life into another’s hands if you do not have absolute faith and trust that they will always do what is best for you?
In conclusion, there are endless reasons for why we do what we do and why we sometimes disobey. Above all life is a learning process and so is getting to know and grow the ultimate trust required for complete submission.