The door defeated him. Having walked up the stairs, ignoring his sore foot and the bent rib he'd only now noticed, not to mention his aching head had taken just about the last remnants of his strength.

The door wouldn't stand still but danced in his vision to the tune of the throbbing beat in his temple where he'd taken a beating. The medic had mentioned something about getting himself checked out for a concussion but he'd ignored it, knowing from past experience that it wasn't serious.
But combined with fatigue and anger at the injustice he'd witnessed, it was now threatening to engulf him in the darkness lurking at the edges of his consciousness.

Well, that and cowardice, he admitted to himself. It had been one thing to be strong and to act as if he had all the answers for them when he'd been back at CTU, doing what he did best alongside her and he had been able to pretend things were just as before, seeing the love in her eyes again.
Now he couldn't even work up the courage to use the key she'd given him and walk through the door from fear that a few hours of rest and the chance to think more clearly had changed her mind.

He'd left her still at CTU to clear up the last things after what had seemed like an endless row of debriefings on the days events in general and Jacks death in particular.
While she did that, he'd left to fulfil his last promise to Jack. He sighed and leaned against the doorframe remembering Kim's surprised smile turning into a stricken expression as she realized the implication of the CTU clothes and the grim expression he'd worn.

He'd felt even more guilty at the relief of strong arms lifting her out of his embrace and taking over, Chase's eyes meeting his with the same burning injustice he'd felt.
Injustice and guilt. What right had he to be here while Jack was reduced to fleeing the country leaving his family behind to think him dead?
That feeling had only grown stronger when he'd left the Edmunds house after a few hours of careful explanations and headed back to tie up loose ends in the miserable excuse for a life that had been his own up till the previous day.
Jen, all prickly and out to draw blood had accused him of having been in a bar fight when she'd seen the bruises on his face. But she'd also been clutching the hem of the pillowcase on the couch so tightly her fingers were white, instinctively knowing from his expression that things were over.
She'd been bitter and none of his apologies or attempts of thanking her for taking care of him when he had barely been able to do it himself had changed her stoic expression. Like she said with deliberate calm, he'd never promised her anything. Maybe he hadn't but the sight of reluctant tears welling up in her eyes had still sent him running from there even faster than Kim's grief had a couple of hours earlier.

Coward! He called himself, standing outside that grey door with darkness sneaking up on his mind again, threatening to blacken out his world, having to pull together every last bit of nerve before entering. It's not like you've been drinking now or intend to again, he tried to reassure himself. It's not like she didn't give you the key and in there is Michelle….and rest.
He hurriedly put it in the keyhole and entered quickly, not giving himself time to change his mind again.

The sound woke her and she called out, drawing him into the bedroom where she had slept on top of the covers in her neatly made up bed.

"Hey" she said in a soft, sleepy voice, getting up to hug him close. The fresh scent of still slightly damp hair and perfumed soap filled his senses along with soft curls and the feel of her body, all sleepiness and warmth and none of the desperation she'd clung to him with earlier.

"Michelle, I…." he paused, resisting her attempts to draw him closer to the bed.
"What is it?" She said, taking his hands, still smiling but for a glimpse of worry in her eyes at his serious expression.
He blinked, trying desperately to gather thoughts that were rapidly sucked into the darkness brought on by exhaustion. He knew he should have waited but he couldn't. Just couldn't bear not to know and the thoughts of leaving her alone until she'd had more time to think was equally repugnant to the one of brushing it aside and having to live in the fear of the issue returning with a vengeance later.

"Are you sure you want this?" he finally blurted out, barely being able to steel himself to still look her in the eye.
"Michelle, I've had a few hours to think and I've realized I'm not being fair in asking you to give up everything. It's easy for me, I don't have anything to loose anymore. Like you said earlier, I've been too drunk to hold down a job"
"Tony, that's not… I'm sorry about that…" she protested achingly, reaching out for him, wishing she could take back those words yet also realizing that it had been the turning point for her, seeing him accept that particular piece of abuse with nothing more than a tiny shred of dignity left as protection and realizing with dismay for the first time what she had become without him to be able to say that to him.

He silenced her, holding on to the hands attempting to frame his face lovingly and continued:
"No, it's okay, it was true at the time but it's different now and if you need some time to think about what we're going to do or maybe you're not ready to give up working for CTU yet, I just wanted to say that's okay and I promise you that I'll cope this time, if you still want me around…."

His piece said, he sighed and broke eye contact, waiting for the reply, still wishing fervently he'd been able to wait to pose the question until he'd rested and the concussion-induced nausea and pounding in his temple had receded and he was indeed able to cope like he'd just promised her.

She looked at him closely, trying. His eyes were half-closed and she could sense more than actually see the tremors in his body. When he involuntarily swayed on his feet, she made a sound and pulled free from his grip, throwing her arms around his waist instead.

"Tony, listen to me! I've already quit. Bill might not have liked it, but he understood and with overtime and postponed vacation it's actually effective immediately"

"I promise you I won't regret it sweetheart, I love you and I wish we'd done this sooner, then maybe we wouldn't have wasted so much time apart." she continued and smiled as she felt him sag ever so slightly against her.

"Now let's get some sleep and we can talk later. Have you even rested yet?" she scolded, busying her fingers pushing cloth aside and removing his clothes.

"Um... no" he murmured relieved and sighed with pleasure as nimble fingers chased a t-shirt gently all the way up across his back. He let her pull it over his head and kicked out of his pants at the same time.

She pulled him down on the bed and arranged the covers, covering them both, creating a cocoon of warmth to share. This time he gratefully let go and let the darkness engulf him in warm waves of exhaustion. The last thing he heard was the low soothing tones of her voice smiling in his ear.
"I kinda liked Seattle Tony; I think you would too…"