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Painting.wav (151K) Will: Did you paint that? Sean: Yeah I painted that. Will: Very interesting. Maybe you're in the middle of a storm you know waves are crashing over your tiny little boat there. Maybe you did what you had to do to get out. Maybe you became a Psychologist. Sean: You got me. Will: Maybe you married the wrong woman. Sean: Maybe you should watch your mouth. Angel.wav (124K) Sean: But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feeling like God, put an angel on Earth just for you. Apples1.wav (85K) Will: Do you like apples? I got her number. How you like them apples? Apples2.wav (193K) Will: Do you like apples? Yeah. Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples. Jump.wav (184K) Will: Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay? Psychologist: What are you talking about? What? Will: Look buddy two seconds ago you were ready to give me a jump. Look I don't have a problem with it. I don't care if you putt from the ruff. Bar.wav (320K) Will: Are you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter...or is that your thing, you come into a bar you read some obscure passage and pawn it off as your own idea to impress some girls. Bar2.mp3 (787K) [The entire scene in the Harvard bar where Will confronts the asshole that was fucking with Chuckie.] Hoochie.wav (285K) Chuckie: I didn't get on Kathy last night. Will: No, why not? Chuckie: I don't know. Kathy, why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie woochie you usually throw at me? Kathy: Oh fuck you and your Irish curse Chuckie. Like I'd waste my energy spreading my legs for that tootsie roll dick. Go home and give it a tug yourself. Shameless.wav (222K) Skylar: Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your wiener you're acting directly on its behalf. Will: You bet, and on behalf of my wiener can I get an advanced payment? Skylar: No. OliverTwist.wav (292K) Sean: No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me, because you saw a painting of mine you rip my fucking life apart. You're an orphan right? Do you think I'd know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? DoubleBurger.mp3 (210K) [The entire scene with Morgan and Chuckie in the car arguing about the double burger.] Snacks.wav (173K) Morgan: We just seen the guy 15 minutes ago at the park. If we was gonna fight him we should have fought him then. We got snacks now. Chuckie: Let me tell you something. If you're not out there in 2 fucking seconds when I'm done with them, you're next! Carmine.wav (54K) Will: Carmine! It's me Will. Remember? We went to kindergarten together. BAM!!! Canned.wav (136K) Morgan: How hard is it to push a motherfucking broom? Chuckie: You got fired for pushing a fucking broom. Morgan: I got fired cause management was restructuring. Billy: Yeah, restructuring the amount of retards they had working for em. Morgan: Shut up. You get canned more than tuna bitch. HarvardBar.wav (75K) Chuckie: So, this is a Harvard bar. I thought there would be like equations and shit on the walls. Hammered.wav (545K) [The story that Chuckie tells about his uncle driving a state trooper's car home.] 2Certainties.wav (167K) Will: See, the sad thing about a guy like you is in 50 years you're gonna start doing some thinking on your own, and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are 2 certainties in life. One, don't do that. And Two you dropped 150 grand on a fucking education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library. Idiot.wav (137K) Skylar: You're an idiot. I've been sitting over there for 45 minutes waiting for you to come and talk to me. Will: I'm Will Caramels.wav (102K) Skylar: So, maybe we could go out for coffee sometime? Will: All right, yeah, or maybe we could just get together and eat a bunch of caramels. Skylar: What do you mean? Will: Well, when you think about it it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. GoodNightLaid.wav (129K) Skylar: I know you've been thinking about it. Will: Oh, no I haven't. Skylar: You were hoping to get a goodnight kiss. Will: I'll tell ya I was hoping to get goodnight laid. WTF.wav (12K) Will: What the fuck do you want? BallyHoo.wav (51K) Psychologist: No more shenanigans. No more tom foolery. No more bally hoo. BlowjobandCoffee.wav (296K) Will: You know I was on this plane once. And I'm sitting there and the captain gets on, and does this whole, you know, we'll be cruising at 35 thousand feet, but then he puts the mic down he forgets to turn it off. And so he turns to the copilot, and he's like, you know all I could use right now is a fucking blowjob, and a cup of coffee. So, the stewardess fucking goes bombing up from the back of the plane to tell him the microphones still on. This guy in the back of the plane like, hey hun don't forget the coffee. Freud.wav (84K) Sean: O.K. everybody that's it for today. We'll see ya Monday. We'll be talking about Freud, and why he did enough cocaine to kill a small horse. Mothers.wav (171K) Morgan: Who did you call? Will: No one I forgot the number. Morgan: Fucking retarded you went all the way out there in the rain, and you didn't bring the number? Will: No, it was your mother's 900 number I just ran out of quarters. Morgan: Why don't we get off of mothers I just got off of yours. Yoga.wav (61K) Sean: You know you'd be better off shoving that cigarette up your ass it would probably be healthier for you. Will: Yeah, I know it really gets in the way of my yoga. AboutaGirl.wav (46K) Sean: I just slid my ticket across the table, and I said, Sorry guys, I got to see about a girl. ParkBench1.wav (282K) Sean: I thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. I stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me. I fell into a deep peaceful sleep. I haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me? You're just a kid. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. ParkBench2.wav (299K) Sean: So, if I asked you about art you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michaelangelo, you know allot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the Pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there, and looked at that beautiful ceiling. ParkBench3.wav (388K) Sean: If I ask you about women. You would probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. If I was to ask you about war you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right? Once more into the breech dear friends. But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, and watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. ParkBench4.wav (344K) Sean: Personally, I don't give shit about all that. Because you know what? I can't learn anything from you I can't read in some fucking book. Unless you want to talk about you. Who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that, do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move chief. OweItToMe.mp3 (157K) Chuckie: You got somethin' that none of us have. Will: Why is it always this? I fucking owe it to myself? What if I don't want to? Chuckie: Fuck you. You don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to me. Cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty and I'll still be doin' this shit. And that's all right ' that's fine. But, you're sittin' on a winning lottery ticket and you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit 'cause I'd do fucking anything to have what you got! And so would any of these fucking guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in twenty years. Hanging around here is a fucking waste of your time. RealLoss.wav (114K) Sean: You don't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you dared to love anybody that much. Perfect.wav (220K) Sean: You're not perfect sport. And let me save you the suspense this girl you met, she's isn't perfect either, but the question is, whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about. Now you can know everything in the world sport, but the only way you're finding that one out is by giving it a shot. CleanUp.mp3 (188K) Chuckie: Morgan! If you're watching pornos in my moms room again I'm gonna give you a fucking beating! Morgan: What's up fellas. Chuckie: Come on not in my glove. That's my little league glove. I mean what's wrong with you? You hump a baseball glove. Chuckie: I didn't I just used it for clean up. Chuckie: Stop jerking off in my mother's room! Morgan: Is there another VCR in the house. It's just sad bro. YourMove.wav (17K) Sean: You're move chief Mothers2.wav (17K) Morgan: Why don't we get off of mothers. I just got off of yours. Canned2.wav (17K) Morgan: Shut up. You get canned more than tuna bitch. BigFuck.wav (113K) Chuckie: Stop brushing me back. Will: Stop crowding the plate. Chuckie: You're gonna get charged. You know that. Will: You think I'm afraid of you ya big fuck. You're crowding the fucking plate. 15Minutes.wav (98K) Morgan: Let's go to Kelly's. Chuckie: We're not going to Kelly's just because you like the take out girl. It's 15 minutes out of our way. Morgan: What the fuck are we gonna do we can't spare 15 minutes. What'sUp.wav (13K) Morgan: What's up fellas? Constitution.wav (277K) [From the scene in the courtroom when Will argues in his own defense.] PhoneCall.mp3 (226K) [Phone call Will makes to Skylar from jail.] EndYou.wav (53K) Sean: I will end you. I will fucking end you. Got that chief? JerkOff.wav (33K) Sean: You know, if you're gonna jerk off why don't you just do it at home with a moist towel. Healing.wav (71K) Will: Yeah, let's do it. I'm pumped. Let's let the healing begin. NSA.mp3 (437K) Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', Send in the marines to secure the area 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president. Storm.mp3 (288K) Will: You ever heard the saying any port in the storm? Sean: Yeah. Will: Maybe that means you. Sean: In what way? Will: Maybe you're in the middle of a storm a big fucking storm. The skies falling on your head. The waves are crashing over your little boat. The ores are about to snap. You're just pissing your pants. You're crying for the harbor. So, maybe you did what you got to do to get out. You know maybe you became a psychologist. Sean: Bingo that's it. Let me do my job now. Will: Maybe you married the wrong woman. Sean: Maybe you should watch your mouth. Watch it right there chief all right. Will: That's it isn't it? You married the wrong woman. What happened? What she leave you? Was she, ya know banging some other guy? Sean: If you ever disrespect my wife again I will end you. I will fucking end you! Got that chief? Will: Times up. Sean: Yeah. Letter.wav (199K) Will: Sean, if the professor calls about that job just tell him sorry, I had to go see about a girl. Will. Sean: Son of a bitch. He stole my line. SkyRocket.mp3 (206K) [Will singing skyrockets at night afternoon delight.] Submit.wav (65K) Chuckie: C'mon Morgan, just submit! Morgan: Ahhhhhhhhhhh Will: Hey Bill just get off him. We're gonna miss the game. Think.wav (47K) Will: It's a real piece of shit. Sean: Oh, well tell me what you really think. Philosophy.mp3 (173K) Will: I went on a date last week. Sean: How'd it go? Will: It was good. Sean: Going out again? Will: I don't know. Sean: Why not? Will: Haven't called her. Sean: Christ, you're an amatuer. Will: I know what I'm doing. Don't worry about me I know what I'm doing. Yeah, but this girls like you know, beautiful. She's smart. She's fun. She's different from most of the girls I've been with. Sean: So, call her up Romeo. Will: Why? So I can realize that she's not that smart. That she's fucking boring. This girls like fucking perfect right now. I don't want to ruin that. Sean: Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't want to ruin that. But I think that's a super philosophy Will, that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody. Philosophy2.wav (206K) Will: You ever think about getting remarried? Sean: My wife's dead. Will: Hence the word remarried. Sean: She's dead. Will: Yeah, well I think that's a super philosophy Sean, I mean that way you could actually go through the rest of your life without ever really knowing anybody. Fart.mp3 (228K) Sean: My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. She used to fart in her sleep. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. But Will, she's been dead for 2 years, and that's the shit I remember. Those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about. That's what made her my wife. People call these things imperfections, but there not. That's the good stuff. LoveYou.wav (248K) Skylar: I love you. I want to hear you say that you don't love me, because if you say that then I won't call you, and I won't be in your life. Will: I don't love you. BoPeep.mp3 (319K) [The entire scene when Sean ask Will what he wants to do and he says he wants to be a shepherd.] PhoneCall.mp3 (190K) Will: I just wanted to ya know call you up before you left. I'm taking all these job interviews and stuff so I'm not gonna be just a construction worker. Skylar: Will, you know I never really cared about that. I love you. Will? Will: You take care. Skylar: Bye. Retainer.mp3 (335K) [The entire scene when Chuckie goes to the job interview for Will.] BetterOff.wav (316K) [The entire scene when Will asks Sean if he ever wonders what his life would be like if he had never met his wife.] BigGame.mp3 (561K) [The entire scene when Sean tells his story about meeting his wife and missing game 6 of the world series. Biggest game in Red Sox history.] Suspect.wav (150K) Chuckie: Let me tell ya something. You're suspect! Yeah you. I don't know what your reputation is in this town, but after the shit you tried to pull today you can bet I'll be looking into you. GoodDay.wav (106K) Chuckie: Good day gentlemen. And until that day comes keep your ear to the grindstone. OweItToMe.mp3 (604K) [The entire scene when Chuckie and Will are on a break at work and Chuckie tells Will, "You got something none of us have."] |
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