Unrevealed Feelings

 

The American boy peeked out of his windows at the big moving truck parked outside the double-story suburban house next door. The house had been vacant for quite sometime since the last owner put it up for sale.

"New neighbors?" he thought as one of the movers removed the “For Sale” tag from the fence. He continued to watch as the movers unloaded the pieces of furniture; dining table, cupboards, couch, etc. He heard a shout from the new house owner to the movers to be careful with those boxes that contained fragile items.

Then he noticed a boy standing beside the truck, presumably the son of the new neighbor. He certainly didn't look very happy. He had a scowl on his face as he scrutinized his new surroundings. Suddenly he looked up to the American boy's direction. Before he could give him a wave, the new boy looked away.

"Not very friendly huh? Maybe he feels lost in this new place. No problems, Duo Maxwell to the rescue," the boy grinned as he skipped out of his room.

 

******************

 

The boy was leaning against the fence with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He continued to frown as he watched all the hassles and trouble of the moving. After spending his fifteen years of life in L1, the place where he was born and raised, he really hated to have to move. Though he had very few friends over there, he was used to the life in L1. Coming to a new place meant he had to start a new life all over again. But since his father was offered a job with a better pay here, the whole family had to move over.

"Hello."

A cheerful greeting snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked over his shoulders and saw that boy from next door. Grouchily he muttered a  "Hi".

"I'm Duo Maxwell, your next door neighbor. Where are you from? You look Asian. What race are you?"

/ Damn! Must he ask so many questions? /

"Heero Yuy, Japanese, from L1."

The boy named Duo blinked at his curt reply. / Short and sweet, a sentence summarized it all. Very interesting. /

Duo continued to self-introduce, telling Heero about his family, the neighborhood, the kids around there while the Japanese boy just kept his silence. Duo chattered on and on, oblivious to Heero's annoyance.

/ Does he ever shut up? /

Finally, the boy stopped his chattering and went back to the house when his mother yelled for him.

"Hey, I talk to you again some other time. And welcome to the neighborhood."

A 'Hn' was all the response he received from the aloof Japanese boy.

 

******************

 

Heero stood stonily before the principal as he looked through the documents with an occasional nod. Chewing his lips impatiently, he glanced around. The office was small, slightly shabby just like the other principal's office back in L1.

"All right young man, I have gone through your testimonials from your previous school. Your grades are not bad and I see that you don’t have any bad records. This is my expectation of a good student," the balding principal said as he removed his horn-rimmed glasses.

The boy just nodded silently.

"Here's your class schedule and your locker number. Your next class will be physical education. The gym is in the opposite end of the building, you can't miss it."

"Thank you, Mr. Riley." Heero grabbed his schedule and walked out of the office. The bell just rang and seas of students ran around, scrambling to their classes. He pushed through the mass of students and made his way to the gym.

As he shoved open the locker room door, it hit someone in the back.

"Sorry," Heero muttered. The person turned around and gave a surprised yell.

"Heero! Hey man, didn't expect you to come to Lakeview High school as well."

It was that talkative kid next door, Duo Maxwell.

"Your first day here? Great! Let me show you around." The over-enthusiastic boy grasped the reluctant Heero's arm and pulled him into the gym.

 

******************

 

For the next two weeks, Duo had unashamedly declared himself as Heero's friend. They were not in the same class but they had combined classes for some subjects like Chemistry lab and P.E. Every morning, the energetic boy would wait for Heero at his gate and walked with him to school. At lunch break, the boy would grab his tray of food and pigged out at Heero's table. After school, he would hang around, waiting for the Japanese boy and walked home with him. No amount of glares and cold shoulders could deter him from sticking around Heero.

Occasionally Duo would join his other friends for basketball games but he always stay with Heero. As time went by, the silent boy had come to accept Duo as a friend. He became more open and responsive to the American boy. They were always together. Duo would tell him all his secrets. Heero was usually very quiet; he would just listen to what the other boy had to say.

One evening, Heero noticed the chatty boy sitting alone at the front porch with a very sad look on his face. Wondering what was wrong, Heero strode over to his house and sat down beside him. After a long moment of silence, the Japanese boy asked with concern, “Something wrong, Duo?”

The boy gave a doleful sigh. “There is this girl I like, you know, Hilde from Chemistry class? Well, I have a crush on her for a long time, since junior high. Today, I have finally mustered enough courage to ask her out and you know what happened? She turned me down flatly. She said she has no interest in me. She wanted someone mature for a boyfriend, not a childish, babbling idiot like me. You have no idea how those words hurt me. It broke my heart. Am I really that annoying?”

Heero listened to the boy's woes in silence. He had never expected this ever-cheerful boy to be so upset over a girl. He placed his arm comfortingly around the despondent boy and gave him a hug.

"Don't brood over it. You will find someone better."

Those simple words and a hug from Heero had somehow lifted his spirits. Duo was happy to know that he had a real friend in Heero. That incident deepened their friendship. They became the best of friends but deep inside, Duo really felt differently. It was a kind of feeling he couldn't describe.

/ Perhaps it's a brotherly feeling. / he decided but he was not convinced.

 

******************

 

From high school to college, they remained as close friends and were always together. Duo still had that gnawing feeling which he had later identified as love. Yes, he loved his best friend, Heero Yuy and it was not the kind of love between best friends or a brotherly love. Rather, it was a strong feeling of affection and attraction. But how was he going to tell Heero that he loved him? What would Heero think of him? He could lose their friendship as a result. Hence, this feeling was kept in his heart.

After graduation, Heero's family decided to move again as his father had a job attachment in L3. Heero himself had found a well-paid job as a computer analyst over there too. Duo was sad to see him go. He wanted to tell him so badly that he loved him but he was too scared and frightened of losing their friendship. He decided to hold back his feelings and just kept it to himself as he hugged Heero tightly at the space station. 

Duo fought back his tears as he watched the space shuttle leaving the colony. He felt hurt that he didn't tell Heero what he had inside his heart, his deepest unrevealed secrets.

A year went by swiftly. Duo found himself a job as a chief mechanic in the local car manufacturing industry. He still kept in touch with Heero regularly, writing letters to each other. But due to job commitments and other things in life, the frequency of their letters to each other had decreased.

Then one day, Duo received an unexpected wedding invitation, Heero's wedding. Duo was broken hearted. The news had shattered the love he kept in his heart. Now he knew that he could never be with Heero and that they could only be best friends.

Duo went to the wedding wearing his best smiles. It was a big and joyous occasion. He met Heero who had grown taller and more handsome. Heero was delighted to see him again. He came forth and gave him a hug.

"Duo! I'm so glad that you came. I miss you so much. This is my wife, Relena. Relena, this is Duo Maxwell, my best friend."

'My best friend'. Those words stabbed at Duo's heart, tearing it painfully apart.

He witnessed the wedding ceremony with fake cheerfulness. It was actually killing him inside as he watched the one he loved exchanged wedding vows with another woman. He put up smiles, trying to be happy to cover up his sadness and tears inside.

He returned to L2 the next day, declining Heero's offer to extend his stay. He wanted to get away as soon as possible. He couldn't bear to see the one he loved in the arms of another. As he left in the shuttle, Duo made up his mind to try and forget about his broken heart.

 

******************

 

Another three years had went by. Duo had slowly gotten over his heartache for Heero. He buried himself in work, keeping himself busy. He dated many girls but none could hold his heart like Heero did. He knew he could never find another person to replace Heero in his heart.

Just when he least expected, Heero dropped by for a visit. He found him sitting at his front porch one evening, waiting for his return from work. Heero looked worn out and unhappy.

"Heero? What a surprise! What brings you here? Where's your wife?" questions came gushing out. It was then he learnt about Heero's divorce. He was shocked to hear that. They spent the whole night talking at the front porch just like old times. He couldn't help thinking what went wrong in the marriage but Heero did not elaborate. At the end of the visit, after baring out his unhappiness, Heero felt much better. He promised to visit Duo again whenever he was on vacation.

A letter came two months later, informing Duo of his impending visit. Duo looked forward to the day eagerly. He couldn't wait for him to come so that he could be with him. He waited for Heero at the space station until the last shuttle left the station but Heero never arrived. He went home feeling worried. He made a call to Heero's home but there was no one answering the phone.

/ Maybe he has a last minute assignment / he concluded. He continued to wait for Heero's arrival, checking the mailbox everyday and a fortnight later, he received a letter. But it was not from Heero but his ex-wife, Relena. The content of the letter sent his world crashing down. Heero had died in a car accident while on his way to the space station. He had left something behind for him.

The distraught Duo left for L3 immediately, bearing the sorrow of losing Heero forever. He met Relena who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They went to Heero's burial ground where Duo paid his last respect to his best friend, the keeper of his heart. Relena talked about Heero, about what a loving and caring person he was. She said she was the happiest woman in the world when Heero proposed to her. But after the marriage he was always unhappy. She had tried everything but she just couldn't get him to be happy. She didn't know what was bothering him.

Relena passed to Duo a small leather bound diary, Heero's diary. She found a letter in his safe, instructing that should anything happened to him, this diary was to be given to Duo. Duo didn't understand why Heero would want him to have his diary.

Sitting in the homebound space shuttle, Duo took out the diary and began to read. The diary was started on the day Heero moved to L2, the day they first met.

<March 15th, AC195

Today I have started my new life in this place called Lagrange point 2. Met the new neighbor, a strange American boy. Well, strange is not exactly the word to describe him. It should be noisy. He is the most talkative person I have ever met. He just went on and on chattering about this and that even though I'm not paying any attention to him. And he has this ridiculously long braid of hair. Why would any guy want to keep such long hair? Whatever it is, I have a bad feeling that peace and quietness do not exist in this neighborhood. Damn my luck.>

< March 17th, AC195

I met him again in school today. I don't know I would be going to the same school as him. Is this what they call "a small world"? He was pestering me like a pest, following me around, trying to be my guide around the school. What have I done to deserve this? Maybe his intention was good but I prefer to be left alone. >

<April 6th, AC195

I admit I really have to take my hat off to Duo. Either he is a damn stupid idiot or he has an unusual sense of perseverance. No matter how I ignore him, he will still try to get close to me, trying to establish a friendship with me. I'm never an easy person to get along with. I don't have many friends; I'm more of a loner. But maybe.....just maybe I can be friends with this boy. He seems sincere enough.>

 

Duo leafed through the pages of the diary.

 

< May 19th, AC201

I met her again today at the cafeteria. I found out her name from her colleagues. Relena.....what a beautiful name. She reminds me so much of Duo. Her liveliness and cheerfulness, these are what I missed so much after I left L2. I miss that talkative Duo.>

<December 3rd, AC202

He attended my wedding yesterday. I thought he wouldn't come. I miss him so much and I'm so happy to see him again. He still looks the same, still as talkative as ever but I thought I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. I wonder what is wrong. I tried to get him to stay around for a couple more of days so that we could catch up on old times but strangely he declined, saying that he was busy, need to go back immediately. I am really worried about him. It's not like him at all. I really wonder what problems he is facing.>

 

Duo flipped through the pages again.

 

<May 05th, AC205

I have signed the separation papers today. Relena was crying bitterly. She kept asking me what went wrong in our marriage. Has she done something wrong? It isn't her fault, it's mine. How am I to tell her that she is not the one I truly love, that she is not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? I felt deceitful for deceiving her. I thought by marrying Relena I could get over Duo but I can't. I feel so miserable and unhappy and I feel sorry for getting Relena into this loveless marriage. I know she loves me deeply but I just don't feel the same for her like I do for him.

I don't know when or how I fall in love with Duo. I love that warm feeling I feel whenever I'm with him.  Many times I wanted so much to tell him that I love him but I am too afraid to say anything. He might not feel the same for me. He is after all always so popular among the  girls. Why would he want me when he could find someone else who is more suitable for him? So I just remain quiet.>

<July 19th, AC205

I came back to L2 yesterday. I am so happy to see Duo again. We talked for hours just like old times. I told him about my divorce though I never mentioned about the real reason behind it. He comforted me and I find myself falling in love with him all over again. It feels so good to be with him. No one else could give me this special feeling, not even Relena.>

<September 25th, AC205

I have finally made up my mind. I'm going to tell Duo how I really feel about him. I no longer have any reservations about revealing my love for him. I know he is the one I truly love. It took me so many years to find that courage to tell him the truth. I love you, Duo and I'm coming back to you. I will never leave you again.>

/ September 25th, AC205? / That was the day Heero died in the accident, the day he was going to reveal his true feelings to Duo, the day he was going to find out what was really in Heero's heart.

/ Why? Why must fate be so cruel to Heero? To me? Why? /

The grieving young man began to sob uncontrollably. Tears rained down his cheeks as he clutched Heero's diary tightly to his chest.

/ I love you too, Heero. I love you too. /

"Son, are you all right?" an elderly man sitting next to him asked.

"Yeah," he sniffed. "I am just feeling sad. Someone I love has passed away before I have the chance to reveal how I feel."

The elderly man nodded with a sigh. "I understand how you feel. When my wife was still alive, I never tell her how much I loved her and appreciated her. When she died, I felt so guilty for not telling her how I truly feel inside. That's human, I guess. We never tell our loved ones how much we love them and treasure them until it's too late. This is one regret I have to live with for the rest of my life."

Duo turned to the elderly man and saw the sorrow and remorse in his eyes. They were exactly what he was feeling right now.

/ And I have to live with the regret of never letting you know that I love you, Heero. /

 

~~~The End~~~

Copyright © 2000 Minky