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Lost Love
Written by Minky (December 1999)
Duo ran all the way home excitedly. He couldn't wait
to break the news to Heero as he patted his abdomen protectively. * Well, this
is it…* A sense of overpowering joy filled his whole body. There were two
things that he will never forget: The death of occupants at the Maxwell House
and the other was to be able to meet Heero Yuy. Now, there was another
unforgettable thing to be added—this… He smiled tenderly as he recalled the
earlier episode:
( flashback)
"Are you sure about this?" A voice
whispered uncertainly, it seemed doubtful of the news given. This was too good
and miraculous to be true.
"Yes." Another voice affirmed the given
news, allaying the fears of the other entity.
"Honto ni?"
"Honto desu."
"Honto, honto, honto,
honto, honto, honto
ni?"
"Hai."
"Really, reall—"
"Duo! How many time must I repeat
myself?" a high shrilly voice cried out exasperatedly.
"Sou desu ne.." Suddenly, Duo’s face
blushed and a pretty tinge of red spread across his cheek. It made him all the more radiant, like a budding
flower blooming in Spring. He lowered his head and gazed at his tummy lovingly.
A new life was waiting to be born and that new life was in him, right there…
"Sally, will he be happy about this too?"
Duo whispered softly to himself, suddenly unsure about himself and about
Heero’s reaction to this news…
"I’m sure he will be happy… no, it should
be ‘ecstatic’ about this…" Duo’s eyes lit up at the reassurances
given. Sally Po smiled, noting the light shining in Duo’s eyes. / Phew… after all these months of preparation,
we’ve finally succeeded……/
"Honto ni?"
"Yes."
"Honto, honto, honto,
honto, honto ni?"
A sigh was given, lined with a dash of vexation,
" Duo, must we go through that again?"
Duo grinned sheepishly, too happy for words.
( End of flashback)
"This is too good to be true. Heero will be
very surprised. Oh, I can't wait to tell him."
===============
Back in the house, Heero Yuy dropped his duffel bag
on the floor and sat down on the bed. He has already packed his belongings. He
had to go… had to leave him… He hid his face in his hands, contemplating
whether had he made the right choice or not. He didn’t want to leave, but he
did not have the courage to stay, did not have the confidence to make the
commitment, and did not have the nerve to be with him……
/ Should I be doing this? Must I really leave? /
He was unsure about his decision, he raised his head
and looked around the little room he now shared with Duo. How many times had he
made love to Duo in this room? All the happy times he had shared with Duo was
here, here in this room……… he got up and walked towards the wall opposite
the king sized bed that took the center stage of the room. He knelt down and
traced a faint stain at the bottom of the wall……… He smiled fondly as he
recalled the time they had made love standing up and slid down while they were
at the height of their pleasure. At that time, they were too poor to own a bed.
All they had were two sleeping bags. He recalled how impatient they were as they
tore each other’s clothes and how their tongues lashed out together as they
explored each other’s heated bodies………
/ Oh God……… /
He could not stand it any longer; he got up and went
back to sit on the bed as he shut down all those haunting memories. Now, he
waited for Duo to be back.
Just then, the door burst open and the excited boy
ran in.
"Heero! I have news for you. I..." Duo's
sentence stopped mid way when he noticed the duffel bag on the floor and the
Japanese boy sitting on the bed in grim silence.
"Er...Heero, what's with the bag? You going
somewhere?"
"I'm leaving."
"Huh? You are what?! Where to?!" Duo asked
worriedly.
"Relena's."
"What?! Why?!" Duo was shocked that Heero
was leaving him for Relena.
"Duo, we can't go now like this." Heero
looked at Duo straight in the eye. "There is no future for us. It's better
for us to part ways and lead our own life." Heero ended calmly though he
did not felt that calm.
"What do you mean by that? By going to Relena,
there will be a future for you?" Duo asked, wide eyed at Heero’s logic.
"No……… I don't think so."
"Then why do you want to go to her? Why can't
you just stay with me?"
Heero too did not understand why he wanted to
leave…… wanted to go to Relena. He had no idea what was there at Relena’s.
All he knew was the need to be away yet strangely, he wanted so desperately to
be with Duo……
"You just don't understand, Duo…." Heero
cried out, wanting to convince Duo that he needed to leave…… wanting to
convince himself why he had to leave. "Commitment is something I can't give
you."
/ Yes… that’s it…./ Heero thought as he
continued his speech.
"With Relena, I am just keeping her company. I
don't love her and I don't have to give her any commitment."
/ Yes!! That was it…. I cannot promise you
assurance and thus I had to go away…/
Duo began to tremble. He couldn't understand what
Heero was trying to say……
/ I don’t want assurance… I just want you, is
that hard for you to understand? I just want you………/ Duo cried out in his
mind. He could not bring himself to say all these. The words were all trapped in
his throat.
As he stared at Heero, he whispered brokenly,
"You are… leaving me……because…… you are……afraid…… to be
tied down?"
Heero did not reply to this. No……… It was not
that… it was because he did not know what to reply.
"I thought you love me. Please Heero, don't
leave me." Duo implored, hoping that Heero would changed his mind………
Heero came up to him and pulled Duo close against
him, his arms were like bands of steel around Duo's trembling body. He breathed
deeply Duo’s scent, trying to memorize his aroma.
/ Oh God……… I’m going to miss him………/
He thought to himself as he opened his mouth to deliver the ultimatum.
"It's over, Duo. Good bye." Heero's voice
was toneless.
Before he could get his breath to reply, Heero threw
Duo from him. The ex-wing pilot had to get away from him. Any second longer, he
will definitely take the ex-deathscythe pilot into his arms and plummeted into
the dark recesses of those violet eyes.
Duo fell against the bed and slipped onto the floor.
He was shocked at the way Heero had treated him.
/ What have I done?? Haven’t we lived together
happily for quite some time?? What had I done to displeasure you?? What?? / He
thought numbly as he tried to digest what had happened.
"Heero...please...listen to me." Duo
forced the words between his lips, wanting to persuade Heero to stay but he was
too late. Heero had left the room, slamming the door behind him.
For some seconds, Duo stared after him, unable to
even cry out, unable to do anything but felt stunned and bewildered by what had
happened.
/ Nani?? What had caused him to react in this
manner? What had happen? What had happen?? /
Duo stared at the door, unable to react……
Slowly he hugged his knees as reality of what had
just happened began to sink in. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he cried out,
" Heero!! You baka baka baka baka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He hid his face between his knees as he continued to
sob, "Why didn't you hear me out?…………… Why? Why does this have to
happen now?"
Suddenly, Duo began to laugh hysterically,
"Fate is playing a cruel joke on me."
Duo grabbed the alarm clock from the side table and
threw it across the room in anger and it hit the mirror on the wall, shattering
the glass.
"Ping!!" The broken pieces of the mirror
were scattered around the room. He picked up a shard of glass that landed at his
feet and clutched at it tightly, cutting his palm. Pain resulted from the wound
while blood was flowing out. It trickled down his arm and dripped onto the
floor. God… he needed the physical pain, it was bliss as
it took away the other pain that hurt deeply. Duo stared at his bloodied hand
and began to laugh hysterically again.
"Heero! You’ll regret this!! I’ll make you
pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
===============
Heero stared out of the window of the train, looking
at the stars in the sky. He remembered how he used to stargaze with Duo, lying
side by side on the grass of the open field. He smiled, as remembrance of the
first time he had stargazed with Duo…
( Flashback)
"Ne, Heero… what are you thinking?"
"…….."
Duo chuckled lightly, "I should have
known…………. Do you know what I’m thinking?"
He turned to look at Heero for a while before
continuing, "I was thinking, when can we do this again? It is so peaceful,
It’s like being in a world where there’s only the two of us……"
He broke off and turned over to Heero, "Ah………… Isn’t that wonderful?" Duo asked wistfully, his hands
supporting his chin as he laid on the soft lush grass on his stomach.
Heero turned his head to look at Duo, "Aa……" He could not help himself as he gazed into the seemingly endless
depths of Duo’s large amethyst eyes. That pair of eyes, it held a special
attraction to him…… He cannot resist the attraction and it was that pair of
eyes that led him to fall hopelessly in love with Duo.
"Heero?"
"Nani?"
"Why are you staring at me like that?"
Heero sweatdropped, / you baka!!/ He thought to
himself but he did not comment. Duo smiled secretly to himself. Of course he
knew the reason why Heero was staring at him.. He just cannot resist the
temptation of asking…… He leant closer to Heero and whispered softly, "You haven’t answered my question……"
Heero looked at the figure looming above him, felt
the warm rush of air rushing onto his face as the figure whispered the words. He
felt a tingle beneath the skin where the warm air had touched.
/ Oh God… this had to end!! This attraction for him………/ Suddenly, the figure lowered "Duo……"
Duo just smiled and bent down again but this time
was to nip lightly at Heero’s left ear.
"Heero, you still have not answer my
question……. Why are you staring at me like that……."
Heero gripped Duo’s shoulders lightly and flipped
him over. He lowered his lips and kissed Duo lightly in return, "Duo…"
"Hm?"
"Shut up……"
Duo giggled at that and pushed him aside. "Nah, Heero……" He retorted jauntily, "You are not allowed anything
until you answer my question!!"
"Omae k’so"
Duo began to get up and retreated a few steps away
from Heero. There was nobody around naturally. They were at an open space
overlooking a lake. Behind them were tall overshadowing trees. But this
particular night, there was enough moonlight to see clearly. The shimmering lake
had a magical aura to it. Duo pulled off the elastic band that binds his plait.
He gently shook his head to let his hair fall loosely over his shoulders. He
then began to unbutton himself slowly, sensually……… He knew Heero was
watching his every move.
"Heero?"
"………"
"Are you gonna tell or what?"
"………" Heero began to swallow his
saliva as Duo began his seduction.
The longhaired pilot chuckled, " Are you?"
He gently stroked his neck and moved down towards his collarbone. Heero got up
too and walked towards Duo.
Duo then began to move away as Heero moved forward.
" Nope, I’m not gonna let you until you answer me first and you are not
going to –"
Heero silenced him with another kiss. Duo’s head
tilted backwards due to the pressure Heero was exerting. Heero then gently
guided Duo down to lie upon the soft grass as they continued to kiss long and
hard.
When they finally broke off to get the much-needed
breaths, Duo stared at Heero in mock anger, "Not fair…you’ve
cheated……."
Heero managed a little smile, a smile meant for Duo
and Duo only. His hands slowly unbuttoned the rest that Duo had not undone
earlier. After he had finished doing so, he did not immediately take off the
jacket. He caressed Duo’s cheek gently, and Duo was contented to leave it at
that……he liked the way Heero had stroked his cheek. He almost purred in
contentment at the way Heero stroked.
"Heero………"
( End of flashback)
" Passengers going to the terminal heading
Earth, please alight here."
Heero was jolted out of his reverie when the
announcement was made. When the doors had opened, he alighted for this is the
designated stop. After a few minutes, the doors then began to close
automatically, and the train began to leave the station for its next
destination. Heero stared at the retreating train, watching it become smaller
and smaller. It gave him a sense of loss and disorientation. Now, he had to face
his future alone……… Duo was no longer by his side……Somehow, that made
him felt even worse than before.
/ Why oh why had I made that decision to leave him?
Can someone tell why??!! /
Yes, the perfect soldier was confused. He realized
he had no purpose in life except to carry out missions. He thought he would lead
a normal life again after the war but it was not so…… He was feeling
insecure when the war had ended. He thought that feeling was temporary and that
the feeling would go away after he had settled down someplace with Duo. Instead,
the feeling just kept on growing stronger and stronger that it gagged him. Being
with Duo did not lessen this feeling, in fact, it only made it stronger. He did
not understand why but he felt controlled by this sense of insecurity. After
another few weeks of living with it, he realized he couldn’t deal with it. He
need to be alone………
"Duo, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. But
I have to let you go. I can't commit myself to you. Emotion is something that I
don't possess no matter how hard I try." He called out to the retreating
train, as if that train he was on earlier was Duo. After the train had
disappeared from his line of vision, he began to take the space shuttle to
Earth, to Relena.
===============
( On earth, at Relena’s estate.) A few days
later….
" Knock knock"
Heero sighed dejectedly -- He knew who was at the
door. Those days he spent at Relena’s did not lessen those feelings he was
having. He had thought that the feelings of insecurities would vanished when he
arrived there or at the very least, lessened a little but it did not. He opened the door to see Relena Peacecraft smiling at him.
"Heero, you look so handsome." Relena
exclaimed. She still could not believe it. Heero had come to her!! After all
these time of her chasing him and him not responding. Heero had finally made the
first move to locate her…… What had happened between Duo and him? She had
wondered briefly at times but she dismissed it as she observed him. Heero,
dressed in a pair of white tuxedo suit looked simply gorgeous.
/ Yes… white complements the blueness of his
eyes…./ she thought dreamily as she asked politely, "Are you ready? Most of the guests are
here."
Heero nodded and offered his arm to her. Relena
linked her arm through his and walked towards the ballroom looking very
blissful.
Heero looked around the ballroom full of guests and
again wondered why he was there. He hated crowds and he didn't feel obliged to
entertain them.
"Heero?"
Heero turned at the mention of his name and saw
Sally Po standing nearby.
"It's really you. What a surprise to see you
here…." Sally Po said in a quiet voice, "Oh, I almost forgot to
congratulate you."
Heero gave her a puzzled look. He did not comprehend
why she had congratulated him.
/ Was it an insult? /
Sally frowned a little, not understanding the
expression on Heero’s face. "You still don't know? Duo didn't tell
you?"
"Tell me what?" Heero looked baffled.
"You are going to be a father! Duo is pregnant,
conceiving your child. It seems that the implant we placed in him is reacting to
your sperm though the results came so much later than we expected. Duo was
feeling nausea and rather unwell so he came to me. I ran a test on him and found
it positive. He..." Sally paused when she noticed Heero had gone pale.
"Heero, are you all right? Hey, Heero!"
Relena turned in time to see Heero running out of
the ballroom.
"Heero!" she chased after him. She did not
want to lose him again, not after he had came to her of his own accord.
/ Why is he leaving?? Doshite? /
Heero had reached the main door. He saw a car and
immediately pushed the parking valet away to jump into the car. He started
the car and drove away immediately, leaving a trail of smoke and dust behind.
Relena stared after him in astonishment.
"Heero………"
===============
Heero drove the car through the evening heavy
traffic impatiently, charging like a mad bull. He just wanted to get back to Duo
immediately.
/ But… but will he still be there??/ he shook that
nasty thought away, hoping against all hopes that Duo would still be there…
/ But he couldn’t be there…… He would have
gone by now…… No, I mustn’t think of such thoughts… He will still be
there…… He has to be, I willed it……… Oh what have I done?? Duo…
please…… Please be there…… onegai!!!…./
He felt very angry with himself, angry over what he
said to Duo. If only he had let Duo talk.
"Oh Duo, I'm sorry. I am such a fool. Please
forgive me." Heero pleaded in his heart.
He slammed at the brakes and ran into the terminal,
had purchased a ticket back to L2.
/ Please gods….. Please let him remain there…..
I beg of you, please let him be there……./
He beseeched to any gods out there who might be
listening……
===============
A few hours later….
"Duo!" he threw the door opened.
The room was empty and cold.
/ No……/ He then saw the shattered glasses and
the blood stains on the floor.
/ It cannot be……/ Heero slumped against the
wall, all strength vanished as he stared at the empty room.
"Duo……"
===============
Heero stepped out of the cafeteria and looked up at
the night sky. Thunder was roaring and droplets of rain were beginning to fall,
splattering on the pavement. Heero pulled the hood of his windbreaker over his
head and headed back to the hotel he was currently staying. He had arrived in
this far away colony a day ago, still in search of Duo.
Stopping at the traffic lights, the rain became
heavier. Heero clutched his windbreaker hood firmly over his head and bowed his
head down to avoid getting wet. He crossed the road when the traffic light
turned green. Pedestrians from both sides who were rushing to cross the road
quickly to seek shelter from the rain were jostling with one another. Heero
brushed past a person briefly and he stopped for a moment.
/ Could it be?……/
He thought he saw someone with a long braid of
chestnut hair. He turned back quickly to get a better look but the person was
already lost in the crowd.
"I must be hallucinating again. Every time I
saw someone with a braid, I will think it's him." Heero heaved a sigh and resumed his journey back to
the hotel.
Meanwhile, Duo who was struggling with his umbrella
and his groceries was muttering a curse under his breath at the person who had
brushed past him abruptly at the crossroad, nearly upsetting his bag of
groceries.
"Damn! This rain really comes at the wrong
time. I got to get home fast. I'm all drenched."
===============
Heero slammed his laptop down in frustration. Again
his search had ended in futile. Heero had tried every means of tracing Duo's
possible whereabouts but all came up to a nil. Heero had hacked into hospital
medical records, banking account systems and even immigration records but there
was totally nothing on Duo. In a moment of despair, he even tried the death
registry and was relieved when the search came up as invalid.
It had been five years since that fateful day, five
years since Duo left him and disappeared. Heero had never given up searching for
him. His search took him to various colonies but he had always ended up with
disappointment.
The anguish and agony he was feeling these years
were tearing his heart and mind apart. The only thing that kept him sane was an
old battered photo of Duo and himself taken during one of their infiltration
into schools as students. There were moments when he missed Duo so much that he
just wanted to pick Duo from his dreams and hugged him for real.
Clutching the photo possessively, Heero got up from
the chair.
"I need some fresh air."
===============
After raining the whole night, the morning air was
refreshing and the weather was cooling. Walking aimlessly around the park, Heero
found an empty bench and sat down to rest his feet. He looked across the park at
some children playing in the playground.
Looking at the children, Heero couldn't help but
wondered what his child was like, wondering if Duo kept the baby or if he
aborted it. Pangs of guilt shot through his heart when he thought of how an
innocent life could have been destroyed because of his moment of foolishness.
"Excuse me, sir." a voice broke his train
of thoughts.
Heero turned and saw a little boy standing nearby.
He got a rude shock when his eyes had fallen on this boy. The boy's deep violet
eyes and honey brown hair reminded him so much of Duo……
/ Could this be? No… It cannot be… But he looks
so much like…. No I must stop assuming that every boy that happen to have his
features is our son… But he resembles so much…no…./
"Sir, can I please have my ball back?" the
boy interrupted those wild thoughts running rampantly in Heero’s mind as he
pointed to a ball caught in between the legs of the bench.
Heero grabbed the ball from under the bench and
handed it to the boy.
"Thank you!" the boy squeaked happily.
"What is your name, little one?"
"My name is Darrell and I am four years
old." the boy said proudly, showing Heero his four little fingers to
indicate his age. Heero couldn't help but smiled.
/ Could our child be this adorable??……/
"Are you here alone?" Heero asked,
ruffling the boy's soft hair. He loved the way the boy’s hair felt… soft and
luxurious… It reminds him of Duo’s………
"No, I came with Auntie Hilde."
"Darrell!"
The boy whirled around immediately and waved
excitedly as a young woman came running towards them.
"Darrell, I thought I told you not to run
around?" the woman reprimanded the boy as she embraced the little creature
fiercely, relieved to find him safe and sound.
"You shouldn’t be running around like… Oh
God… you almost frightened me to death…… Oh God!! You are so….."
"I was just running after my ball, Auntie
Hilde." The impish boy replied cheerfully.
"Oh you rascal!! Wait till your papa
comes……and then….."
Heero stared at the woman and found her strangely
familiar.
/ Who is she?? Where have I met her?/
Feeling the weight of a gaze on her, the woman
looked up and found a pair of cobalt blue eyes watching her intensely.
"Hilde. Hilde Schwieker." the name finally
came to Heero's mind.
"Heero Yuy?!" the woman gasped as
recognition sank in. "Why are you....." "Darrell! Hilde! Where are you guys?" a
voice interrupted what Hilde had wanted to say to Heero. / That voice! /
Heero's every sense became alert. He got up
immediately and focused his attention on the "Darrell, You little imp!! Wait till I get my
hands on ya and I’ll....." Duo stopped dead on his track as his eyes came
upon the stranger standing by his son.
"Heero."
===============
Hilde took Darrell back to the playground, leaving
Heero and Duo alone. Both of them were only a few feet away from each other but
the gap between them was like a thousand miles apart. This unexpected meeting
had somehow left Heero speechless. He had so much to tell Duo, he had conjured
up many scenes how he should approached Duo, how should he make Duo forgive
him…… But now, with Duo standing right in front of him, he had suddenly
become tongue-tied.
The silence between them was deathlike, almost
unbearable…… He wished that Duo could say something… Heero tried to look
into Duo's violet eyes that captivated him so much but Duo refused to look at
him, opted to stare out at the playground, at his son. Heero studied Duo
quietly. He still looked very much the same but there were some subtle, visible
changes. He was thinner now though he still looked so beautiful. However his
radiant smile, the cheeky grins and the sparkle in his eyes were missing. Heero
felt a keen urge to hug Duo, to kiss the stony anger away and restored those
captivating smiles with his touch……
"How have you been these years?" Heero
broke the silence.
"Fine, still very much alive and kicking."
Duo's voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Heero tried to ignore the disdain in his estranged
lover's voice.
"Duo, is that...is that our son? He is such a
lively boy." Heero asked hesitantly, looking at the cheerful little boy
running around the playground.
Duo turned to Heero with anger flashing menacingly
in his eyes.
"What do you want Heero?!" He cried out
bitterly at Heero, "If it's about Darrell, you better get this straight.
Darrell is my son."
"Duo, I'm not trying to take Darrell away from
you. I missed you. I have been searching everywhere for you these years."
"What for? You chose to walk out on me five
years ago. Why should you be looking for me?" Duo snapped.
"I am truly sorry for what happened back then.
I was wrong, I was such a fool to leave you. I understand that no amount of
apologies can atone for what I have done to you, for hurting your feelings. But
I just want a chance to make it up to you…and Darrell."
Duo gave a bitter laugh.
"Make it up to me and Darrell? What makes you
think that I need you to do that now? Where were you when I needed you most?
Where were you when Darrell took his first step? Where were you when he spoke
his first word?" Duo challenged, feeling the long suppressed anger rising
in him.
Heero remained silent. Duo had every right to be
angry with him, to hate him, to scream and yell at him. After all, he had let
him down.
Duo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
"Forget it, Heero. I don't need you five years
ago and I definitely don't need you now. Just stay away from our lives." He
ended with a finality ringing in his voice.
"Darrell! Come, let's go home." Duo called
out to his son.
Darrell came running into his father's arms. Duo
picked the boy up and walked away. Darrell peeked from Duo's shoulder and gave
Heero and Hilde a little wave.
"Papa, who is he?" Darrell was heard
asking.
===============
Hilde watched Heero with doubtfulness. She was still
stunned by his sudden appearance. She looked Heero over, had noticed the faint
fatigue lines running across his forehead, saw the tiredness in his eyes. She
knew instinctively that Heero was having a hard time too……
"You can't really blame Duo for being
contemptuous. He went through a lot of hardships these years." Hilde said
gently, breaking the silence between them.
Heero turned his attention to the young woman.
"Can you tell me what happened to him these
years?"
Hilde walked to the empty bench and sat down which
Heero followed in suit.
"You really want to know how he live his life
these years? Well, after you left him, he became directionless." She
halted, frowning at Heero. But she had continued on, "He was totally lost.
He didn't know what to do and he was pregnant with a child. He harbored the
thoughts of aborting the child and committing suicide. Luckily he came to his
senses. He began to lead a wandering life, going from one colony to another
until he was so near his full term of pregnancy that he had to find a place to
settle down. That's how he came to here. All this while, Duo was suffering from
severe depression. I guessed he has never gotten over the fact that you left him
for Relena." She ended with a resigned tone. She took a deep breath,
studying the surroundings. Heero just waited patiently beside her.
"Duo was overjoyed when Darrell was born. You
should see his expression…" She replied, chuckling softly. She turned to
Heero and looked straight into his cobalt blue eyes. "Darrell is his pride
and joy. He worked very hard to provide the best for Darrell. But Duo was still
very much a child himself. It was very stressful for him to have to juggle
between his job and taking care of a small baby. There were times when he just
broke down emotionally."
Heero listened to Hilde's recount of Duo's life in a
grim silence. Leaning his head against the back of the bench, Heero closed his
eyes as regret and shame flooded through him. The fact that he had wounded Duo
in countless ways made him winced…… His heart tore when he realized Duo had
endured so much suffering…… He blamed himself for all of Duo's misery and
agony.
Hilde knew how hurt Heero was feeling right then,
and consoled him, "But not all is gone now… He… he still loves
you…"
Heero’s eyes snapped open and he fix his eyes on
Hilde, "Honto ni? But… but…." Heero stopped, his face suddenly
wiped clean of expression as he continued, "All these years, I have never
stopped searching for him…… I know he is very good at hiding but this time,
he is too good. He had outdone me."
Hilde gave a small laugh.
"He is known as 'Max' over here. I believe he
changed his name on purpose, to hide his identity as an ex-gundam pilot. But
mostly is to hide himself away from you."
"I see….." Heero whispered, reflecting
on Hilde’s words… He knew that Hilde had always carried a torch for Duo.
Suddenly, he wanted to know something about them…
"Are you two..."
"Are we married? No. I met Duo by chance two
years ago when I came to this colony to take up a teaching post. I offered to
take care of Darrell for him."
"You still love Duo, don't you?" Heero
asked in a matter of fact tone.
Hilde's head snapped up in surprise at that
question, face beginning to flush a little.
"Yes, I still love him. But we can never be
together like that. I'm not the one..." Hilde looked at Heero sadly.
"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in
return…… I may be with him all this while but……"she broke off as
she turned her face away from Heero. "However, what is more painful is to
love someone but never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
You love him, Heero. Make it known to him." Hilde encouraged quietly.
"What should I do? Duo doesn't seem likely to
forgive me." Heero cried out in anguish, "You will have to talk to him. Try to convince
him with your sincerity. Never say goodbye if you still want to try. Give Duo
some time to sort out his feelings. Both of you had wasted five years. All these
unnecessary sufferings should end."
Heero looked at Hilde curiously. This young woman
who used to fight with him for Duo's affections is now trying to help them make
up. She had really grown matured.
"Thank you for your advice, Hilde. I will try
to talk to him again." Heero gave her a sincere smile.
"Please do. I want Duo to be happy again."
===============
The phone was ringing in the hall. Duo put down his
papers and went to answer it.
"Hello?" Silence.
"Hello?" After a moment..."Duo, it's
me."
Duo frowned and was about to slam down the phone
when Heero spoke again.
"Duo, I would like to talk to you."
"We have nothing to talk about." Duo
replied scornfully, his voice dripping with disdain.
Silence at the other end.
"I know, I had let you down…. I’ve been a
fool to myself…… I thought that I could live for no one else… But I was
wrong…. I need you…. Please listen to me, just this once…."
Still, no answer from the other end. Heero was
getting desperate. The words just keep tumbling out from his mouth as he tried
to convince Duo to give him a second chance.
"Duo, if you think you can forgive me and
accept me into your life again, please come and meet me tonight at eight at the
pier."
"And if I don't?" Duo asked spitefully. At
long last, Duo had opened his mouth. A long pause.
"If you don't, I...I shall never bother you
again. Duo, please come." The phone went dead.
Duo stared at the phone in silence.
"Who is that?" Hilde asked, coming out
from the kitchen.
"Heero. He wants to meet me at the pier
tonight."
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"You know what I mean, Duo. Are you going or
what? What are you going to do now that Heero is back?"
"Nothing."
Hilde was exasperated. "What do you mean
nothing? Aren't you going to tell Darrell who he is?"
"I don't find that necessary. Darrell is my
son."
"He is Heero's too. Duo, it has been five
years. Aren't you going to forgive him and accept him again?"
"Why should I?!" Duo lashed out angrily,
" All these years, he was never by my side, never there when I needed him
most, never there when I was wadding in desolation and pain… Where has he
been?!! AT Relena’s side!!! He is the one who done me wrong." Duo
retorted irately, consumed by jealousy and resentment. "Besides, I don't
love him anymore."
"Duo, never say you don't love a person anymore
if you can't let go. I know you still love him. I know you have been feeling
very miserable these years. But you can't continue to dwell on the past. The
brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well
in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches."
"Hilde, please don't try to start this with me.
I don't wish to talk about him anymore. Just Hilde felt too tired to argue with him.
"Fine. But I am telling you, you let him go
this time, you will never see him again."
===============
The old grandfather clock stroked again.
Seven-thirty. Duo was still deliberating if he should go and meet Heero. Though
he had stubbornly denied it, he actually missed Heero very badly. He wanted very
badly for Heero to come back to him again but his pride was stopping him from
reaching out to Heero. Duo was having mixed feelings.
"You are such a stubborn idiot, Duo
Maxwell!" He remembered Hilde scolding. "Don't let your pride rule
your heart."
"Perhaps I should just go and listen to what he
has got to say." Duo decided.
A scream and a loud crash came from the kitchen,
startling Duo. Rushing into the kitchen, he saw Darrell unconscious on the floor
with an overturned stool and a broken cookie jar beside him. Blood was oozing
out of the gash on the side of his head.
"Darrell!"
===============
"Duo!"
Duo looked up as Hilde reached his side.
"I rushed here as soon as I received your
message. How is Darrell?" Hilde was panting slightly.
Duo shook his head in distress. "I don't know.
He is still inside. Oh god..."
Hilde grasped Duo's trembling hands and held them
tightly, silently offering her comfort.
A doctor came out from the emergency room. Duo and
Hilde went up to him immediately.
"Doctor, how is my son?"
"Don't worry, your son is all right now. He has
a few stitches on the head and a slight concussion. Other than that, he is
fine." the doctor assured.
Duo let out his breath. "Thank god."
Duo and Hilde followed as the nurses pushed Darrell
to his ward.
Sitting on the hospital bed, Duo looked sadly at his
injured son.
"Duo!" Hilde suddenly exclaimed.
"Aren't you supposed to meet Heero tonight?"
Duo blinked at her for a moment. In the midst of
panic and worry, Duo had completely forgotten about the meeting with Heero.
"Oh shit." Duo glanced at his watch. It
was already eleven.
"Duo, go see him now." Hilde urged.
"But Darrell..."
"Don't worry, I will look after him. Go
now."
Duo gave her a tired smile. "Thanks
Hilde."
===============
Heero gulped the last drop of the beer down his
throat, his eighth can for the night. He had been standing near the waterfront
for the past three hours, waiting for Duo to turn up. Pairs and pairs of lovers
who were at the waterfront, whispering words of love to each other, were all
gone, leaving Heero to wait stonily alone for his love.
Heero crushed the can in his hand. "Duo, do you
really hate me so much that you can't even give me another chance?" No, he
simply cannot believed that his Duo would treated him in this manner… But his
Duo had not arrived yet……
Heero hurled the crushed can into the sea, watching
it hit the surface of the sea with a loud splash. He thought back what Hilde had
said to him ‘ He still loves you……’
/ Blah!! What a load of rubbish!! How can he still
love me??? / He thought angrily to himself. / How could he still love me?
……… after all that I had done……../
He straightened his back, and with one last search
for his Duo but with no avail, he left the pier dejectedly.
Moments later, Duo arrived at the pier, looking
around for Heero but there wasn't a soul in sight.
"Heero. Heero! Why didn't you wait for
me?!" Duo shouted out to the open sea, tears of anger and disappointment
stung his eyes.
===============
Duo walked into Darrell's ward, physically and
emotionally wearied.
"Duo, where is Heero?" Hilde was surprised
to see Duo came back alone.
"How is Darrell?"
"He is not awake yet. The doctor just came to
check up on him. Duo, where is Heero?" Hilde questioned again.
"I didn't see him."
"Huh? You mean he has left? Oh Duo."
Duo sighed sadly. "Forget it, Hilde. Heero and
I are not meant to be together. Fate is just making a sport out of us."
Hilde was at a loss for words, not knowing how to
comfort Duo.
===============
At the airport, an announcement was heard.
"Passengers of flight RZ-259, please proceed to
departure hall 3 for boarding. The flight will take off in ten minutes."
Glancing up, Heero saw his flight number on the
information screen with the words 'Last Call' flashing beside it.
Picking up his bag from the floor reluctantly, Heero
made his way to the departure hall. Stopping for a while, Heero looked back, hoping for
someone to turn up, to stop him from leaving. Seeing no one, Heero proceeded to
the departure hall with a resigned look.
===============
Duo caressed his sleeping son's face gently, looking
very despondent. The thought of Heero gone forever was traumatizing him……
no…… the thought of Heero not being with him haunted him…… He cannot
believed what he had did -- he had let Heero go again without even trying to
stop him………
"Son, I'm sorry that you didn't have the chance
to get to know your daddy. My stupid stubbornness has chased your daddy away.
Now we will probably never see him again." Duo whispered, tears forming at
the corners of his eyes.
Duo lowered his head onto his arms and sobbed
uncontrollably.
"Heero, I'm sorry. Please come back to me.
Don't leave me alone here. I can't take all these by myself." He whispered
brokenly, hoping that perhaps, somehow Heero could heard this cry…… this
plea………
"You won't be alone anymore, Duo. I will be
here for you."
Startled, Duo jerked his head up and his eyes
widened in surprise. Standing quietly at the doorway was Heero.
"He...Heero!" Duo exclaimed, rushing
forward.
Heero discarded his bag onto the floor to catch Duo
who flung himself into Heero's arms, hugging him tightly.
"I thought you were gone, gone for good."
Tears were staining Heero's shirt.
"I was going to leave but something kept
holding me back, telling me to come back to you. Then I realized it is my heart.
My heart has always been with you, no matter where I am or where I go. You are
the keeper of my heart, Duo. So, I turned back and went to your place. I met
Hilde and she told me what happened. I'm sorry that you have to face these all
by yourself." Heero said in a gentle tone, trying to soothe his sobbing
lover.
"I'm sorry too, Heero. I have been such an
idiot."
Heero tilted Duo's chin up and looked into his eyes.
"From now on, there will be no more 'sorry'
between us. I will be here with you always. We will face whatever problems or
difficulties together. You will never be alone again, I promise."
"Heero..." Heero lowered his lips to Duo's
and kissed him tenderly, their first kiss in five years.
"Papa..."
They pulled away and turned to see Darrell had woken
up.
"Yes Darrell, Papa is here." Duo said,
going over to his side.
Darrell looked at Heero for a while and smiled in
recognition.
"Hello sir." the boy greeted.
"Hello Darrell."
Duo pushed Heero towards the bed and said,
"Darrell, this is your Daddy….."
Hilde closed the door softly, smiling at their happy
reunion.
"You have finally found your happiness, Duo.
Cherish it always, don't ever let it go again."
===============
Heero and Duo smiled as Darrell waved to them
excitedly from the merry-go-round.
"He is such an active boy." Heero
observed.
Duo laughed. "He is just like me, can never sit
still."
Heero smiled at that remark.
"Duo?"
"Hmm?" Duo was sipping at his drink.
"You know, I think I like kids very much. Now
that we have Darrell, do you think you want to try for a girl?"
Duo nearly choked on his drink.
~~~ The End ~~~ Copyright © 1999 Minky |