Dear reader:

My name is Lulu Janson, a representative of the Give The Walnut A Hug Foundation. We have noticed that you are interested in the art of Walnut Hugging, and were wondering if you would like to join our association, supporting the love and caring for of these underprivileged nuts. They are simply innocent fruits, unable to decide their fates, and not ready for the crewel world into which they have been thrust so prematurely.

Our highly trained councilors, who have studied at multiple universities in psychology, Walnutology and Marriage Counseling, offer support to any walnuts in need of it, as well as working with younger walnuts who have been abandoned by the parent trees before the proper time. Many walnuts, which have been traumatized by a multitude of different events, can find solace within our walls, and those who are too afraid to seek help anywhere else, can come to us. Be assured that there are no disadvantages to working for us, and that you will be helping a great cause!

Furthermore, we provide medical facilities for those walnuts that have suffered serious or minor injury, such as being stepped on, chopped or nibbled. We have the most advanced of medical technology, guaranteed to give the walnut the best care possible while in our care. We are a non-profit organization, and will except any donations, no matter how big or small. At least 50% of the donations we get every month to purchasing the newest advances in medicine, and doing tests and experiments to find new cures to different diseases. Please be aware that there is no testing done on living walnuts, nor their deceased counterparts. Instead, we use computer models to test or prove any theories.

Finally, we are willing to go into legal defense of a walnut that has been abused, taking on cases such as attempted eating, stepping and nut-crackering. We will take any cases needed to court, and can provide defense and prosecuting lawyers as needed. We will even provide transportation for the walnut to the courthouse, as well as any counseling that the nut may require during the hearing or trial.

I believe that it would be one of the best moves that you have ever made to join our association. We provide a safe, caring, stress-free environment for all walnuts who need it, but we couldn't do it without the help of our volunteers and donators. You would be doing the walnut population a favor, as well as making yourself feel good in the knowledge that you have been instrumental in the rehabilitation of one or more walnuts. Attached is the simple form you need to fill out to become a part of this wonderful experience. We hope to see you soon, and await your reply with eager anticipation. We are working towards a future that is free of walnut torture and racism, and we hope that you can find it in your heart to become part of that future.

Sincerely
Lulu Janson
Assistant Director Of The Give The Walnut A Hug Association
Walnutville, World
Phone: 424-2424
Fax: 242-4242