Sandra's guide pages
Guiders' humour
Sandra's Guide Pages Home
Guiding definitions

• Badge - A small, round patch on a girl's uniform that she can't remember what she did to get.

• Candelighting - Ceremony in which a girl demonstrates that she cannot light a match.

• District / division
- A geographical subdivision of a county with a fancy name to confuse new leaders as to where they belong.

• Guide Sign - Girl holding up 3 fingers so she has something to look at while saying her promise.

• Guide's Own - A ceremony where no-one contributes anything and everyone wonders what is coming next.

• Investiture - Ceremony in which girl forgets her promise after practising it at least 25 times that afternoon.

• Patrol - Group of 4 - 8 girls who used to be best friends.

• Quiet Sign - Hand signal invented by leader with laryngitis.

• Ranger - Tall girl who would rather be caught dead than seen in uniform.

• Thinking Day - Special Guiding and Scouting day when leaders worldwide wonder why they are spending more than an hour a week on somebody else’s girls.

• Unit - Large group of girls dedicated to making leader insane.

Adapted from
http://www.scoutingweb.com/scoutingweb/subpages/
ThankYou.htm#GS

(lots of thoughts, readings etc. suitable for guiders)
You know you are a Guider when...

.... most of your wardrobe is navy blue.
.... when buying a winter coat, a handbag or a pair of shoes you always look at navy ones first
.... you keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking a barbecue.
.... you spontaneously break into strange songs in public
.... you carry your own toilet paper wherever you go.
.... you keep a torch by the bed, by the front door and in the kitchen
.... your radio is always tuned to the weather station
.... you horde tent pegs
.... you buy magazines you don't read because they have a craft idea in them
.... you explain to complete strangers in supermarkets just why you are buying so many Smarties, lollypops, cheap sausages, night lights, marshmallows, felt tip pens, matches etc.
.... you cannot walk by a piece of litter without picking it up.
.... you carry a dufflebag size first-aid kit in your car
.... you horde the cleanup towels from fast food takeaways
.... your purse is full of old battered till slips for things you forgot to claim back the money for
.... you open letters with a pen knife
.... you are the only adult (apart from other Guiders) you know with a Swiss army knife
.... you know 365 "one pot" meals.
.... you buy your shampoo in little tiny bottles, then wash and keep the bottles .
.... you wash and save yoghurt pots and margarine tubs until they fall out of every cupboard
.... you have the urge to help little old ladies whether they want it or not.
.... everything in your cupboard says "Instant, just add water".
.... you really do use those emergency sewing kits.
.... you see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle.
.... you know 100 uses for a scarf.
.... you have a collection of used candles.
.... someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the air.
.... your favourite bath cologne is "Pine"
.... you can't remember which hand to shake with in the office on Monday morning.
.... you have the end of every rope at home backspliced or whipped.
.... you hear someone say "I used to be a Girl Guide" and you get her to volunteer in your unit.
.... when you camp as a family or with friends you always sleep with a torch and a mallet next to you .
.... you cringe when on a family picnic someone "walks on the table"
.... you know you have brothers/sisters all over the world.
.... you have helped bring up other people's children. .
...other people's "awkward" teenagers are fine with you and ask your advice
.... you forget and put your hand in the air in a business meeting to quieten everyone down.
.... you find yourself discussing the dangers of ticks on bare legs and Weils disease on a date
.... your closets are full and they don't contain clothes, but craft stuff.
.... you know more than two ways to light a fire.
.... you get all nostalgic if you run out of fresh milk and have to have evaporated milk in your tea 
.... your handbag contains plasters, safety pins, a notebook, string, money for the phone and clean tissues/hanky
.... your last birthday cake was prepared and served in a Dutch Oven.
.... you save all your birthday cards and Christmas cards
.... you light barbecues with punk - not firelighters
.... your holiday allowance is given up for 20 kids your partner/husband doesn't know.
.... you've heard the phrase, "Trust me, it's only an hour and a half a week!!" and you still try to believe it .
....you ask all your family to keep cardboard rolls for you.
.... you go to craft fairs not to buy, but to get ideas.
.... you love the smell of wood smoke .
... you know 10 ways of getting a cork out of a bottle without a corkscrew
.... you are the only one at the scene of an accident who is prepared to try to help
.... other peoples lost children in crowded shops always find you
.... you defend "today's youth" whenever you hear people rubbishing them .
.... if you only remember one birthday, it's the 22nd of February .
... you always collect leaflets and brochures wherever you go in case it would be suitable for your unit .
....you report out of date food in supermarket chillers in case the blind or partially sighted pick it up without being able to check it for themselves
.... you don't understand why other people find running children's parties so stressful
The Guider's Song

This is why I am a guider,
This is why I am a guider
This is way I am a guider
'Cos the others all assured me that it only took one night.

The district meeting came along and I was asked to go
it's sad to say the treasurer was ill and didn't show
So I was asked to take the job and I replied 'alright
But only 'cos the others said it only took one night.

Chorus

One day the new Commissioner saw me putting up a tent
She said with great relief 'my dear you must be heaven sent
I need a Camp adviser and I know your time is tight
But I really do assure you it will only take one night'

Chorus

The staff at county rang to ask if I could give a hand
To help to plan the AGM and organise a band
I said I really couldn't and put up quite a fight
But relented when they told me it would only take one night

Chorus

I spend so long in uniform my blood is navy blue
My friends and neighbours think I'm mad and maybe so do you
But I'm so proud and happy I'd complain with all my might
If my many jobs in Guiding really only took one night.

Chorus
Definition of parenthood:
Think of something you'd like to do - then forget it.