Hold
for all laughs---real, expected, or imagined! If you don't get one, face front
and repeat the line louder. Failing this, laugh at it yourself.
Cultivate an attitude of hostility. Tension gets results---on stage and off.
A
good performance, like concrete, should be molded quickly and then forever
set.
Your
first responsibility as an actor is to find your light.
Do
not listen to your fellow actors on stage. It will only throw you. Do not look
at them either---you may not like what you see.
Always
be specific---point to what you're talking about.
If
a line isn't working for you, change it.
Stage
Managers are NOT actors---ignore them. Keep them alert by never arriving on
time or signing in.
Never
be afraid to ad-lib to get attention, especially if you feel the leads aren't
very entertaining.
Mistakes
are never your fault.
Always
find something to bitch about, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.
Your fellow actors will respect your professional attention to detail.
Never
carry make-up---someone will have what you need.
Never
help understudies. (They secretly hate you and want your job)
Do
help your fellow actors by giving them notes whenever you feel necessary. And
give the notes immediately before they go on---it will be fresher that way.
Speak
your lines as if the audience had difficulty understanding the language.
Keep
other performers on their toes by ridiculing their performances, and never let
them know what you're going to do next.
Play
the reality---always be aware of the audience and whether you think they like
the show, then gauge your performance accordingly. Why knock yourself out for
ungrateful snobs?
The
only difference between an amateur and a pro is that the pro does exactly the
same thing for money.
Need
a character? Get a costume.
Never
change anything that is working, no matter how wrong or phony it may seem.
When
in doubt about an ad-lib, go "Whoo"!
Go
up on a line? Clap twice, look at the audience, and giggle.
Even
if a piece of "schtick" doesn't work, keep using it. The important
thing is for you to have fun and feel good about yourself.