Grazzamatic's Elephant Corner

Elephant Corner

Well, here it is - Grazzamatic's page devoted to the most magnificent, monstrous, and magnanimous of all the creatures on this earth of ours - ELEPHANTS!! And specifically, jokes about them.....

Listed below are heaps of jokes about elephants and stuff to do with them. If you know any more and they are not coarse in any manner, send them to me and I'll add them in. If you want to go directly to a specific category or a specific joke you know of, just click on the tab below... Thanx for dropping by!

How...

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Trees...

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Tarzan...

[ 25 | 26 | 27 ]

Bluebirds...

[ 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 ]

Colours...

[ 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 ]

Toenails...

[ 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 ]

Fruit...

[ 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 ]

Shoes...

[ 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 ]

Music...

[ 49 | 50 ]

Ducks...

[ 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 ]

Bed...

[ 55 | 56 ]

Water...

[ 57 | 58 | 59 ]

Vehicles...

[ 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 ]

Ants...

[ 68 | 69 | 70 ]

What do you get...

[ 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 ]

Miscellaneous

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How...

How many elephants can you fit in a red mini minor?
A: Five - two in the front, two in the back, and one in the boot...
What sport do elephants play in a mini?
A: Squash...
How do you know if there's been an elephant in your fridge?
A: There's one footprint in the butter...
How do you know if there's been two elephants in your fridge?
A: There's two footprints in the butter...
How do you know if there's been three elephants in your fridge?
A: There's three footprints in the butter...
How do you know if there's been four elephants in your fridge?
A: There's four footprints in the butter...
How do you know if there's been five elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a red mini minor parked out the front...
How do you fit a rhinoceros in a red mini minor?
A: Chuck out one of the elephants...
How do you fit an elephant into the fridge?
A: Simple: Open door, put elephant in, close door...
How do you fit a giraffe into the fridge?
A: Open door, remove elephant, put giraffe in, close door...
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
A: Take the matches out...
How do you get an elephant into a telephone booth?
A: Open the door...

Trees...
Why is it dangerous to walk through the jungle at night?
A: Because elephants jump out of trees...
Why are African pygmies so short?
A: They walk through the jungle at night...
What's the stuff between elephants' toenails
A: Slow-moving natives...
Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From jumping out of trees...
Why do elephants wear sneakers?
A: To quiet their landing when they jump out of the trees...
How does an elephant get into an oak tree?
A: He stands on an acorn and waits fifty years...
What if he doesn't want to wait fifty years?
A: He parachutes from an airplane...
How does an elephant get out of a tree?
A: He sits on a leaf and waits for autumn...
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead...
Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one...
Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game...
And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant...

Tarzan...
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"...
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants with sunglasses in the distance?
A: Nothing. He didn't recognize them...
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You elephants fooled me once with those sunglasses, but not this time!"...

Bluebirds...
What's the difference between elephants and bluebirds?
A: Elephants are grey, and bluebirds are blue...
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Here come the elephants"...
What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Here come the bluebirds" - Jane was colourblind...
Why are chickens white and elephants grey?
A: So you can tell them from bluebirds...

Colours...
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course...
How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun...
How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun...
How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant...

Toenails...
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: So they can hide upside down in a strawberry patch...
Why do elephants paint their toenails yellow?
A: So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard. You've never found an elephant in your custard have you? Works well then, doesn't it...
Why do elephants wear green nail polish?
A: So they can hide in a pea-patch...
Why do elephants paint their toenails red, green and orange?
A: So they can hide in Smartie boxes...

Fruit...
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A: A grape is purple...
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine (wine)...
What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey...
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" ...(she was colourblind)...

Shoes...
What goes clomp, clomp, clomp, squish, clomp, clomp, clomp, squish?
A: An elephant with a wet tennis shoe...
Why did the elephant float down the river on his back?
A: He didn't want to get his tennis shoes wet...
Why did the elephant wear his blue tennis shoes?
A: The pink ones were dirty...
Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand...
Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals...

Music...
What sound do you get when you drop an elephant down a mineshaft?
A: A-flat minor...
What sound do you get when you drop an elephant into an army camp?
A: A-flat major...

Ducks...
How do you get down off an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down off a duck...
Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires...
Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks...
Why do giraffes have long necks?
A: To spit on burning elephants...

Bed...
How do you know there is an elephant in your bed?
A1: There is an E on his pajamas...
A2: There are peanut shells under the pillow...
How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling...

Water...
How do you make an elephant float?
A: Take two scoops of ice cream, Coca-Cola and one elephant...
How do you get an elephant out of water?
A: Wet...
How do you get two elephants out of water?
A: One by one...

Vehicles...
How do you run over an elephant?
A: Climb up its tail, dash to its head and slide down its trunk...
What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 8kph...
How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door...
How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge...
What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic...
How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside...
How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar...
How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window...

Ants...
What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant...
What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: (*singing*) "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!"...
What did the elephant say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then sang, "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!"...

What do you get...
What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking...
What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator...
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Great big holes all over Australia...
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel...

Miscellaneous...
Why don't elephants drink martinis?
A: Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose...
What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw three elephants in sunglasses coming down the path?
A: Voila les elephants. ..
Why do elephants lie on their backs with their feet in the air?
A: So they can trip birds...
What do you call a 6 ton elephant walking down the street?
A: Sir...
What do you call an elephant on a bus?
A: A passenger...
Why does an elephant have a trunk?
A: Because he doesn't have a glove compartment...
Why can't two elephants go swimming?
A: They only have one pair of trunks between them...
Why did the elephant dry the dishes with a blue dish towel?
A: Because they were wet...
Why don't elephants like blue lace petticoats?
A: Who says they don't like blue lace petticoats...
What do you do when you see one hundred elephants coming over the hill?
A: Run for it...
Why don't elephants make good policemen?
A1: They can't hide behind billboards...
A2: They don't look good in blue...
How can you tell that there's an elephant in the elevator with you?
A: By the peanuts on his breath...
What is grey and lights up?
A: An electric elephant...
What is grey, has big ears and a trunk?
A: A mouse going on holiday...
How do you stop a herd of elephants from charging?
A: Take away their credit cards...
What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A1: Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup...
A2: An inside-out elephant...
How can you tell when you have passed an elephant?
A: The toilet won't flush...
Why don't elephants ride bicycles?
A: They don't have thumbs to ring the bells...
Why's an elephant large, grey, hairy and wrinkled?
A: Coz' if he was small, white, hairless and smooth, he'd be an aspirin...
What's the difference between a chicken and an elephant?
A: They're both chickens...except for the elephant...
Why do elephants have big ears?
A: Coz' Noddy won't pay the ransom...
What's the difference between an elephant and a mailbox?
A: Well, if you don't know I'd hate to send you out to post a letter...
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence...
Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen...
Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads...
How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch"...
Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one...
How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back...
Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off...
How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs...
What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team...
Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks...
What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room...
What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car...
What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture...
What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized he'd stepped on a pygmie?
A: Look what I just stepped in...
What do elephants use for slippers?
A: Sheep...
What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk...
How do you know when an elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead...

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