*Updated August 31, 2004*
Welcome, Freshmen!
Sorry for the lack of updates. We haven't been given many lately. The keepers of this site have graduated, but we will continue to update as long as you send suggestions. Keep 'em coming!
You Know
You Go To Elon If... 1. You know
the secret about the grass. 2. You know
all three names for the coffee shop. 3. If you are
a guy, you are gay, taken, or a player. 4. You have
laid out one day and seen snow the next. 5. Your
dining halls have the same name as parts of a male body (aka Hard-On and
Cocktagon) 6. You have
walked drunk to Sandy's at 2am. 7. You have
had the urge to swim in the fountain. 8. You have
fallen asleep in the library chairs. 9. You REALLY
know what SURFing is. 10. You can
sleep through the train. 11. You have
seen the ghetto in all its Christmas glory 12. Your
weekend consists of going to the frat parties, Lighthouse, or West End. 13. You have
studied abroad at LEAST once. 14. You have
been to Ham's more than once a week. 15. You know
the difference between Phoenix dollars, Meal Dollars, and Community Dollars. 16. You look
forward to receiving a copy of Bubble Bitching every Thursday waaaaay
more than the Pendulum. 17. You have
been to Chapel Hill for Halloween. 18. When
referring to your friends, you say their names and then their Greek affiliation
so people know who they are. 19. You sport
your Greek letters, makeup, and jewelry just to go to the gym. 20. You have
been hit in the head by falling acorns. 21. You want
to drive the Leo Limo. 22. You know
several professors by their first names. 23. President
Lambert always smiles at you and says hello at important functions yet has no
clue who you are. 24. You have
been in the haunted dorm. 25. You say
hi to at least 5 people on the way to class each day. 26. You can
pronounce Colclough 27. You are
from Virginia or somewhere above the Mason-Dixon Line. 28. Your
major is business, communications, or education. 29. You know
that Virginia is both a state AND a dorm. 30. You are a
member of a fraternity or sorority. 31. Your car
is worth more than some small houses. 32. You have
no school spirit. 33. You went
early decision. 34. You have
heard Coach Seagraves' "Hell Yeah" speech. 35. Being an
orientation leader is cool. 36. You know
what the Elon Bubble is. 37. You feel
guilty for walking on the grass. 38. Your RA
is the biggest alcoholic/drug addict on the hall. 39. You love
tour groups. 40. You have
never seen the Phoenix Report. 41. You have
skipped a noon class because you were still asleep. 42. Girls
wear short skirts and makeup and have perfect hair... at 8am. 43. You are
often too drunk to make it to the football games. 44. You own a
Vera Bradley bag if you are a female. 45. You sport
your 110% pin on your bag or yourself daily. 46. You know
what the G-Spot and the Big O are. 47. A duck
has chased you at least once. 48. You can
tell if someone has been to the Coffee Shop or McEwen just by smelling them. 49. You know
Lake Mary Nell is the home to mutant fish. 50. The
health center has given you salt for an ailment... ANY ailment! 51. You know
where Shady Lane, Brown House, Gray House, Money Pit, Soccer House, Plantation, and BombShelter are and
frequent them every weekend. 52. You have
had a cookout milkshake craving at 2 am. 53. Sometimes
the only fun thing to do at 4 am is to cruise the aisles at Wal*Mart. 54. The
bricks jump up at you. 55. You have
driven on the tram path. 56. You know
the tram schedule, yet it is never there on time. 57. You have
seen the mating rituals of the ducks, geese, swans, and squirrels. 58. You have
participated in Model UN. 59. You have
received and invitation to one of Leo's holiday galas and gone to his house for
the free food. 60. You have
had a custom-made "Elon" waffle. 61. If you
are 21, you spend all your meal dollars on alcohol at Cantina Roble. 62. If you
are not 21, you randomly buy things for people with your meal plan because hey,
you have enough money to feed a third-world country. 63. You know
where the breasts are. 64. You are
ethnocentric and damn proud! 65. You claim
to be religious and attend some sort of religious group, yet you are one of the
most drunk ones every weekend. 66. Websites
like this get 4,000+ hits in 2 days because ONE person put this link on
his or her away message. 67. When it
rains, you have to swim to class. 68. You know
there is no straight path ANYWHERE on campus. 69. When you
lose your Phoenix Card, your life is over. 70. You know
where the Three Floors of Whores are. 71. You don't
even know Elon has a track team or swim team, both of which are actually good. 72. After an
eventful weekend you can walk by Smith and see an assortment of desks, chairs,
and perhaps a soda machine or two lying on the lawn. 73. The
squirrel population outnumbers the student population. 74. You are
tight with Effie from Octagon or Dave from Danieley (formerly McEwen's Pasta
Dave). 75. At
basketball game haltimes the colors red, green, and blue mean something to you. 76. You've
looked for your friends' names in Crime Watch .77. You've
removed a closet door for beer pong (which, by the way, is not just a game but a
way of life). 78. You've
learned about FGM in global and know what it means (unfortunately). 79. You LOVE
drowning. 80. You
frequently dodge the Cushmans on the way to class and fear for your life when
you cross one on the sidewalk. 81. Bubbles
in the fountain are still funny. 82. You check
the webcams for lines before going to Octagon or the Coffee Shop. 83. You know the Jordan Center cats eat better than the students do. 84. Something of yours has ended up at the bottom of Lake Mary Nell. 85. You'd rather go to the drive-through ATM and pay the service charge than walk to the Wachovia in Moseley. 86. You know that Greek Week dance is a way of life. 87. You or one of your friends has been hypnotized by Tom DeLuca. 88. You have ever been to "Club Belk" (aka the library at night). 89. You have drank alcohol out of a nondescript cup at the library. 90. You know that Aramark is really an evil corporation bent on milking the students for every last penny. 91. You have heard Dr. Danieley's "We want panties!" story. 92. You have felt sympathy for the duck with the broken leg. 93. You are afraid of the downstairs McEwen lady. 94. You own at least one letter off the "Town of Elon College" sign. 95. You know it is perfectly acceptable to park in a handicapped parking space as long as your lights are flashing. 96. You've taken but never volunteered for Safe Rides. 97. You've taken the walk of shame across the former intramural fields. 98. You know the code to every residence hall on campus. 99. You know the difference between the two McEwen's. 100. You've gone to the coffee shop and seen the professor whose class you just slept through. 101. You know that the "free food" at Tuesday's college coffee is just stale croissants and old fruit. 102. You see the "Real food on campus" sign at Harden and wonder what the hell they were serving before. 103. You miss going to Burlington Memorial for football games simply because you miss wandering around freely with alcohol. 104. You know that as much as tour guides tell everyone that the Zone is a fun hangout, no one EVER hangs out there. 105. You also know that no one uses the ride board as much as the tour guides advertise it. 106. You have never been to East Gym, or don't even know what it is. 107. Your parents left convocation really thinking that Elon was a dry campus. 108. You miss the days when Sloan was all male (especially the third floor). 109. You know that the people who work for campus rec think they are more elite than anyone in any sorority or fraternity. 110. You were excited when Avril Lavigne wore an Elon shirt at the announcement of Grammy nominations in January. 111.
To you a crosswalk is an impenetrable forcefield that stops all
oncoming traffic, which allows you to cross Haggard or Williamson without
having to look or even think about stopping. 112. You show up to Freshmen Convocation completely hungover and
think no one notices. 113. You think the OLs are on crack, yet for some reason you
want to be one. 114. As soon as the freshmen move on campus, the network goes
down because they all overloaded the system with viruses.
115. You step on at least 3 caterpillars on the way to class every day.
116. The recently moved Downstairs McEwen Lady is still just as insane upstairs as her glory days downstairs.
117. You have no clue what any of the sculptures on campus mean.
118. You wish they'd bring back normal Downstairs McEwen so upstairs wouldn't be so crowded.
119. You're scared of the huge pictures of people on the walls of Varsity and feel like they're watching you eat.
120. If you're female, you could sell your purse and feed a third-world country.
121. You resent that Chik-Fil-A fries aren't on the meal plan.
122. You have heard Dr. Pugh's "Matrix" speach and didn't understand a word.
123. You are visiting this website and understanding it.
124. You have used "I missed the tram" or "I got caught behind elementary school traffic" as an excuse for being late if you life in Danieley.
125. You get mad when your friends who live in Danieley spell it wrong.
126. You have been attacked by the mascot (who looks like a turkey) and you LOVE it.
127. You have stolen a brick and/or a flag.
128. You've forgotten your mailbox combination and have to ask for it when someone comes by and accidentally locks your box.
129. You wonder how the tour guides know all that they do, and how they do it all backwards.
130. You look forward to the start of "tour-season" so the food in Harden will improve.
131. You see that the crosswalk has been activated and know that either a freshman or a visitor pressed the button.
132. You know every shortcut in town so you can avoid traffic.
133. You feel like you're breaking the law when you don't stop on Lebanon even though the stop sign is gone.
134. You've had to take the sophomore writing proficiency test more than once because you thought it was a joke the first time.
135. You know that the Greek rock was once just a pebble and is now huge because all of the layers of paint.
136. You're thankful that Elon didn't change the mascot to the Fighting Squirrels or the Mighty Oaks, even though you always have to explain that our mascot is not a city in Arizona.
137. You get the emails about people exposing themselves in Danieley and wonder who is dumb enough to do that.
138. As soon as you graduate, the letters and phone calls for money begin.
139. You can tell who the freshmen are because they actually carry their Elon Files with them.
140. You only stay at football games for a quarter because you're just there for the social scene.
141. You get all pumped up for Homecoming, but still have no pride in our football team.
142. You have done the ice luge at Shady Lane.
143. You wonder why all the sorority girls throw pumpkins around at the Lambda Chi Alpha house around Halloween.
144. You have sumbitted things to this page.
145. You took the side of the kid who was hit by the car because obviously pedestrians have the right of way.
146. You change your mind a million times about what you want to do with your life, but know it's ok because you can become one of the career Elonies in Moseley or Admissions.
147. You kind of miss the theme park feel of the old tram.
148. You've been paid to live off campus.
149. You laugh at how dumb the people in the TV services office are for misspelling the movie names (eg. "How to LOOSE a Guy in 10 Days").
150. You have regular conversations with Cora, the McEwen lady.
151. You're STILL pissed about the $2.50 rip-off.
152. You or someone you know has been in Bubble Bitching, Elon's finest underground newspaper.
153. You are sad that Bubble Bitching may die after the editor graduates in December :(
154. You know several people on the wall of foam at West End.
155. You think the 8 handicap parking spaces in front of Danieley O-P are a huge waste because, seriously, who at Elon has handicap cars?
156. You know that Homecoming Queen elections are rigged and have been every single year.
157. The one day you wake up early in a semester is for your 6am registration time.
158. You know that football games are fashion parades compared to class (and that's pretty damn dressed up).
159. You cried when you heard that Danieley Dave (formerly known as McEwen's Pasta Dave) passed away.
160. You have met someone famous, thanks to SUB.
161. You know when you go to a "catered lunch" by Aramark it will consist of either cold cuts or a fajita bar.
162. You know that Leo's weight loss is one of the biggest topics on campus.
163. When the house by Oak Hill was on fire in December, half of Elon was there to watch it burn down.
164. You know that pink collared shirts (with the collar popped, of course) are normal for guys to wear.
165. You know that temperatures ranging from 25 degrees to 90 degrees are normal for one week.
166. Maroon 5 is the biggest thing to ever happen to Elon.
167. Arguing with campus security or the Town of Elon over parking tickets is a weekly occurance.
168. You are a girl and have worn sweatpants under your skirt during recruitment.
169. You are pissed that the Town of Elon is adding stoplights on Front Street by the railroad tracks, and you're still pissed about them closing the shortcut across the tracks by the Academic Village.
170. You're scared of graduating not because of the real world, but because the Phonathon won't stop calling you even after you say no.
171. You saw this and almost died laughing.
172. You know the differences between the two tram drivers--the slow one and the one with the lead foot.
173. You have hosted a cocktail party at your Danieley Suite and drank out of glasses from K-Mart, Big Lots, or old sorority cups.
174. You know that Ultimate Frisbee and Rugby aren't just sports, they're cults.
175. You wonder who would ever go to Varsity late on Fridays and Saturdays when they could just go to Sandy's.
176. E-Net is your source for everything random going on around campus... and there is a lot of random stuff going on.
177. You think there are more groundskeepers than professors at Elon.
178. When it's cold outside, you tell people you hate the weather at Elon, but when it's nice, you tell all the perspective students that you came to Elon for the weather.
179. When someone mentions the basketball game against UNC-G, you either reminisce or kick yourself for not being there.
180. You wonder if maybe the marching band should put on the football uniforms so we could maybe win a game once in while.
181. You know the real reason people have futons in their dorms is for those nights when it's too dangerous to climb up their loft ladders.
182. You've gotten up at 8am to move your car from the Whitley lot so you don't get towed.
183. You know the names of everyone on the walls in Varsity.
184. You know you're meeting your parents for beakfast at 10am but you stay out til 6 anyways.
185. You wonder why we even have a marching band.
186. You've had to complete at least 20 hours of service learning or some other sort of experiential learning in Alamance County.
187. You get in arguments with your friends over which way is fastest to get to I-85
188. You've sold something or asked for signatures in Moseley Center
189. You have clothes and accessories from Abercrombie and Louis Vuitton, yet you're too poor to pay for college
190. You have a whole drawer of ribbons to match each blouse and outfit.
191. You've only seen a play or a lecture because you had a Cultural Events requirement for Global or another class
192. You go into the bookstore at the beginning of each semester to write down the ISBN #'s for your books so you can order them at Half.com, yet you sell them back at the end of the semester anyway
193. You've walked an extra distance to use the computer labs in the library because you're afraid of being alone in Mooney or Alamance.
194. You've taken condoms from the health center just to play pranks on people or to read the funny condoms fact pack inside
195. You hope the law school will actually attract good-looking, smart, heterosexual young men.
196. You own at least one pearl necklace and one pearl bracelet. Or, you own one of those silver Tiffany's toggle bracelets with the heart tag.
197. Someone has taken your clothes out of the washer/dryer and left them to mesh with others people's stuff.
198. You wonder why the hell the dining halls are never open when you're hungry.
199. You join a club or attend an event for the free t-shirts they're giving away.
200. You want more diversity on campus, and are taught to be "global-minded," yet wonder why they shove all the foreigners into the International Pavilion on the other side of campus.
201. You feel empowered walking on campus holding a just-made smoothie from Freshens, as if it's some accessory to life.
202. You've become addicted to smoking breathing all the second-hand smoke around Chandler , Colclough, and Maynard.
203. You've had to scrape Carolina clay off your tires or shoes dozens of times.
204. You have more than one major, or you are double minoring. Perhaps even both.
205. You've gotten lost in Danieley because the apartments don't go in alphabetical, logical order
206. You wonder if the school meant to position the huge church right in front of the bar so you would feel guilty as you pass by.
207. You know that the night Tom DeLuca is on campus is one of the best nights at Elon.
208. You laugh at the freshmen and students under 21 who actually go out the first few weeks of school when they all get underage drinking citations.
209. You are very excited that Elon will have a driving range on campus soon... that country club campus thing is coming true!
Great suggestions, guys! Keep them coming!Click here to find out more about this page! gotoelonif@yahoo.com
Last update on August 31, 2004
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