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C01 |
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C02 |
Writing |
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C1 |
Life of a
feeler |
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C2 |
Pussies |
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C3 |
Poem |
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C4 |
drunk |
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C5 |
Winston |
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C6 |
Male muse |
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C7 |
crazy |
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C8 |
timeless |
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C9 |
conversing |
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C10 |
Video
games |
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C11 |
running |
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C12 |
creating |
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C13 |
Save your
life |
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C14 |
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C15 |
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C01
11/04
that
which I am first
must be
stated first
for it is
my only aspect
that is
forever
unfortunately it is that
we share
of the
nameless
but of
things of the world
and
thoughts
and
beliefs
and
feelings
I do not
claim to know
Or be right
-only
willing to share
and if
there is anything
beautiful
about me
it is my
willingness
to die
and be
reborn
over and
over and over
to find a
way closer
to that
which I know to be true
11/04
c02
commitment
to the muse
validating
this place
objectively
I cannot and never will
trade
blows in the real world
with a
true wordsmith
and poet
commitment
to the cause
of
becoming this self
unafraid
and willing
to see
and be seen
as basic
and expanded
as I can seem
C1
every day i am willing to die
and i swear i do more often than not
...gladly not cause i want death...
but because i want to feel it all
i understand we are far and few between
and at some godforsaken point in our lives
most of us turned off the valve
that hurt too much
fuck it
i do not claim to be a just man
a wise man or even a good or bad man
and dont really care what labels
the world slaps on me
fuck them
i am done complaining when
something dies
cause it just does
and i feel its death all over my body
and am reminded of life
if anything i am always thankful in retrospect
cause i would have hopefully never had it
to begin with
if it did not bring anything i wanted to feel
and i have to remember to accept
how things come and go
as i have been far less than perfect
in both entrances and exits
sometimes i wish the world would slap me
when it just fades away
fuck me
saying that always brings me back to a smile
c2
fuck them
wordless pussies
cant hang
chickenshit
I dangle
Die
Become
Fearless returning
To my haven
Where I swing
And swing more words
Until
I awake
For another round
11/04
c3
ee cummings wrote
From low to high
Are beliefs, thoughts, and emotion
And on the human scale
I agree
Poetry to me
Is the kneeling down
To the day I just lived
And died in
Putting the battle into words
Feeling
Bang the keyboard
Fearlessly
Sometimes is all I know
To do when I want to stay
Alive
And in touch
There is only one form higher
Which is the unspeakable
The super conscious mind
That which just is life itself
Here I stoop and give gratitude
Of this narrow but beautiful
Experience
Let me write
One more line before I pass away
Let me relive
One more moment before I change
This place I am in
Will never be repeated
So unique
I cherish
Let my poem
Give it due
11/04
c4
Sometimes when I am spinning silly
Drinking queasy and cold
My jumbled thoughts cloud
My heart
Crap I cannot feel
Which is all I was good for
To begin with
I see this person
And I am bigger than life
Stronger, louder, funnier…
But I cannot find them…
Sometimes when I am
Numb and ruthless
Drinking one more beer
I wonder if this is what death is like
Let me jump up and down
At least to me I am fun
Do they like it
Cause I do
The words hitting me
feel like electrocuted June bugs
With no soul
Expressions
Look like cartoon porn figurines
Inside a glass shop
I wish they knew
I am sorry
11/04
Winston
C5
How many times
Have I passed you
And not remembered
How much I care
You are still lying here
Waiting patiently
For me to remember
Beautiful boy
When I finally see you
It is like a chain of recognition
Life finding life
Again and again
Thank you
For bringing me home
How many times
Have you forgiven me
And to this day there is no one
In the world
Who loves me as much as you
Undeserving
Have a freaking biscuit
Beautiful boy
11/04
c6
Male muse
I did not know I had one
I love this shit
Loud as a motherfucker
“Bang those fucking keys my son”
Boom boom I hear them
… crap I laugh…
just when I got used to
the feminine muse
this comes along
Like a old warrior I died with
One thousand times
My friend
My teacher
He smiles
A hard smile
And tells me the voice is
In my marrow
And that if I cant speak it
I am as good as dead
“bang those fucking keys my son”
I know he loves me
11/04
c7
if you want to begin
to know me
read these
I said
She hesitated
- I didn’t blame her
She read one and smiled
And said I was thoughtful
And petted me on the head
Like a dog
She read another
And was appalled
I knew I should have hidden
But didn’t
Either I am crazy
Or she cant handle it
I thought
But I am tired of it all
And if I am crazy
Lets just make that clear
Up front from now on
She was madder than ever
So I walked home
Both sunken and smiling
Cursed and blessed
Eternally in this form
Happy and sad
But chosen
11/04
c8
timeless
I will never change
And disrespect these words
In a time of clarity
Or insanity
These words are like
Battlescars
Hard earned
And well traveled
I will look back on in gratitude
Tomorrow
With the feeling of hearing
An old friends voice
I will never change my words
My signposts that brought me here
And vow to be true to this
Before any other merits
Of better writing
11/04
C9
Commitment to conversing
Be interesting
Be interested
Be genuine
Be willing to be known
And truthful
Be encouraging and
Be accepting of one who
Takes the same challenge
For this road is not easy
Engage life itself
Know to be known
Look to be seen
Smile
Laugh
Cry
Feel
Keep timing with my flow
Integrate with others
Guide and be led
Share perceptions
Be willing to
Be right wrong and indifferent
Free and be free
11/04
c10
nosebleeds
gaming
crack
too much
I retire nervously into
Video game dream hell
One more game
To help me forget my life
How fucking sad
Dry eyes
Coffee shaking hands
I hear enemy planes bombing
When I sleep
I am spinning
Catch me…
11/04
c11
running
I almost forgot
To rejoice
Moving across your belly
How did I ever forget
Your beauty
And welcoming night
Mother earth that holds me
Burns my lungs
In cold
Carries me
Reminding me
I am alive
Striding across her breast
Fully remembering
I am with her always
C12
11/04
Images are the bridge from the other
To the physical
Manifestation magic
Beauty is an awareness of moment and process
Being unbound is key to freedom
My world is intentionally
Magic and fantasy
C13
11/04
to save your life
first know you will return
to this place
do not fear it
do not dread it
just accept it is a matter
of time
kicked and beaten
alongside the coldest lonliest road
you could ever imagine
no help in sight
no sounds
only darkness
and the Ones who dance in the belly
of fear
to save your life accept it
forever
as a temporary home
and when you fall here
you will remember
what many never do
life will let you die here
alone
the blessing of free will
can be harsh
here is the handbook
remember it well
you will have to crawl
out of the gutter
alone
before life offers you even
a glimpse of light
return to awareness
movement
the soul inside
that does not want to die here
fight
and fight again
and you will return
to life
some field somewhere
cold dew
shoeless
fearless
chasing my demons
for the thousandth time
running one more lap
this field here now
damp
fleeting
I am smiling
From cheek to cheek
At the age of 13
I snuck out at night
To do this very thing
Now at 30
I travel still
On foot
At high speeds
These thoughts
Change form
Self
Carries
Keeps
Me in touch
These strong legs
Drumming along the soft night
Athena holding me
Lovers
Our 17th year university
Is tonight it feels
Of all the painful things
Man can do
Please let me run free
No more walls between people
To stop me
No more prisons
Or caged places
For any friend of foot
We are ancestors
Of the
some field living
in the center of the Goddess herself
I am living
Burning
Floating
These fast legs
Churning
And eyes
Tearing
I am alive