GOG CAINER EXCLUSIVE!!!
-explaining
the orifices of life.
As a famous Asstrologist, I now recommend the use of the Signs of the
Zod-1/2-eye.
There are many reasons for this which you couldn't possibly understand...
suffice to say that with only three Star Signs
it takes less time to write so I can get on with selling my book and making perfectly sane people
believe in fairies... I mean, scientifically accurate predictions of what your future could hold...maybe...possibly.
EDITION 1. (1st June 2000)
|
SHEEP (1st January - 30th April) |
You have been feeling weak lately. These are troubled times, with lack of control and direction. Due to the movement of Uranus into your system, your problems will soon be swept away, and you can wash your hands of all your obstructions. |
|
FLY
(1st May - 31st August) |
May the lord have mercy on your sole, for it is thin. Holy areas will soon become apparent as mars moves into line with Saturn. Grasp opportunities with both extremities and you will soon find a good shoesmith. |
|
DUNG
BEETLE (1st September - 31st December) |
You are noticing that lack of self control has lowered your self esteem lately. Due to the movement of mars through your body line, you have put on weight, and keep falling off the toilet. I foresee a transition from mars to milky way in your life force, with extra benefit from the tapeworm constellation, which has vanished into your black hole. |
Gog Cainer, when not engaging the red ninja triad in hand to hand combat, writes (almost)
exclusively for the BUN newspaper, and his book is now available
through "the
back" publishing.
"A
day in the Life of an orifice"
is only £24.99, and follows Cainer's mystical journeys
through Asstrology.
You are devoted disciple number .
. to have passed through these pearly gates since the 1st of March 2000. We do allow advanced or group bookings for half-hour sessions with the men in white coats.
Please email comments/suggestions/abuse to Gog313@yahoo.co.uk
GOG CAINER IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND ANY SIMILARITIES WITH ACTUAL ENTITIES ARE ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL.
(c)GOGMAN 2000
