Update1

January 2, 2002
It has been a long day. Gary has felt crummy for over a month, espeically the last few days. As I take the time to sit and listen, I also realize myself, that we are both very anxious about the upcoming test results. The unknown and the what if's. They tear you apart. Thank goodness, through friends, we have realized today that we need some time together to communicate our feelings...our honesty...we are scared, and you know what? That's okay. We will get though it. I'm gonna get him through it.
Til next time, Shelly

1/5/02 -Delaware got it's first snow, the kids loved it. I hope the cold will kill the germs that are making them so sick. Just can't get them well. Still anxious over Gary's tests. But we both feel pretty confident that the chest CT is clear. We have shared many powerful moments in the last few days. It is hard not to talk or think about the future...what it holds, wishes. I think that's okay. It's hard for men to talk about those things. They are truly different in their make-up than women. What a challenge to wind ourselves together; our thoughts, emotions, knowledge...and become one strong power to exist. To be parents...to 'guide' them, make them ' better' than you. It's all a gift.
Gary's step-nephew, needs a prayer. He is 16 and has just found out he has osteo-synovial sarcoma. He is scheduled for a'below-the-knee' amputation on Tuesday. That just sucks, okayl. Think of all the things you possess, love them, hold them, say thank you for them. Live your life to the fullest. Fight to be here. Smile at someone. Hug your spouse. Hug your children. Shelly

1/8/02 - What a day. Test results back. He has multiple nodules in both lungs, inoperable, and the melanoma has spread to his liver and his thoracic spine. I was so sure he would be fine. The will do complete body scans to see if it's anywhere else, then go from there. Maybe chemo to slow it down. It's moving fast. Three months ago there was nothing. Gary is well. "Knows what he has to do and he is ready." 'He's not scared and he can't change it', he will move forward and make the most of it. I must go, it's late. I will update again soon. Love to all, Shelly

1/11/02 - Wow. We are doing okay. Gary is doing great. I have felt like I'm not really here, just going through the motions. We still have no word yet on the next tests. Can you believe the insurance company is having a problem okaying it? They don't understand why he needs more tests when it was just done 3 months ago. So we are still tyring to get that squared away.
It's moving pretty fast, remember his last tests were clear. He looks great. Would you really want it any other way if you were in his shoes? You know, I watched my dad suffer from lung cancer, fighting so long for every breath. It was not a pretty site. So say another prayer for Gary.
He has been so super, telling me it's okay to cry and he is strong enough for the both of us? Can you believe that? How lucky am I, really? To have him in my life...lucky. I want to share this with you, keep this in mind as we take on the next step of this awful disease. I told him I think the miracle through out all this is that he didn't die 15 years ago. That was truly a blessing. We were able to find one another, perfect each other and make beautiful children.
The song says, 'I could not ask for more than this time together, I could not ask for more than this time with you....every prayer has been answered, every dream has come true." Edwin McCain. That's the way I feel.
Every day we will fight through this, I suppose we will survive. It's not easy, but with Gary making jokes and making light of it all, but serious, it makes it a lot easier. Til next time, Shelly

1/17/02 or something like that. I'm exhausted.What an emotional week it has been. I have made it to work everyday and so has Gary, 'Busiiness as usual' as he keeps telling all his drivers. I know they think he is crazy. You gotta love him. Still strong as ever. The tests are set for next Tuesday and Wednesday, followed by dr. visit on Friday.
So we are headed back to NY in the morning for a visit with friends and family, I can't wait. I will see some very special friends on Friday night, friends from before I knew Gary. Friends have really helped through all this. It's not pity, it's just, 'Jesus Shel, I am so sorry your family is going through this and I don't know what to say'. Believe it or not, it makes me feel better, Gary too, as long as they don't cry...:-) Saturday we are having a get together at Gary's sister Sherri's house and her fiance' Joe. Then Sunday it's off to my sisters for some lunch and get'to'gether! Devan loves Joe.
We told Dallas over the weekend, but not before her best friend told her, quite bluntly too. I was mortified, but I'm over it now, because maybe it was just supposed to be that way. I prepared the entire last year, reading thinking, speaking to myself...trying to be ready to say the perfect thing. The right thing, the best way, just right. I worried myself for no reason. After Camie told her, daddy scooped her up at our family discussiion and pretty much said what phD number 1 and 2 said, what pastor number 1 said and what 'mommy' MD with cancer said. It came so natural to him, thank you God, I was releived. I didn't even have to say anything...of course I did, haha, but just that I wasn't sick, I didn't have cancer and I wasn't going anywhere. She knows what's going on. She asked if we could put daddy in the front yard under the tree, with his head here and his feet here and one of those stones you get. Then, whenever we needed to talk to him, we could come right out here and be with him.....she's beautiful. Can you imagine? I still think I'm dreaming. I guess in a way, we dream our whole lives. Thanks for listening, I have to pack. Til next time, Shelly and family

So what is today? Wednesday...the 22nd. Just had to write a few lines about what an absolute wonderful trip Gary and the girls and I had this weekend. We traveled to Western, NY where we are from and saw many wonderful people that we have not seen for quite sometime. I stayed with friends Friday and it just refreshed me! How truly wonderful my friends are...it meant the world to me. Saturday we visited/celebrated life (and for those of you having a bad day today, get out there and make it better, celebrate that you are here with people you love!!!) at Sherri and Joe's, they took care of everything, people brought dishes to pass. It was so nice not to have to worry about anything. They are engaged, 2003 wedding is being planned. How fun!!! Each and every person that showed up put a smile on my face, yes, and a few tears. Sunday was perfect, nice lunch at my sisters. Some extended family and friends came that we hadn't seen in along time too. It was just wonderful. We returned home very late Monday night, we took our time and had one of the best trips yet on the way home. Of course we passed through Lycoming, Pa to visit the Bill Elliott McDonalds. I think Gary couldn't stop thinking about him since my brother in law invited his parents to Sunday's get together. Gary has never met them, Jeff's fathers name.... of course, none other than Bill Elliott!
My heart is filled with love and thoughts of the weekend...it was a treasure. Another good thing about life..... memories. Thank God for the memories, friends and family.. Love and laughter to you all....Shelly

1/28/02- Check up on friday shows no other sites of metastasis, only sites we knew!!!! Brain is clear! Sorry I did not update sooner, we have been so busy and well, stressed. The girls have been sick, high fevers and Gary is being weaned off the Decadron and is just...having some pain and is very moody.
He started chemotherapy today...it is in pill form and he takes is at home, who knew? He has some medicine to offset the nausea and vomiting and hair loss is RARE...nice, huh? Eveyone tolerates it different, I hope he does okay. I just spoke with him at work, said he was starting to feel crummy....yeah, he's at work! I'm just full of surprises tonight. His doctor said he may see good results in regards to his lung mets with the temadur (chemo) so we were very hopeful leaving on Friday. This whole thing is such a see-saw, up down. He will do three rounds of chemo, then he will have his scans repeated. I hope this will help with his lungs, he has become short of breath when he exerts himself. Very shocking to witness. I hope this ease's....still pray for us. All you need is a dollar and a dream, right? We got the dream, we head to DAYTONA is less than 2 weeks with our super great friends John and Ann, Lance and Cindy...I'm sure we will have a super time, it's because of them that we are going. They have been really great friends of ours...we love them dearly. Till next time, love, Shelly