THE PLAYERS:
The Royal Whore
Nick
Glenn (gettin' sick of me yet?)
 

"Holy -- stop!" He screamed. The hobgoblins jumped
in dismay. He was a tall man, with angry-like
demeanor, and recent dental operation which developed into a sinus infection.
As a result, he was a "crabbypants" with no voice and a grumpy sickitude.
I hated that result. It was surely a shitty result.
I like verisimilitude, alliteration, and cookies. Then
I ate the alliteration. Boy was it snacktaculous.
Right. Unfortunately underneath your umbrella lurked
more alluring alliteration. And you (because it's raining). But not rain. Rain
hits the umbrella and rolls down the fabric and falls off the side, thereby keeping
balance between peace and chaos. I prefer chaos,
so I went back to the wardroom, where, on that fateful day,
"Don't call me a whore!" the wardroom whore
said. So I beat her senseless and left her
selseless. Then I got into my car senseless and drove away senseless. And yes, I did
mean that both the car and I were senseless. Since I was senseless I smashed into a tree.
"Holy Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints!" I said, right before
I went insane. "Screw you! Screw you all! DIE!" As I screamed,
I actually did screw them all. After which
they died by expending more energy than they had
consumed in calories; therefore their faces exploded, despite substantial
scientific evidence disproving the face-explosion theory. Spontaneous combustion, however,
was evident, accepted, customary, and icky. Anyway,
Back to the story -- as soon as my mother got to my son, I
deicided to cross-breed them and create a clone
of myself. Which is biologically fallacious. So I
spontaneously combusted. Then I laughed; that is, I was in flames. I decided
that if I was gonna spontaneously combust anyway, I might as well self-immolate to make the best
of a bad situation. I really didn't want to self-
immolate, so I didn't. Oh well. After that episode was over, I
turned off the TV. Which is odd, because I don't
own one. Which is odd, because I was watching it.
As I burned. Watching as I burned. My story was on 20/20 that night, which was too bad, because I was dead. The End.