| Prose of Glen Phillips |
| Academic, writers and publishing sites |
| Poet, university teacher & Associate Professor of English |
| Poems & his PhD Epic Poem NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE, NO. 1 (THE ENTOMBED MINER, EASTER 1907) |
| Spring Burning Lovesongs, Lovescenes Sacrificing the Leaves |
| Article on John Kinsella, Poetry & Art |
| © Copyright 2003-2005 |
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| LIKE RABBITS ‘No bleeding again this month,’ she thought. It added to the joy of it, though there wasn’t the slightest swelling to show. She felt like busting out singing but it seemed silly really, alone in the little weatherboard house. Anyway, you could hear right through the thin walls. Bill was hard at it with his schoolkids only a hundred yards away. They were doing their ‘times tables’ it seemed, by the sing-song chorus coming faintly across the red dirt of the playground. She folded the ‘Western Mail’ where she’d been reading another story about motherhood. Somehow, she had to work off her high spirits. Idly wandering from room to room she rubbed a duster on mantelpiece and bookcase. The oil mop was still there so she gave the passage lino another once over. You really needed an electrolux to get this dust off properly. But you had to have the electricity connected for that. Even a carpetsweeper would be better than brooms with all this red dust. Anyway, it would have to wait now with so many expenses coming up. Quite a change from their first few months here. At the start they’d almost been like a couple on a camping holiday, settling in with their mostly borrowed furniture. They had the clothes they stood up in, the little collection of wedding presents but not much else. Yet she’d never had such a luxury of doting on one person alone, day after day. Not even with girl friends at school or the odd crush for a teacher. She went to put the oil mop back in the cupboard and then she saw the gun. Funny how she always responded to a gun. It gave her a sort of rush of pleasure. No, more a twinge. Like a sudden wicked feeling, yes. It was just a decrepit old 0.22 that her father had given Bill when her husband had received the surprise news of his transfer to Samphire Lakes. It was while they were starting to pack for the journey and father had said he was going to get a new one anyway. This rifle was all wired up around the butt, although it could shoot straight enough. Bill had showed her in those first days at the Lakes how to take pot shots at rabbits and crested pigeons. At first he helped her to hold the gun, letting her pull the trigger when she was ready. Then she could do it by herself, while he looked on saying how proud he was of his little Aussie mate. Come to think of it, her mother had been terribly upset to hear that her only daughter was going to be nearly three hundred miles away straight after the wedding. For herself, the separation was a blessing in most respects. She tried to imagine even now how she possibly could have faced the family so soon after her wedding night. How were you supposed to compose yourself if you didn’t want look like the cat that got the cream? Or worse. She picked up the gun by its cool barrel and went to the kitchen drawer where they kept the shells. Lifting a corner of the curtain, she could see across the schoolyard past the swings and the tankstands to the school verandah. There was no sign of the kids coming out for morning playtime. She went back down the passage and out on to the front verandah. From here she could see across the bush track that went on from the school to some of the new farm settlements. There was quite a bit of thick scrub here, leading down to the saltlake. Among the mallees and wodjil the rabbits fairly seethed in the late afternoon. Just now there was nothing. She stood for a while with the rifle in one hand, peering into the strong sunlight. The old cat came and rubbed itself against her legs. ‘You poor old bugger,’ she said. ‘You’re past running down a bunny!’ She looked out again to the bush, smoothing her dress against her stomach. Then she loaded a shell into the breech and closed the bolt. Usually she would just rest the barrel of the rifle on the verandah rail but there was nothing showing over in the bush. ‘’Maybe if I get a bit closer,’ she said to herself and the cat turned away and started sniffing at the front steps, looking to find a good position for sunning itself. There was a grassy knoll just through the wire fence on the other side of the road so she headed for that, carefully holding the rifle away from herself as she squeezed through the taut wires. ‘What am I thinking of?’ she almost laughed at herself, ‘I’m going to get myself coated in red dirt if I lie down to take a shot.’ But there was more grass than she expected and a mat of pigface that would keep her relatively clean. She comforted herself with the thought that she was going to wash the dress anyway. There was a fallen mallee trunk she could rest the barrel on to get a proper sight of a rabbit if any were going to show themselves. First she put the gun down on the ground, as she had been taught by Bill, then with a grunt flopped on the grass. The warmth of the hard ground came up through the grass and she felt strangely contented lying there. Imagine if my girl friends could see me now, she was thinking. The pigface was slightly prickly and she shifted a little. Was there already swelling? She rolled on one side and felt around below her stomach but realised it must have been something on the ground after all. With an effort she raised herself on her elbows and sighted the gun across the fallen tree. At first there was nothing. A crow flew crookedly like a shadow over the end of the salt lake. But suddenly she saw movement near one of the burrow mouths. Instinctively she squeezed the trigger. There was a thump at her shoulder and the sudden pungency of the charge going off. Something leapt in the air and fell back. She heaved herself to her feet and ran heavily toward the warren, brushing sticks and leaves off her dress as she went. ‘Two!’ she gasped as she came upon the bloodied bodies. She bent to look more closely and rolled one over with the rifle barrel. It was a doe, the bulbous eye already glazed, the grey-brown fur matted with blood from a body wound. She was just thinking to herself that it would be a good roast for Bill and herself for the weekend when she saw the other bundle of fur was just a baby, a kitten in fact. But it was wet with blood and what appeared to be mucous. ‘I made her give birth! I made her lose it!’ she howled. Back at the house, she cleaned herself up and changed her dress. The children were spilling out of the school for their playtime break, bawling their heads off with the glee of being released from forced labour of their lessons. She dragged herself to the stove and shifted the kettle from the hob to the hotplate. Bill would be over in a minute for his morning tea. But something was going terribly wrong. By the time he came she was lying on the bed with an old towel. ‘What’s up, love?’ he said huskily, panic starting to tighten his jaw. ‘Oh, Bill,’ she was inconsolable, ‘I’m losing it. I’m losing our baby.’ ‘I’ll run you into town as soon as I can get the car started. Some of the big girls can look after you. The others will have to go home for the day. Don’t worry, old thing, we can start again any time after you’re well again.’ ‘I killed it, I killed the baby,’ she was muttering. ‘It’s not you’re fault. These things happen naturally. Doctor Wilson will see you through this. You’ll be in the best of hands.’ ‘Bill, it shouldn’t have been like this,’ she continued to moan. |
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| JUST A PAIR OF OLD SHOES The gravelled path was broad and newly swept of the previous night’s fallen leaves and refuse. It circled away and uphill from the South China Foreign Languages Institute’s gates, where the duck ponds were full of swimming rafts of what looked like tufted cotton wool. Professor Bao Guo Wei and his wife began to walk up a little arched bridge. I must stop a moment, thought Dr Bao, as he and his wife came to the crest of the bridge. Just then, a student with a tennis racquet tied across his shoulders and wheeling a bicycle, pushed past them in a great rush. The two adults had to press back against the railings, unprepared for such rudeness. Bao sighted a stone bench, thoughtfully located across the bridge and beside the little stream. He motioned to his wife, Gao Shu Qin, to join him and they sat quietly together. High above them small birds piped strange notes in the lofty kapok, ficus, and willow trees that shaded the campus. The clear stream musically trickled past from its source in the jungle-clad hillsides. How come, thought the professor, those trees had been spared during the Great Leap Forward? So many others throughout China had been hacked down and carried off for furnace fuel. That was when all work groups had to collect scrap metal for smelting into pig-iron. Every organization had been forced to maintain the furnaces. But perhaps the Institute’s former existence as a forestry college with its own botanical gardens had saved the trees here? Enough of the past. His wandering thoughts quickly came back to this Languages Institute where he was due to begin teaching in the new term. Freshly painted buildings gleamed through the shady leafage. He sighed deeply, and with such evident pleasure, that Shu Qin glanced sideways at him, momentarily concerned. Such emotion had been rare in their relationship over the past five years. But to have at last his own department of English in one of Premier Zhou En Lai’s celebrated new foreign language institutes was just reward, wasn’t it? And to have a talented staff dedicated to the new tasks was further cause for such moments of indulgence. Bao’s wife murmured to him that there were all his boxes of books to unpack and the apartment to be put in order. So many books! Yet they were still arriving by post from friends, with whom he had left many of them. And soon the main contingent of students would be arriving to take up residence in the new dormitory buildings. She couldn’t help uttering the phrase that came to her lips from the Great Helmsman: ‘We Communists are like seeds and the people are like the soil. Wherever we go we must unite with the people, take root and blossom among them.’ At the sound of her voice Bao turned to her, smiling with rare benignity, ‘Our work will commence soon enough. Let us treasure this moment together. Be thankful for our remarkable good fortune.’ Bao gathered up a package tied with string and raised himself from the stone bench. Shu Qin interrupted this movement as soon as she sensed it. ‘I can take those!’ But , patting the bundle, he motioned her to let him alone. ‘These are among my most precious books. How many times have I told you, they were given to me by my professor at London University. I’ve kept them no matter how troubled things have been these past years.’ ‘Yes, yes. Now come along, we mustn’t lose another moment before meeting the Party Secretary.’ ‘I know that!’ Bao said. ‘The message was she expected the two of us at the Department Office today at ten. But we have a few more minutes.’ ‘Yes, yes,’ she again replied, a little testily, ‘ but I’m not sure you can find your way there yet. Let’s ask someone in this block of apartments.’ Adopting a kindlier tone, she suggested, ‘You may as well get to know people around here sooner rather than later.’ ‘Don’t be so bossy, my dear,’ remonstrated the Professor, smiling mildly and moving towards the main entrance of the building. Just at that moment a crowd came pushing out of the doorway. Everybody was shouting and waving their arms, pointing at a dishevelled figure of a young woman in the centre of the group. She was being thrust along in a series of neck-jarring stumbles by two security policemen sweating in their uniforms. One was minus his cap. The Professor and his wife stepped hurriedly to the side of the pathway. Behind his wife, Bao shielded his precious parcel. ‘Down with the class enemy!’ ‘Stinking bitch!’ ‘Filthy criminal! Counter-revolutionary trash!’ ‘String her up! Shoot her!’ ‘Cut the whore into a thousand pieces!’ The captive was shoeless and her soiled blouse was ripped. Bedraggled hair sprouted through the grasping fingers of one of the policemen who dragged her forward. The other had pinned her arms behind her with handcuffs and was pushing from the rear. The stooping figure blinked short-sightedly, bewildered it seemed by the noise of the crowd and the violence of her captors. Bao’s wife grabbed at the sleeve of one of the outer circle of onlookers, ‘What’s happening? What’s she done?’ ‘The traitor was seen by a good citizen of the revolutionary masses last night. In full view! Standing at her open window and wrapping a pair of her dirty old shoes in the front page of “The People’s Daily” with our Beloved Chairman’s photograph on it!’ ‘Disgusting,’ ‘said Shu Qin automatically. ‘And it was just after he had swum in the Yangstse.’ ‘My goodness,’ gasped Shu Qin, ‘are you sure she really meant it?’ ‘What are you saying?’ shrieked her informant. ‘Even if she were careless or short-sighted, it doesn’t lessen the wickedness of the crime against our beloved Helmsman! And she did it in full view of the campus as well as the husband of the Party Secretary. The informant told us how he went right up to her window straight away because at first he couldn’t believe his own eyes. Did she mean to do it, indeed! He also said he had noticed her through the window on many a previous evening, never studying the Chairman’s works, but reading foreign books instead. Degenerate capitalist fodder of counter-revolutionaries, no doubt. Little wonder she’s come to a bad end.’ The crowd’s abuse and jeers began to recede into the distance as they marched the young woman away, her knees buckling, her body shoved forward, head held down. ‘Come away!’ Bao whispered urgently to his wife. ‘This is no place to be. The Cultural Revolution is finished with.’ ‘But I want to know more. Such trouble-makers could ruin the Institute’s reputation!’ ‘Hurry along, I say, Shu Qin. You know I have so much to do.’ The husband spoke crossly, gathering his parcel to his chest. ‘This is not a matter for academics at all.’ ‘Wait, wait!’ Shu Qin called, turning once more to the remnant of the crowd who lingered. She spoke to a large raw-boned woman, ‘My husband is Bao GuoWei, the new Professor of English and we must get to the Department Office. Do we keep on this way?’ ‘Straight ahead to the end of this apartment block. Then go right and follow the path to the white classroom building. It’s not far. Did you say your husband is the new English Professor? I must tell everybody in the neighbourhood.’ 'Which way? Which way?’ Bao testily asked his wife as the resident hurried from them. But Shu Qin was already moving off herself, perhaps offended at his sharp tone in front of the other woman. His mind unwittingly jumped back in time to the awful years when the Cultural Revolution was at its height. Faintly the distant cries of the unfortunate accused woman died away. * * * * * * * * * * ‘Dear Bao,’ the young colleague said softly in the tone that always made his heart jump, ‘I fear my family history is too great a risk to your career.’ ‘Nonsense, Mei Lin. From when we first met, you became my finest pupil. And now a colleague’ ‘It’s no use, Bao. Even now, with my family background, I’m sure they all think me unfit to be working alongside you.’ ‘I refuse to let these activists and their raging, undisciplined gangs of louts interfere with our important research and writing. We began this work together as soon as you became a staff-member here.’ ‘Please, Bao, you know the reality. All these difficulties about my origins came into the open with the Cultural Revolution.’ ‘Nonsense, the West China Normal College already owes you a great debt. And now you are one of—how can I put it? Our most esteemed colleagues.’ ‘But Bao,. I’ve never recovered from my father’s death after his awful treatment by those Red Guards. Maybe that is what has made me so utterly dependent on you.’ ‘No, no! It is I who have been dependent on you.’ ‘My dear Bao, there’s something else. Something urgent. I have to tell you that’—she lowered her voice--‘this month my period hasn’t come.’ ‘Shhh! Keep your voice down, Lin-lin. Remember, walls have ears. My dear, I can’t believe I heard you right. We’ve always been so careful.’ ‘Dearest Bao, I did not want this to happen, believe me. I promise I’ll be no burden to you! Oh, it’s all my fault.’ ‘No, no, no! I’m the one to blame. We can’t talk here. It’s far too dangerous. Let’s go to the path by the reservoir. We can walk there where we can’t be overheard. But, Lin-lin, my dear, are you absolutely sure about this?’ ‘It is always possible to be mistaken. However, something tells me it really has happened. I think a woman always knows these things.’ She held her hands over her face but the tears ran through her fingers. ‘Bao, I’m so terribly afraid for your future. For us both.’ ‘We have to think calmly,’ Bao said, though his teeth were chattering. And when he tried to smile tenderly at Mei Lin, his jaws took on a deathly grin. Tears were blurring his vision too. As they trudged along the stony path over the ridge towards the city reservoir, they were both silent for a while. At a place where the bushes closed in upon the track, they were able to stand together unobserved. Hu Mei Lin ventured to speak once more, ‘Dear Bao, I have decided I must go away. It will be for a long time but, if I leave now, it is possible nothing of this will be known to anyone else.’ ‘How can you leave, Lin-lin? Who will take your classes? I would have to give up my research and go with you.’ ‘No, no. There are others who can help you finish that.’ ‘But our book, which has been going so well! No, no, we will just have to get special permission to marry, since you’re not yet thirty.’ ‘Dear Bao, with my family background you know that to marry you would never be possible,’ Mei Lin said, looking down at the stones and red clay of the path. ‘Considering your career, it would be the worst course of action we could take. I am bound to be denounced any time now. And your family! Could you imagine them accepting me? Oh why did I fall in love and encourage you into this? Instead I should have helped to make you great man, a professor.’ ‘Nonsense, nonsense!’ Bao shouted, striking his fist into the palm of the other hand. ‘I won’t hear of it. You have always supported me, trusted me. Your love is the most precious thing I have. Why would I desert you when you are helpless?’ ‘Bao, dear Bao, I’m not helpless. It is a woman’s strength to bear children. To be strong enough to nurture and protect them. I have a fomer classmate in Shandong Province whom I can trust. She and her mother will take me in, I’m sure.’ ‘It’s not possible. Your work group would never give you permission to leave the College. And go to another province? It’s unthinkable, especially after all they have invested in you. All they have trusted you to achieve! Anyway, if you leave, I leave.’ He put an arm around her and steered her off the path into a little clearing. Under the trees now, and more effectively hidden from the passers by, they could safely embrace. For some time they stood together motionless, as cicadas thundered all around them in the afternoon heat. In frenzy of thoughts each stared blankly over the other’s shoulder into the dull foliage of the bushes. Bao smoothed her long dark hair against her neck, ‘My dear colleague, I’ll do anything you want me to. We will go through this together.’ But Mei Lin did not lift her face to him as she had in the past. Instead she held him ever more tightly in embrace until a bevy of student voices in the distance warned them to recommence their strolling along the wooded path. * * * * * * * * * * * Professor Bao and Shu Qin eventually found themselves outside Party Secretary Xiang’s office in the administrative section of the academic building. The door was open and the Secretary beckoned them in from the corridor. Welcome to our little campus! Can I offer you a glass of iced water, Professor? It’s thirsty work walking around the beautiful and extensive grounds of this new campus. And this is your wife?’ ‘My wife, Madam Gao Shu Qin,’ said Bao quickly. ‘Some tea will do perfectly well, thank you, Secretary Xiang. We are so pleased to be residents at this delightful campus.’ ‘Professor Bao’s apartment will be so spacious for us,’ Shu Qin offered. ‘And the beautiful river so close by. Everything so quiet.’ The Party Secretary turned her spectacled gaze upon the wife and regarded her for a moment. Before she could reply, the heavy telephone on the desk began to ring and she picked it up, immediately adopting an abrupt manner: ‘Yes, yes. I see. That’s good and she should certainly be punished. A public renunciation will be essential. Notify the security department immediately and tell them that I approve the usual procedures. This has to be an object lesson before the term starts. For all the students and the staff of the Department. I’ll see you this evening.’ She turned back to the couple, ‘Xiao Gao, we hope you will be happier here. You have come with very high commendations from the West China Normal College. How many years were you there? And good reports from the Beijing University. Your two sons and your mother in law will be joining you later in the week, I understand? You must be missing them quite a lot.’ ‘Very much,’ said Gao Shu Qin quickly. ‘Xiao Gao,’ said Secretary Xiang, ‘always remember what the Chairman has said: Even though the tree ceases to sway it doesn’t mean the wind has died down. We may be a long way from Beijing here but we still continue the class struggle just as vigorously!’ ‘We’ll be unlikely to forget the Chairman’s wise words,’ Bao replied, touching his wife’s arm as if to warn her not to speak. ‘Hmm,’ said the Party Secretary, coughing as she began to take out a half empty packet of cigarettes which she looked at thoughtfully, ‘my honoured Professor, I had a chance to look at your file. You would do well to remember another wise saying: It is not so easy to be foolish.’ Bao realised he was expected to have brought a present, some calligraphy, a carton of cigarettes. He discreetly put his string-tied parcel on the floor and explained they had not really begun to unpack their belongings. Secretary Xiang was looking out the window. Bao suddenly realised that she might have thought the package was the gift for her. She went on, ‘You were not sent down here to the South for the sake of your health. The campaign of the Four Clearances has helped many such as yourself to be less innocent, less trusting of your fellow man. They say corruption is always lurking out there, ready to erode the forces of our glorious revolution.’ ‘I’m sure Professor Bao will always be vigilant in his work here and thankful for your good advice,’ Madam Gao said hurriedly, as she saw the muscles of her husband’s jaw begin to tighten and the old gauntness begin to come back in his face.’ ‘Thankyou, but I still have to introduce you to your staff, Professor. I’ve called a meeting for tomorrow night at seven. In the meantime see old Professor Tang if you need any information about classrooms and supplies. You will begin planning the program, won’t you?’ Looking at her watch, she stood up abruptly, signalling the interview was over. Professor Bao rose to his feet as quickly as he could and held out his hand to Secretary Xiang. She grasped it only for a fraction of a second and motioned Bao and his wife from the room. Outside, Madam Gao said to her husband, when they were a safe distance away, ‘She seems a very capable person. But a dragon, if I ever met one. We should have brought her a gift.’ Bao nodded somewhat ruefully, ‘Qin, be careful what you say. Remember my position. You are the wife of a professor now. I’m sure the wives of the other staff members know how to be courteous in front of Secretary Xiang.’ ‘And the husbands whose wives are academics,’ Shu Qin said quickly. Bao let it pass and asked, ‘My dear, give me the key to the apartment. At least the Building Administration staff were most helpful about everything. So pleasant and obliging.’ They hurried along the campus road back towards the senior staff building. ‘Look out, Bao!’ warned Shu Qin suddenly, as a dusty lorry swung out of a side street and turned down the road in front of them. They could see a mass of students standing in the back under the canopy, holding on to the roof bars. ‘Must have picked them up from the railway station,’ Bao commented. ‘They will be the ones from other provinces. I didn’t realise there were so many still to come. ‘ ‘Don’t forget I have to go and fetch mother and the children from the station tomorrow. You were going to book the Institute’s new car.’ ‘I’m not sure professors are important enough, but I should have asked Secretary Xiang. The Institute Director would use it of course. No, on second thoughts, professors wouldn’t qualify for the car. You can just take the local bus. There seems to be a good service.’ ‘How do you know the car is unavailable if you don’t ask?’ queried his wife crossly. ‘It would be so much easier for my mother.’ ‘Yes, my dear. It would certainly be a first class service for your mother.’ ‘Well, if you think she should clamber on to a bus after she has had to come all this way with the children! And you know what a handful Zhi Wen can be. No, I will just have to hire a minicab from the station. At least we can afford it on your new professorial salary. What would your colleagues think, let alone the students, if your children and your mother-in-law and all the luggage had to arrive at the Institute gates in the local bus?’ ‘Of course, what am I saying! Maybe you’d better get a proper taxi. With the extra luggage.’ He was thoughtful for a moment. ‘ Anyway, it will show that I don’t seek to privilege my family just because I am the Department Dean. It wouldn’t have been right to ask for the Institute car.’ His wife said nothing. He saw they were passing the place where they had seen the unfortunate woman taken away earlier in the day. When Shu Qin unlocked the door of the flat, her husband was breathing quite heavily. They found that someone had kindly put more of their mail on the table. Among the several letters from his old campus there was, he noticed with pleasure, a copy of The English Journal from London It had obviously been re-wrapped somewhere along the line. ‘You look worn out. Why don’t you sit down and read your foreign newspaper for a few minutes?’ Shu Qin suggested. ‘While I make something for you to eat. We can go to the campus dining hall tonight. You could also take time to read The China Daily. We can finish the unpacking this afternoon and soon have the place ready for the others tomorrow.’ I am rather weary from the walking, Bao said to himself as he settled down with the paper. He decided he would save his English Journal for when he was more relaxed. For some reason, for a second time that day, his mind went back to the troubles he had endured long ago with Ma Mei Lin. * * * * * * * * * * When they were returning from the reservoir, Bao and Mei Lin discreetly separated and went on to their rooms. But Mei Lin didn’t come to the dining hall for her evening meal and Bao spent a sleepless night trying to formulate some way to deal with their predicament. At one point he almost decided to speak to a former classmate. The fellow had a reputation for being drunk much of the time, which had affected his career. Now he was only given the lowest classes to teach. However, it was said that he knew all manner of people, and some of them, his liquor suppliers in particular, were rather shady characters. Perhaps he might know how to arrange a discreet and unofficial abortion. But as soon as he thought of it he pushed the notion to the back of his mind. Towards morning there was a loud screeching of fighting cats and then the dogs began to bark around the dusty byways of the campus. He had finally resolved what to do. He and Mei Lin would just have to brave any official disapproval and seek permission to marry. It was the only way. Heartened somewhat by his decision he at last fell asleep. When he awoke it was almost too late to get to his morning class. As midday approached his mind started to swing away from the immediate needs of his students. Some were already worried about their coming examinations. Several hung back, pumping him for more information. Their classmates had already scrambled off to get the best of the offerings at the canteen, but these students persisted with their wheedling questions while Bao packed his satchel and edged towards the door. Now eloquent phrases were framing in his head for a resumption of the previous day’s conversation with Mei Lin. He looked around the dining hall as he walked in. Of her trim, shapely form, which always gave him such pleasure to see, there was no sign. Nor her shining waist-length tresses. He turned and went out into the street again, assuming he’d been in such a hurry that she was still on her way. By the time all who were getting food had entered or left with their heaped bowls and there was no sigh of his colleague, it was clear to Bao that he could no longer put his trust in an ordered life. In dread he approached one of the other women tutors, who had already eaten and was heading for the female teachers’ dormitory, ‘Wang Hong Xia, have you seen Mei Lin since classes ended this morning?’ ‘Oh, haven’t you heard?’ Miss Wang said, staring at him. ‘ She already left on the mid-morning bus. Urgent family business so she has special permission to travel back to Shandong Province. She didn’t contact you?’ ‘I, I had no idea…’ Bao said shakily. ‘Do you know who will be allocated her classes while she’s away? I believe it could be for the term. I know I could help you to fill in the...’ Bao stood there in the face of Wang’s opportunism, his mouth opening and closing. No words would form. ‘Oh, Dr Bao, I nearly forgot to tell you,’ she went on, looking at him even more closely. ‘ Mei Lin left you a parcel wrapped in newspaper. She said it’s a pair of patent leather foreign dancing pumps her father used to wear in the old days. She thought you might have some use for them.’ * * * * * * * * * * Professor Bao found himself being shaken awake. The China Daily had fallen over his face as he slept. ‘Come on, my dear,’ his wife was saying. ‘Lunch is made and then we must get on with unpacking and getting this place ready for Mother and the children tomorrow.’ ‘Oh dear! I didn’t mean to drop off like that,’ he said. ‘Never mind. At least your new students didn’t see you so exhausted. And you were snoring like a landlord! Bring your chair up to the table.’ Shu Qin bustled about making mugs of tea and then sat down herself. But Bao found he was having to rub his chest to ease it after his sleep. As he passed his hand to and fro his mind slipped back. There had been months of painful waiting for news of Mei Lin that never came. It had almost done for him. He understood then what people meant when they said someone had a broken heart. He didn’t even know if the baby had been born. Now the old pain was coming back and he tried to switch to the present. ‘There’s an interesting item in the newspaper,’ Bao ventured, hoping to show that he really had been reading it. ‘People in communes are now going to be encouraged to sell in the street markets.’ ‘That will be a great help. We are so far from everything and otherwise would have to depend on that one campus shop,’ Shu Qin replied. ‘There’ll be five us at home for every meal, you know.’ Later they started the unpacking in earnest. ‘I’ve unwrapped those books you’ve been carrying about all day. Why didn’t you tell me you had this old pair of shoes in with them? Surely you don’t intend to go round wearing such things now you are a professor?’ his wife asked, waving the pair of battered leather pumps. ‘Don’t you remember?’ he protested, ‘they were my father’s. He kept them from the days when he and mother used to go dancing in Shanghai. Before the Japanese occupation. At the old jazz club. I told you I held on to them just in case we ever have a chance to try dancing again. You never know, the new Institute might sometime introduce western style dancing for the students!’ ‘Nonsense, and these shoes are too old now,’ Shu Qin scoffed. ‘In any case, what would I be supposed to wear?’ she said with heavy exasperation. He ignored the remark. ‘I do hope we are going to be very happy here, among all these trees,’ he sighed deeply for the second time that day. Letters, he was recalling all those unanswered letters he had sent. As if he had been haemorrhaging away the most precious portion of his own blood supply. And still his wounds were weeping. Madam Gao looked at him closely again, ‘Why, GuoWei, you’ve got tears running down your cheeks! Don’t be such a fuss. And stopping rubbing your chest like that. They’re just an old pair of shoes.’ |
| ONE THOUSAND AND ONE POESTORIES TWO: PEACE-MAKER I hadn’t been living very long in the northern suburbs where finally I had found a rentable cottage. It was only a few minutes from both shopping centre and beach, so I knew my luck had changed. The jewel beetle collection was still only partly unpacked. One good thing, Mimi had settled in well and hadn’t suffered her usual loss of appetite. I couldn’t find her favourite Frisky Bitz at the little supermarket but tried her with fresh sardines. She was delighted. Another matter for some satisfaction was my neighbours. On one side was an Asian couple on the other a working class family. Very friendly. He was driving for a firm of removalists, carting furniture in his pantechnicon all over the State. A lot of country towns were losing population and so this apparently kept him in steady work. Certainly he seemed to be coming and going at all hours. And when he was home he spent most of the time mucking about with his flock of pet pigeons or doves or whatever they were. Audrey---that was his wife—was a good little mother. One boy already at school. The other still underfoot to some extent, but bright enough. I saw her coming and going to the rotary, hanging out or taking in washing practically every day. She would sing to herself a fair deal and, if I was sunbaking on my li-lo, say ‘hi’ and occasionally have a few words with me about her boys or which outback town her husband was travelling to or from at that particular moment. One thing, she had a beautiful head of auburn hair and always kept it glossy and well brushed. I could sense she was very proud of that lovely asset. I had been there for a few months when, for the first time, she came over. She had brought a small plate of still-warm biscuits. Of course she pretended she had just cooked too many and would I take this lot off her hands. What could I say? Actually they were very nice too. Anzac biscuits I think they call them. More to the point, I could see she wanted to have a bit of a talk. But I had work to do on my beetle collection so I just showed her to the gate in the fence telling her to come over any time she needed someone to have a chat. Poor old Mimi suffered all her problems around that time and I forgot about Audrey for a bit. Half the time I was down the vet, anyway. Unfortunately, that useless prick couldn’t save Mimi. I was never happy about the injections. She only kept getting worse and worse. I buried her down by my incinerator. Audrey came over one morning when her youngest was at the kindy She didn’t bring any biscuits or anything. I was still mourning my Mimi. Audrey sat down at my kitchen table and fiddled with her wash-reddened hands, making small talk. ‘It’s Freddy,’ she blurted finally. I had been busy noticing the way her hair had been re-styled. The colour was really very good this time and certainly there was more body to it, the way it had been cut. I wasn’t ready to hear about her husband. ‘What’s the problem?’ I answered politely but not really wanting to be drawn into her family’s woes. ‘I think he’s got another woman,’ she choked. I looked at her face only to see the tears rolling down and splashing on my oilcloth. What could I say? I didn’t want to get tangled up in the marital problems of neighbours. These things often settled themselves. She sat there for a minute or two. I did toy with the idea of offering her a cup of tea but I dreaded the risk that she might try to cultivate me as some sort of surrogate. She took the hint after a while and said she’s better be getting home to get lunch ready for the younger boy. It suited me as I still had a lot more work to do on my specimens. However, as she was going I remarked, thinking to cheer her up, ‘Like your new hairstyle.’ She looked back at me then, one hand up to her hair, but with a strange startled expression. On a Wednesday six days later, she came into my garden again. The husband had been home in the interim, busy with his little flock. I think he may have entered the birds in shows or competitions. Now he was away again. A sort of dread came over me as I saw Audrey through the kitchen window. I went out quickly to head her off and realised she had the little boy in tow and was carrying a cardboard box under her arm. ‘Look,’ she said, very quietly. There seemed to be an injured bird in the box. It was a big fellow too and still warm to the touch. Its head was at funny angle but the eyes weren’t closed. ‘I found him like this in the cage’, she explained. ‘Mum,’ started the little boy, but she shushed him. ‘Your dad won’t be too pleased,’ I said to him before Audrey interrupted, ‘Would you mind?’ she asked. ‘I can’t bring myself to finish him off but I think he’s too far gone. It’s Big Randy. One of Freddy’s prize ones.’ ‘I don’t really think…’ I started to say. Then I noticed how she was looking up at me. Her voice was thick, her eyes bright. She held my arm. ‘Please, George. It’s so hard to do these things when you’re by yourself. Oh George!’ I sensed then that she had made a terrible mistake about me. Maybe I could break it to her gently? ‘Audrey,’ I said in a kindly but firm tone, ‘I’ll fix everything. Give me the box. You pop home and have a good cup of tea or something.’ I still had the dread that her little boy could start messing with my jewel beetle collection, knocking them off their pins. When they were safely through the fence, I took the box down near the incinerator. The bird was moving a bit as I put it beside the white cross I’d erected for Mimi. I was looking for something to dig a hole with. The ground was very dry since it was the beginning of summer. As fast as I tried to dig a hole in the sand, the sides would cascade. Finally it looked deep enough. I pulled the box towards me. The pigeon or dove was moving again and seemed to look up at me, almost as in trust. I did feel a few tears in my eyes as I carefully tipped the poor thing into the hole. Then I killed it suddenly with the spade. |