Give Back That Statue!
Don't Just Sit There
Do Something!
Don't Just Sit There
Do Something!
SEND BACK LIBERTY!

Give Back the Statue of Liberty to the French?
Are all y'all crazy?

Yes! No!

A long long time ago, the USC Trojans got the smart idea to offer a giant gift to their Enemies at UCLA: a gigantic wooden statue of a horse. The Enemies were flattered and honored to receive such a cool thing -- it was even on wheels, so it was easy to move! And the Enemies, being a little naive and trusting, brought that horse into their safe empire. While they were sleeping, the Trojans, who were hiding in that horse, jumped out and slaughtered all their Enemies. D'oh!

The members of Give Back That Statue! don't mean to suggest that the French have hidden anyone inside their gift of the Statue of Liberty -- I mean, they'd probably be dead by now if they had, anyway -- but the underlying principle is the same: Sometimes a really big, cool gift is bad news for any number of reasons. Overcompensation, currying favor, a distraction from the issues that really matter -- who hasn't had an ex that has tried to get you to overlook custody issues by offering a Camaro or a cruise to St. Croix?

Sure, we joke -- levity always helps a little in a time of crisis. But there is nothing funny about the fact that the symbol of our American freedom -- the Statue of Liberty -- is French through and through. And with France's demonstrated inability to see the world from the same Empirical vantage point as the USA, despite our nations' closely-paired revolutions, everything of French origin must be questioned: the art, the theory, the food, and their presents -- even if those things have managed to work their ways into our hearts as symbols of freedom. Like hookworm and your ex, sometimes things that work their way into the heart can have dire effects.

Simply renaming "french fries" to "freedom fries," and "french toast" to "freedom toast" is akin to forwarding an email petition to the ten people you know. It's a waste of time, especially when millions of Americans still shovel fried carbohydrates down their gullet by the fistful -- literally ingesting the culture of pacifism and complacency that France seems content with displaying. We can call them "freedom" as much as we want, but cholesterol counts tell a different story.

Plus, renaming "french" things as "freedom" things only serves to cloud the issue initiated by the gift of the Statue of Liberty. It's as if the torch "Lady Liberty" holds is blowing smoke across our purple mountains majesty, clouding the minds of everyone in our great land. Our vision is blurred -- and this is an era when we need clarity more than ever. And this is why we should give the French back their Franco-Trojan-horse-lady, to let them know that the USA isn't interested in whatever kind of "freedom" they are trying to peddle.

Movements are most effective when they are achieved a step at a time. Additionally, what with recent increases in postal rates due mostly to efforts to prevent postal terrorism, it's not like a grassroots effort like this is going to be able to afford to send back the statue all at once -- not in this economy, anyway!

And so we propose to send that statue to those French folks, one chunk at a time. This same method of dismantling the Illusion of Liberty has been working so well for the Department of Homeland Security, after all, and if the French are as smart as they seem to think they are, maybe they can figure out how to reassemble their fetish of freedom into something they can use.

TAKE ACTION TODAY!

But I Don't Even Live In New York -- How Can I Help?!?!?



The Dubious History of the Statue of Liberty
"France is just jealous because I get the guitarists and she gets the drummers," says older sis

The Statue of Liberty was a project almost 20 years in the making. It was sculpted by Frederic-Auguste Bartholdi as a present from France to the US for throwing such a successful revolution, and, apparently, for finally overturning slavery! The statue was finally presented to then-president Grover Cleveland in 1886 in a large unveiling ceremony. The Statue of Liberty is the largest metal sculpture ever.

"The Two Sisters" This text on the statue's origins appopriated from http://www.americanparknetwork.com/parkinfo/sl/history/liberty.html
America probably could not have won its freedom from the British during the American Revolution without the help of the French. France provided arms, ships, money, and men to the American colonies. Some Frenchmen - most notably the Marquis de Lafayette, a close friend of George Washington - even became high-ranking officers in the American army. It was an alliance of respect and friendship the French would not forget.

Almost 100 years later, in 1865, according to Frederic-Auguste Bartholdi, a successful 31-year-old sculptor, several French intellectuals opposed to the oppressive regime of Napoleon III were at a small dinner party discussing their admiration for America's success in establishing a democratic government and abolishing slavery at the end of the Civil War. The dinner was hosted by Edouard Rene Lefebvre de Laboulaye. Laboulaye was a scholar, jurist, abolitionist and a leader of the "liberals," the political group dedicated to establishing a French republican government modeled on America's constitution.

During the evening, talk turned to the close historic ties and love of liberty the two nations shared. Laboulaye noted there was "a genuine flow of sympathy" between the two nations, and called France and America "the two sisters."

As he continued speaking, reflecting on the centennial of American independence only 11 years in the future, Laboulaye commented, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if people in France gave the United States a great monument as a lasting memorial to independence and thereby showed that the French government was also dedicated to the idea of human liberty?"

Laboulaye's casual question struck a responsive chord in Bartholdi. Years later, recalling the dinner, Bartholdi wrote that Laboulaye's idea "interested me so deeply that it remained fixed in my memory."

So was sown the seed of inspiration that would become the Statue of Liberty.





This site is low in bandwidth for speedy delivery, and because Flash starts with an F which rhymes with F and that stands for French! This lameass website is the pseudo-intellectual property of the author, who really really does appreciate the freedom of speech for all it is worth. Ze does not treasure the idea of life during wartime, but ze's got some celery and some peanut butter to last a couple of days. You can send zir email if you want.