I spoke again with my sister about that ghetto wedding. First off, the wedding was held at a tiny church. Each bridesmaid had a stretch Lincoln Navigator limo... And there were 18 of them. If you lined up the limos, they would span about 4-5 city blocks! The bride and groom had a Roadster. Each bridesmaid had on a different dress with a different color! The bride... had gold hair and gold teeth. Oh yeah, each bridesmaid had a gold tooth or two. They did the dip coming down the isle. When the brother of the bride (not the father) gave her away and one of the aunts told him to turn around so she could snap his picture he turned around! Also all kinds of cell phones and pagers were going off! She said she just knew she was going to an elegant affair just because it was in New Orleans, hah!
You are a total Diva, the best dress, a perfect hairdo, and you fall in love with an invited guest...
Secret looks the entire night, On the dance floor, he's by your side constantly, he dances like a God...
You are the couple of the evening...
The anticipated moment has arrived for all single women...
The bride is about to throw the bouquet...
You are first in line, in a strategic position...
Once there, you wait for the right moment...
You look at him sensually, and with your eyes you tell him...
If I catch the bouquet...I WILL MARRY YOU...
And then, the moment you've been waiting for...
The bride throws the bouquet...
He doesn't stop looking at you...
You jump like never before to catch the bouquet...
Your arms stretched out...
Your hands open...
And suddenly...
(Yes, Mormons can be tacky too...)
Jan 11, 2003
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I thought I'd sponsor a contest for the tackiest mormon wedding invitation in light of the one I received yesterday.
The wedding is 1 week away. It is printed on a 3x5 piece of white paper using a laser printer.
There are 3 pictures of the couple, in various poses.
The first shot has the couple with silly faces and a silly pose in front of a nature scene.
The second shot is them snuggled in front of a tree.
The third shot is the couple gazing into each other's eyes in front of the Bountiful temple.
The writing weaves about the photos, which are staggered about the construction paper.
It is the tackiest thing I have ever seen.
It is from one of my relatives in Utah.
Jan 11, 2003
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My cousing had her wedding cake made entirely of ding-dongs.
It wasn't frosted or anything.
Coupled with the basket-ball court staging ground for the reception
and the nut-cups tied to look like wedding bells, it was a classy event.
She once went to a wedding where the bride served everyone iced tea from a gallon sized jug.
When we say served, what we mean is she went around to everyone at the reception and poured iced tea into the same glasses that they'd been told to hold onto because they were low on cups.
We once went to a lovely wedding for a handsome young Seventh Day Adventist couple who apparently had very successfully abstained from sex for a looooooooooooong time.
So long in fact, that the minister even read comments about it from friends during the ceremony, much to the chagrin of the elderly women in the audience, who loudly sucked their teeth and rolled their eyes.
The minister said something to the effect that the groom would "download her software with his hard drive" and "access her motherboard". YIKES!
At the reception, which again was absolutely gorgeous, their sexually charged banter continued.
Even the church elders joined the act at this point.
The groom kept announcing, "Everything is going to be alright, cuz I'm going to have SEX!"
But this of course was after a neon-lit stage, bearing the deejay parted like the Red Sea, and the couple emerged from behind a screen and a technicolored poof of smoke. They strolled down stairs that emerged from underneath the floor and spanned half the length of the banquet hall.
The bride and groom, who barely stood at 5'3'', deposited themselves in GI-MON-GOUS thrones at the head of the ballroom.
Actually, come to think of it, everything was big at this wedding. From the 50 layers of tulle on the wedding dress, to the four foot high centerpieces coupled with a dozen helium balloons.
To the "21 champagne salute"... the 21 waiters marched drumline-style to blaring trumpets around the ballroom and simultaneously popped the corks.
Again, the wedding was beautiful. And cost upward of $50,000 (at least).
The couple is not rich, did not come from money.
They are both teachers who moved in with their parents and took out a mega-loan to pay for this PT Barnum level affair (rather than I dunno, save up for a house).
Hey, at least the groom had sex :o)
This may not be Ghetto-Fab but it sho' is Ghe'to...
Ceremony: held at the Holiday Inn in Newark, NJ because their church was under construction.
We sat on folding chairs. There were 6 Bridesmaids, 12 Groomsmen and each bridesmaid was escorted by two groomsmen.
There were 5 Flower girls, 2 Jr. Bridesmaids and 1 Ring Bearer : the Groom's 4 yr old pit bull carrying a pillow on his back, which was sewn onto a sattin tux jacket made for the pit.
Bride's attire: White typical dress. Veil, weaved from the hair. Not even joking, Weaved from the hair!
Reception: Back yard of Groom's Mother's house which she originally purchased to live in but after time, too many family members took up residence, so she bounced and got a condo somewhere no one knows of.
Refreshments: 6 brand new fridgerators hooked up just outside the garage
(because there are outlets there) which contained every kind of drink you could imagine,
yes, Including 40 oz bottles of Ol'E. I'M NOT EVEN PLAYIN.
Plastic champagne glasses serving $3.50 bottles of champagne from the local liquor store,
discounted because the owner is Aunt Star's baby daddy.
Where did the 6 brand new fridgerators come from?
The Groom's cousin/brother is a truck driver and was delivering them, so he figured it wouldn't be a big deal if he borrowed them for the weddiing and then put them back in their boxes.
Misc. items around the yard spotted: 1 windshield, just the windsheild,
13 bicycles of which none of them were ridable, a huge cage where the groom's pit resides,
and a 1976 Pinto rust and green colored that Uncle Cyrus swears will run again one day.
Music: Cousin Red who is the only one to have gone to college, hooked up his 6 cd stereo system and played R Kelly: 12 play, Stevie Wonder's greatest hits, Onyx: backdafucup, Waitin to exhale soundtrack and Prince the hits 1 & 2.
Bride and Groom's wedding song: "Always" by Atlantic Star.
Children of the bride: Anissa, Mini, Jasmine, Boogie and Perrish.
Children of the Groom: Deenee, Boogie and Perrish.
Honeymoon: Disneyworld, Florida, whole family.
Thanks for taking the time to hear my ghetto wedding experience,
Take care,
Guest who shall remain anonymous.