[Caution] You may laugh you head off!
- How to
annoy people -
Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have
a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song
of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the
eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled
over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago,
officer!
[Lmao- How stupid]
On
a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason
from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
[Lol How funny would peoples reactions be]
At
random times in a conversation, sayHello Sir, how are you? Have a
good day, thank you.
[Im sure ive done this before]
Take
a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back
[Lol]
Mow your carpet.
[Lmfao]
vacuum your lawn
[LOL]
Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
[Lol their faces..priceless]
Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time
in an exasperated voice.
[Rofl]
. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then
watch as you get there, no one gets off.
[Lol]
210. Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions? And
then walk away very quickly.
[Annoying..very]
Pretend you are invisible.
[Good idea]
216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it,Have you got
enough air in there?
[Lmao]
Explain the little green men& in detail to someone, and when they don't believe
you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
[Haha]
Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, And then what happened?
[Annoying i bet]
223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If
you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then
insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.
[Lmfao i laughed so much at that]
224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
[Lol]
225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, Do you know the
muffin man?
[I'll try]
229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the
brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.
[Lol why would you do that]
235. Begin every sentence with, By the Gods!
[Lol]
Tell people that their accent isnt
fooling anyone [Lmao i can
imagine it]
Finish all yoir sentences with 'In accordance with Prophecy'
[lol]
Make appoinments for the 31st of september
[lmfao!]
Leave your Nine inch nails tape in Great uncle ed's sterio with the volume
properly adjusted
[Rofl]
Forget the punch line to a really long joke but assure the listener it was a
'real hoot'
[Lol how
annoying]
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you dont
want o fall off incase the big one comes.
[Lmao why would anyone do that lol]
Incessantly recite annoying phrases such as 'sticky wicket isnt cricket'
[Lol what phrase is that?]
Say 'okay' you gay to anything someone says
[I already do lol]
Switch your neighbours lawn furniture with someone elses
[Lmao]
Buy a goldfish and ask the clerk if it comes with chips
[Lol thats one of the funniest]
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says
[Lol]
Spend an entire weekend pretending to be R2-D2
[Lmao]
Pretend you have gone completely deaf
[Always do]
Try to fit the word 'Cornucopia' into every sentence
[Whatever that means lol]
Claim that until recently you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.
[Lol doesnt everybody]
Wear a Cap backwards and say Whazzup alot
[Lol]
Go to a Metalicca Concern wearing a Michael Bolton T-shirt
[Lmfao]
Tell everyone you are Bill Clintons cousine
[Lmao yeah because they are so goingto beleive us]
Ride a unicycle to work
[Woot!]
Email Microsoft to tell them about bugs that arent really there
[Lmao how cruel]
Continuosly mumble suring a convosation
[Lol]
When Walking, talk to yourself constantly
[Fun]
Move peoples bookmarks ahead 3 pages when they arent looking
[Lmao]
Call the operator and when asked can i help you reply no thanks just browsing
[Lmao thats the best one
ever!]
Wash and scrub all the trees in your front lawn
[Lol]
Throw Newspapers back at the paperboys
[Lmao]
--------------------------------
- insults -
I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
You have a striking face. Tell me, how many times were you struck there?
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares?
. I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
Your so ugly, your family portraits hang themselves
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
What other problems do you have besides being unemployed, a moron and a dork?
refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you - it's against my morals to attack
an unarmed person.
-----------------------
-
strange ways to order pizza -
If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person
taking the order to stop doing that.
Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, ``Bed-Wetters' Camp,
right?''
If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, ``OK. That'll be
$10.99; please pull up to the first window.''
Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the
call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of
your lungs.
Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some
furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
When they repeat your order, say, ``Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.''
Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, ``This may be my
last entry.'' State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is
going to get.
Ask if they're familiar with the term ``spanking a pizza.'' Make up a
description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals
to play it.
Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, ``No
mushrooms, please.'' Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
Dance all around the word ``pizza''. Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she
says it, say, ``Please don't mention that word.''
Ask for a pizza without the crust
Dumb Inventions :)
Solar-Powered
Flashlight
Inflatable Dart Board
Sliding Doors on a Submarine
The Macarena
Dehydrated Water
Pet Rock
Plastic Firewood
Sole less Shoes
A Parachute that goes off on impact
A book on how to read
A flammable fire extinguisher
A glass cricket bat
Wooden soap
A sugar surf board
Plasticine wire cutters
A lead balloon
A water-proof tea bag
A cubic ball-bearing
A glass hammer
Revolving basement restaurant
Brail ATM machines
A Chocolate tea pot
Eject seats in helicopters