about the writer

THE PUNISHER SPEAKS

Okay. A select few of you will remember the vitrolic stranger who started his private little grumble-corner on the web three years ago, for all of three months. Sort of a Speaker's Corner on a virtual Hyde Park in an internet-world as surreal and undefined as the feel-good movies that hit us everyday in the likes of Notting Hill and My Best Friend's Wedding. I'm not really sure what that was all about, perhaps it was more a cathartic experience of getting words said and out of my head onto something tangible than a page for the people, because God knows, it wasn't reader-friendly at all. It was more a page for Me than a page for you. Strangely though I found people actually started reading my page and I had a lot of hits by the time I was forced to close it down by the wonderful establishment known as Paci*** Inter***. I'd often wondered what people read homepages for, and what would happen if someone intentionally omitted all the graphics and colours from his page... would his page be doomed to die a lonely death having been touched by none other than its creator? Or would people actually wander by and spare a moment to read the thoughts and mental images painted onto the page, to actually partake in communication.

This was my answer, in a nutshell.

(Select unknown Individual) : Where the hell is the Marvel Comic's PUNISHER? I've been cheated!

(Guys) : Where the hell are the girl pictures? Why so many words??!?

(Girls) : Nice page, I liked it.

NOT that I'm saying anything about the males from the sunny city of Singapore of course. heh.

So for the uninitiated. Who IS this guy (with the attitude problem who's already beginning to get on your bad side within two minutes of your entering his homepage). Well in truth I'm not really like this at all. I'm a pretty diffident chap who normally has enough sense to keep his mouth shut and his eyes open, but somehow when there's all this empty white space to fill up (it appears as white before I format the background and text), well it's like writing a story isn't it? You have to be Someone.

I hail from the country of Singapore (if you haven't guessed already) although I'm currently pursuing (or trying desperately to) an education in the Land of Rolling Fields and Eternal Autumn, otherwise known as the Land of Royal Scandals, aka London, England. (yes I know I copied that from one of you out there.)

I won't write which schools I've attended because, well it doesn't really matter to you I'm sure. In my opinion we're a little too hung up on inter-school rivalry in Singapore, and sometimes it gets on my nerves; we're all people at the end of the day, and if one of you ever came into the hospital I work at grieviously ill, I'd treat you the same whether you were from HCJC, NJC, VJC, ACJC or RJC. Which is to say I'd go for coffee break, chat, savour an apple danish then walk in half-an-hour late. *grin*

So. What do you need to know. The PUNisher is twenty-three as of 1999, male, and studying medicine at the University College of London. I'm also a sucker for free meals and will do almost anything to have dinner or lunch bought for me. In my spare time I listen to my mp3s (assorted performers, all time faves are jewel, mary black, and... a lot more), fence sabre, IRC (yeah I do. sue me), drink Chai at Borders and walk down the Thames. Spare time, however, is fast becoming a thing of the past. Clinical school. 'nuff said.

So what's med school like? Interesting? Boring? That's what everyone always asks me. And well the answer is it depends on who you are and what you're looking for in the career. The one piece of advice I do freely dispense to aspiring medics is simply this : if you don't Know that you want to do medicine, perhaps it isn't for you. The course gets pretty academic and you see the most unethical things happening in hospitals, and well unless you're the type of person who gets off on stuff like this (and there's a surprisingly large number of people who do) and unless you really give a damn about the people you're treating (and strangely, we're taught that we're not supposed to) then it's not for you. You'll graduate with your MBBS fine, having had approximately enough beer to sink the titanic three times over, and probably have a lot of fun along the way dissing patients and laughing at your "sad" ethical colleagues, and then somewhere along the line when you're working you'll suddenly realise sod this, this isn't for me. Many of my colleagues are so full of themselves, laughing and scoffing at consultants and saying they'd never want to be sad gits like the consultants - at a basic level, they've forgotten how to empathise and realise that consultants are just people, like themselves. Would they do any better in the same situations? I find medicine fascinating. Certain elements about it reward me : patients trust you, and in a way that's a specific honour bestowed only to healthcarers. It's a very personal thing to tell someone what's wrong with you, and what hurts. Sometimes its not even about physical pain, but about emotional distress and relationships going wrong. This we term "mild depression" - but essentially that's what it's all about. That's what makes the job worthwhile - the people you treat. Without that, it's just job - and an overworked, underpaid one at that. Why suffer all that for - prestige? It's fast going downhill. - money? Perhaps, if you're a consultant. - authority? There is some degree of authority associated with the job, but abuse of that authority has serious consequences. And yet, all around me, I see other medical students who did just that. Some of them can't say any better than "I wanted to continue studying something related to biology". Some of them get off on the academic aspect. I can't stand it. But yeah, that's part and parcel of the job too - you have to be slightly academic to survive the trade. Bottom line - consider who you are, extremely carefully, before you make the biggest mistake of the rest of your life. :)

So what's London like? Cold, grey and drizzly? Well 'strewth, it does get that way pretty often, but the days it isn't make up for it all. Since coming here I've really learnt to appreciate the Sun and its warmth. Sunny days here are simply uplifting, exhilarating... and somehow I always seem to be on the inside of a hospital window looking out at them... *sigh* Does it snow in London? Well until tonight I'd have replied "once in a blue moon, and halfheartedly" - but tonight, oh tonight (18 Dec 99) it SNOWED. I walked in a snowfall tonight, and it was beautiful. Flecks of snow landing in my hair, on my tongue, on my eyelashes, tickling my face, painting surreal halos around the streetlamps. And the strange thing was that it was warm. That's London for you - on the inside, extremely eccentric,quirky and full of surprises, while on the outside forbiddingly formal and dreary. And unless you live it, become "intimate" with it and explore it, it tends to stay that way. I know many Singaporeans who'll know something of what I mean... but London's not just about clubbing to me, or getting roaring drunk at some ridiculous Singaporean Society disco at some seedy club in Soho. Walking in Hyde Park during summer at sundown when the rays of sunlight run practically parallel to the ground is something magical. Walking down the Thames on a bright winter's morning, or eating breakfast on Russel Square at 8 am to the sunrise; exploring side alleys and finding Pollock's Toy Museum, or wandering down the well-trodden road to the British Museum, or British Medical Library, ordering an exquisite caffe mocha at a tiny unknown Italian roadside cafe, or gulping down a mediocre grande Caffe Latte in Starbucks, ambling down Picadilly circus and Oxford Street and marvelling at the Christmas lights and the shadows cast by the buildings - these are the Real London to me. And then there're areas I'm still exploring that are so completely different, areas like Canada Waters and Canary Wharf that look and feel more like Sydney than London. Quaint little private gardens in South Kensington with plants and grass tended by an unknown gardener with immaculate taste and caring hands. The Kew Gardens at their full glory, and Regent's Park with its myriad tourists and happy waggy running dogs, and angry fighting squirrels. Sunsets over the Serpentine, and feeding the geese to blood red reflections of the clouds in the river. These are the memories that make London special to me.

Living in London has taught me how to appreciate all these little moments that I somehow never could, when I was back home in Singapore and everything was about money, money, money and getting ahead of everyone else. Sometimes I see that creeping in here as well and I'm saddened, but I know now there's so much more to life, so much to savour, to taste, to feel, to laugh over, to cry about, and to simply Live. I've been away from home, and yes I admit I miss my parents, my brother, the old friends whom I've since lost touch with, but strangely I've learnt to be independent, to dare to treasure those lonely sunsets and wonder about God whilst watching a breathtaking sunset from Tower Bridge, with the wind in my hair and other people's cares on my shoulders. I live my own life now, with nobody elses' voices in my head, but my own, and I'm glad. Perhaps someday some of you reading this page will as well. Perhaps you'll never understand what I'm going on about.

Lastly, about friends. Friends are extremely important to me, I'm not talking acquaintences or casual day-to-day friends. I'm talking about people I'd trust with my life and soul, and who I dare to confide in and to trust, and who trust me in turn, and those are precious few and far between. Take a moment to count how many of the people you know are Real friends to you, and I think you'll understand what I mean.

I've lost a few friends in my time, to various unfortunate accidents like a bus, geography, and my own stupidity, but I'm glad to say a few of my faithful friends remain. There's you in Singapore, yes you Kenneth best buddy of mine, and Terence (I hope you're awake enough to read this page hehe) and Iris, I rather miss you Miss Yu, and Jin-ee, I miss you too and your little mad comments and the bizarre little things you say and do. And there's you in Australia, Anna; it's so strange how two complete strangers could meet for a single morning and become fast friends, for life it seems despite the miles (myles?), and yes you give me the same peace I apparently give to you, although I have no idea how I'm doing that or else I'd bottle it and sell it as an award-winning perfume for men. *grin* Come over here quick!!! And there's you, Serling but I know you've never ever surfed the net and so you'll never see this, but you've been a wonderful, wonderful friend to me, thank you thank you and thank you.

A page dedicated to a friend I've lost

And that's enough about me. This is fast becoming a "rant" page - and those are supposed to be in the Library.

So away with you. Get thee hence to my library of thoughts, and leave me to my peace.