The Official Robber Baron Webpage

Real Ultimate Power

Hi, this site is all about robber barons, REAL ROBBER BARONS.  This site is awesome.    My name is Ben and I can't stop thinking about robber barons.  These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

Facts:

1.    Robber barons are mammals.

2.    Robber barons water stock ALL the time.

3.    The purpose of the robber baron is to own all of the United States.

Weapons and gear:

Bag of Money                         Confused President      

Robber Baron Suit

Testimonial:

Robber barons can steal all of the American peoples' money they want!  Robber barons build trusts ALL the time and don't even think twice about it.  These guys are so crazy and awesome that they bribe President Grant ALL the time.  I heard that there was this robber baron who was at a diner.   And when some dude dropped a spoon the robber baron sold worthless stock to the whole town.  My friend Mr. Goss said that he saw a robber baron start America's first billion dollar steel company just because this kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that robber barons have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will start scandals with Gould and Fisk all year long!!!  It's an easy choice, if you ask me.  

Robber barons are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants.  I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart.  These rich guys are totally awesome and that's a fact.  Robber barons are rich, scandalous, old, and totally lack PFP.  I can't wait to start going to Vanderbilt next year.  I love robber barons with all of my body (including my pee pee).    

Q and A:.

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about the robber barons?

A: Robber barons are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they love to steal and screw you out of money, but on the other hand, robber barons like to build prestigious colleges.

Q: I heard that robber barons are always scandalous and millionaires.  What's their problem?

A: Whoever told you that is a total liar.  Just like other mammals, robber barons can be millionaires OR total billionaires. 

Q: What do robber barons do when they're not robbing people blind and taking advantage of Grant?

A: Most of their free time is spent buying judges and juries, but sometimes they kill people on hotel stairs. (Ask Mr. Goss if you don't believe me.)

Leland Stanford ready to make a railroad trust (or start a crazy West coast school)!

RealUltimateParodies