Blood Roses: Part Four
Trust

This story is from Aya's POV, don't get it confused w/ the rest of the story. It is done this way because it explains some events in the rest of the story better. ^_^ Gomen ne if this confuses you, that's what the little blurb up here is for ^_^

I sit in the living room alone, left alone with my misery. Ken and Youji had both gone out at some point. I have no idea where Omi is now. But he's all I can think about.

/Ran, it doesn't matter. He doesn't love you anyway. Even if he did..../

How am I supposed to tell a seventeen-year-old that I'm in love with him? I'm a man. In his eyes it must be wrong. But he's everything to me. Aya has almost nothing to do with my life anymore. I love her, yes. But I do not live for her. I live only for Omi, for his smile, for his cheerful words. No matter how I'm feeling, he always manages to make me smile. Even on the worst days. Aya-chan can't smile at me anymore and tell me that it will be all right. But Omi......he can. And Aya has no idea of my secret life as an assassin. That creates some kind of special bond between Omi and I.

I hear some noise in the kitchen and get up from my spot on the couch to investigate.

It's Omi. And he looks...ridiculous. The sight of him alone raises my spirits and a faint smile graces my face. He's wearing an apron, and carries measuring cups and whatnot from table to counter to stove. Flour dusts his face, coats his hair, making him look like a living snowman. He looks at me sweetly.

"I knew you were feeling bad. I wanted to cook something special to make you feel better."

Something in his voice, as always, stirs my heart. /That's just like him, to be so caring,/ I think silently. /That's my Omi./

"Er, Omi....just....look, let's go get something in a restaurant. We can clean this mess up later."

He looks back at me, his blue eyes sharply contrasting with the rest of his flour-covered face. "I better go...clean up, then..." he laughs. The sound of his laughter is musical, beautiful. And it makes me laugh too. My eyes pinball from his white face to the floor, and to the counters and table. I can't help but laughing at the sight. And after a couple of seconds, Omi joins in too. 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
We sit together in the restaurant, talking over tea. I have never felt so relaxed and calm in my life, and yet my feelings for Omi are eating away at my heart, making my chest knot in pain.

"Do you want to talk about...what's bothering you?" Omi asks hesitantly. His blue eyes gaze at me expectantly.

"It's...I..." I start.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he says, an expression of pure compassion and understanding crossing his face.

"Iie. It's okay, Omi," I tell him. I don't want to tell him, but a part of me can't help but reveal my pain to him.

"I...have nightmares. About Aya. And Reiji. Everything." My eyes drop to the table, counting the scratches in the smooth wood.

His soft voice cuts through the sadness. Somehow he knows exactly what to say. "You blame the accident on yourself, don't you? You think that maybe you could have stopped Reiji from running her down."

I nod. Tears line my eyes, and I blink them back. I'm still looking down.

"Aya, it's okay to cry. It takes a man to cry."

Tears trail down my face. I wipe them away. "Let's go," I whisper softly. We quickly leave, getting into the car.

"You know," Omi tells me, "I have nightmares too. About....when I was kidnapped." Out of the corner of my eye, I see him look down ashamedly. "I always feel like I'm at fault for it too."

After that, I could always talk to Omi. No matter what I was feeling. Except for that nagging tug of pain I felt in my heart, that longing, to kiss those beautiful lips that spoke words of comfort to me, to hold him in my arms and shield him from the cruel pain of the world. I couldn't tell him I loved him.